by KL Donn
MeMe: Hey, I don’t know if you’re interested, but Henry took his first steps today. Here is the video.
I quickly attach the video and hit send.
I shove my phone into the backpack and climb out. Henry, per usual, sleeps soundly as I carry him into the house and up the stairs to his crib, and as soon as I lay him down, he snuggles his teddy bear.
With the baby monitor in hand, I head downstairs to work for a little bit. I’m on my third editing job this month and pretty excited that I’ve really got my name out there for editing. Right now I’m doing a lot of romance, which I love.
It’s hard to get work done with Henry home most days, I just work while he naps, but thankfully I have an amazing support system. Sometimes Elsa and Carrie will watch him or my mom, especially if I’m on a deadline.
I’m just not quite ready to put him into daycare yet. I put the baby monitor on the kitchen table next to my laptop, put my earbuds in, and then pull up my favorite podcast. It’s three actors who watch and then talk about bad movies—usually if I can, I’ll watch the movie so when I listen to the episode I know what they’re talking about.
I pull the manuscript up that I’m doing line edits for and get busy. I’m an hour into work when my phone dings. I see that it’s a notification of a text from Sawyer.
My hands tremble as I unlock the screen and open up his text.
Sawyer: Sorry I dropped off the face of the earth. This is a lot to take and trying to process it all. Fuck, we made a beautiful baby.
MeMe: It is a lot. I get it—I’ve had a lot more time to get used to this. He is beautiful, isn’t he?
Sawyer: Thank you for the video. He sure was determined to walk, wasn’t he?
God, why does this feel so awkward? We’ve always been able to talk for hours about anything and everything.
MeMe: Give me a minute and I’ll send you some pictures. I quickly go through my photos and make a quick album to send to him.
It’s at least a half-hour before he responds again.
Sawyer: Wow, he’s changed so much in a year.
MeMe: He has. I screwed this all up and I’m sorry. You’re my best friend and I threw it all away. We never should have slept together, but I’ll never regret it because I can’t imagine my life without Henry in it.
He doesn’t answer for a long time and I’m worried. When the dots start bouncing again, I let out a sigh of relief.
Sawyer: Can I be honest?
That question makes me nervous.
MeMe: Umm…sure.
Sawyer: That was the best night of my life.
My heart beats rapidly in my chest and a sense of relief runs through me. There’s no point lying to him when I tell him the same.
MeMe: Mine too.
Sawyer: Can I see him tomorrow?
I put on my big girl panties and FaceTime him. My heart sighs when his face appears on the screen. Ugh… I need to get ahold of myself.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi.” Wow, real original. “You can definitely see him tomorrow. Just let me know the time. We could do it here since all of his stuff is here or we could go to your mom’s.” Again I’m babbling.
“We could do it at your place. Mom would just hog him.” His lips curl up into the smile that made me fall in love with him. As much as I love it, it breaks my heart.
“She totally would.” I hear a crib rattling. “Henry’s up from his nap. I’ll take you with me to get him.” We walk upstairs—well, I do with my phone in my hand. “He’s a really good napper. Like I told you the other day, he sleeps hard.”
“I’m going to point my phone at him so he can see you too.” I turn the phone. “Hey, my monkey boy.”
Henry is standing in his crib, smiling at me. He begins to do his jump/shake the crib thing and I tell Sawyer, “He does this all the time.”
“Hey Henry. It’s your daddy,” I hear Sawyer say.
My baby boy reaches for the phone. “No, drool monster.” I turn the phone toward me. “I’m going to pick him up. I’ll need to put the phone down.”
I lay the phone down and pick my boy up. “Ma Moo Moo.”
“Wow, that sounds exciting.” I kiss the top of his head. “Sawyer, I have to change his diaper real quick.” That’s what I do. When I’m finished, I pick up Henry and then grab my phone. “Sorry about that.”
“That didn’t take you very long.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
Sawyer smiles at our son and then he looks at me. “Is there anything that he needs? Anything I can bring you guys tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “Nope, just let me know what time you’re coming over.”
“Okay, I’ll text or call you tomorrow. Bye Henry. I can’t wait to see you. Bye MeMe.” He disconnects.
“I’m sorry I screwed this all up,” I say softly against Henry’s forehead. “I’ve been in love with your daddy forever and it has sucked knowing that he’ll never see me that way, but that’s okay because some day Mommy will find someone who loves her like she deserves. Let’s go get you a snack.”
I carry my boy downstairs and sit him in his high chair. He claps when I grab his yogurt puffs out of the cupboard and he attacks them when I pour some onto his tray.
I grab myself a glass of milk and sit down at the table watching Henry eat.
8
Sawyer
“I’ve been in love with your daddy forever and it has sucked knowing that he’ll never see me that way, but that’s okay because some day Mommy will find someone who loves her like she deserves. Let’s go get you a snack.”
MeMe’s words cause an ache in my chest. I’m not sure what happened, but I thought I had disconnected the video and then her voice came through the speaker. I should’ve said something, but I didn’t—instead, I listened to her confess what my mom has always tried to tell me.
I quickly hit buttons until I know that we’re disconnected. My phone pings and I see that I have an email from my realtor. After my second season ended, even though I got hurt that last game, they were so impressed, that my agent was able to get me a nice bump to my salary.
I planned to just save for a while, but the moment I found out I was a father, I decided I needed a home for my son to come stay at. It still boggles my mind that I am someone’s dad. When I had told Tito about Henry, he shook his head. “I know she’s your friend, but you better get a DNA test and make sure that baby is yours.”
“MeMe’s not like that. Plus, he looks like me with her coloring. She wants nothing from me.”
“I guess she doesn’t since she didn’t bother telling you that you had a son—” I cut him off, holding up my hand.
“I’m going to warn you, brother, to stop right where you’re at. I may be super pissed at MeMe, but she’s still my best friend and the mother of my child, so watch what you say.”
Tito just shook his head and left. He came back hours later and apologized for how he acted and it was squashed. I called my agent and told him about my son and he got me in touch with a lawyer to start getting child support to MeMe. I’ll go meet with him next week.
Tomorrow I get to spend time with my boy and I’m pretty excited. I’m also super nervous because I know nothing about kids. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I can’t bond with him?
I grab my laptop and sit down on my bed, pulling up the email from my realtor. I’m not looking for anything extravagant—just some place with a room for Henry to call his own.
I’d love to say I’m buying, but right now we’re just looking for places to lease—just until I get through this third year and make sure I again prove my worth to the team—that’s why I’ve been living and breathing the clean life since my injury. It means no booze, a plant-based diet, and no women.
Now that my therapy is over, I’ll start working with my trainer for the team. He’ll assess me and then start me on a program to get my strength up.
Anyway, it’s to show the team that I’m not going to let an injury s
top me from doing my best for the team, which will lead to earning more money. Then I can worry about buying a home.
I pull up in front of the duplex and shut off my SUV. Fuck, I’m nervous. I don’t think I was this nervous when I stepped onto the field for my first game with the Hawks.
Last night I slept like shit, tossing and turning—part of the night I was thinking about Henry and hoping he likes me. The other half, I woke up drenched in sweat and hard as a rock, dreaming about that night with MeMe. It was still one of the best nights of my life until I woke to her being gone.
I shake out my hands. This visit is all about me seeing and getting to know my boy and nothing more. Before I chicken out, I open the door and get out. Opening the back passenger side door, I grab a couple of bags.
On my way here, I stopped by Target and bought some toys for my boy and a little baseball glove. I walk up to the front door and it opens as I reach it. MeMe greets me with an uneasy smile.
She holds the door open for me and I step inside. Henry is in the living room sitting on the floor, playing with a ball. “He just got up from his nap and had lunch, so he’s ready to play. Come sit.”
I set the bags down and follow her, sitting on the floor next to my son. “Hey buddy,” I say quietly.
Henry looks up at me and smiles. He holds the ball up. “Ba Boo Bo.”
I look at MeMe. “Umm… I have no clue what he just said.”
She laughs. “Don’t feel bad because most of the time we don’t know either. I’m assuming the ba is for ball.”
“You want to play ball, buddy?” I take it from him and let it roll out of my hands onto his lap. He picks it up and brings it to his mouth, screeching loudly before handing it back to me. We do this several times before he stands up and on wobbly legs goes over to a basket and grabs a truck.
MeMe and I are both silent while we watch our boy walk to me and thrust the truck in my face. He babbles and laughs, I take it from him. I make truck noises with my mouth and drive the truck over Henry’s legs and then MeMe’s.
One thing I’m learning is that kids have very short attention spans because almost immediately, he’s done with the truck. Over the next half hour or so, he brings me what appears to be every toy that he has.
“What is in the Target bags?” MeMe asks.
I get up off the floor and grab them, carrying them over to where MeMe and Henry are sitting. I sit down next to them. I pull out a couple trucks, a drum that when you hit it, it lights up and plays different sounds. She smiles when I pull out a Hawks t-shirt and then grabs the baseball mitt from me when I pull it out.
“Oh my gosh, this is the cutest thing ever. Henry, look at what Daddy bought for you.” My heart warms when I hear her refer to me as Daddy to our boy. MeMe grabs Henry and sets him on her lap. She slips the mitt on him and he looks at it and then at us.
What I don’t expect is for him to start crying… hard. I look at MeMe and I’m sure she can see the panic on my face.
“It’s okay, Saw.” I’ve missed her calling me that. “He’ll get used to it. It probably freaks him out that he can’t see his hand.”
MeMe takes the glove off and then Henry starts crying harder, trying to shove his hand back in it.
“Hey mister, none of that attitude.” His little lip quivers.
I hold out my hands to him. “Come here, buddy.” He looks at me and then looks at his mom. I prepare for him to refuse to let me hold him, but instead, he reaches for me. He lays his head on my shoulder and I fucking melt. This kid owns my heart already.
MeMe smiles at me and then reaches out, rubbing his back. “He gets like this sometimes, but it never lasts long.” Henry lifts his head and smiles at me. “See, he’s over it. Would you like something to drink?”
“Yeah, that’d be great. I’ll take water, please.” I watch her get up and walk out of the room. Her body is banging—I know she’s always had a nice body, but now her curves are more pronounced and her breasts are definitely bigger.
I tell myself not to look at her like that. I’m still mad at her for keeping my son from me… aren’t I? MeMe interrupts my thoughts when she comes back into the living room with two bottles of water and a sippy cup.
“Thanks,” I tell her and take a bottle of water and the cup for Henry. He must be thirsty because he takes it, slugging down a healthy swallow. “I’ve got an appointment with a lawyer to get child support started.” MeMe opens her mouth to argue, but I hold up my hand. “Don’t fight me on this. I want to help see to his care.”
She doesn’t say anything, just watches me closely. I know she’s scared that I’m going to try and take him away. “I know you think I’m going to fight you for custody, but all I want is for my mom and I to get to know him and get used to me so we can start discussing overnight visits.”
MeMe nods. “I already told your mom that she can come over any time to see him.”
Mom told me about her visit and she was worried about MeMe because she kept beating herself up about not telling either of us about Henry. I know I need to forgive her—I miss my best friend and want that back.
I just don’t know how this whole co-parent thing is supposed to work. What if she starts to date someone? What if I do? What will that do to my boy?
“Saw? Are you okay?”
I snap out of my thoughts. “Oh yeah, sorry. Yeah, Mom’s in love already, but sh—so am I.” I’ve got to start watching my mouth around him.
MeMe turns her head away, but not before I see the tear slide down her cheek. She stands up. “I’ll—I’ll be right back.” Before I can say anything, she’s up and disappearing upstairs.
Henry makes a distressed sound. “It’s okay, buddy. Let’s go check on Mommy.” I stand up and hold him in my arms. We head upstairs and find the bathroom door shut. I can hear her cries through the door and they hurt my heart. I don’t want her sad and miserable.
I knock softly. It takes a moment before she answers me. “I-I’ll be right out.”
Henry starts whining, so I do the little bouncing thing I saw MeMe do the other day. The door opens and MeMe comes stepping out. Her eyes are puffy and she won’t look at me.
I grab her and pull her into my arms so I’m hugging her and Henry. She wraps her arms around my waist. With both of them in my arms, everything feels right, and that scares the shit out of me.
“No tears, okay? I hate seeing you cry.” Whenever MeMe has ever cried, it always had hurt my heart. Hell, when my dad died, I think she cried more than I did.
“I’m so sorry, Sawyer. I know I should’ve tried harder, but I was-I was so hurt that you were with other girls and I know I never had any right to feel that way. I just didn’t want our son to be exposed to that,” she says softly against my neck.
Knowing how she’s always felt about me, it makes sense. I place my lips against her temple. “I get it,” I say quietly.
“Ma moo ba.” Henry reaches for her and she lifts him from my arms, hugging him against her chest. MeMe kisses my son all over his face. It’s very clear she’s been taking wonderful care of our son.
Henry grabs a hunk of her hair and tugs. I lift my hand to reach for him and make him stop, but MeMe just grabs his little hand. “No, no baby. That hurts Mommy. It makes ouchies.”
He lets go and pats MeMe on the face. My kid’s a genius. I smile at her and she returns it. “How about I take you two out for dinner? We could go to your favorite.”
“Five Guys?” When I nod, she hops up and down. “Best burgers ever.”
I take Henry so she can freshen up and carry him downstairs. I set him down on the floor and step away from him and turn around. “Come here, buddy. Let me see you walk some more.”
He bounces up and down in place, almost like he’s revving up his little engine, and starts walking toward me with a smile on his face. Henry picks up speed and practically dives for me. I scoop him up into my arms and toss him up in the air.
Henry’s little belly laughs make me smile. I laugh when
a big string of drool hangs from his lip and then falls right onto my nose. “You got me.” I fall onto my back and hug him to my chest.
“Boo ba kah.” He pushes up and then smiles down at me.
MeMe joins us and picks Henry up. “I see he slimed you.” She smiles and holds out her free hand to help me up.
“Yeah, he got me good. Should we take your car since you have his car seat?”
She grabs Henry’s coat and slips it on and she slips a hat on his head. MeMe hands me my boy and she grabs a backpack off of the floor. She holds out her hand to me, and I see that it’s her keys. “I know you hate my driving.” Her voice is laced with sarcasm.
“I don’t hate it, I just don’t think you’re very good at it.” I snicker as she swats at me, and I jump backward to get away. “I’m just kidding.” I hold up my free hand in a surrendering motion. I lead them outside and we head to dinner.
9
MeMe
The minute we step inside Five Guys, it’s obvious this was a bad idea. A teenager behind the counter recognizes Sawyer and the next thing I know, people are all around us, trying to take his picture and asking him for his autograph.
Sawyer puts his hand over Henry’s head, blocking them from taking his picture. “Is that your kid?” someone asks.
He looks down at me and I tell him, “Can we go, please?” This is a very unpleasant situation and could easily get out of hand.
Sawyer uses his body to move me toward the door and keeping our boy shielded from prying eyes. Once we’re safely in my car, he pulls out of the parking lot and we head back toward my place. “Does that happen a lot?”
He looks at me and then back at the road. “Not a lot, but it does. I really don’t like that you guys were with me. If anyone bothers you, I want you to tell me immediately.”