Case of the Yorkshire Pudding

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Case of the Yorkshire Pudding Page 9

by Erik Schubach


  I nodded at that. I wasn't a real fan of how some people offered stud service. Believe it or not, it could be physically taxing on the dog if they set an aggressive schedule like every three days or so. Responsible owners would only offer a dog up for stud once or twice a year.

  But dogs like Darius would be in high demand, as everyone wants pups sired by a Grand Champion. It would make the difference between getting around a thousand dollars per session plus pick of the litter, and charging ten thousand and pick of the litter.

  I asked as I looked around, seeing a little dog crate by stairs, in the hall down to what looked like the kitchen, “Is Darius here? Can I meet him?” My eyes were wide in anticipatory excitement. Stop fangirling Fin, you already know a Grand Champion. I almost chuckled at the thought of the sweet but goofy Great Dane.

  She said as she looked nervously out the window, “No. He's with my husband right now, at the vet.” She chuckled and offered her palms. “Making sure he's healthy enough for rigorous activity.” She blushed a little at that, and I crinkled my nose at her.

  I sighed then said, “Well, down to business then. I was hoping you could help me out a bit. I'm trying to locate the owners of a runaway dog that I found...” I hesitated as I saw a flier from the Hudson Valley Harvest Festival stacked neatly on top of the well-organized magazines on her coffee table. I shook myself and finished, “At the Harvest Festival in Hudson Valley last weekend.”

  Wait. Sometimes I'm denser than a cat. This is why the people who we had thought were Killer's parents had looked familiar to me at the festival. I glanced at the pictures framed on the wall, to see Mr. and Mrs. Larkin holding Darius in one. Yes, it was definitely them. I don't know why I hadn't recognized them then. Ok, well maybe having a sexy cop at my side on my honeymoon, driving my libido into overdrive, had me a bit distracted. Oh shush. You've got eyes, you've seen my copper.

  The woman sat up straighter and looked closer at me then outside to the car, and relaxed a little. I continued, “I submitted his DNA to the AKC to see if they could determine his sire so we could track down the owners. But... well there's some sort of error at the lab because they came back with a positive match to Darius.”

  She went pale as a ghost as she asked, “You had his DNA tested?”

  I nodded and shrugged, trying to figure her out. My Fin-dar was pinging double time now. I inhaled then reached into my bag, and pulled out Killer, who whimpered again as I asked, “I was hoping you'd be able to point me to the owners of this little guy.”

  Her eyes bugged out of her head, and she looked excited as she stood and moved toward me. As Killer whimpered, I pulled him protectively to me as she blurted, “You found Darius. Than God for you Miss May. I was going crazy with worry.”

  I held him away from her, my own eyes wide now. She was going to pretend this was Darius? To what end? I accused, one eye squinted as she withdrew her outstretched hands when I didn't hand the shaking Yorkie to her, “I thought you said Darius was out with your husband.”

  She smoothed her skirt. And I cocked an eyebrow at the familiar movement. She was nervous, it was the same tell I had when I was. She shrugged a little and said, “Well, I didn't want it getting out that he was missing. Especially with stud dates looming. We didn't want any cancellations until we were sure we couldn't find him.”

  I'll bet. At ten thousand dollars a pop, and I bet they had collected some of the fees in advance. I stood and said to her, “I don't want to disappoint you, but this little guy isn't Darius. It's impossible.”

  She got a little coy. “But you said you had his DNA tested.”

  I repeated something I had said to Jane, “Darius is eight. In what world is this pup eight? He's a year at most.” I moved him back when she reached for him again, and I placed him in my bag and stood.

  She tried a different tack. “If you don't return my dog, then I'm going to have to...” She trailed off when she saw me dialing my cell. “What are you doing?”

  I looked up at her and said, “I'm calling the authorities, I'm sure they can clear this all up. It...”

  She blurted, “No! Don't.” Then she smoothed her skirt again and regained her composure, giving me a nervous smile. “Can I see that dog again?”

  I looked at her, trying to figure her out, then lifted Killer up and held him out of her reach and she seemed to study him, her brow creasing, then she chuckled and said, “You know, you're right Miss May. That isn't Darius. He just looks so much like my boy had when he was younger, I must have just been confused.”

  I nodded, not believing a word coming out of her mouth as I put Killer back in my bag and picked up Calvin's leash. “I understand. They are our babies, and we always see them that way.” I started moving toward the door and said, “Well, we must be going. I still have to find this little guy's parents.”

  She looked like she wasn't sure what to do and followed me to the door. “Wait. How can I contact you in case my husband knows something when he gets home. Is the number you contacted me with ok?”

  I nodded and dug one of my business cards out of my bag and handed it to her. “Yes, that would be fine. I'm sorry to have wasted your time Mrs. Larkin.”

  She held onto the door after we left and she chuckled nervously as she said, “Not at all. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.”

  I nodded again, and we went to the car, and I couldn't get us in and moving fast enough. One of my more tame expletives wouldn't fit here as I watched the house in the rear view mirror, the middle-aged woman still watching from the door until I turned south on the next cross street. I asked the guys, “Just what the hell was that? That was creepy as fuck.”

  Calvin agreed as he cocked his head at me. Killer wasn't whining anymore. Instead he was running the back seat again, tail wagging. “Yeah, me too, boy. Me too.”

  I wanted to get home and hide under a blanket. Why had that woman been lying? And why did my bluff of calling the authorities spook her so much? Maybe I should have. Jane will know what to do when I get home.

  Chapter 11 – Curiouser and Curiouser

  The ladies were all in agreement later that night when we were getting ready for the movie. That it sounded like a surreal meeting with Mrs. Larkin, and that it seemed way too fishy. Jane asked, “Is it something that should be looked into? I can make some calls to the Tarrytown PD.”

  I shook my head. “I don't know. I don't know why they'd pretend Killer is Darius. I did look up their posts on the various boards and stud sites, and they have been booking sessions the past couple weeks. Maybe they were double booking, or something so were using a second dog to fill in and hope nobody was the wiser. But they'd be found out when the pups were added to the DNA registry.”

  Jessie had prompted, “Why would someone do something like that just to breed some dogs? It isn't like they'd strike it rich or something. What can they make, like a couple hundred a litter?”

  I rolled my eyes at my best friend who was woefully ill-educated about all things canine. “Normally, for AKC registered Yorkies, the stud fee is around a thousand dollars, but for a Grand Champion like Darius, they are asking between ten and twelve thousand on the boards.”

  Kerry gasped at that and sputtered out, “That's insane. Can they get that?”

  I nodded and said, “Easily, plus they get pick of the litter on each mating. And some people will work their dogs aggressively to stud. Every three days or so.”

  Jane narrowed her eyes as her swift brain did the math. “That's well over a million dollars in a year.” Then her eyes narrowed more. “Are you sure I shouldn't call this in, that would be fraud.”

  I shook my head again. “Let's not be hasty. They can't pull something like that off like I said, the DNA of the pups would tell the whole story. I sent in Killer's again to have it re-tested. If it is positive, then we'd be sure that something is hinky. If it comes back a positive match again, then we'd be almost one hundred percent positive that some sort of fraud is going on. Th
at would indicate that someone somehow changed the DNA records in the database, which would be futile.”

  Ker chimed in, “Or someone was paid to change the records.”

  I nodded then sighed and started shaking my head as I explained, “But that wouldn't work... they use an independent lab to record the DNA sequences instead of their own lab, that way fraud like this can't happen. They'd have to get the records changed at the independent lab too, or the records wouldn't match.”

  My girl's face was screwed up in a silly way as she observed, “You seem to know an awful lot about how canine DNA is handled for the AKC, lady.”

  I felt the burn of a blush on my cheeks and tucked a long loose curl behind my ear as I admitted, “Well when the erroneous match came back from the AKC, I may have researched the process a bit.”

  In unison, all the traitorous women chimed out, “Of course you did.”

  I couldn't get upset with them, they all had such loving resigned looks on their faces.

  As I fidgeted with my hands, I squeaked before I said, “I just want to find Killer his home, he has to be missing it.”

  Jane hugged me and exhaled. “Ok, but if it comes back a match again, then I'm making some calls. Since a scam like that would be grand larceny and conspiracy at the least.”

  I nodded, I could agree with that. But Killer was the most important thing just then. I had made a discreet inquiry to the Central Park Tails vet to see if they could reach out to the Larkin's vet to inquire about Darius. I'm not sure why, but something just felt off about this whole situation beyond the obvious, and something was nagging in the back of my head telling me I already knew the answer. I just couldn't figure out what it was trying to tell me.

  We headed out together to give the kids their last walk as we brought them to moms so she could watch them while we went to the movie just a couple blocks from CPT. The ladies all looked badass as usual, and I was the counterpoint in a nice black sundress with white trim and a little black and white bonnet. Take that ladies, someone has to hold us to a higher fashion standard. Who am I kidding? They all looked like they walked straight out of the pages of Bikers Weekly.

  I snapped out of my line of thought as Ker called out, “Earth to Tempe. You're lost in your head again. We're here.”

  I looked up, and we had arrived. I assured her, “I knew that...” Not so much.

  I started in, but the girls stayed out on the walk. I stood with the door open and looked at them expectantly. I prompted, “You don't expect me to tell mom you all didn't want to come up do you?”

  Something akin to panic grew in Kerry and Jane's eyes as they started moving, but Jess just smirked and looked up to the lit windows in mom's place and prompted as she walked past. “I got no problem heading up to see Winnie. Your mom is hot, short stuff.”

  “Eww... you are so bad, Little Red Perving Hood.”

  Ker was no help as she smirked back at me. “It's true Tempe, you weren't the only May girl I had a crush on back in school.”

  My cop came to my rescue. “Zip it, ladies.”

  Jess pushed past her on the stairs after snagging the leashes from me to bring the dogs up and teased with a valley girl accent, “What-ever, Five-O.”

  I had to grin, and we went up, and everyone gave mom all the hugs and the dogs. I swear that mom is just as bad as the girls as she wiggled her eyebrows at me as she was getting her Jess and Ker-Bear hugs. But as much as she teases me, she rolled her eyes. I knew she saw Jess and Kerry as her kids too, just like she did Jane.

  I kissed her cheek and shook my head at everyone's antics. “See you in a couple hours mom.”

  She chuckled. “Oh come on, Tempe, we're just playing with you.” Then she looked at Calvin on his back wiggling, letting Puddles shuffle around him, her tail wagging. “You could let him sleep over tonight, Puddles would like it.”

  I started wringing my fingers, and Jane was there, her hand on my shoulder as she said, “Cal has to work tomorrow morning.” Then tongue in cheek she added, “It's a school night.”

  My mom saw my distress and nodded. “Ok, but the offer is always open.”

  I blinked, thinking about it. I don't think Calvin, and I have been apart for more than a few hours since his first mom had been murdered. He's helped me find my confidence. Huh, I guess he really is a working dog, an emotional support dog. Heck, I had even brought him on our honeymoon.

  Maybe I should let him have a sleepover sometime... but not tonight. I swallowed, and mom scooped up Killer to give his soft belly some nose rubs.

  I held the door open, and Cal started for it, and I shook my head, “Stay, boy.” He sat and cocked his head as we all left, the girls calling out, “Bye Winnie,” and Jane saying, “See you in a bit... mom.” Mom beamed at her and winked at me as I closed the door.

  Then we were off to the movies.

  I don't think I had laughed so hard in a long time, the movie was brilliant. Some sequels never live up to the original movie, but each movie in this series keeps getting better and funnier as they progress. There is a lot to be said for the art of sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor. My favorite part was seeing my always composed wife giggling so hard she was crying.

  Jess' parents met us at the movie and were a blast to hang around with, and their wicked senses of humor appreciated the movie as much as we had. They gave us hugs when they caught a cab to go home, opting to shake Jane's hand. I swear, I'm going to get them to look at Jane as more than just 'the one with the gun' one day.

  I missed Cal being with us, but theaters were so loud that it could hurt canine hearing. He was happy to see us when we returned to free him of his playdate with Killer and Puddles. And mom just gave an evil chuckle when I asked if she was going to bring the mystery Yorkie down to CPD or steal him for another night. As humorous as it was, part of me winced inside. She was getting way too attached to the little stinker, and I didn't want to break her heart when we found his parents.

  I started to voice that, but she just shushed me and cocked an eyebrow. “Do you think I don't know, baby girl?” Though I was a bit sad, I smiled at the fact both she and Mrs. Freeman used the same endearment for me.

  Jane looked overly curious as we stood at the door, looking back farther into the apartment. I cocked my head in question at her, and she asked with a smirk on her lips, “So, Winnie... mom, who's in the shower?” That's when I realized that mom had sort of blocked us when we came in and our little group was halfway in, halfway out the door.

  I realized that I could hear the shower, and it really hadn't registered. I opened my mouth, but mom blurted as she held her arms wide, one holding the door edge the other on the door jamb as she started moving us into the hall, “I'm running the water, it takes a while to get warm.”

  Jess and Kerry were grinning like loons as Jess pointed out, “There are two wine glasses on the coffee table.”

  I was blinking, my mouth agape as Kerry bit her tongue in amusement and noted, “I thought Fin had instant tankless water heaters installed in all the apartments here.”

  Mom was blushing profusely as she started closing the door on us. “Your movie got out sooner than we expected. If you must know, that's Sam. Good night girls. Love you.” And the door clicked shut.

  The girls were all grinning like loons at each other as I just stood there stunned. By the swishing tail and lolling tongue, mom had a guy in there... wait, or girl. I heard myself asking, “Is it Sam as in Samuel or Sam as in Samantha?”

  Ker-Bear was quick to chirp out. “Twenty bucks says it's a Samantha. Why else would her blush be so red.”

  Jane had to loop her arm in mine and drag me from the door and down the stairs as she countered, “There was lipstick on only one wineglass.”

  I played everything I saw through my mind, catching the details. She was right, and there was a black jacket hanging on one of the stools at the bar counter in the kitchen.

  Jess countered, “Not all women wear lipstick.
” She pointed at her chopper pilot.

  I whispered as my smile started spreading on my face as we reached the bottom of the stairs, “Mom has a date.”

  Ker prompted with a conspiratorial smile, “Soooo, are we waiting outside to see who comes out?”

  I shot Jess a warning waggling finger, before Little Red Perving Hood could chime in. “We most certainly will not.” Then I blushed and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Besides, it might be like umm... you know... a sleepover.”

  Jess nodded and added, “A sexy sleepover.”

  I smushed up my face and slugged her arm.

  She looked down at her arm, then me, then over to Jane and asked, “Ow?”

  My traitorous jerk cop shook her head. “No ow.”

  I gave them 'the look' then skipped away with Calvin trotting beside me, apparently on my side of this situation.

  There was chuckling then they all hustled to catch up, my wife calling, “Wait up, pipsqueak, we're only teasing.”

  I muttered, “Fine.”

  She retorted with a snotty approximation of my voice, “Fine.”

  I growled at her but forgave her after she stole a quick kiss from me before grabbing my hand. I muttered under my breath though I was grinning, “I don't sound like that.”

  Jess stole Cal's leash as Ker-Bear hugged my other arm to her as she countered, “Yes you do, sweetie.”

  By the holy tug rope, it was pick on Finnegan night.

  I pulled out my cell and sent a quick text to Gar and Becky, “Mom has a date in her apartment.” Then added a little grinning devil emoji.

  My cell started ringing mere seconds later, I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue to stop from chuckling as I saw Rebecca's name pop up on the screen. I handed my cell to Jane who answered for me in an innocent voice, “Hello sis-in-law, to what do we owe the call?”

  Jane relayed all the sordid details to the mother of my super niece, with Ker or Jess chiming in to make things sound more salacious. I could hear Garrett chiming in with questions too. When Gar put twenty on Samuel, Bec disagreed and put twenty on Samantha.

 

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