All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  She shrugged, took a deep breath and when she was sure the tears had stopped—at least for the moment—stirred her soup. “It’s probably just nerves about my meeting today. Which is stupid because Eileen says this job is a sure thing.”

  “It’s totally a sure thing.” Sabrina took a bite of her sandwich. “You’ve been busting your ass there. This is your job and everyone knows it. You said it yourself—forty is going to be your year. Everything you’ve been working for is finally going to happen. You have nothing to worry about.”

  She looked at her friend, and more than anything wished Sabrina was right and that she really didn’t have anything to worry about. And maybe she didn’t. But either way, there was nothing she could do about the unknown at that very moment, so Maren smiled broadly and made a decision. “You’re right,” she said to her friend. “Now tell me, what names have you picked out?”

  They spent the rest of their short lunch chatting about Sabrina’s baby, veering off into other subjects and catching each other up on the details of their lives the way they always did. By the time Maren returned to the office and walked down the hall toward her desk, she’d almost forgotten about the contents of her purse.

  Almost.

  On the spur of the moment, she took a last-minute detour and ducked into the bathroom. She might as well get it over with. At least then she could laugh about how ridiculous she’d been and properly relax in time for the meeting.

  * * *

  Less than ten minutes later—Maren wasn’t laughing.

  Sabrina

  “Sabrina…you’re late.”

  She did her best not to roll her eyes as she slipped her jacket off and hung it on the hook in the storeroom. Before she even turned, she knew Dr. Tommy would be leaning against the doorframe of his office, the way he always was when she came in.

  Sure enough, he had his arms crossed over his chest, but the smile on his face told her he wasn’t mad. He was never mad. Not at her.

  “It’s only two minutes past one,” she said with just enough of a teasing tone in her voice that it couldn’t be considered flirty. “Besides, I didn’t leave until five after and didn’t you tell me that I got a full sixty minutes for lunch?” She smiled as brightly as she could. Sabrina was always careful to walk a fine line between friendly and too far. Especially considering their history. She liked her job and didn’t want anything screwing that up. “So I guess I’m actually back early.”

  She took her place at the front desk. She’d worked for Straight Spines Chiropractic Clinic and Dr. Tommy—as he insisted on being called because, it makes me more relatable to the patients—for the last two years. She loved everything about the job, a lot. And she was good at it, too. Which was why she was determined to keep Dr. Tommy himself at arm’s length. It didn’t matter that he was gorgeous, fit, incredibly successful, and obviously interested in her. Okay, it did matter.

  But Sabrina had a hard rule: Never to get involved with anyone she worked with. Especially when that person was the boss. Nothing good could come from it.

  “Well, I guess I should be grateful.” He winked at her and moved around to the other side of the counter. “And really, what am I going to do without you?”

  “I think you’ll figure something out.” She shook her head, but couldn’t help but smile. It felt good to be needed. “Besides, I’ll find you a very competent temp to fill in while I’m gone.”

  “Just a temp, right? You are coming back?”

  She laughed. “I promise. You know I love my job. Besides,” she added. “I couldn’t afford not to.”

  Dr. Tommy’s smile faded. “If you need anything,” he said. “You let me know, okay?”

  “Of course.”

  For a moment, she thought he was going to say something more, but finally he nodded and said, “What’s today look like?”

  “You have a very busy afternoon.” Sabrina shifted straight into business mode and as was their afternoon routine, started to run through the doctor’s schedule, which involved three hours of routine adjustments, two new client exams, and a phone meeting with a new supplement company that wanted Straight Spines to carry their products. Soon enough, the bells over the door chimed, announcing the arrival of a patient and the business of the afternoon took over.

  Years ago when they’d all been in high school together, Sabrina, Davis, and Maren had often speculated about where they’d end up when they were old. And if she had asked her eighteen-year-old self, fresh-faced and bright-eyed, if she could imagine herself working as an office manager in a chiropractic office, she would have laughed until she peed her pants. There was no way a younger version of Sabrina would ever have been able to imagine herself doing anything but living free. She’d had grand visions of backpacking all over Europe, living in hostels and working in cafes whenever she needed a few bucks. Of course, when her parents insisted she get a college degree first, she’d gone. Mostly to keep them happy, but also for herself, because deep down, as much of a rebel as she liked to think of herself, she really just wanted to make her parents happy. And by the time she graduated, traveling didn’t seem quite as appealing.

  She’d done a little bit over the years but it was never as exciting as she wanted it to be. So she came home and got a job as an office assistant in the real estate office of one of her dad’s friends. Gradually, she moved from one job to another until one day she went into a local chiropractic office looking for a little relief for a sore back. An injury she’d sustained in a yoga class. Apparently the bird of paradise pose wasn’t for beginners. She’d met Dr. Tommy for the first time and not only had he made her back feel better, but he’d also asked her what she did for a living, and when she told him she was answering phones for a local construction company, he’d offered her a job at his clinic because as it turned out, one of his office staff had just quit.

  It didn’t take long for Sabrina to fall in love with her job. She loved the patients she saw every day, getting to know them and watching them improve their health. And then as she got promoted, she loved the feeling of being important and relied on. It was kind of powerful.

  Of course, the dramatic shift of who she’d wanted to be and who she’d actually become had been a source of amusement for her friends at dinner parties, especially considering Davis had grown up to do exactly what he’d always wanted to do: “Make myself rich by making other people rich.” He’d become a successful financial advisor almost right after college. There’d been some tricky years for sure, but somehow he’d managed to ride them out. And Maren, all she’d ever wanted was to be a mother. Mission accomplished.

  Sabrina used to think that her friend didn’t set her sights high enough and that she was capable of so much more, but motherhood made Maren happy and she was good at it. Maybe now that she was about to be a mother of her own, Sabrina would finally understand.

  Although it did seem like she and Maren were going to experience a bit of a flip. While Sabrina became a mom, Maren was finally focusing on a career and herself. Thinking of her best friend, Sabrina grabbed her phone and typed in a quick text.

  * * *

  Just wanted to check. How did the meeting go?

  * * *

  She waited a few minutes but there was no reply. Maybe she was still in the meeting? Or maybe it hadn’t gone well? But that was silly. Maren had said that the meeting was more or less a formality and that she had the job. So maybe her text had come off wrong and Maren thought Sabrina didn’t have confidence in her. She picked up her phone and typed another message.

  * * *

  I’m sure it went awesome so I’m going to go ahead and say congratulations now! We’ll celebrate soon.

  * * *

  Satisfied that Maren wouldn’t take her message the wrong way, Sabrina tucked her phone away and got back to work.

  It wasn’t until hours later, when she was on her way home from work, that she realized with a flicker of concern that Maren had never replied.

  Maren

  Wh
en Rylee was born, those first few months were full of endless feedings, more diapers than Maren had ever imagined possible, and sleep deprivation at a level that must have been akin to torture. She’d existed in a sort of thick fog. More than once, she’d drive home from the Mommy & Me class just to marvel at how she’d managed to actually navigate the car through the streets because she couldn’t remember a moment of actually getting there.

  There would be times that entire days would pass and Maren could hardly remember who she’d spoken to, or whether she’d eaten lunch. It worried her endlessly, but Davis would just laugh and say it was her body’s way of triaging what was important. That her brain and body were putting all of their resources into essential tasks, which was why she sometimes felt like she was on autopilot.

  Essential tasks.

  As Maren sat in her car, parked in front of her house later that day, not remembering more than snapshots of the entire afternoon that had just passed, including how she’d made her way home from the office, Davis’s words from all those years ago once more flashed through her mind.

  Essential tasks.

  And what exactly was the essential task today?

  She stared blankly at the house in front of her. The perfect home she’d made her priority for all those years, the one she’d always been so excited to return home to, and willed herself not to cry. Again. Because the last thing she wanted to do at that moment was walk through the door.

  Because the essential task, of course, was processing the information that at the ripe ol’ age of forty, she was dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.

  Fuck.

  It took her a moment but Maren managed to muster up the strength to sit up and tuck her hair behind her ears. She couldn’t fall apart in her car in front of her house. Of course she couldn’t fall apart inside either because her mother’s white Cadillac was parked in the driveway.

  Dammit. The party.

  Her birthday.

  The irony was too much.

  A slightly manic laugh slipped out of her mouth and she quickly clamped a hand over it.

  She seriously had to keep it together. At least until there’d been a little time to process everything. Just get through dinner. And then she could talk to Davis and then together they could decide what to do.

  What to do.

  The unspoken words echoed through her brain, as if there were actually any choices.

  With one last deep breath, Maren gathered up her purse, pasted a smile on her face, and went inside. She was barely two steps in the door when a cloud of Chantilly encased her, causing a completely different type of fog to descend upon her brain.

  “Happy birthday, darling.” Barbara Magnus landed a delicate kiss on each of Maren’s cheeks in turn before putting a hand on each of her shoulders so she could hold her daughter at arm’s length. “You look tired,” she assessed as she tilted her head to examine her more thoroughly. “Now that you’re of a certain age, you’re going to have to start using the right products or your skin will wither and before you know it, you’ll really start to show your age, or…” She clicked her tongue against her teeth and Maren forced a smile that no doubt looked pained and likely slightly maniacal. “You might even start looking ten years older. In fact, you really should have started with a good anti-aging cream earlier.”

  Maren stayed still in her mother’s critical gaze the way she always did. It was easier than confronting her about it. Besides, she meant well. At least Maren was pretty sure she did. At any rate, Barbara Magnus was who she was, and that wasn’t going to change. Especially not in one night.

  “Thanks, Mom.” Maren finally twisted and freed herself. “Have you been here long?”

  “Only about fifteen minutes. I used my key.” She pursed her lips. “Davis told me dinner would be at six and I wanted to spend a few minutes with my granddaughter. Where is she?”

  “Rylee?”

  “Do you have another one?”

  Maren flinched at her tone, but forced a smile. “No. Of course not. Is Rylee not home?” It was almost six. She should have been home by now.

  Barbara trailed Maren into the kitchen. Her eyes flicked to the bottle of red Davis had opened the night before but she quickly looked away and poured a glass of water instead.

  “You don’t know where your daughter is?”

  Maren ignored her as she gulped down the water. “I’m sure she’s working on a project or something with a classmate. She knows to be home for dinner. I’m not worried.” And she wasn’t. Rylee was a responsible kid. She knew the rules and she’d never given either of them any reason to be distrustful of her. As far as teenagers went, Maren was pretty sure they’d won the lottery.

  Would the next one be the same?

  The thought hit her so suddenly, she choked on her water.

  “Maren? Cover your mouth when you—”

  “Did someone order a birthday feast?” Davis’s voice rang out, rescuing Maren from any further critiques from her mother—at least for the moment.

  Having gotten her coughing under control, Maren called out, “We’re in here.”

  Barbara’s lips pursed again. “Really, the way you two yell at each other.”

  “We don’t…” The protest died on her lips. She just didn’t have the energy to argue with her mom. Not then.

  “It smells delicious,” she lied to Davis when he joined them in the kitchen.

  He placed two heaping bags on the counter and turned to give her a kiss. “Happy birthday again. I hope you had a good day.” There was a question in his eyes, but she didn’t want to talk about the meeting. She didn’t want to talk about anything. “Where’s Rylee?” He glanced around as if she should have been standing behind him.

  Maren shrugged and started to unpack the food. “Not home yet. But I’m sure she just got caught up with something at school. Let’s eat.”

  “Hungry?”

  She nodded despite the fact that just the smell of the Indian food, normally her favorite, was making her stomach turn.

  Maren would never normally think of starting dinner without Rylee, especially not a birthday celebration. But it wasn’t a normal day. Not even close. And the sooner they got dinner over with, the sooner she could go to bed and put the entire day behind her. With any luck, she’d wake up in the morning to find it had all been a very bad dream.

  Davis had just passed the butter chicken when the front door flew open, followed by Rylee, who ran past them and up the stairs. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I’ll be right there, I just need to change.”

  Maren exchanged glances with Davis. He raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything and a few minutes later, Rylee ran into the room and slid into her chair.

  “Hi, Grandma. Sorry I’m late.”

  Barbara nodded with a smile and, with none of the criticism reserved for Maren, patted Rylee’s hand. “I’m just happy to see you.”

  Even almost sixteen years later, it still amazed Maren to see her mother with Rylee. It’s not that her mother had been cold and distant when Maren was growing up, but she’d never gone easy on her. Quite the opposite. Nor did the woman ever seem to have enough time for Maren. Not the way she should have. Not the way that Maren would have liked. One of the many reasons she’d vowed to be a different kind of mother to Rylee.

  Over the years, Maren had heard from others in her mommy groups that their parents were much different as grandparents than they’d been as parents, but it never failed to take her off guard to think that the same woman who had a “social function” the night of the science fair when she’d won a silver ribbon had never once missed any of Rylee’s swim meets or school concerts.

  “Where were you?” Davis handed her the naan.

  “Studying.” Rylee took a piece and ripped a chunk off.

  “At school?”

  “Yep, at school.”

  “Alone?”

  Maren gave Davis a look. Why was he interrogating her? Rylee was a good kid. If she said she was studying, she was
. He knew that. “Davis.”

  He ignored her.

  “No.” Rylee paused, the spoon held aloft. “With Sienna.”

  “Really?”

  “Why are you questioning the girl, Davis?” Barbara piped up. She was never one to stay quiet, particularly if she thought Rylee was subject to even the slightest injustice. “If she said she was studying, she was.” She turned her attention to Rylee. “What books are you reading in English this year? I’m always so—”

  “I got a call from the school today.”

  Maren’s head whipped around and she stared at him, her mouth open. “A call?”

  Davis nodded in her direction, but kept watching Rylee, whose mouth had also dropped open. She recovered quicker than her mother had and stuffed another piece of naan in her mouth.

  “Where were you today?”

  All eyes were on Rylee when Maren asked, “You skipped class?”

  “No!”

  “Why did the school call?” Davis was remarkably calm. The school never called unless it was to tell them about an award Rylee was receiving.

  She shook her head, her eyes wide. “I don’t know. It must have been a mistake. I was in class. I wouldn’t skip.”

  Of course she was. Rylee would never skip a class. She didn’t do things like that.

  Davis must have believed her, too. After a moment, he nodded and picked up his fork again. “It must have been a glitch in that electronic student attendance program the high school got last year. That’s kind of what I thought,” he admitted. “But I have to do my job as a dad.”

  Rylee’s smile was weak. “I get it.”

  From the other side of the table, Barbara made a clucking noise with her tongue, which meant, whether they liked it or not, they were all about to be treated to her thoughts on the situation.

  “You both need to leave the girl alone. Rylee would never skip school. We all know that. She’s on the honor roll, for God’s sake.”