FOREVER DECEMBER: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 15)

by Honey Palomino

  She flashed me a guilty smile and shook her head. “I honestly can’t remember.”

  “That’s what I thought,” I said. “Grab a warm jacket and some gloves.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “You tell me,” I laughed. “I haven’t been here in a while. Whatever’s open.”

  “Got it,” she said, pulling away and heading to the closet by her front door. I grabbed my jacket, shrugging it on as I watched her. My eyes trailed over her body and I felt desire swell inside of me. She’d always been a knock-out, but now that the years had filled out her curves, there was a little more to feast my eyes on, and I was enjoying it immensely.

  Maybe too much.

  Bundled up, we walked out to my bike together and I unlocked my spare helmet and gave it to her to put on.

  “I have a car we could use,” she said, looking at me in confusion. The snow was falling steadily around us, leaving a heavy blanket on the ground.

  “I prefer to stay out of cages as much as possible, if you don’t mind,” I said.

  “Oh,” she nodded, before smiling. “Okay then!” She pulled the helmet on and zipped up her coat as I straddled the bike. She jumped on behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, her body pressed tight up against mine.

  The breath seemed to be trapped inside of me, her arms and body wrapped around me leaving me momentarily paralyzed with emotion. For all the walls I’d built around my heart and emotions, she sure was piercing through them like they were made of the sheerest paper.

  I started up the bike, forcing air through my lungs as it roared to life.

  Chapter 11

  DECEMBER

  As nervous as I was about driving through town on the back of a bike in the snow, I was just as grateful for the opportunity to wrap my entire body around Wolfe and hold on for dear life.

  He was warm. His shoulders were wide. And his body was hard as a rock under that thick leather jacket. I rested my head on his upper back and squeezed harder, never wanting to let go.

  I didn’t even notice the cold. Or the wind. And if anyone else was on the road with us, I didn’t notice them either.

  Being in Wolfe’s presence made it hard to think. I knew I needed to concentrate on finding Leo, but Wolfe left my heart racing and my head spinning.

  We pulled up to Gracie’s Sea Hag, a little oceanfront seafood place that had been there forever. Reluctantly, I let go of my grip on Wolfe, and pulled myself off the bike. We took our helmets and he smiled down at me, his eyes as warm as honey.

  “I remember this place,” he said. “Been here many times.”

  “Some things never change, I guess,” I replied.

  He chuckled and nodded, as we walked inside. As soon as we opened the door, we were blasted by the heat of the fireplace and the sound of Christmas music streaming through the crackling speakers.

  Gracie herself greeted us, now well into her seventies. We sat at a table by the window, the mighty waves of the Pacific crashing below us, lights from the shore reflected off of her darkness.

  Sitting across from Wolfe at a restaurant seemed almost surreal. I reached down and pinched my thigh, to remind myself that it wasn’t a dream.

  We ordered a couple of clam chowders, shrimp cocktail and fish n’ chips and a few drinks, before Gracie walked off, but not before throwing a curious glance my way.

  “I don’t think she recognizes you,” I said to Wolfe. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have recognized himself if I’d just passed him on the street.

  “That’s just fine with me,” he laughed, a loud roaring laugh that drew stares from the other diners.

  “Thanks for bringing me here,” I said. “You were right, I’m starving.”

  He shrugged. “Me, too. And if we’re going to get your boy back, we have to take care of ourselves so we can do just that.”

  “I almost didn’t call you,” I said, smiling over at him. I wanted to drink in every inch of him, engrave the memory of his eyes and his smile into my brain.

  “I’m glad you did,” he said. “You may have thought I was far away, but I was always just a phone call away.”

  “I guess so,” I agreed. “Thanks for that, too.”

  “Being here, despite the reason, is my pleasure, December. It’s been way too long.”

  “It has,” I nodded, swallowing hard. I didn’t want to cry but my emotions were so raw and every time he looked at me with those gentle eyes, it made me want to just dissolve into a puddle of tears.

  Tears for everything that went wrong.

  Tears for all the possibilities that never had a chance.

  After Gracie brought our drinks and I’d had a few sips, I decided it was time to get some things off my chest.

  “Wolfe,” I whispered. He’d been looking out the window into the darkness, and I could have watched him all day. But the liquid courage was kicking in and it was important.

  “Yes?” He said, throwing that gentle smile my way again.

  “I could apologize all day, but what I really want to say is that…I just wish I’d been with you that day.”

  “We were together,” he said, cocking his head.

  “That’s not what I mean. I mean, together together.”

  “Oh,” he nodded.

  “I always liked you. I certainly liked you more than Shane. But after Leo freaked out so hard, just because we…” My voice trailed off and I felt a blush rush to my cheeks.

  “Because we kissed?” he prodded.

  My eyes crashed into his and a storm of memories washed over me. Suddenly, I could feel his lips on mine, the heat of our connection, the savage urge to kiss him again bringing me back to the present.

  “Yes,” I continued, my breath catching. “Because we kissed. If Leo hadn’t objected, I think we might have had something good.”

  He nodded, slowly, my words hanging in the air between us.

  “I think you’re probably right, December.”

  I sighed, the weight of reality heavy on my shoulders.

  “Damn you, Leo,” I said softly, smiling over at him.

  “I never understood why he’d approve of Shane and not me,” Wolfe said.

  “I think he was afraid it would screw up the friendship the three of us shared.”

  “Yeah, probably,” he said. “I think he was wrong.”

  “I guess we’ll never know.”

  “No, we won’t,” he said, looking away. He sighed before looking back at me. “I don’t like to dwell on the past too much, December. It’s too painful. It’s a waste of time. And nothing good really happened in the past…not after that night, at least. The last few years have been great for me, though, and I do my best to stay anchored in the present.”

  “Makes sense,” I said.

  “But you know what?” he asked. The candlelight from the table’s centerpiece lit up his eyes and with every word, it was like I was hypnotized. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to hear every word he had to say, I wanted to drink him in and never stop absorbing whatever he offered.

  “What?”

  “That stuff doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “What does matter?”

  “Right now,” he nodded firm. “This moment. You, sitting across the table from me, the Christmas lights shimmering in your hair, your smile. Our friendship.”

  “Friendship, right,” I nodded.

  He reached across the table, grabbing my hand, his eyes intense and stormy.

  “I’m not one to lie, December. I’m also not one to hold anything back. I know you’re going through the worst time of your life right now, so maybe all of this is inappropriate and the worst timing in the world, but I’ve never been good at that sort of thing.” He squeezed my hand, his warmth sending a shudder through my bones. “But since we’re talking about regrets, I’ll tell you what I regret. I regret listening to Leo when he asked me to back off. I regret not kissing you again. I regret taking the fall for Shane, or ever for a second thinking he would step
up and be the man required to be a proper father to Leo. More than anything, I regret not telling you all those years ago how I felt about you.”

  “Oh,” I said, my heart racing wildly at his words. It was like everything I wanted to hear, all at once. “How did you feel?”

  “I loved you, December. We used to say that all the time, didn’t we? Forever, right?”

  “Forever,” I whispered.

  “But when I said it, I think I meant something different than you did. We were friends, always, but I loved you as more than that. Things turned out the way they did, but that love I had for you never stopped. And maybe you didn’t feel that way, too, and that’s okay, but —.”

  “—I did.”

  He stopped short, looking over at me with wide eyes.

  I nodded, slowly, the words falling from my lips like a waterfall of emotion that I’d buried deep.

  “I always wanted to be with you. You were so kind and gentle and such a good friend. You were funny. You didn’t treat me like Leo’s sister, like everyone else. Even though Leo and I were the same age, it was always like I was just a kid or something. I guess I just didn’t know how to tell you at the time.”

  “I can relate to that,” he said. “I wasn’t the best at expressing my emotions. I guess I never have been.”

  “You’re doing pretty good right now,” I said.

  He smiled and Gracie brought our food and we dug in, eating in comfortable silence for a few minutes, the sound of the waves and the jingle of holiday songs filling in the gaps as we smiled across the table at each other.

  I’d never been so happy to see someone in my life. And whatever the future held — tonight or a year from now — I was determined to do whatever it took to keep Wolfe close.

  Now that I had him back, I didn’t see any way I’d ever be able to say goodbye again.

  Chapter 12

  WOLFE

  Driving back to her house wrecked me.

  Her words, her regrets, echoing in my mind as her body was pressed so close against mine, I could hardly breathe.

  I had to remind myself she wasn’t mine for the taking, no matter how either of us felt. Our first order of business was to find Leo and get him back to her safely. The fact that my body was begging to unleash my desire for her was my problem to deal with.

  I pulled up to her house with steely reserve to do the right thing.

  “I’ll start another fire,” she said, pulling off her helmet.

  “Actually, I’m going to take off.”

  She looked at me in shock. “You are?”

  “Yeah, I’m going to go find a hotel room. I saw The Whale Cove Inn had a vacant light on when we drove by.”

  “Oh,” she said, the disappointment shining in her eyes. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be back first thing in the morning, I promise. And I’m just a phone call away,” I said, pulling her into my arms, and tempting my resolve. I made the hug brief and jumped back on the bike. She walked to the door slowly, looking back over her shoulder with a small smile before she opened the door and disappeared inside.

  As soon as the door closed, I let out the breath I’d been holding in. I reached down to adjust my throbbing erection and started my bike back up and took off, my body on fire for her.

  Chapter 13

  DECEMBER

  After a restless night, there was a knock on my door at eight the next morning. I expected to see Wolfe standing there, but I opened it to find not just Wolfe, but three other terrifyingly large men with him.

  My eyes widened, and I’m pretty sure my mouth dropped in surprise, but as soon as the three of them broke out into friendly smiles, I was immediately at ease.

  Wolfe stood in front of them, holding up a white bag and a coffee cup.

  “I thought you might need breakfast,” he said. “Donuts?”

  Those smiles were contagious. “Of course! Come in!” I said, moving out of the way. The other guys wore the same uniform Wolfe did - tight fitting jeans and leather jackets with the same Gods of Chaos patches on the back that Wolfe had.

  “December, I’d like to introduce you to my friends. This is Wreck,” he said, pointing at the smaller of the three, not that that meant he was small at all. Wreck was handsome, but he looked like he’d been through the wringer a few times. His skin was littered with scars, with a huge one cutting into his cheek, but the smile in his eyes as he shook my hand told me he was on the other side of whatever hell he’d been through.

  “Happy to meet you,” he said, nodding politely.

  “And this is Storm,” Wolfe said. Storm shook my hand and nodded, but sort of just grunted a greeting.

  “Hi,” I said, trying to drink them all in. There was a lot to drink.

  “And this,” Wolfe said, turning to the last of them, “is Slade.”

  Slade was the most interesting of the group, by far. His head was shaved and he had a spiky tattoo going up the side of his neck and trailing up onto his skull. His smile was wide and friendly and missing a tooth on the side. Bright blue and full of life, his eyes almost took my breath away.

  “Hey, there, little mama,” he said, a slight drawl to his voice, as he took my hand and instead of shaking it, kissed the back of my palm. His lips were warm and soft, a sharp contrast to his hand — which was rough and coarse and cold, his knuckles riddled with scars.

  “Hello,” I said, my insides quivering a little as I took my hand back. I was already insanely overwhelmed with Wolfe’s presence, but now everything just went up a notch or two.

  Wolfe sat the donuts and coffee down on the kitchen counter and walked over to me, placing a warm palm on the small of my back, instantly calming me.

  “These are just a few of the Gods,” he said. “Riot sent them down over night to help out.”

  “I see,” I nodded, turning to them. “Thank you so much for coming.”

  “Hey, any opportunity to kick some ass is a pleasure,” Slade said. My eyes widened at his words. I guess through all of this, I hadn’t thought of any violence occurring, other than what I was trying to prevent — Shane hurting Leo.

  Now that I had four very strong and scary men backing me up, talking about kicking ass, I felt a little uncomfortable, and yet empowered, at the same time. I’ve always had a problem with violence. Even avoiding things like boxing or wrestling or hunting.

  Shane loved that stuff.

  I wondered what he would think of these men standing in our living room — correction, my living room. Shane would never be welcomed back in this house. Not after all this bullshit. He’d given that privilege up the first time he laid a hand on Leo and myself.

  I couldn’t remember a time when Shane had been kind or affectionate or when we ever really exchanged any true, genuine love for each other. After Leo died, we were just going through the motions of raising our son and the rest just died away.

  Now that Wolfe was here, waking up feelings inside of me that I thought were long gone, I realized just how much I’d been missing living with Shane all that time.

  He was like an empty vessel, always trying to fill himself up with booze or accolades or who knows what else, and he certainly didn’t have anything of value to give to me.

  I was almost ashamed of myself for staying with him so long. I thought I was doing it for Leo, but these last few months have shown me that Leo didn’t really need him either. He was thriving, actually, now that it was just the two of us at home and the anxiety of not knowing what kind of mood Shane would be in when he came back home wasn’t there any more.

  I missed him so much.

  Leo’s everything to me and if something happened to him, I know I wouldn’t be able to go on.

  Fortunately, with these behemoth dudes on my side, I had a lot more confidence that I was going to get my boy back.

  I dug into the donuts and coffee, watching them carefully as they sauntered around my house.

  “After you’re done, we’ll give Riot a call and figure out a plan of attack,” Wolfe sa
id. I nodded, my mouth full of donuts.

  “Yeah, man, so it sounds like this baby daddy of yours is a real prick,” Slade said. I almost choked on his words.

  “That’s definitely true,” I replied, laughing.

  “Wolfe told you about us?” he asked.

  “He did,” I said.

  “Good. Don’t you worry, mama. The Gods are gonna find that boy of yours.”

  Slade appeared to have full confidence and not a care in the world. In fact, they all did. I couldn’t wait till Shane had to come face to face with them. The thought of him being put in his place, to have his ego knocked down a notch — after all these years — was almost orgasmic.

  “And then what?” I asked.

  “And then,” Slade said, cracking his knuckles, laughing, “we kick ass!”

  Chapter 14

  SHANE

  “I don’t know why we’re doing this in December anyway!”

  Leo’s complaints were getting to me. He was such a little pussy. I was so sick of his whining.

  “You need to toughen up, boy!” I shouted. The wind whipped around the boat. The water was a little rocky today and I needed to pay a little more attention to things and his constant nagging wasn’t helping.

  “It’s cold!” he insisted.

  “You’re wearing a coat!”

  “It’s not helping,” he said, his voice cracking as if he were about to break out into tears.

  “My god, Bud, it’s not that bad,” I said. “Grow some fucking balls!”

  “The wind is about to knock us off the boat, and it’s so cold, the rain is freezing! We can’t even enjoy the view because of all the fog! How about you grow a brain, Dad?”

  I snapped at his words. His blatant disrespect. The little shit was about to be a teenager — if I decided to let him live — and I knew if I didn’t teach him not to disrespect me like that now, I never would be able to.

  I didn’t want to do it, but he’d left me no choice.