by KL Donn
They all get their own Lyft while I get mine. Before I climb into mine, I shout to the boys. “Behave, boys, because I’m not bailing you out of jail.”
Their laughter follows me as I shut the door behind me. My driver doesn’t recognize me, or if he does, he doesn’t mention it, leaving me with my thoughts on the ride home. A short while later, he pulls up in front of my building. “Thanks,” I tell him and he pulls away from the curb.
Inside my apartment, I very carefully pull my jeans off and pull on flannel pants. I sit on the side of my bed and grab my phone. About six months ago, I moved all of MeMe’s pictures or pictures of MeMe and me into a folder. I lean against my pillows and thumb through the pictures of her, of us, and our friends.
I miss her like fucking crazy and yes, she only lives about forty-five minutes from here, but I don’t want to try and contact her, only to be rejected again. I exit out of the folder and toss my phone on the nightstand.
Tomorrow, I better get this wrap off and get the okay to commence regular activities. I need to bury myself in some pussy and keep fucking MeMe out of my system.
“Your range of motion is great. I’m impressed with your strength,” Thomas, my physical therapist, says. “You can start lifting weights but take it easy, listen to your body. I’ll send my final findings to the team. Honestly, I think you’ll be in tiptop shape by the time spring training starts.”
I smile widely because I’m so freaking happy right now. “That’s great news. I appreciate everything you’ve done. It was worth the hour drive here and back.” We shake hands and he walks me toward the front. I spot a familiar face and freeze. “Elsa?”
She turns toward me and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Sawyer? Oh my god, what are you doing here?”
We hug, but it’s awkward. “Thomas took care of me after my separated shoulder. Are you and Carrie still together?”
Elsa holds up her left hand and I see a princess cut diamond solitaire on her ring finger. “We’re getting married next spring.”
“That’s fantastic. I’m so happy to hear that.”
A blonde woman stops us in the hall. “Elsa, your sister and your adorable nephew are here.”
My heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. She looks at me with wide eyes and I turn, walking on quick feet out to the front. In the lobby. I find her standing there and I don’t miss the baby in her arms. “MeMe?” I choke out.
She jumps, and it startles the baby she’s holding. It starts to whine and wiggle in her hold. “Aww… Mommy’s sorry. It’s okay.” MeMe focuses back on me. “Hey,” she says softly.
“Hey?” I look at her and then the baby in her arms. He looks at me and smiles shyly at me, letting me see tiny teeth in his mouth. My heart shifts in my chest and I know with everything in me that, that’s my boy… my son. “He’s mine.”
MeMe’s eyes begin to tear up and she nods. I grab her upper arm, softly of course, and lead her outside. “I-I don’t know what to say right now.” She won’t look at me. MeMe keeps looking at the boy. “I wasn’t trying to keep him from you.”
I hear the door open and know it’s Elsa, but I ignore her. “If you weren’t trying to keep me from him, then why do I just know about him now? I can guarantee that had we not run into each other, I wouldn’t even know about him at all, would I?”
“No.” She begins to cry and the baby senses his mom’s distress and begins squirming in her arms. MeMe hugs him tightly to her, the love she feels for him is evident. Elsa tries to take the boy, but MeMe won’t let her. “Leave him.”
I don’t know what to do or what to say, but right now, I need to be away from here. Turning, I walk out of the lobby and try to ignore the fact that I can hear MeMe’s cries and the boy’s. That makes me a dick, I know, but I’m so upset right now that I need to be away from her before I say something I can’t take back.
I climb into my Jeep and stare blindly at the steering wheel. Fuck, he looks like my baby pictures, but with her coloring. I look up and see Elsa with the baby in her arms leading MeMe to a black Camry. She gets them loaded up and then they pull out of the parking lot.
My mom, I need to talk to my mom. I pull out my phone and press the call button under her name.
She answers on the second ring. “Hey, honey. How was therapy?”
“M-Mom? I saw MeMe, I have a son.”
Mom doesn’t say anything at first, she’s struck speechless as am I. “Are you sure?”
“He looks like my baby pictures. I’m no kid expert, but the timing seems right. I didn’t know what to say, so I left them standing there. She never told me, I would’ve been there.”
“Wait, honey, let’s back up for a second. When did you and MeMe have sex? Is that why she disappeared? That does not sound like our girl.” She’s right, it doesn’t, but that’s exactly what she did. “What are you going to do? I also want you to really think about this—there was a reason she stayed away. Just don’t act harshly or rashly.”
“How can you be calm about this? That’s your grandchild she kept from you.”
I hear her sigh. “Honey, what is getting angry going to accomplish? There is a sweet baby that can’t help what’s happened and until you talk to MeMe, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. You’ll just drive yourself crazy.”
Mom’s always been the voice of reason. “I promise I won’t act harshly. I’ll call you after I talk to her.” I hang up and quickly Google Mee-Yon and Elsa Eklund. They live in the same duplex they lived in when we were all at college.
It takes almost an hour to get there and the whole way, I have no clue what I’m going to say to her. I have a son—I’m someone’s father. I pull over and take a second to take a deep breath. Fuck, I made a baby with my best friend. A baby I knew nothing about.
I pull back onto the road and my nerves kick into overdrive the closer I get. I’m just thankful it’s the offseason, so I don’t have to worry about any practices or games. When I finally pull up in front of the duplex, I take a moment to take a deep breath and climb out.
As I walk up the sidewalk, the front door opens and Elsa is standing there. “I need to talk to her.”
Elsa nods. “I know.” She grabs my arm. “MeMe’s a great mom and loves that boy more than anything in this world. Don’t be an asshole, please.”
I nod and step inside. The sound of singing from upstairs has me climbing the stairs because I recognize that sweet voice from anywhere. In the bedroom, I find MeMe sitting in a rocking chair with our son at her breast, holding on to her hand as she sings “Hero” by the Foo Fighters to him.
“That’s always been your favorite song,” I say quietly. She made me watch the movie Varsity Blues over a hundred times over the years.
MeMe looks up at me and from where I stand, I can see her body tense. She stops rocking and pulls the boy away from her breast, quickly covering herself. The boy is sleeping and she carefully stands up, laying him in his crib.
She stares down at him and before I know what I’m doing, I’m moving toward the crib. Our son sucks on his pacifier and hugs a teddy bear wearing a Chicago Hawks jersey with my number on it. Unexpected warmth spreads through me. “W-What’s his name?”
“Henry Sawyer Eklund. He was born November eighth at three-thirty in the morning. Our boy came into the world screaming as soon as his head was out. He weighed nine pounds and eleven ounces and he was twenty-two inches long. I love him more than life itself.” I stare at this beautiful boy and want nothing more than to hold him. “You can touch him. He’s a heavy sleeper.”
I reach down, ignoring the fact that my hand is trembling and place it on Henry’s head. As I stroke it, I feel his brown hair, soft against my palm. “Can I hold him, please?” I’m begging, but I don’t care.
“Sure, just grab him under his arms.”
I do as she instructed and hug him to my chest. My eyes begin to burn and I place my lips against the top of his head. Burying my nose in his hair, I notice he smells like baby powder.
He’s so heavy but so light and I’ve missed almost a year of his life. “I’m going to get a lawyer so we can work out custody and support,” I say quietly.
“W-What do you mean custody? A-Are you going to try and take him away from me?”
I don’t miss the fear in her voice and right now, I can’t say that I care. “All it means is I’m going to talk to one about protecting myself.”
“Give me Henry,” she says as she gently grabs him from my arms, kissing him before laying him back down. I follow her out of their bedroom and into the hall. “Protect yourself?” MeMe spits out. “From what exactly?”
I need to know one thing. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”
“I tried. First, I called you and some girl answered. Right before she hung up, she was begging you to fuck her. I came to one of your games and went to the club you hang out afterward. One of your teammates told me to go to the VIP section and what do I find, but some blonde straddling you. I figured you wouldn’t be interested because it might cut into your socializing.”
That call I knew it was her, but I made the decision not to call her back. You know, since she didn’t bother calling me for several months. Knowing that was why she came to the club hurts my fucking heart, but she should’ve tried harder and that’s what I tell her. “You should’ve kept calling. You should’ve called my mom.”
MeMe doesn’t say anything as she walks past me and heads downstairs with me following behind her. Elsa was giving us privacy, I’m sure, that is why she left when I got here, so we’re alone.
“I realize I screwed up, but all I can say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry about a lot of things.”
Her tears undo me, but I ignore them. “I can’t talk to you right now because I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. I want some time with him. I’ll figure out how much back child support I owe you.”
“I don’t want—”
I hold my hand up, cutting her off. “Don’t fight me on this.” I start heading toward the door. “I’ll call you later.” I step outside and climb inside my SUV.
Before I pull away from the curb, I look back at the house and find MeMe standing in the window watching me. Fuck, motherhood looks amazing on her—nope not thinking about that. I pull away from the curb and from her.
7
MeMe
“Henry, come to Mommy.” I hold out my hands to my son as Carrie helps him stand up. His chubby legs wobble and he lets go of her hands and holds his little arms out to me.
“Ma…Ma!” He gives me a toothy grin.
Elsa stands off to the side, holding up her phone, recording this moment. He’s been gearing up to take his first steps for the past two weeks and I think he’s finally ready. I get up on my knees. “Come on, my sweet boy! You can do it. Walk to Mommy.”
He wobbles and then lifts his little foot. Tears burn my eyes as he begins to walk like he’s drunk toward me. Henry begins to do his excited little baby babble and takes another two steps before falling on his butt.
We all clap and cheer before I scoop him up in my arms, kissing all over his sweet face. He begins clapping too and his smile is so big. “Will you send me that video?”
“Of course. Are you going to send it to him?” It’s been three days since Sawyer was here and I haven’t heard from him. Part of me is scared to death at what his silence might mean. Is he going to try and take my son from me? No, I don’t think he’d do that, but why the silence?
Today I’m meeting Sawyer’s mom, Claudia, for lunch. After he’d left the other day, I had made the call I was dreading—not because I didn’t want to talk to her, but because I loved his mom, keeping Henry from him also meant keeping him from her too.
She surprised me because she was so sweet and even when I began to cry,Claudia told me she loved me and that I must’ve had my reasons. She just hoped that I would share those reasons and let her meet her grandson.
I’m scared because what if her being sweet is just a ploy to get me to meet her so she can yell at me? Maybe even try to take my boy from me? I push those thoughts away. I throw on Henry’s hoodie and then grab the backpack I use as a diaper bag.
“If she’s nasty to you, just leave. Okay?”
I nod. “I’m prepared for whatever happens.” I kiss both Elsa and Carrie’s cheeks before heading out to my car.
As I buckle Henry into his seat, he slaps at my cheeks. “Are you ready to meet your grandma?”
He smiles at me. “Boo bah goo.” I can’t wait until he can actually talk in sentences. Henry gets a little agitated when I don’t know what he’s going on about. He definitely has his daddy’s temper.
Sawyer could always snap at the drop of a hat and for some reason, I was the only one who could calm him down.
I head out and make my way across town to Los Amigos. I pull into a parking space and shut off my car. Taking a deep breath, I shake out my hands and then climb out. I grab my backpack and put in on before bending over and reach in to unhook Henry.
With him on my hip, I make my way inside. I look around and Claudia waves to me from a booth in front of the windows. I make my way over to her and the moment she lays eyes on Henry, she covers her mouth and begins to cry.
She wraps her arms around both of us. “Oh my god, he’s so beautiful.” Claudia kisses my forehead before kissing Henry’s cheek.
At first, he looks at her like she’s crazy, but then he gives her his big toothy grin. “Ma boo bahh.” My boy has never met a stranger. He smiles at her and pats her cheek.
“C-Can I hold him?” I hold him out to her and she takes him into her arms. “Hi Henry, I’m your GiGi.” She looks at me. “Is it okay if he calls me that?”
“Of course. He can call you whatever you want.”
We sit down and I let her love on Henry and talk to him. She’s smiling even as the tears slide down her cheeks. Our waitress comes and sets our chips and salsa down and takes our drink order.
“Tell me all about this sweet boy?” She smiles at me and then down at Henry.
I take a deep breath and feel my body start to relax. “He’s amazing. He is such a happy boy most of the time and always smiles. Sometimes he is just like Sawyer, getting attitude when things don’t go his way.” Claudia gives me a knowing smile. “I’m still breastfeeding, but weaning him off. His birthday is in two weeks and I want to be completely done by then.”
I say it all so fast Claudia reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Don’t be nervous.”
I nod and pull my phone out, showing her pictures of Henry. They range from his birth to now.
“He looks a lot like Sawyer at that age.” I nod. “I wish both you and Sawyer had your dads around. They’d love being grandpas.”
My eyes burn because it does hurt to think that my son won’t have those two wonderful men to help guide him and help teach him how to be a man. At this point, I’m not even sure if Henry’s father even wants to be involved.
“Yeah, they would.” I take a drink of my water. “I should’ve told you about being pregnant. Even after I tried to tell Sawyer, and it didn’t go well, I should’ve at least told you.”
Our waitress interrupts us and takes our order before disappearing again. “I wasn’t thinking and everything happened so fast. Next thing I knew, it was graduation and then I was having him, so I was dealing with a newborn.” I shake my head. “It’s no excuse and I love you. You would’ve been there for me.”
Henry must feel my stressed out vibe because he starts to try and get to me. “Ma! Ma!” I get out and grab him from Claudia, hugging him.
“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s okay.” I inhale his sweet baby smell and it calms me because he’s the balm to my soul.
“MeMe? MeMe, look at me,” Claudia says quietly, but firmly.
I do what she says, and she leans in. “Stop beating yourself up. Yes, I’m upset, but I’m not going to punish you. Nothing will get us back the time we all lost, but we can move forward. I forgive you
, sweetheart.”
I nod because there’s nothing left to say, but relief does wash through me. Now if only Sawyer would forgive me, talk to me, something. I won’t force him to be involved; my son will never feel like a burden—not by his father, not by anyone.
By the time our waitress brings our food, I have Henry in his high chair happily eating some chips. “Next weekend we’re having his birthday party at my mom’s, will you come?” I can’t believe my boy is almost a year old.
“I would love to, it’ll be good to see your mom again.”
They’ve been friends for a long time, but when I stopped trying to tell Sawyer that I was pregnant, she started avoiding Claudia, afraid she’d spill the beans.
After we eat, the waitress drops off the check and I reach for it, but Claudia grabs it first. “Claudia, no. This is my treat.”
“No arguing, this is my treat.” She gives me the mom look, you know, the one that scares even us adult children.
“Thank you.”
I stand and unbuckle Henry from his high chair before lifting him out. I hand him to Claudia so she can get some snuggles while we walk out to the car. “GiGi can’t wait to spend some time with you. I love you so much already.” She buckles him in and then kisses his cheek. “I’ll see you later, sweet boy.”
Claudia stands back up and then pulls me into a hug. “Thank you for meeting me for lunch and letting me meet him.”
“Of course. I work from home a lot and if you ever want to spend time with him, just call me.”
She kisses my cheek. “You may regret saying that.”
“Never.”
I climb inside, buckle up, and then start my car. She waves as I back up and then pull away.
It dawns on me that she never brought up Sawyer and whether he wanted to be involved or not. I look in the rearview mirror and see the child mirror where I can see Henry and see that he’s passed out. I pull into the driveway and quickly search for Sawyer’s name in my phone. I send him a quick text.