The Loudest Silence (Part One)

by Olivia Janae

  “Whatever,” she said in her normal voice. “This is Kate. Katie, this is …” She proceeded to list off a series of names, ending with the person she had been standing with, Ana.

  “So.” Ash grinned at her, an arm snaking casually around Kate’s waist. “You ready for this?”

  Kate’s lips twisted a little as she looked up at the building and the long line of women who were waiting. “Yeah! It’s been a long time since I’ve gone out to a club. It’ll be good.”

  “Awesome sauce.”

  Ana was eyeing her in a way that made Kate shift a little in defiance. “But like, how long?”

  Kate shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I should admit it,” she said pretending to be embarrassed, “but the last time was probably when I was in New York, and I left there a few years ago.”

  “How old are you?” Ana finally asked.

  “What?” Kate scoffed. “Does it matter?”

  “Nah, it’s just we’re all in our twenties, and you look… older.”

  “I’m in my twenties.” Kate shrugged, trying not to be offended by the skeptical look on Ana’s face.

  “Yeah, but like, how far?”

  “Hey, what is this, man?” Ash cried. “Age is just a number. It’s whatever. Stop being a derp and get in there.” She bodily pushed Ana through the doors that had just opened. “Come on, beautiful.” She took Kate’s hand, making her smirk, and pulled her into the club.

  The inside wasn’t at all what Kate had expected. She had been picturing a huge warehouse party, filled with laser lights and pounding house music like the places she had gone in New York.

  Instead, she walked in and found that it was just a bar, a very large bar with no obvious space for dancing. Instead the big square room was lined on three sides with bars and littered throughout the center were tall tables where you could stand and talk with your friends. The music was loud, a techno dance mix, and the room was dark enough that Kate had to squint in order to follow Ash’s vibrant green button-up.

  She hadn’t noticed Ash’s outfit before, but as she let herself be pulled to the far bar, she took a moment to appreciate her tight jeans and shirt. The outfit was pleasing, and it made Kate wonder if she should have brought gum in case Ash made some kind of a move later.

  “What are you having?” Ash asked as soon as they got to the bar.

  It was hard not to think that Ash had been right. There was a charismatic charm that she had emanated when they first met. Through the bad dates, that confidence had wavered, but now, in a club and surrounded by her friends, it was back in full force. Taking the pressure off was exactly what they needed to do.

  Kate shared her drink order and then watched, amused and a little pleased, as Ash nodded, told her to stay where she was, and then, just for good measure, hooked a finger through her belt loop as she turned around to face the bar.

  “So, where did Ash find you?” Ana asked, appearing at her side. “She pick you up at Whole Foods? Bed Bath & Beyond? J. C. Penney?”

  “Um.” She wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, so Kate ignored it. “We work together.”

  “Really?”

  Kate’s eyebrows drew down, and she let out a slow “Yeaaaah.” She cleared her throat, shaking her head a little. “What’s your problem exactly?”

  Ana shrugged, sipping her drink. “Don’t have one. Most musicians are too fucking stuffy to come out, though.”

  Kate was saved a response by Ash turning, drinks in hand.

  “Milady.”

  “Thank you.” Kate clinked glasses with Ash and took a drink.

  They moved away from the bar then, not taking the table where all of Ash’s friends were huddled, but instead the one right next to it. For this, Kate was glad.

  “I told you,” Ash said, her lip curling up in the corner as her Travolta voice made a reappearance.

  “What?”

  Ash grinned. “That we just, I dunno, needed to get out of our heads a little.”

  “Yeah.” Kate gave a small nod. “I guess so. Cheers to that.”

  They clinked glasses again.

  “So, it hasn’t really fuckin’ been a few years since you’ve gone out, right?”

  “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “Uh, yeah, totally. Last time I went out was last night.”

  “It isn’t just Max,” Kate admitted. “I think I just did a lot of that stuff earlier in life and got tired of it.”

  “Tired of drinking and dancing?”

  “Uh, yeah. I guess.”

  Ash eyed her for a few passing moments, completely thrown off track.

  Kate glanced around a bit, taking in the room. She couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of girls looking their way, some upset and some angry. She just snorted and turned away, fully aware of why they were upset.

  “So, okay then,” Ash finally said. “Date topics. Right? Okay. So, who is your celebrity crush?”

  Kate frowned as a girl bumped into her from behind, the resolute look on her face suggesting it might not have been an accident. “I’m not sure I have one. Um, you go first.”

  “Emma Watson, Jennifer Lawrence, and Katy Perry.” She rattled the names off like it was nothing, like she had answered that question many times before.

  “Oh.” Kate’s mouth hung open a little bit. “Aren’t they all kind of young?”

  Ash let out a laugh. “No. Come on, they’re only a few years younger than you.”

  Kate nodded, that out-of-sorts feeling washing over her again as she pictured the immortalized shot of young Emma Watson with bushy hair and wizard’s robes. “I guess, um, Angelina Jolie?”

  “Really? If I’m gonna go for an old lady like that, then I think I would pick Sandra Bullock.”

  “So you said this was a night, right?” Kate asked when they had started in on their second drinks. “Does that mean this isn’t where you guys normally go?”

  “Nah, man.” Ash took a swig of her beer. “No one really has a place anymore. That’s so 2010.”

  Kate wondered if Ash had been able to legally drink in 2010. She decided very pointedly not to ask, reminding herself that she was trying to take that vacation from mom to woman.

  “Plus, you can’t go out and avoid the drama if you always go to the same place. That’s too much drama from your mama, you know?”

  “Drama from your mama?” Kate repeated.

  “Yeah, you know. It’s just drama.”

  Kate was pretty sure that the last time she had been involved in “drama” had actually been when she found out she was pregnant, so again she decided to not answer and instead looked out at the masses of people.

  Ash suddenly twitched, uncomfortable. “Speaking of drama. Hold up, princess, I’ll be right back.”

  “Princess?” Kate called as Ash drifted away. “Really?”

  Ash sent her a smirk and disappeared into the crowd.

  Kate sipped her drink and tried not to feel strange about the fact that she was now alone in the middle of a club.

  A couple of giggling drunk girls stumbled up to the table, all talking exuberantly. The table was only about a foot wide and yet clearly they hadn’t noticed that Kate was there at all.

  “Um, hey, you mind?” she called as they tried to commandeer the space. “A little taken at the moment.”

  “Oh my god, sorry,” one of them scoffed and then they turned, arm in arm and giggling.

  Kate rolled her eyes as she distinctly heard one say, “Oh my god, what kind of a weirdo comes to a bar alone?”

  It wasn’t awkward at first, even when Ash’s friends started to glance her way, their heads together as they whispered.

  Kate glanced around constantly, watching groups of women laughing and flirting, a few kissing in corners. Her phone clicked off the minutes, five, ten, fifteen, as she waited, beginning to feel foolish.

  “You alone, honey?” a tall, beautiful, ebony-skinned woman asked.

  Kate ran her hand through her hair and th
en let her thumb catch her back pocket. This woman was very pretty, pretty enough that Kate stumbled a little as she said, “Not supposed to be.”

  “Camille.”

  “Hey.” Kate smiled and shook the offered hand. “Kate.”

  “Do you mind if I sit with you until your date arrives, Kate?” she asked, her smile as dignified as her simple gold jewelry and polite business-casual attire.

  “Uh, no, that’s fine.”

  “Been here before?” Camille asked, setting her glass of red wine down.

  “No. This isn’t really …” She stopped herself before she could finish her sentence, not wanting to offend.

  “It’s all right, you can say this isn’t your scene. I can’t say it’s mine either, sugar, but this is where my date wanted to meet. It’s a blind date so I’m nervous.”

  “A blind date?” Kate laughed. “You?”

  Camille nodded. “My profession doesn’t allow me to meet a lot of people.”

  “What do you do?”

  “I’m a surgeon.”

  “Wow.” Kate nodded, impressed. She glanced back at Ash’s friends, checking to see if Ash was back with them.

  “It’s a wonderful job, but,” she laughed, “kind of time consuming.”

  Ana was glaring from the table next to them.

  “So, what do you do, Kate? Why isn’t this your scene?”

  “My son makes coming out like this hard to do.” She scowled at Ana. Ash’s friend was glaring at her for talking to another woman, but where was Ash? She had been gone for a long time now.

  “I have two myself, Sasha and Paul. How old is your little boy?”

  “He’s three.”

  “Do you have a picture?”

  Kate’s grin grew. “Yeah. Sure.” She pulled out her phone and showed her the lock screen.

  “Oh, my! Look at those baby greens. He’s a cute one.”

  “Thanks.” Kate smiled at the photo of Max before replacing her phone in her pocket.

  “So where are you from, Kate?”

  “Originally or as of late?” She rolled her eyes. “I move a lot. I was born in Boston. Just moved here.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “Yeah, it’s okay. I’m in Rogers Park—”

  Camille hissed.

  “Yeah, exactly.”

  “Well, sugar, don’t knock it yet. There’s a wonderful farmer’s market that happens out there in the summers.”

  “Really?”

  “Mmm-hmm. Paul, my son, he’s a little fruit fly. He’s skinny as a bone but he can’t get enough fruit, so we go all of the time.”

  Kate laughed, feeling a little more comfortable around Camille. “How old?”

  “They’re twins, so they’re both eight.”

  “Twins! Yikes!”

  “You don’t know the half of it,” Camille chuckled. “But yes, there’s a wonderful farmer’s market and there’s a very quaint little bookstore not far from the Howard stop called, oh my, I can’t remember the name.” Camille’s polished fingers came up to brush some hair from her eyes. “I’m sorry, this is probably boring you.”

  “No, no,” Kate said quickly. “Weirdly, it’s not. I don’t know when bookstores and farmer’s markets became more of my thing than …” She gestured around them.

  “Age is a funny thing. I remember being your age. I was always so confused as to how I could feel like I was still twenty and then spend time with twenty-year-olds and feel like I was fifty.”

  Kate snorted into her drink. “Yeah, that’s about right.” It was an uncomfortable sensation.

  Camille gave her a long smile. “You never told me what you did.”

  “Oh, I’m a cellist.”

  “Really? And how did you get into that?”

  Kate laughed, about to launch into the story, but as she did, she glanced over at Ash’s friends again.

  Ana’s glare grew pointed, her eyes jerking to Camille and then growing wide.

  “I don’t think your friend likes that we’re talking.”

  “Yeaaaah.” Kate’s smiled dropped. “She’s my date’s friend.”

  “Uh-huh.” Camille nodded, her eyebrows slowly lifting.

  “I’m sorry, I think I had better go try and find my date.” She sighed. She had been enjoying Camille’s company. Where the hell is Ash, she wondered.

  “It’s okay, I understand. But Kate,” Camille’s hand caught Kate’s arm, gently wrapping around her bicep, “if you can’t manage to find your date, then I’ll be here.”

  Kate smiled, her cheeks growing warm, and nodded.

  “Where’s Ash?” she asked Ana on her second loop.

  “I dunno. She’s just Ash being Ash.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Ana shrugged.

  “Thanks for the help.”

  Kate moved through the club, not sure where to look for Ash, worried that something had happened to her.

  She wandered for a few minutes before she headed for the bathroom. Annoyance rose in her throat. If she couldn’t find her in the next few minutes, then Kate was going to assume that she had been stood up.

  She pushed her way into the busy bathroom, apologizing when she nearly ran into someone.

  “I just don’t understand what I did wrong! This isn’t how this was supposed to be!” a woman was crying.

  Kate glanced around, not all that surprised that there would be women fighting in the bathroom during ladies’ night. She chuckled but then stopped when she realized that it was Ash the girl was sobbing to.

  “This is where you’ve been? Really?” She said it before she could think, and then, with an angry scoff, she snapped her mouth closed.

  “See?” Ash said, pointing at Kate. “This is my date that you’re keeping me from.”

  “Hey, whoa!” Kate’s hands went out in surrender. “Leave me out of this.”

  She couldn’t think of the last time, if ever, she’d had a date who spent the entire time with another woman in the bathroom.

  “You guys clearly have something going here, so I’m gonna—”

  “No, Katie!” Ash cried, moving around the other woman. “She’s just being crazy dramatic for no reason. Come on.” Ash steered Kate back out of the bathroom a little more aggressively than she was comfortable with.

  “So when did you guys break up?”

  Ash just shrugged and said in an overly chipper voice, “Who needs another drink?”

  A few minutes later Kate found herself shoved into a vacant place at the table with Ash’s friends, Ash’s hand possessively on her back. She was trying to keep up with the conversation, about a TV show apparently, but she had no idea who or what they were talking about.

  If the table had been a pack of birds, each and every little pigeon there would have suddenly had its feathers bunched, standing at strong angles. Kate looked around them, noticing for the first time that they all did seem young. What was she doing there?

  A hand brushed against Kate’s arm, making her start out of her bored daze.

  “Hi!” She smiled, a little embarrassed when she turned to find Camille.

  “Hello.” Camille smiled warmly, her hands still on Kate’s arm. “I remembered the name of that bookshop. Melody’s.”

  “Oh, um, yeah.” Kate nodded. She wasn’t sure why she felt so embarrassed.

  “Oh my god,” one of Ash’s friends cried behind her. “Someone needs to go on a diet. I mean, be who you are and everything, but then don’t wear that.”

  Kate pinched the bridge of her nose.

  “Do you mind? Can I steal you for a moment?” Camille gave the table a polite “Excuse me.”

  Kate followed, feeling Ash and Ana’s eyes on her. “You find your date?”

  Camille let out a hum. “She and I had very little to talk about.” She smoothed her expensive dress. “You don’t seem to be having a very good evening.”

  “No, I am,” Kate lied. “It’s, um, great.”

  “Uh-huh.” She eyed her as though she
didn’t believe her in the slightest. “Well, I’m leaving, but I thought I would stop by and ask if you would like to join me.”

  Kate blinked, surprised.

  “I have a wonderful bottle of Shiraz that a client recently gave me and a patio where we could talk.”

  That sounded nice, Kate had to admit, but she glanced back at Ash, whose head was tilted toward her friends, whispering hotly. “I can’t. Thank you, but I can’t.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. But thank you.”

  “Then here, take this. It’s my business card. In case you ever feel the desire to use it.”

  Kate smiled, unsure how to respond.

  “Hey.”

  Kate yipped when Ash was suddenly at her shoulder.

  Camille gave Ash a slow, leveling once-over.

  “Come on. Let’s dance,” Ash said, her voice gruff with annoyance. Kate gave Camille a nod before she followed, slipping the business card into her jacket pocket.

  “Dude, ya really just go off and talk with some chick?” Ash cried the moment they were in the middle of the small group of dancers.

  “This coming from the person who spent like thirty minutes in the bathroom with another girl.”

  Ash’s shoulders sagged as she lightly danced. “I’m soooorry, okay? I told you, drama! Let’s let it go, yeah?” She smirked as she playfully bumped her hip into Kate’s.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Awesome. Come on.” She shook Kate by the hips. Laughing a little, Kate began to dance as well.

  “No way, I can out-throw your ass anytime!” Ash cried.

  It was an hour later. They had abandoned Ash’s friends, leaving them to gossip at their table, and had found their way to the corner where a few dartboards hung.

  “I really don’t think so, lady.” Kate shook her head, a little drunk. “I spent my teenage years in bars playing darts.”

  “The fuck?” Ash asked, her arm wrapped firmly around Kate’s waist, feeding her another shot.

  “Don’t judge.”

  “Okay, whatev. Tell you what, I bet I can get a bullseye before you do.”

  Kate gave a messy scoff. “You’re on!” The night had gotten increasingly better as it went on. Ash was sweet, charming, and Kate liked the way that she touched her, like she couldn’t help herself.