The Loudest Silence (Part One)

by Olivia Janae

  The tone was a little frostier. Somehow that made Kate feel better. “You’re smiling.”

  She rolled her eyes into a frustrated and much more familiar expression. “It may surprise you, Ms. Flynn, but I am known to do that every now and then. Perhaps if you were to drop your preconceived notions about me then I could do the same in return.” She glanced at Kate, away and then back. “Was there something else?” Vivian finally asked.

  Kate realized she was still staring. “No, nothing. You, uh, you look nice.” She was about to begin what would no doubt be a long mental list of ridiculing remarks about how stupid a thing that had been to say when Vivian cocked that oh-so-limber eyebrow of hers.

  “As do you.”

  “No Charlie?” Her heart was whapping away in her chest again, and while she knew that it couldn’t be heard, she wondered if maybe it showed a little on her face.

  “I gave her the night off.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  They smiled at one another for a few beats of silence before Kate cleared her throat, embarrassed for reasons she couldn’t explain. “So, um, they said the wait would probably be about thirty minutes.”

  Vivian’s eyebrows creased. “Why are you yelling? I won’t hear you any better if you yell, Kate.”

  Was she teasing her? There was no way – not Ms. Kensington. She couldn’t be teasing her; she hated her. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, when she noticed that Vivian’s rich brown eyes were dancing. She was teasing her! Kate couldn’t believe it – this woman was actually teasing her! She groaned, her head falling into her hands for a second, embarrassed all over again. “There’s a band playing.”

  “And this equates to you yelling because …?”

  “Right, because you won’t hear me any better if I yell over the noise.”

  She shook her head, sipping her wine, obviously amused.

  “Sorry, uh, Ms. Kensington.”

  “For the purposes of this evening, let’s forgive the formalities. Vivian. Please. And don’t apologize, but it is easier for me to read your lips if you speak normally.”

  Kate nodded slowly, her mind working over that. She didn’t understand where this change was coming from.

  “What?” Vivian asked, reading her face with ease.

  “You’re being nice to me.” That had been blunt, a little more than she had meant it to be.

  Vivian laughed a little. “I have my reasons.”

  “What does that even mean?” she grumbled.

  Vivian tilted her head to the side, studying her. “All right, now what does that look mean? You’re quite expressive, you know.”

  Kate’s phone vibrated, and, concerned that it was Teresa, she checked it to find more notifications from Ash as well as a rambling text about the television show that she was watching. Her brows knit, her frustration growing. She understood that Ash was a little younger, and hopelessly devoted to her phone, but it was starting to feel extreme.

  “That look is a perfect example of my meaning.”

  Kate sighed, settling the phone back down, and hesitated. She glanced around for a moment, unsure of exactly how to move forward, and in her frustration a truth popped from her lips. “I know that you kind of think I’m the enemy, but I just want to make this as easy on you as possible.”

  Vivian smiled and the smile was almost… sweet. “Then just talk.”

  Kate clicked her tongue, giving a thoughtful nod. “Okay then.”

  Vivian finally settled into the seat beside her, taking a moment to look around before saying, “So, now that we have covered that, may I ask you a question?” Her look had changed, her fingers toying with her glass as she took in a deep and very long breath.

  A little apprehensive, Kate nodded and gave a slow “Okay.”

  “Why did you invite me here?”

  Her frown deepened. “I was told it was good.”

  “No, not here as in the restaurant. Why did you ask me at all? You could have just apologized and left it at that. Why did you invite me to dinner? Was it simply fear for your job?”

  Kate wasn’t sure that she knew how to answer. “No. Why not? Is it bad that I did?”

  “I didn’t say that. I was just, let’s say, surprised.” Vivian had been watching Kate with a casual eye but now her gaze intensified. “This isn’t a date, is it? Charlie is quite insistent that it is.”

  Kate blushed from the tips of her toes to the top of her scalp. “A date? Like a – like a date-date? I uh, ac— uh, no, not in my mind, anyway.”

  “You don’t date?”

  “I do. I’m kind of dating someone now actually. I just, uh, I hadn’t planned this as—”

  “Oh yes.” Vivian’s smile grew smug. “You have become Ms. Campbell’s latest. I forgot.”

  Kate had been taking a sip of her drink and choked at the word ‘latest.’ “What? How? How did you know that?”

  “There has been ample documentation.”

  “Meaning?”

  Vivian gave a snort. “Anyone who follows Ms. Campbell’s highly overused Instagram account has seen a play-by-play.”

  Kate’s mouth fell open, flustered and unable to figure out what the proper response was. “What?” she finally cried.

  “Surely you have seen.”

  “Uh, no. Not so much. I don’t really go on.”

  Vivian didn’t answer but instead soundlessly pulled her phone from her purse, touched a few buttons, and set the phone down.

  “Oh my god, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” The small social media boxes were filled with selfies, photos of food, strangers, and, sure enough, a handful of photos of herself.

  Eyebrows high and lips pursed, Vivian scrolled to uncover more images of Kate from their last date. “My my. That one does get around, doesn’t she?” Vivian surveyed her, a look in her eye as if she were rethinking something about her. Kate wasn’t sure she liked it.

  “I’m not her girlfriend,” Kate blurted.

  “Oh?”

  “No! We’ve gone on a few dates.”

  “Are you sure? Here she refers to you as ‘Mama-Boo.’ If I’m not mistaken, the term ‘boo’ means—” Vivian’s words cut off quickly when Kate snatched her phone to look at the caption closer.

  She couldn’t believe it. What was Ash thinking? This was just embarrassing. She glanced up, her mouth dry as she tried to find something to say. Instead she exclaimed, “What does that look mean?”

  Vivian gave her a dry smile, her eyes flicking over the crowd as though she had lost her taste for this conversation. “Nothing. I suppose I would not have thought you were the type to go for a millennial, but you never know with—”

  “What?” cried Kate. She was saying that – more like yelling that – a lot right now.

  Vivian laughed again, and distracted from her rage, Kate realized she kind of liked its deep, rich timbre. “Mm. She’s young. A millennial in the very heart of the colloquial meaning, Kate.”

  Kate just stared back. Her brain was not picking up and moving as quickly as she needed it to.

  “Oh, please,” Vivian said. “She is rude, spoiled, selfish, and a terrible employee. She is utterly obsessed with the next drink, the next girl; would lay down in front of a train before closing her social media accounts. She is sure that she needs to achieve nothing else in life because she won her spot in this ensemble fresh out of school, and yet I’ve been told her bass playing is adequate at best.” Vivian said it all with the flippant casualness of someone stating well-known facts. She let out a sigh and grinned wickedly over the rim of her glass. The look made Kate’s chest tighten. “She is, however, very attractive, I will give her that.”

  Kate had been listening in a mix of wide-eyed fascination and horror. “Um.” She cleared her throat and swallowed the rest of her drink. She realized she was still clutching Vivian’s phone and placed it back on the table. “You two are really not fans of one another, huh?”

  She wanted to defend Ash. She had heard things a lot like this b
efore, but Ash had always been sweet. She didn’t care if Ash was seeing other girls. She didn’t think they would ever be serious enough for monogamy to matter. Ash was fun, and that was all Kate wanted her to be. Ash deserved to be defended. The problem was she couldn’t figure out what she should say.

  “We …” Vivian paused, frowning deeply. “Well, I suppose saying that we dated is not entirely accurate. However, something of the sort did indeed happen.” She shifted a bit in her seat. “Once – all right, a handful of times – and her behavior was rather childish when I put a stop to it. So, no. Neither she nor I care for the other much.”

  “Oh.” Kate frowned. “What? Really?”

  Vivian just nodded.

  Vivian and Ash had slept together. She couldn’t see it at all; Vivian and Ash were complete opposites. That news made her smile fall. She didn’t like that fact at all.

  Kate had questions, a lot of them, but it only took one look at the way Vivian’s face was set like stone to know she would say no more about it.

  “And I have found that I have had very little patience for the woman since.” Vivian toyed with her glass. “How is that going, by the way?”

  Kate grunted and spluttered for words. She was losing control over this “date” quickly, and she wasn’t even sure how it was happening. “It’s fine.” She shrugged. “She’s fine.”

  “Careful, Kate. Don’t be too excited,” Vivian said dryly.

  “Oh, come on,” Kate rolled her eyes. “It’s fine! I guess it’s – it’s new. We’ve only been out a few times.”

  Vivian’s deep brown eyes took her in, reading something in her. Her mouth opened, but she seemed to decide against it and instead looked away.

  Kate shifted. “Hey, it’s not a big—”

  “Flynn, party of two?”

  “What?” Vivian asked as Kate’s head whipped around.

  “They’re calling us.”

  She turned back to Vivian, who was still sitting, looking at her expectantly as she waited for an answer.

  For a moment she didn’t understand. “Oh. My back was to you. Sorry.” She frowned. Thus far, there hadn’t been any complications with their communication, but then again they were sitting a foot apart and facing one another. A shiver of worry passed over her again, wondering if it would get harder across a table and what she would do if it did. “They’re calling us.” She glanced back at the woman who was calling them from across the room, a few menus in her arms. “Our table is ready.”

  Vivian pulled Kate’s chin around so she was fully facing her.

  It was as though Vivian’s thumb had pressed the off button to Kate’s brain. She stammered for a moment, trying to pull the sentence up and out of her like a tire spinning out in mud.

  She stared blankly at Vivian, feeling the blood begin to heat in her cheeks, before, with a small smile, Vivian traced an oval around her own lips with two fingers as she had done previously.

  “Sorry.” Her cheeks grew warmer. “Our table is ready.”

  Vivian nodded and looked up, finding the beckoning hostess across the room. “Shall we?” Politely she took Kate’s elbow, escorting her as they walked.

  This wasn’t working, Kate realized. She was turning into a bumbling idiot, and this apology would never work if she couldn’t contain these nerves that were taking over. She would make horrible dinner company, and things would be the same by the end of the evening as they had been before.

  Kate and Vivian were escorted to an intimate table surrounded by strangers and ordered a refill of their drinks.

  “Ladies, let me tell you about the specials tonight.” Their young server was exuberant but clearly did not have his spiel memorized; he spent the entire time at their table with his face hidden in his notepad. Halfway through his explanation about the lamb, Kate glanced at Vivian and saw she had her chin propped up on her fist, watching the boy with a politely blank face.

  “Did you get any of that?” Kate hedged when he was gone.

  “Very little,” Vivian quipped, letting Kate know that the subject was closed.

  Kate nodded, and, hoping that she wasn’t about to get into trouble, flipped the menu in Vivian’s hands so the daily special sheet was face up and then pointedly looked down at her own.

  “Thank you.”

  Kate just gave a vague nod. Something told her that pointing out a weakness would not go over well with this woman – a personality trait that Kate could sympathize with a little too well.

  “How are you liking Chicago thus far?”

  Kate shrugged. It was simply a conversation starter, so she dived in willingly enough. “Oh, you know, there are some things I love and some I hate. The city is wonderful, though I haven’t seen much of it. I’m not a huge fan of where we live, but that’s life.”

  Vivian’s brow creased. “I’m sorry, would you please repeat that?”

  Kate did without much thought.

  “Oh? Why don’t you care for it?”

  Kate chuckled. “When I spoke to the landlord, he told me that it was a very family-friendly neighborhood, but either he was lying or he meant it was ideal for a family of drug dealers. We took it sight unseen.”

  Vivian nodded, understanding. “So it is a less than desirable location.”

  “When I was moving us in, I met a neighbor who told me that our neighborhood is called ‘The Jungle.’” Vivian’s eyebrows shot up. “Yeah. So, I’m not too sure about that. The apartment is cute – good, even – but the building is not so great.”

  “Can you not get out of your lease?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “One more time, please.”

  Kate frowned, seeing Vivian straining. “What’s wrong?”

  Irked, Vivian shifted in her seat as she admitted, “You speak very quickly and the glare of the candle is—”

  Kate blew the tapered candle out before Vivian could finish.

  Vivian’s eyebrows rose, but Kate just smiled back. “All right. I ask again, can you not get out of your lease?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Are you concerned for your safety?”

  Kate opened her mouth and then closed it. It wasn’t her safety she was worried about. Kate had been forced to live in some fairly sketchy places growing up. She didn’t want that for Max. “Wow,” she gave a sudden laugh. “Why are we talking about this? Let’s, um, move on from that. Sorry, that was – anyway.”

  Vivian’s eyebrows drew together, and she studied Kate in a way that made her uncomfortable. “All right. And how are you liking WCCE?”

  “It’s great!” She thought that perhaps she was being a little too exuberant now. “The people are all awesome, everyone sounds great together. I can’t complain.”

  “It seems like there is something else as well. Your eyes lit just a bit too much when I asked you. It isn’t Ash, is it?”

  Vivian’s eyes locked onto Kate’s in that way they always did. Perhaps it was the fact that she needed to study Kate’s lips to communicate, but she had never met someone with such a piercing, unwavering gaze. It made Kate feel slightly exposed, as if she could read all of her secrets through Kate’s skin.

  Maybe she could, as Vivian responded to her thoughts. “I’m deaf, Kate. I read facial expressions.”

  “Um, no, it’s not Ash. I mean she’s great and all that, but it’s true, I think I’m happier than most to be with the WCCE. It’s because of Max. When I was freelancing, I was taking any gig possible, so it meant my hours were crazy. I like having a steady schedule for him.”

  Vivian nodded. “It must have been hard for him to never know exactly when you would be home.”

  “I think it was. I mean, he’s still with a babysitter more than I would like him to be, but it’s less than it was before we moved.”

  “Where did you move from? I know it’s in your file, but I can’t recall at this moment.”

  “Pittsburgh.”

  “Mm.” Vivian took a sip of her wine as she thought. “I was the
re once. If I recall, I got stuck on the expressway for two hours only to get through a tunnel and realize that the tunnel itself had been the only reason for the delay.”

  “Yeah,” Kate chuckled. “That sounds about right.”

  They fell into a thoughtful silence for a few moments, Kate’s mind still with Max. “You know, it’s not just the schedule; it’s also the fact that I have a contract for longer than eight months. I mean, I know it’s only two years, but that is still better. Or maybe it’s worse, I don’t know.”

  “Why would it be worse to be settled for two years instead of one?”

  Kate huffed, and, for a reason that she couldn’t fathom, she admitted a worry that had been on her mind since they arrived. “I think it will probably be okay this time because he’s so young. He won’t make too many attachments. But the older he gets, the harder it will be to pull him away with each move. He’ll start making friends and trying to build a life for himself in each new city. I moved a lot growing up, and ironically I never wanted that life for him.”

  “Why did you move so much?”

  “My parents died when I was little. After that, I moved from foster home to foster home. That meant I never really had a home of my own. I want Max to have one, but the only way to do that would be to find a permanent job or to change careers.” Kate took a long drink from her glass, wondering why she had just let herself say all of that.

  Curiosity crossed Vivian’s face. “If you grew up in foster care, especially unstable foster care, then how did you find your way to the cello? I find that typically classical music is something children are forced into until they are old enough to decide whether they like it for themselves.”

  “It was an outreach program,” Kate explained. “A foster mother signed me up for this program to bring music to underprivileged kids. They loaned me a cello and let me join a community orchestra. I loved it. It was the one thing that was constant in my life, you know? I couldn’t keep my possessions each time I moved, or my friends, but I could keep the cello because it wasn’t mine. I got so good so fast that I won a few awards and eventually a scholarship to study music. I didn’t even know until I got the scholarship that classical music could be a career.”