by L. E. Martin
While I stripped out of my dress, my thoughts spun around in my head. I never in a million years would have expected that after I had found out Mitch was a lawyer; I would have brought him home with me. And then I intended to have sex with him. And now I was going to start a relationship with him. His profession had drudged up bad memories for me but it wasn’t his occupation that caused me the grief. It was what I associated with it. What it boiled down to was the actions of three men – two of which were lawyers – caused my world to shatter into a trillion pieces. And Mitch was not one of them.
Dropping my dress onto the floor, I snatched a wash cloth from the shelf above my toilet. Reaching into the shower, I twisted the knob a little warmer than usual and hopped in before grabbing the soap and lathering up. Then I washed and conditioned my hair, rinsed, and shut off the water. Stepping out onto the bath mat, I wrapped a thin beige towel around me, twisted my hair into another one, swiped my dress from the floor, and walked back over to my room. After I tossed my dress into my laundry basket, I dried off. Then I ran my comb through my hair and pulled on a pink t-shirt and a pair of heather gray lounge pants.
Then I retreated to the bathroom to hang up my towels. When I stepped back into the hallway, I should have turned toward the living room but my feet took me to the bedroom beside mine. Pushing the door open a little wider, I stuck my head inside and looked around. I hadn’t changed a thing. His single bed sat over by the wall closest to my room and was still made up with his Cookie Monster comforter. His walls were a warm bright blue because it was his favorite color. His dresser still held his clothes and extra blankets. And a package of diapers sat on top because he was still potty training. I never emptied his white toy box; it remained untouched in the far corner. Tears swam in my eyes right before a sob tore out of me. I slapped my hand to my mouth. I should have packed his stuff away but I couldn’t bring myself to do so.
“Hey, Sweetheart, are you okay back there?” Mitch’s concerned voice traveled down the hallway. I couldn’t let him see his room yet. It was too soon. It didn’t feel right.
I swallowed my next sob and took a shuddering breath to get my tears under control. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” Swiping the wetness from my cheeks, I closed the bedroom door slightly and then padded down to the living room.
Mitch turned at my approach and the look he gave me told me he had heard my sob. His eyes held such compassion, a small part of the tightness crushing my chest loosened. Then he stretched his arms out to me. “Come here, Sniffles.”
Wait. What? I stood there for a moment, letting his comment roll around in my head.
When his lips curled into a mischievous smile, I couldn’t stop the small one from crawling onto my face. “Are you always this rude?” I threw my hand to my hip.
“Yup, especially when it makes you smile. Come here.” He wiggled his fingers at me. “I found a romantic comedy. It’s an old one but a good one. Come show me how to cuddle.”
Yeah, I didn’t get many channels so I was surprised he found anything decent. I let his hand grasp mine and tug me down beside him. “I’m not sure I really know how to. I’ve never cuddled with anyone besides my son. And I don’t know if that’s the same.” My eyes burned as the tears threatened to fall again.
“Sure it is.” Twisting slightly, he tucked my head into his chest and wrapped his arm around me. “It’s just a way to show you care and are there for someone. Like another form of connection.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
“I wasn’t there for my boy that day.” I wasn’t sure why the words whispered out of me. But after them a huge tidal wave of sobs followed.
“Come here, Sweetheart.” He pulled me onto his lap – my legs straddling his waist – and wrapped his arms tightly around me. “I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew how to make you feel better. But I seem to be making it worse.”
“You’re not.” I hiccupped into his chest. “I just haven’t had a Saturday night in a long time that I wasn’t completely drunk, which distracted me from the pain. So when I think of things, it reminds me of what I had lost.” My arms tightened around him as I used him for my anchor, hoping he would keep me from being pulled completely under but fearing I was going to drown in my grief anyway.
“Well then every Saturday, even if we went out on a date during the week, I’ll be here to distract you. Maybe we can find ways to help you through this. Are you seeing a therapist? Do you want to tell me about it? You don’t have to. I know it’s pretty personal and we just met. But I’ll listen if you want.”
“You didn’t sign up for this when you came out tonight. I’m a huge mess and this is not a fun way to spend your Saturday night. Charity always did this for me and I felt bad every time then too.” I burrowed farther into his embrace, finding a bit of comfort in his strength and scent – a woodsy and citrusy combination with a hint of musk. “I don’t think you fully understood what you were getting into when you brought me home and I’m sorry for that. If you want to go, I’m okay with that. I won’t be mad at you.”
His fingers gripped my chin and tilted my head back to look at him. He pinned me with a serious look. “I didn’t come here tonight to be entertained. I came here because I like you and care about you and want to be here for you. I got a really good idea of the pain you were harboring when you broke down in the parking lot. But I want to be here with you. Do you want me to stay?”
“I feel bad but yes I do.” When I closed my eyes briefly, a few leftover tears leaked out.
“Nothing to feel bad about. I want to stay. As long as you have some good breakfast foods for me tomorrow.” His lips quirked up into a playful grin.
A half laugh half sob escaped my own lips. “How do you keep managing to do that?”
“My first dream job was to do stand up.” He shrugged.
I stared at him for a moment.
“Naw, I just like to see you smile.” Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “If I upset you again, just tell me to shut the fuck up. But you didn’t answer about the therapist. Or do you want to tell me about it? As little or as much as you want to share. And I’m okay if you tell me it’s none of my fucking business.”
Cuddled on his lap, I toyed with the buttons on his shirt. “I met Donovan one day when Charity and I were hanging out at the beach. She warned me that she thought he was, as you put it, a douche but I didn’t listen. I was young and stupid. She’s the same age as me but so much wiser. I lost my parents when I was eighteen, a drunk driver, so I didn’t have them around to talk sense into me either.” I sniffled. I had lost so much. “But I had thought we were going to date but it turned out to be a one night stand with me ending up pregnant. I didn’t tell him about it because he never called me back or anything so I figured he didn’t give a shit. And he really didn’t, he just wanted to hurt me. When I ran into him at the grocery store about a month after I had Ben, that’s what I named him, Benjamin Michael Connors, he flipped out about him not knowing about Ben.”
I hugged Mitch tighter as the emotions started threatening to rip me apart again. Mitch’s hand soothingly rubbed up and down my spine.
“He took me to court for custody. Made up lies that I hid the pregnancy from him and fabricated other lies about me getting caught stealing things, edited photos to make it look like I was caught in trouble. The lawyer he hired helped him acquire this false evidence and because I hardly had any money – Charity helped a bit but neither one of us is rolling in dough – the only one I could afford was not as cutthroat and couldn’t help me find my way out of the lies. Donovan won custody and I was given visitation two weekends a month.” Stretching my arm out to the end of the couch, I snatched a tissue from the end table and wiped my nose before tossing it behind me to the floor. “I’ll pick that up later.” Leaning back, I stared at Mitch as I ran my hand down my face. “Those two weekends each month, I spent the entire time with my son. I hardly even allowed Charity to come over, so she never got to really get to know
him either.” My eyes welled up with tears. “He took my son away from me just to hurt me. And I was a damn good mom I just didn’t know how to work around all of those lies. And I didn’t have my parents to help me figure it out either.” The memories tore at me but I hadn’t even gotten to the most horrible part and my body started to shake with uncontrollable sobs since I was all too familiar with the tragic ending to this story.
Mitch’s hand traveled up into my hair where he massaged my scalp. “If I ever find out who this lawyer or Donovan guy is, I swear to you I’ll rip them both apart.” His words and menacing tone were a far stretch from the gentle way he was comforting me.
“It’s not worth it. You can’t bring back my son. And I don’t want to lose you.” Put on the breaks there, girl. The two of you just met, don’t chase him away.
“You won’t lose me, Sweetheart.” Truth blazed within his eyes.
Closing my eyes, I sucked in a few breaths trying to calm my racing heart. But it didn’t help. The thing was about to burst from my chest and splinter into a trillion pieces again. “I was supposed to have Ben for his third birthday. Donovan was pissed because he hated when my weekend fell on any special occasion. And it usually didn’t.” The anguish was swallowing me whole and I needed to focus on something besides the pain, so I fixed my attention on Mitch’s gaze once again. Opening my eyes, I found myself staring into his green depths where sadness and compassion now burned. Then I tugged my own hands through my hair. “He started drinking early that day and was completely drunk when he was supposed to drop off Ben. I begged him to let me drive over for him. But instead he got into the car with my son and was in an accident not far from his place. My son died at the accident scene and Donovan ended up with a broken leg, arm, and collarbone. I never wished harm on anyone before but I had wished Donovan had been crushed to death. Instead of celebrating my son’s third birthday, I was left planning his funeral.”
Defeated and emotionally spent, I slumped into Mitch’s lap. “You probably wonder how I could drink like I did last weekend after losing my parents and then my son to a drunk driver. But I never got behind the wheel when I was drinking. T always drove.” I wailed into his chest, clutching at his shirt, trying to grab onto something to center me.
“Oh Sweetheart, I didn’t once wonder that. And I knew you hadn’t driven; I helped your friend get you home that night. And I can see why you did it. I hope to never fully understand your pain because shit Trinity, just watching you suffering through this agony is enough to gut me. But I can see it.” Rising from the couch with me snuggled in his arms, he carried me out of the living room. “Which room is yours, Sweetheart? You need to get some sleep and I need to be able to hold you better.”
“The first one on the left.” Arms around his neck, I nuzzled my nose into his throat as he carried me down the hallway. My head had started to pound from all of the crying and emotions slamming into me. While in his strong arms, his scent enveloping me, a small – a very minute – sense of calm washed over me.
When we reached my bedroom door, he pushed it open and walked over to my bed and lay me down carefully. Then he unbuttoned a few of the top buttons of his shirt and slipped it over his head before removing his jeans. While he stood there for a moment, I couldn’t help but gape at his bulge straining through his boxers.
“You’re killing me, Thicks.” Holy shit he was packing some serious heat.
He raised an eyebrow at me but then a grin tugged at his lips when he noticed where my stare had landed.
“Well, I can’t call you Smalls, that’s for sure.” I shimmied toward the center of my bed and patted the spot beside me. Maybe he was still making sure the invite was open. Well hell, I had been the one who had wanted to take him to bed as soon as we had gotten here. He had to have known I still wanted him in my bed, even if he had put the sex part on hold.
“You’re fucking adorable. You know that?” He crawled under the covers and slid up next to me. Rolling onto his back, he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me half on top of him. “I think you need more skin on skin contact and it really isn’t a burden for me.”
I rested my cheek against his chest, the steady thump of his heartbeat giving me something to concentrate on to pull me out of the deep despair I had plummeted into not that long ago. And now my story was out.
He ran the fingers of his one hand through my hair and trailed the tips of his other up and down my spine in soothing passes. “Are you ready to get some sleep? I don’t want to cut you off if you still want to talk but now that we’re cozied up in bed you can fall asleep when you want to and be comfortable.”
“I don’t know if I can sleep after reliving all of that. But I guess exhaustion will take over eventually. Since you axed my original plans.” I propped my chin on my palm and peeked up at him.
“I already showed you I want you. I just don’t want to have sex for the wrong reasons. I really do want something different with you. Something that means something.”
“I get it. I really do. And this is definitely nice. I’ve never had a guy spend the night in my bed. And your kisses were incredible so I definitely enjoyed that.” I ran my fingertip over his bottom lip. “So I guess I can hold on to that for now.”
“I won’t make you wait long because there’s no way I will be able to either. I can’t wait to run my lips all over you, Sweetheart.”
Tingles shot across my core at his words. “Like my pussy and stuff?” God that would be heavenly. I hit the jackpot here.
“Would you like that?” He shot me a teasing grin. Not knowing how important that question really was to me and what it really meant.
“Probably. Your mouth was freaking amazing on mine but I’ve never had someone put their mouth anywhere else on me. Donovan was the only guy I’ve ever been with and he just fucked me, no foreplay, build up, anything.”
When Mitch just stared at me, a huge lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t read his expression but I got the funny feeling my confession put him off. It wasn’t like I was a virgin but I guess I might as well have been with my lack of experience. And maybe he preferred girls with a little more flair in the bedroom. “I’m sorry. I really hope that admission didn’t make you reconsider things with me. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be willing to try things with you.” I ducked my head back down against his chest, hoping I hadn’t just chased him from my bed.
Four
~Mitch~
The girl just went through a fucking immense emotional ringer and was now apologizing because she wasn’t a slut. She was an incredibly amazing and beautiful person, inside and out. Her confession had stunned me silent for a moment but only because I couldn’t believe my luck at being the one she wanted. And her admission that she wanted to try things with me almost had me exploding in my boxers.
“Hey, Sweetheart.” I touched my fingers to her chin to bring her gaze to mine. “Don’t apologize for your innocence. It’s pretty dickish of me but I find it pretty damn hot that there will only be one guy other than me who’s been inside of you. And I’ll be the first one to put my mouth everywhere on you. And I really need to stop thinking about this so I can keep my promise to do things the right way.” I rubbed my thumb along her cheek. “But I think you’re pretty perfect. And I feel really bad that I have a rather shameful list of experiences. I should be the one apologizing to you. You’re a rarity but I plan to worship you and treat you like the treasure you are.”
“So you’re really okay with all of that? I mean I trusted you enough to share a piece of my soul that is very painful to talk about, so I trust you to show me things without taking advantage. I even want to learn how to pleasure you too.” Her cheeks blushed a lovely pink.
Whose idea was it to put off having sex? Oh mine. I groaned inwardly but her needs had to come first even though she had said she had needed it tonight. “So fucking adorable. And you have no idea what your blush does to me. But know that I am completely fine with all of this and we need to talk abou
t it later because shit Trinity you are a seductress without even trying.” I kissed her forehead. “We’ll have some fun figuring out things after our date next week. Tomorrow, after some sleep, we’ll make some plans. For now I need a change in subject so we can get some rest. You especially. So what are you feeding me for breakfast tomorrow?” I winked at her.
She giggled. “So in order for you to stay the night I have to make you breakfast? Well, I have an unhealthy obsession with Toaster Strudels.”
Cocking my head, I gave her a lopsided grin. “Do I look like I eat Toaster Strudels for breakfast?”
“No. You look like you eat an entire dozen of eggs for breakfast.”
“Don’t be cheeky.” I kissed her nose. “I guess I’ll be making us breakfast tomorrow. You do have ingredients for real food, right?”
“I do. I shop and buy real food. I just really like sweets for breakfast and those are my favorite. It’s a good thing I have a high metabolism because I’m sure they’re not good to eat every day.” She released a huge yawn.
“You look perfectly beautiful. Now snuggle up here and close your eyes.” Tugging her closer, I draped half of her body over top of mine. Her cheek resting above my heart, her breasts snug against my chest, her right leg hooked over top of mine, and her hands folded underneath her chin. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and burrowed my face into her hair, kissing the top of her head and inhaling the strawberry scent from her shampoo. “If you need anything tonight, make sure you wake me, Sniffles.”
I felt her smile against my chest. “Jerk.”
Grinning, I closed my eyes and got lost in the feeling of her in my arms.
Even after her breathing grew even, I continued to run my hands through her hair. I never would have imagined being here tonight with a girl I barely knew, just holding her as she slept. But something inside me broke or crumbled or fell away when I had witnessed her massive meltdown in the parking lot. But it wasn’t pity that overcame me. She touched a part of my soul during that entire exchange. No longer did I see the girl I had helped her friend bring home after she had been intoxicated to the point of unconsciousness. And I really didn’t see a girl who had been delivered an unimaginable tragedy. Instead, I saw a girl who had managed to touch a part of me that hadn’t been affected since I had fallen in love with Apryl. I never thought I would be able to care for another person like I had her. But even thinking of her now; it didn’t bring on heartache nor did it make me wish I was here with Apryl instead. No, I was completely content with the girl who was currently wrapped in my arms and didn’t want anyone else.