Leave Me Breathless: The Ivy Collection

by KL Donn

  “What do you mean that you don’t like we were with you?”

  Sawyer grabs my hand. “People don’t need to know my business and they don’t need to be trying to take pictures of my son or his mother.”

  I nod. “I don’t want that either. God, that would get so irritating. Does this mean that if I Google you, I’d find all sorts of pictures?”

  “Please don’t. I am not sure what you’d see.”

  My stomach dips and I’ll just keep it to myself that I have looked him up on the internet and I’ve seen him with lots of different women; gorgeous, tall, skinny, big-breasted women.

  That’s not me, I’m cute, I am sort of tall, curvy, and my breasts are slowly deflating since I’m only breastfeeding at night. I’m not even producing enough for Henry anymore.

  “Hey. You okay?” He squeezes my hand, and I gently pull it from his, giving him a smile that is fake.

  “Yeah, I’m good. I promise I won’t Google you.” When he pulls up in front of my place, I see Carrie and my sister are home. “Do you want to come in and order some takeout?”

  “That’d be great, thanks.”

  “I figure that way you can help put Henry to bed when it’s time.” We climb out and he gets our boy out of his car seat. I smile at the way he struggles a little getting Henry out—it can definitely be tricky, but he doesn’t give up.

  He carries our boy inside and we find Elsa and Carrie sitting on the sofa. “Hey guys. Sawyer and I are going to order some takeout, do you guys want to order some with us?”

  The four of us decide on some Chinese from Peking Palace, our favorite place. I call and order our food and before I can give them my credit card information, Sawyer takes the phone and quickly gives them his info.

  “Hey! I could’ve paid for it,” I tell him when I take my phone back.

  “I never said you couldn’t. I just wanted to do something nice for you, so deal with it.” I follow him out into the living room. “Dinner’s on me tonight,” he announces to the room.

  When dinner comes a while later, the four of us sit around the table, sampling some of everyone’s dishes. We used to do this a lot back in the day; eat together and laugh. The only difference this time is the high chair with our son sitting in it. Henry happily munches on his rice, ignoring us adults.

  “Tell us what it’s like playing for the majors,” I say before munching on an egg roll.

  “It’s just like playing college ball, but it’s definitely more intense. I used to get so nervous at the start of each game, but then the adrenalin would kick in. The night of games, I always have a tough time falling asleep.”

  I don’t dare ask how he burns off the energy after a game, but thoughts plague my mind and suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore. I focus on Henry eating while Elsa drills Sawyer.

  When we finish, I get a washcloth for Sawyer—while I clean up the trash, he washes Henry up. It’s all so domesticated and feels so right, except it’s not—none of this is right, it’s all wrong because in a perfect world, we’d be a family.

  Instead I’ll have to watch him marry a model or an actress, starting a family with her. Will he forget about Henry?

  “MeMe?” I realize I have tears running down my face and Sawyer has his hands on my shoulders. My sister stands off to the side with Henry in her arms. “Hey, are you okay?”

  I look up at him. “I don’t know why I’m c-crying.”

  Sawyer pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight. I instinctively wrap my arms around his waist. Neither of us move and I’ve missed this so much and that’s what I tell him. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you too,” he whispers against the top of my head.

  I get myself together and step back. I grab a paper towel and blot at my face. After throwing it in the trash, I turn back to Sawyer. “Sorry about that.” I look at the clock on the microwave. “It’s time for Henry’s bath. Do you want to help?”

  He smiles widely at me. “Absolutely.”

  Elsa brings Henry into us. “Carrie and I are going to go have a cocktail.” She kisses me and then hands Henry to Sawyer and then disappears out into the living room.

  Carrie hollers from the living room. “See you later.”

  “Come on, let’s go upstairs.” I lead Sawyer upstairs and into the room I’m sharing with my son. It’s not ideal right now, but I’m in the process of saving money to either rent or buy Henry and my own place.

  Maybe with the child support from Sawyer, I can get our own place sooner rather than later.

  “My goal is to be in our own place before he turns two,” I say as I grab his bath stuff, towel, clean jammies, and diaper. “I won’t lie, sometimes he does sleep with me, but he’s just so snuggly.”

  I’m doing anything I can to make him forget my little meltdown earlier and so far so good. In the bathroom, I grab his little seat and set it in the tub. “Always fill it up first so you can test the water.” I turn the faucet on and let it run until it’s halfway up Henry’s little bath seat.

  I grab the rubber ducky that tells me if the water is at a safe temperature. I put it in the water and it reads 99.8 degrees. “You don’t want it to go over a hundred degrees.”

  Sawyer undresses our son with only a little trouble and then pulls his diaper off. I grab him and set him in his seat. “I usually wash him first before he starts peeing in the water.”

  He laughs and shakes his head. “Sometimes you just got to go.”

  I show him that I use a hair and body wash combo for Henry and he gets to see how our son hates having his face washed. I sit on the closed toilet seat and watch Sawyer play with Henry.

  By the time he’s finished washing Henry, I think more water is on him then the baby who is sitting in the water. I let the water out of the tub, ignoring the way Sawyer’s wet t-shirt clings to his muscular body.

  Once the tub is empty, I throw Henry’s towel over my shoulder and then stand him up, holding him in one place with one hand. I grab the towel and put the little hood on his head and then wrap him and pick him up.

  Our bathroom isn’t large, so when we stand, Sawyer and I are really close. He’s got a woodsy, clean scent that wraps around me, causing my belly to do this little dip that I ignore.

  “I-If you want to take your shirt off, I can go throw it in the dryer,” I tell him.

  “Yeah, that’d be great.” Sawyer quickly pulls it off and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning. He’s even better than I remember. His biceps are defined, but not huge. Sawyer’s got pecs that beg for my lips. His eight pack has a smattering of dark blonde hair that leads down into his jeans where the world’s most gorgeous cock is hidden.

  Oh my god, what am I doing? I clear my throat and hand Henry to him. “I’ll be right back.”

  I quickly run downstairs and before I throw the shirt in the dryer, I hold it to my nose, inhaling his scent so I can commit it to memory. I’m disgusted with myself as I throw it in the dryer and turn it on.

  Back upstairs, I find Sawyer standing in my room, staring at some pictures on my dresser. He looks at me and then turns back to the pictures. “I remember when that one was taken. That was right after you had your wisdom teeth out. You were so fuc—freaking high. Even with a mouthful of cotton, you were babbling non-stop about the voice and your love of all things Blake Shelton.” He shakes his head. “You don’t even listen to country music.”

  “Ughhh… you’re lucky I don’t remember that.” I grab Henry from Sawyer. “Let’s get him in a diaper before he pees on you.”

  I show him how to put a diaper on. Then I let him lotion Henry up before wrestling him into his jammies. Luckily Sawyer gets him all snapped in. He leans in and takes a big whiff. “He smells so good.”

  “Yeah, he does. Do you want to head downstairs?”

  He nods and picks our boy up. Downstairs, Sawyer gets down on the floor with him while I sit on the couch watching them play together on the floor. I grab his shirt out of the dryer and bring it out
to him.

  Sawyer quickly puts it back on and I’m disappointed. I head back into the kitchen and make myself a big mug of hot chocolate with a huge dollop of marshmallow fluff.

  Back in the living room I sit down in the corner of the couch. The boys play with a ball, pushing it back and forth to each other. Henry opens his mouth, yawning widely and toddles over to his dad and holds his hands up.

  The huge smile on Sawyer’s face makes my heart happy.

  He hugs him tightly to his chest and Henry lays his head on his daddy’s shoulder. His big hand strokes softly up and down his back. It’s not surprising that Sawyer’s a natural at this dad stuff. His own dad had been amazing and was a second dad to me. John was almost as awesome as my dad… almost.

  “Do you want to bring him here? I’ll nurse him quick if you want to go grab him a bottle so he can have that after.” My sleepy boy reaches for me. “Are you getting sleepy?” He grabs at my shirt and I quickly get him latched onto my breast.

  When Sawyer comes back in, he sits down right next to me. I should cover myself, but he reaches out, stroking Henry’s head. He smiles at me. “I’ve had fun today.”

  “Us too. Should we watch a movie?”

  He nods and takes the remote from me and scans Netflix until he settles on Con Air. It doesn’t take long before we get lost in the craziness. Once Henry is done nursing, Sawyer takes him and holds him while he drinks his bottle.

  I keep it to myself that this all feels so natural. I just need to remember that he doesn’t feel that way about me—it’ll be easy, right?

  10

  Sawyer

  Mom and I pull up in front of MeMe and Elsa’s mom’s home. Today is my son’s first birthday and I’m excited to celebrate it with him. I know I’ve missed a lot, but at least I won’t ever miss one of his birthdays.

  We get out and come around to the back hatch and I open it. “Do you think we went overboard?” I ask because the whole back is full of stuff for my boy. Who am I kidding—I know I went crazy, but this is my son’s birthday.

  She smiles up at me. “You’re excited and that’s okay. I don’t think he’ll really even know what’s happening today.”

  This past week I’ve spent a lot of time with MeMe and Henry. I’m still a novice, but I’ve gotten pretty good at changing his diapers. I’ve only gagged a couple of times and MeMe gave me lots of shit for it too.

  One thing for sure is that I love my son so fucking much. I feel like we’re definitely bonding and a couple of times when I’ve been with him and MeMe, he’s preferred me over his mom. She tries to hide it, but I know it’s been hard for her since she’s been his sole parent for almost a year.

  As much as I want to say she just needs to deal with it and that she’s had a year with him, I just couldn’t do it.

  I focus back on the gifts and we lug them up to the front door of the home I spent just as much time at as my own. MeMe and Elsa’s mom, Monique, opens the door, smiling widely at us.

  She immediately pulls my mom into a hug and they whisper quietly to each other. They separate, smiling at each other and then Monique pulls me into a hug that’s slightly difficult since I have the gifts in my arms. “I’m so happy you’re here, honey.” She kisses my cheek and then leads us inside.

  The place looks exactly the same except for the party decorations. It looks like baby animals in party hats. Elsa and Carrie greet us and tell me where to stick the gifts. “The birthday boy is having his diaper changed,” they tell me.

  I make my way upstairs to MeMe’s old room and find her buttoning up Henry’s pants. She smiles when she sees me. “Hey, how are you?”

  “Good, thanks.” I move toward them and Henry reaches for me. “Hey birthday boy.”

  “Doo da kah,” he says before smiling up at me. I hug him to my chest and we carry him downstairs to the party.

  By the time the party is over, Henry is asleep on my shoulder. Earlier after his birthday cake, I gave him his bath all by myself and changed him into his birthday jammies.

  When we all sang to him earlier, he screamed and lunged for his cake. Luckily I got the candle out before he could hurt himself. We all laughed as he dove right into the cake with his hands and his mouth. He was covered head to toe but looked so freaking happy.

  MeMe teared up a couple of times tonight; once when we all sang happy birthday to him and then Henry grabbed my face pulling me into a slobbering, dirty kiss. It didn’t bother me that I was covered in cake and frosting, seeing my son happy was all I wanted.

  During presents, he was more interested in the wrapping paper than any of the gifts. Of course I went crazy with the baseball gear for him and it’s going to be at least another year or more before he can even use it.

  Now I’m sitting on the couch with my boy asleep on me, MeMe sits next to me, she strokes his hair and looks at Henry with so much love it would be impossible not to feel it radiating off at her.

  My mom and hers are sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, talking and laughing like no time has passed. Elsa and Carrie just left because they both have to work in the morning.

  “This coming week, I’ll be starting training again. I live with Tito Martinez right now, but I’ve got a realtor looking for places for me. Once I get one and get a room set up for him, I’d like to keep him overnight.”

  She nods slowly. “O-Okay. I’d prefer to be there the first couple of times just until you feel comfortable waking up with him. I’m guessing you still sleep hard and you could sleep through him crying.”

  Shit, I didn’t even think about that. “Yeah, that’d be good if you were there.”

  “What’s Tito like?” MeMe asks.

  “He’s a great guy and we’ve gotten really close.” I look down at Henry. “Should we put him to bed?”

  She nods and we walk upstairs. We reach Henry’s portable crib and I kiss his head before lying him down. He rolls to his side and hugs his teddy to his chest. “Goodnight, son,” I whisper and step back so MeMe can kiss him herself. “Are you guys staying here tonight?”

  “Yeah, we stay here sometimes so Elsa and Carrie can have the place to themselves without a baby cramping their style, even though that’s not how they feel. They love their nephew.”

  I sit down on the end of the bed and pull MeMe down to sit down next to me. I grab her hand, lacing our fingers together. “Thank you for having us over tonight. It means a lot.”

  “Of course, I’m glad you were here to celebrate with us.”

  Mom and I leave a short while later.I’m staying at her place tonight. Starting this coming week, I won’t get to see Henry as much as I have this week and it’s gonna suck, but training starts back up and I have a lot of work to do since I’ve been out of commission since my injury.

  I need to push myself even harder to be in peak physical condition by the time spring training starts. Even though last season was amazing, I still feel like I need to prove my worth.

  MeMe and her mom walk us out and Monique pulls me into a tight hug. “I’m so, so glad you came.” She kisses my cheek. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

  “I hope so,” I tell her and then kiss her forehead.

  Mom heads to the car and Monique disappears inside, leaving MeMe and me on the front porch.

  “It was a great party.” God, why do I feel awkward?

  She smiles up at me. “It was, wasn’t it? I’m glad you came,” MeMe says quietly. “I know you said your schedule is going to get crazy, but I can always drive to the city with him to visit and you know you’re always going to be welcome.”

  I pull her into another hug and kiss the top of her head. She smells like coconut and I ignore the way my cock twitches. MeMe’s the first one to pull back. “You should go, it’s cold. Text me if you want to FaceTime so you can see little man.”

  I nod and then jog down the steps and head to my SUV, where my mom patiently waits. As soon as I get inside and we’re on our way back to her place, she sighs happily. “What
a wonderful party. I have the most beautiful little grandson.”

  “He’s good looking, just like his daddy.” I smirk.

  “What was going on with you and MeMe back there?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing. We’re just trying to figure out this co-parenting thing.”

  Luckily she drops it… for now.

  I run at a fast clip on the treadmill. I’m glad to be back up to the speed I was before my injury, but now it’s time to take it to the next level. My trainer has been pushing me this past month, but that’s what I’ve wanted.

  I’m still eating clean, avoiding women, which has sucked and my hand has definitely been getting a workout and avoiding alcohol. Tito says I’ve turned into a buzzkill, which of course he’s kidding, but I’m not going to let anything get in the way of me cementing my spot with the team.

  Last week I moved into my condo. It’s a two-bedroom and three bathrooms. The living room, kitchen, and dining room are all an open floorplan. Down a couple of floors is a decent gym, although I doubt I’ll be using it much, but it’s nice to know it’s there.

  There are definitely lots of hot women who live there, but again, I’m staying away from the opposite sex—well, not all of them, but I’m not going to think about the one who was once my best friend and is the mother of my son.

  I focus back on my run. When I finally hit my max speed, I start easing back until I hit the off button. My trainer hands me a towel and I quickly wipe the sweat from my face.

  “Sawyer, you’re hitting great strides. You’re fucking fast.”

  “Thanks, Brent. What’s next?” I take a swig out of my water bottle. He’s been a trainer with the Hawks for five years and we’ve really gotten along well.

  We walk through the gym. “Go ahead and head out. Tomorrow we’ll start working on upper body strength. Soon we’ll start working on your throwing.”

  I head into the locker room and grab a quick shower before I head back to my place. This upcoming weekend, MeMe and Henry are coming to spend the weekend, so my boy can get used to my place and I can get used to waking up with him.