by C. J. Welles
“Jolene, can you help me up,” mom says cutting the silence. “I’m feeling tired and will go lie in bed for a while.”
“Sure.” Jolene must get moms hint because she picks up Lexi from my lap. “Want to come and watch a movie with me?” she asks Lexi, who is excited to watch Space Buddies.
Bryson sighs as he stands up and walks over to the fireplace and picks up the photo of me on my twenty-first birthday.
“Krystal passed away just over a year ago,” he mutters. “Her body fought the cancer for seven months after we found out about it.”
“I… I didn’t know.”
“It wasn’t common knowledge. Eventually, people around town began to find out but most of them just talk about it behind my back. Only a select few will ask me about her.”
“Is that why you didn’t ride for the year?”
“Yes. Krystal was more important than anything in my life.”
I flinch at his words.
They hurt.
And I feel like a bitch for worrying about me when he’s telling me that his ex-girlfriend died of cancer.
I try to keep my voice even when I talk. “How did you two meet?” I can hear the hurt in my voice and I know Bryson can as well when he turns to face me.
“She was Callie’s best friend. They lived and worked together in Dallas.” He walks over and sits in the seat mom vacated. “We had a connection from the first moment we saw each other. Back then, Callie and I didn’t get along so we kept quiet about our relationship.”
Ever felt like someone has reached into your chest and tried to squeeze your heart? That’s how I feel.
“You and Callie seemed fine when I saw you at Joe’s.”
“We are now. I said some nasty things to her and apologized but saying sorry doesn’t always make it better. It took a while but we’re fine now.”
“I’m glad. She was nice when I met her.”
“She is. Jace is lucky to have her.” He clasps his hands together and looks down at them.
I can tell that he’s thinking and I’d love to know what’s going on inside his head but I know he’ll share when he’s ready. Bryson is stubborn. If he doesn’t want to do or say something he won’t. No matter what anyone else wants.
After sitting in total silence for five minutes, Bryson stands up and looks down at me. “Come for a drive,” he tells me as he walks to the hallway. He pauses and tells mom to call if she needs anything.
I slowly stand on shaky legs and grab my purse and jacket before I follow him out to his truck.
God knows what he has planned but whatever it is, I’m up for it. Anything to spend time with him and find out what’s going on in his head.
***
Chapter Nineteen
Bryson
I PULL UP IN THE CEMETARY carpark and turn off my truck, but don’t move to get out. Casey sits beside me quietly and I’m thankful that she isn’t pressuring me to talk or move.
I’ve come here every Sunday for the past five weeks but it feels foreign this time with having Casey with me.
I don’t know why, but I had the urge to come here and to bring Casey with me. Krystal knew everything there was to know about Casey and I. They’ve both been a big part of my life and if Krystal was alive, I’d want them to be friends.
Opening the truck door, I jump out and walk around to Casey’s side then wait for her. We silently walk the path to Krystal’s grave and when I feel Casey’s hand slip into mine, I turn and give her a small smile.
I’ve been here that many times that I could walk this path with my eyes closed. I stop when we reach the fifth grave in this row.
“I didn’t bring any flowers this time as this is an impromptu visit,” I say as I sit on the ground next to her grave and cross my legs. “Casey is here. I don’t know if what you wrote eventually sunk in, but I went and visited her last month.”
I hear Casey shuffling around behind me, then she sits down, placing her hand in mine. I link our fingers and hold on tighter.
“We clicked instantly and she was one of the bubbliest people I’d ever met. She was dealt a shitty hand by her father and she still managed to find the positives in life.” I laugh as I think of the things Krystal would say and do. Life was far from dull when she was around.
“We’d known each other for a month and on a Thursday night, we were lying on her couch and we were talking about Vegas. The next day she rang me up and said about flying to Vegas. So that afternoon we got on a plane and flew to Vegas.”
I look at Casey and she smiles but it’s a forced smile. “I really am glad you had someone like Krystal in your life who made you happy.”
“She did.” I look away from Casey and at Krystal’s grave. “I know this is probably hard being here with me.”
“A little bit.”
“Krystal and I only ended up being friends. We tried the dating thing but after a few months it wasn’t working out. We were close still, but I didn’t love her.”
“Why?”
“I think we both know why?” I say. “Being a couple was putting a strain on our friendship, so we decided to stay as friends. I still stood by her side until the day she passed because by that stage she was the closest person to me.”
I don’t look at Casey and she doesn’t say anything but she does pull her hand from mine before standing up.
“Why are we here Bryson?” she asks after a few minutes.
“Because I wanted the two people who have meant the most to me, outside of my family, to be in the one spot.” I stand up and look at her. “Do you want to know what I was like when you left?”
She shakes her head and whispers, “No.”
“I would go to work during the day then I would go to the pub and drink until I could barely stand then I would find a random chick and take her home. The next day I wouldn’t even remember her or how I got home. I was trying to fuck your memory out of my head. I was trying to drink away the pain.”
“Bry,” she whispers. “Take me back to moms.”
“Krystal was the one to pull me out of it. She was the one who saw through my bullshit and could see that I was broken inside. She was the person who started putting me back together.” I pull my wallet from my pocket and get the letters out. “Here, read these,” I say as I shove them onto her chest.
“No.”
“Read them.” I turn and walk to my truck.
“Wait, you can’t leave me here.”
“I’m not. But we’re not leaving until you read those fucking letters and see what Krystal was to me.”
*
Casey
I WIPE AWAY ANOTHER tear as I fold the second letter. My heart breaks for both Krystal and Bryson. What they had together ran deeper than a relationship.
I get up from the bench and walk over to Krystal’s grave and sit down. “Hi, Krystal.” I look around and see if anyone is nearby but the place is deserted. I feel a little crazy talking at the grave of someone I don’t know but I feel a connection with her.
“Bryson showed me the letters. They are worn and I can tell they have been read several times.” I double check that no one can hear me. “He was lucky to have you in his life and I’m thankful that you helped him. I read the part where you said for him to come see me, so I know he must have told you about me.” I pluck a few blades of grass and begin to twirl them in my hands.
“I know that I did wrong by leaving him but I thought I was doing what was best for him. I know he won’t understand my decision and these days I don’t even know what I was thinking back then. I know you wouldn’t have said it for me, but thank you anyway. Since Bryson came to visit, I have begun talking to a counselor and I don’t feel like I’m being weighed down as much anymore.”
I stand up and brush the leaves and grass from my backside and legs “Sorry I poured my heart out on you. I just felt I had to say it.” I sigh as I fiddle with the blades of grass. “I feel so torn. Even though I am glad Bryson had you, I am jealous. I feel like a bitch f
or even feeling it and for saying it, but I am. And on that note, I’ll get going before I have any more verbal diarrhea”
I turn around and jump out of my skin when I see Bryson standing a few feet away. “How much did you hear?” I ask as I duck my head and look down to my feet.
“Enough.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it but it’s the truth, I am jealous of Krystal,” I whisper.
Bryson takes several steps forward until the front of his boots are touching the tips of my toes. “It’s fine,” he whispers, his lips only a few inches from mine. I can feel his breath fan across my face as I focus on his deep blue eyes that are focused solely on me.
His hand comes up and his fingers graze across my face and tuck a lock of hair behind my ear, while his eyes don’t break contact with mine. Gazing into his eyes makes me feel like I’m being pulled into a whirlpool. One that won’t spit me out the same as I was when I entered.
“Casey,” his deep husky voice breaks my trance and I look away, remembering that we’re standing at Krystal’s grave.
“We should go,” I murmur as I step back.
His hand that tucked my hair behind my ear falls to his side. He gives me a small nod before he turns and heads for his truck.
The ride home is silent but not unwelcome.
***
Chapter Twenty
Bryson
Me: Are you free tonight?
I pause while I hold my finger over the send button. I’m tempted to delete it and just leave Casey and me in a comfortable past.
After our visit to Krystal’s grave yesterday, I know we both have closure. We both fucked up in the past and we’ve both apologized. But as much as I’d like to say I can now move on, I don’t want to.
I hit the send button and toss my cell beside me onto the couch. “What’s up with you?” Ethan asks.
“Nothing.”
“Sometimes I’d prefer to have my teeth pulled out than to try to get you to talk.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Don’t talk to me then.”
“See he’s impossible,” Ethan says to Corine, his girlfriend for the month. Ethan seems to change his girlfriend as often as he has a haircut.
“Impossible? No, I just don’t like splashing my life for everyone to see.” My phone beeps and I pick it up to see a message from Casey.
Casey: Depends on who is asking.
Me: Your date for the night.
The little dots pop up at the bottom of the screen, meaning Casey is typing. My heart sits in my throat after watching them jump ‘round for five minutes.
Finally, she replies.
Casey: I’m free.
It took her five minutes to write that.
Me: I’ll pick you up at 6.
Casey: Okay x
I let out a frustrated growl. Could she sound any less interested?
“Now I know you are up to somethin’. You’ve been glued to your cell for the past half an hour.”
I roll my eyes as I stand up to leave. “I’m taking Casey on a date tonight.”
“A date-date? Like a proper date, where you pay? And Casey? Since when have you two been able to be in the same town, let alone going for a date?”
I shrug my shoulders. “We’ve talked.”
I didn’t tell any of my friends when I went to Casey’s for the week. It would have only caused more questions that I couldn’t answer, back then.
*
Casey
“WHAT ARE YOU SMILING about?” Jolene asks me as she walks into my bedroom and lies down next to me.
“Bryson asked me on a date tonight.”
Well kind of. He said he was my date asking about tonight.
“It’s about time.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s clear you two are meant to be together, it’s just taken you both too long to get your heads on straight.”
“You’re the only one who has had faith in us.”
“I know. So, tell me the details. When and where? What are you wearing?”
“He’s only said that he’ll pick me up at six and I don’t know where we’re going, so haven’t got a clue what to wear.”
“It’s Bryson we’re talking about, he’s most likely taking you to the bar. Your best bet would be to wear a pair of jeans, boots and then have a warm jacket.”
I roll my eyes. “Jolene, he said a date.”
“I know. That is a date around here. You’re not in Kansas City now.”
“Whatever,” I grumble, as I get up and sift through my suitcase.
After ten minutes of pawing through all my clothes, it’s obvious that I have nothing to wear. “I’ve got nothing to wear,” I huff as I collapse on my bed.
Jolene shakes her head as a slow grin forms on her face. “Lucky you have a sister.” She walks out of my room and a few minutes later re-emerges with an arm full of clothes. “I’m sure you’ll find something from all of this, but if you take my advice, you’ll go for this.” She holds out a white cami top with a sheer white lace blouse over the top. “Then match it with a pair of cut-off jeans and your boots. Trust me, it’s sexy and casual. You could wear it to Joe’s or to a fancy restaurant over in College Station.”
“I doubt we’ll be going there. It’s nearly an hour away.”
“It’s Bryson. If he wanted to, he’d drive you to Las Vegas for dinner.”
“Fair point.” I grab the clothes Jolene laid out then walk across the hall, into the bathroom, and get changed.
“You look hot,” Jolene says as I walk back into my room.
“Thanks,” I mutter my reply.
“What’s wrong?” Jolene asks with her head cocked to the side.
“Nothing.” I sigh. “It’s just… This isn’t like a typical date. This is me and Bryson. He already knows how sexy I can be or how I wake up with a bird’s nest in my hair every morning. We already know each other and how many siblings the other one has.”
“And? What’s wrong with that? It makes things easier. You don’t have to talk about the boring topics.”
“I know,” I reply quietly. I look down to my hands that are playing with the hem of my jean shorts, trying to hide the emotions from Jolene that are no doubt, storming in my eyes.
We’re both quiet for a while, me trying to subtly ignore Jolene and she trying to get a read on what is wrong.
“What’s really going on?” Jolene asks after a few moments. “Do you not want to go? As much as I think you two should be together, if you don’t want to see him, don’t. I want my sister happy. I want the Casey back who we lost five years ago.”
“Bryson and I have just got back on good terms. I’m just starting to piece myself back together. What if dating Bryson, just even going on a date with him, pushes everything I have achieved, backward? I don’t want to be the person I was five years ago. I don’t even want to be the person I was four months ago.”
“Do you honestly think things will go sour just from one dinner or a night out together?”
“It could. How do I know Bryson is truly over me leaving him?” I plonk down onto my bed. “You don’t even know half of what I put him through,” I whisper. “You would be ashamed of me.”
“I doubt it. You’re my sister and I’ll always stick by you no matter what.” She sits up and looks at me with a serious expression. “Remember, you’re only human, you make mistakes just like everyone else in the world because no one is perfect. People get an idea in their head about what they think is the perfect life and anything different is wrong.”
“I didn’t make a mistake. I chose to think about what I was doing and then purposely went through with the actions.”
Jolene sighs as she grabs for my hand. “As I said, everyone makes mistakes. The main thing is if you can own up to your mistakes. Not admitting you did something wrong and refusing to acknowledge it, is different to putting your hand up and owning your mistakes.”
“Who would have thought that I’d be sitting here
listening to advice from you.”
Jolene smiles. “I know. Usually, I’m the one who is getting older sister lectures from you.” She stands up. “Let’s talk with mom and Alexia before you go.”
Following Jolene out to the living room, I try to swallow back any worries I have about tonight.
***
Chapter Twenty-one
Bryson
I WATCH CASEY FROM the corner of my eye as I drive towards the lookout at the edge of the Lewis’ property. It’s way off to the west and looks out over Madison Country. There’s not a road, car or building in site.
Casey’s been quiet for the drive. The only time we’ve talked was when she greeted me at her parent’s front door.
“How’s your mom going?” I lamely ask. It’s only been a few days since she broke her ankle, it’s a given fact that she’ll still be in pain.
“She said it still hurts like a bitch but it’s bearable.”
“Did they give her any painkillers for it?”
“Just Tylenol. I don’t know if you remember, but mom is one of these people who goes loopy if she takes anything stronger.”
“Ah, yes, I remember,” I answer as I toss my head back and laugh.
“What?” Casey asks but I can tell she already knows what I’m laughing about, by the twitch of her lips.
“Can you remember the time your mom took Excedrin? She was out in the backyard with a frying pan and the fire poker trying to fight away aliens.”
Casey groans. “Please do not remind me.” I laugh harder as she buries her face in her hands.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Because it wasn’t your mom.” Casey looks out of her window as I approach the lookout. “I’ve never been out this way before.”
“No one comes out here often. Just Eddie and his ranchers come out and check the fences. Apart from the track they’ve made over the years, the land is too rough to drive on or for cattle to be out here.” I turn my truck off then hop out and walk around to Casey’s door. “I’ve only been out here once. Ryan, Jace and I found it when we were in our early teens. We were staying out of my dad’s way one day after I’d convinced Ryan and Jace to help me take the tires off dad’s truck and leave it sitting there on a set of car stands.”