Fueled in Fire

by Ryan Michele

  My little girl not missing a beat answered, “Van.”

  “Well hi, Van. I’m Rylynn.” Rylynn held out her hand, and Van took it shaking it softly.

  “You’re really pretty,” Van told her, making Rylynn laugh.

  “And you’re gorgeous,” Rylynn responded with a bop on Van’s nose.

  “Is this your girlfriend, Daddy?” Van asked. Loved the innocence. Even with all the shit she’d seen, she was still my little girl.

  I felt Rylynn get tight beside me and I didn’t know why, but I responded. “Yep.”

  “Are you getting married?”

  This made Rylynn burst out laughing once again. She didn’t answer, but I did. “Not tomorrow, munchkin’.”

  “Oh,” Van said.

  “Why don’t you take your bag into your room and get unpacked.”

  Van bent and kissed my cheek. “Okay.”

  I set her down to her feet, and she looked at Rylynn. “Nice to meet you.” She then took off down the hall.

  “Wow,” Rylynn said.

  “What do ya think?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close to me.

  “I think being with you is going to be an adventure.”

  Kissing her hard, I pulled back. “Welcome to the ride.”

  Yeah, Rylynn wasn’t going anywhere.

  6

  Rylynn

  Opening the door once again, more smiling faces that I kept welcoming into Crow’s home arrived. We’d run out of room in his freezer and fridge with all the damn casseroles people brought over.

  Death equaled food in my experience. Since we were overloaded with them, I had the oven on and when one came, I put it in there, heated it up, and put it out for all to eat. Hell, any other food that came I did the same.

  It worked well.

  Keeping busy was good.

  Van helped me as much as she could, setting out plates and silverware. She was cute as a button, and instantly I loved her. She had none of the attitude Greer had in her, thank Christ.

  A couple kids showed up so then she went back and forth between helping me and playing. Even when I told her to play, she still made it a point to come and help. I enjoyed her assistance and watching her move about the space comfortably. I imagined this was how my mother felt watching me and the others as children.

  Family was more than the blood in your veins and your DNA. Ravage was family, and I found comfort that Crow had this.

  Starting to move away from the door, the bell rang once more. It didn’t piss me off that this had become my role one bit. Having a smile on my face while I answered the door was no loss to me. If this was how I could help, then I was truly happy to do so. It was the number of people all cramming into the house that gave me hesitation, and I was used to a lot of people. But at this rate, this house was going to burst at some point, but it was what Crow wanted, and I’d do anything just about now to get him to be happy.

  Warmth hit my back, and I looked up to see Crow right behind me. He leaned down to my ear. “Thanks for doin’ this, Pixie.” Then kissed the shell of my ear sending chills down my spine. That right there made it all worth it.

  Swinging the door open, a beautiful woman with almond eyes, long curly hair, and tits so big they were bursting out of the small top she wore stood there. “Hi...” I started as she squealed and rushed past me in a whoosh and into Crow’s arms, wrapping hers around his neck and pressing her body against his.

  “And Malibu Barbie enters the fun,” I muttered under my breath as the door shut.

  “I just can’t believe it,” the woman whined, looking up at Crow like she wanted to eat him for breakfast. Maybe she wanted it to sound like she was crying or sad, but it didn’t come out that way one bit. It was worse than nails on a chalkboard. I already didn’t like her.

  Crow tried to unwrap the woman’s hands from around his neck, but she wouldn’t let go. “He’s gone, Crow. What am I going to do?” Cue more of the dramatics. The woman would never win an acting award, that was for sure. Made me wonder if this chick even liked Crow’s father. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she didn’t. That wasn’t a catty thing, it was a real thing. Seeing this shit happen, women doing anything to get a man, that was exactly what this was. A play.

  “Kara, know you’re hurting. Dad liked you a lot and appreciated you taking him where he needed to go.”

  She pulled back, but kept very close. Too close. Her damn tits were going to pop if she got any closer to him. If I had a knife in my hand, I’d pop the fuckers. Note to self: start carrying.

  Crow was trying to be nice, but the tightness of his jaw told me he didn’t like this one bit.

  “He meant the world to me. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”

  Yeah, her acting skills beyond sucked. Her transparency was crystal clear, and it pissed me off.

  If I punched her the day after the man I was sleeping with dad’s died, would I go to hell for that? Who was I kidding, there was already a flame with my name on it. But causing a scene wasn’t top on my agenda list for the day. What the hell…

  “Kara, let go,” Crow ordered, but the woman wouldn’t give up carrying on and continuing to get up in his space. Crow was strong and could easily remove this chick’s arms, but was trying to be nice. No one here needed to see him detonate. He’d been holding his shit together well, but there was always that risk of it going bad fast. It would only take one thing to set off the fireworks. Not on my watch.

  Huffing out a breath, I moved to Crow’s side. “You didn’t tell me your dad babysat.”

  Kara’s lip curled and since I was done listening to her whine, I moved fast, grasping her wrists, twisting them, and putting her down on her knees. “When a man tells you to let go, you fuckin’ let go.”

  Her eyes were a blaze of fury, but I was past caring what she thought. If I did, then my hands would’ve stayed to myself.

  “You bitch!” she spat as I released her hands and took a step back.

  Looking over to Crow, his eyes were wide. “What? You think I don’t pack a mean punch? Told ya I could take care of myself.” I gave him a small wink as Kara tried to stand up. Too bad her shoes were so damn high it made the task very difficult and the crotch shots from her short skirt were less than desirable. Cameltoe through the thong, yuck.

  Crow grasped my hand and pulled me to his side, kissing me hard in front of everyone in the room. When he pulled away I asked, “Please don’t make this an everyday thing with your hotness. Teaching every woman in Rebellion a lesson wasn’t what I came here for.”

  His hand cupped my cheek, and I freaking loved that move. It was so intimate. Even with all the people around us, they didn’t exist. It was only us. Nothing else mattered.

  “You’re the shit,” he said softly.

  I tapped my finger to my cheek. “You’ve told me that a time or two.”

  He kissed me hard then looked at Kara. “You can go.”

  She huffed, “I have a right to be here! More than her.”

  This made me chuckle because she was probably right.

  “I don’t need any more shit, Kara. Just go.”

  She finally made it to her feet. “Fine. I’ll go just for you so I don’t lay that bitch out.”

  My body tensed, and Crow gripped my shoulder hard anticipating my movement. It was the only thing that stopped me. She turned and walked out the door. Fucking hell.

  I turned in Crow’s arms. “Sorry about that.”

  “No, you’re not.” He smiled down at me, and it was a gift. I’d missed the smiles and the easygoing nature about him. It was a good look that I’d craved since our last meeting.

  With a shrug, I said, “Not really.”

  The party continued and people kept coming in, but not as many were leaving making the room get smaller and smaller.

  It was three hours later when the next situation happened. I was sitting on the couch with a woman named Goldi when the doorbell went off again. After awhile, Crow s
et Jimmy on to be the opener saying I needed a break. Truthfully, I was happy for the reprieve and to get off my feet for a bit.

  Goldi, short for Goldilocks, was in her late fifties or early sixties, beautiful with her golden hair. She’d been in the club for years and was the ol’ lady to a bur of a man named Bear. He looked as if he could crush you by just thinking about it.

  “Girl, then you know how it is with these men.” She shook her head smiling. “Gotta be bad asses all the time.”

  I smiled, really liking this woman. “The way of the world.” Goldi asked me if I was familiar with the MC life, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. When I got done with my story, she reached for my hand and squeezed it once. I’d like to think it was in approval.

  “But, girl. You need to call your daddy. I bet he’s tearin’ shit up. I’ve met Rhys, and he’s not a man to be fucked with.”

  “I will. Just giving it time.” The plan was to call home tonight and tell everyone what had happened. Dad would be pissed, but Cruz for sure would want to know.

  She took a pull on her beer. “Don’t give it too much time. Crow’ll have no qualms about goin’ toe to toe with that man. Just make it as easy as possible. That’s what we do for our men. Lessen the blow so it doesn’t get to the point of no return.”

  What she said to me really stuck, and part of me felt like there was a lead weight in my gut. “I’m not sure I’ll be stayin’ around here, Goldi.”

  “That man can’t keep his eyes off you.”

  Looking over to Crow, who was talking to his brothers, he lifted his chin at me, and I smiled. Life couldn’t be that simple. I didn’t trust it. Couldn’t. Smooth had never been the Ravage way.

  “I…”

  “Crow!” A woman’s voice came from the doorway catching my attention. What? Did the Ravage men have a criteria check? If you’re hot come on by. Tits and ass, sign me up! This woman was all legs and tits, wild brunette hair and enough makeup to keep Bozo happy for a year. But it wasn’t just her.

  Behind her came seven other women. All beautiful and knowing they were. Crow smiled warmly to them and gave each a hug. One had dark shadows under her eyes that could still be seen under her makeup.

  That damn green-eyed monster wanted to come out and stake her claim, but I kept myself in my seat. I’d already called attention to myself once, no need for an encore.

  They pawed over him making sure to give extra-long hugs. Crow didn’t seem to mind one bit, another thing I was letting go.

  Fuck, when did I become so possessive of this man?

  Probably the moment you got on the back of his bike and came to Rebellion, idiot.

  “Oh, the girls are here.” Goldilocks jumped up from her seat and began to hug each of the women like she’d known them all their lives. She might have, how would I have known. She took extra time with the one with the dark circles who smiled back at Goldi.

  They stood around in their mini huddle for quite some time. It was the only time during the day when I felt out of place. Like there was something I should know, but didn’t. Instead of marching over and making my presence known, along with everything else I let it roll off my back.

  It wasn’t easy, but Crow didn’t bring them over to me to introduce, and I kept busy with Van. She was my little savior and didn’t even know it.

  When they left, I felt relief which was strange. I didn’t get jealous. I didn’t get possessive. I didn’t shove bitches off of men. At least I never did because there was never anyone to have these feelings for. Fuck.

  The next thing happened an hour later as I was standing in the crook of Crow’s arm, my hands on his abs as he talked to his brothers, jumping in every so often with my two cents. His body stilled, and I felt it immediately. Peering up at him, his focus was on the door. Therefore, mine went there as well.

  Yet another woman came in. Surprise, surprise. This one looked as though she’d seen the end of a needle one too many times. Her skin showed years of drug abuse, hair wiry even though she tried to brush it. As she talked, several of her teeth appeared to be missing. Definite drug addict.

  She stumbled around a bit, and Crow was pissed.

  “Mommy!” Van cried out, running to the woman and wrapping her little arms around her legs. The woman just patted her back a couple of times. My heart clenched for Van. This was her mother? That sweet little girl was living with this woman? That just couldn’t possibly be.

  The wiry woman came up to Crow. Since I happened to be standing next to him, me too.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, and it came out very sketchy like in a way that it hurt her to say it, and she wanted something for that small bit of sympathy.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Crow bit off harshly.

  The woman’s eyes skated around the room, coming back to Crow. “I just wanted to tell you sorry.”

  “Your ass is supposed to be in rehab, two counties over.”

  “I couldn’t stay there,” she whined, and Van let go of her mom looking up at her. Unconditional love. That was what Van had for this woman. Down the bottom of my soul I hoped that this woman knew how Van thought of her. Then looking again, it didn’t appear so. My heart constricted for the little girl.

  My mother was a great mom. Kind, patient, and loving. I wanted that for Van, not whatever this was standing in front of us.

  “You high?” he asked her flat out. Van got stiff. It wasn’t my place and I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I’ve had to do this many times with Mazie, getting her out of sticky conversations that she didn’t need to be a part of. So I did what I do. Went with my gut. Van needed to be away from this.

  “Hey, Van. Let’s go check out the stuff in the oven.”

  Van looked perplexed, wanting to stay with her mom and dad, but also wanting to come with me. I held out my hand, and after a few beats she came to me. I led her away, but not before I heard Crow.

  “You’re not livin’ in the house, and don’t even think of takin’ Van with you.”

  Oh boy. That didn’t sound good. Even in the kitchen I could still hear them, everyone could. It was a mess because that meant Van could too. My instincts screamed to protect the young girl, to shield her from all of this. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and never let her see her mother and father like this again. It wasn’t fair.

  Then again, life wasn’t fair was it?

  Brewer and Wrong Way caught my attention as they approached Van’s mother and physically escorted her out the door. Me, I stood in front of Van knowing she could probably hear, but doing my damnedest to shield her from seeing it. No kid needed that vision of their mother like that.

  “Daddy,” Van called out again, and ran to my left where Crow was crouched down, her face a mask of panic. “Where’s Mommy going?”

  “Mommy’s sick, and that’s why you’re stayin’ here for a while.”

  Her head darted to the door, then back to her father. “But Mommy needs me.”

  This was strange coming from a child, and I didn’t like what it was inferring so I kept listening.

  “Remember what I told you about the medicine she takes?” Van nodded. “That kind of medicine is bad and right now, Mommy is doing bad things. I need you to be safe. So you’re staying with me.”

  “She needs me though.” Tears brimmed her eyes, and she was so close to letting them fall over. My heart hurt for her.

  Crow squeezed her tightly and reassuringly. “And you need to spend time with me. I’ve missed you like crazy.”

  The little girl nodded, but you could tell her heart wasn’t quite in it. Crow lifted his chin to my left where Wrong Way stood holding out his hand to Van. She took it, looked back at her dad, and was swept away into the throng of people.

  Crow stood, the father mask falling completely away, and anger rippled through the room as I moved to him. “That fuckin’ bitch is higher than a fuckin’ kite and supposed to have her ass in rehab. Now I gotta deal with her crazy ass. Van’s stayin’ here. She’s neve
r goin’ back if Jenny doesn’t clean her ass out.”

  He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. I didn’t know what to think.

  Insecurity was a bitch and not something I was accustomed to. Yet, the feelings were there. The doubt. The questions.

  Was I staying too? And if I was, how did I fit into all of this?

  7

  Crow

  Rylynn shut the door and locked it up tight. The day was exhausting, and this wasn’t even the service. People from high and low came by to give their condolences. Some I hadn’t seen in years. It drained the life out of me.

  It was great having people show up to lend their support, talk about my dad, and couldn’t forget the shit ton of food. But toward the end, I was ready for everyone to go. I needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be worse, and I needed all the energy I could muster.

  That was when I put two fingers between my lips and whistled loudly. “Time to go, people,” I called out to everyone. It didn’t take long for the place to clear out.

  Van was so tired. Rylynn had to walk her to bed, her arms under Van’s pits.

  “How ya doin’?” she asked, coming up to me and wrapping her arms around my waist. The smell of Rylynn instantly engulfed me and I couldn’t stop, tucking my face inside her neck to get the full effect. Fucking loved the smell of her.

  I rested my forehead on hers, holding her tight. Upon instinct, I tucked my face inside her neck, inhaling her. It was as if I could pull her inside my body and make everything disappear. It calmed me which was strange because when I was there, with my eyes closed, I felt safe in allowing myself to relax. That level of trust I had with her, that she’d have my back if my eyes were closed, moved me profoundly.

  Rylynn was the only one to do this for me.

  “Thanks for everything today, Pixie.”

  “No problem. Glad I could help.” Her hands caressed the back of my neck and whether she knew it or not, she was giving me strength. Never in my life had I needed that from another human being before, but she gave it freely, wanting nothing in return. Women like that were rare.