All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  “You shouldn’t be here.” Davis’s voice wasn’t cold or hard, but sad. Almost resigned. “Not now. Not—”

  “We need to tell her.” Once the idea had lodged in her head, she couldn’t get it out. She had to tell the truth. The lies were causing almost a physical pain in her chest. It was too much. She needed to come clean.

  “No.” Davis stepped closer. “This is not the time or the place to have this conversation.”

  “Then when, Davis?” She knew her voice was rising. She knew she was dangerously close to becoming hysterical, but she couldn’t help it. If he didn’t talk to her about this, she thought she might just explode. “We can’t keep doing—”

  He crossed the floor in two quick steps and put his hands on her shoulders. “Sabrina. No. We can’t do this. We can’t tell her.”

  “We have to.” She burst into tears and if he hadn’t been holding her, she would have crumpled to the floor. “It’s killing me, Davis. It really is.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and Sabrina didn’t know whether it was to comfort her or hold her up, but it didn’t matter. She craved the contact. The feeling of not being so completely and desperately alone. She sank into his arms and let the strength of his body hold her up. Because she no longer knew if she was going to be able to stay strong.

  “You have to listen to me, Sabrina.” He whispered in her ear, but it was frenzied and pointed. “We are absolutely not telling her anything.”

  “But she needs to know, Davis. It’s not right to lie about—”

  “No,” he hissed. “She does not need to know. I love Maren. She is my wife. You knew exactly how this was going to be when you made the decision for this baby. This was never going to be a happy family with a happily ever after ending, Sabrina. You knew that.”

  She did know that. And she’d thought she’d been okay with it. No, she had been okay with it. She’d never even thought she wanted a baby until she peed on that stick and saw the two bright-pink lines. In an instant, she wanted that baby more than anything else in the whole world and it didn’t matter how it had come to be, or what it was going to look like in the future. All she knew was that she was going to be a mother. And that was the only thing that mattered.

  But time changed things.

  And it wasn’t the only thing that mattered anymore.

  Maren needed to know.

  She deserved to know.

  And the baby deserved to know, too.

  Everyone needed to know…Davis was the father of her child.

  Maren

  It could have been a rusted-out minivan and Maren knew Rylee would have been just as excited with her gift. But Maren couldn’t contain the smile when her daughter let out a squeal of joy when she saw her little blue hatchback in the driveway.

  It really was the perfect first car for Rylee. And she looked so cute sitting behind the wheel.

  Maren snapped a few pictures with her cell phone, secretly pleased she’d found the dolphin steering wheel cover and little blue dolphin that dangled from the rearview mirror earlier that morning when she was picking up the party supplies. Rylee’s swim team was called the Dolphins—along with most of the swim teams across the country—but it had also become Rylee’s favorite animal and even better, the accessories looked perfect in the car.

  “I can’t believe you got her a car.”

  Maren put her phone down and turned to see her mother next to her. “Hi, Mom.”

  “A car?” Her mother ignored her greeting and it was all Maren could do not to sigh. “Do you think that’s a good idea? I mean, she’s only—”

  “Sixteen, Mom. Legally old enough to drive. Davis took her to the DMV this morning. She passed her test with flying colors. She’s a licensed driver.” She didn’t bother telling her mom that the car had been more of a “oops, we forgot your birthday” guilt gift than anything else. “I’m glad you could make it,” she said instead. “I’m sure Rylee will be thrilled to see you.”

  “You did this because of the baby, didn’t you?”

  Maren turned to stare at her with her mouth open, but closed it instead of saying something that she’d regret. It was never worth it to get into it with her mother. Especially during a family function. And definitely not at Rylee’s birthday. “Why don’t you go say happy birthday to Rylee, Mom. I should go check on the food.” As she spoke, she glanced around to find Davis. She’d expected him to be right there with Rylee, pointing out all of the features of her new car, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight.

  Neither was Sabrina.

  * * *

  She needs to know the truth. It isn’t right.

  Absolutely not. Maren can’t know. It would kill her if she knew the truth.

  * * *

  The text messages she’d read on Davis’s phone flashed in her mind the way they had since she’d first seen them just over twenty-four hours ago. She’d done everything she could to put them out of her mind, explain them away as something else. Anything else. Something innocent. Maybe they were talking about her surprise party and how Sabrina had done most of the work.

  But that wouldn’t kill her to know. She already knew that. Or had assumed it anyway.

  It had to be something else.

  But what?

  Maren had done her best not to let her imagination run wild. After all, speculation wasn’t going to solve anything. She’d talk to Davis about it directly. Just as soon as the birthday party was over. She looked over the small crowd on the driveway, once more looking for him.

  Where was he?

  She scanned the crowd again.

  Still, Sabrina wasn’t there. And she knew she’d arrived at the party. She’d seen her with Rylee.

  Alarm bells rang so loudly in her brain she couldn’t even hear herself think, which was probably a good thing considering every single thing she’d been trying to keep out of her mind was about to come crashing in.

  Maren only barely noticed as Rylee turned the keys in the ignition. She waved to her, and it looked as though she were trying to ask her something, but Maren couldn’t focus on her daughter. She needed to find Davis.

  And Sabrina.

  Now.

  Over the years, Maren had seen Davis embrace Sabrina a hundred times. They were all best friends. It was normal. Innocent.

  Maybe it was because of the text messages. Maybe it was because of all the unanswered questions she had. But there was nothing innocent about the embrace she walked into in her kitchen.

  They weren’t kissing. And there was nothing sexual about the way her husband’s arms were around her best friend.

  But there was something very wrong about the way tears streamed down Sabrina’s face while Davis spoke to her with hushed, firm words. Maren didn’t even hear what he was saying. But as soon as she walked in, Sabrina’s eyes locked on hers, and in that instant she knew her life was about to flip upside down in the worst possible way.

  “Maren.”

  Davis turned. “Maren? Is Rylee—”

  She silenced him with her hand. There was no way she was going to stand there and let him pretend everything was fine. Because she still didn’t know what it was exactly, but what she did know was that it was definitely not fine.

  “Tell me.” Her stomach threatened to empty its contents, but somehow she managed the words. “Tell me what’s going on.” She looked at Davis. “Tell me what would kill me.”

  Davis had dropped his arms and without his support, Sabrina looked as if she might topple over. Her face was white, her eyes red and puffy. “Maren, I don’t know—”

  “No.” Davis cut her off. “This isn’t the time.”

  “I think it is.”

  He looked back to Maren. She could feel her body trying desperately to shake, but she pressed her lips into a firm line and crossed her arms in front of her so her fingernails dug into the flesh on each opposite elbow. Anything to keep her rooted, because she was not leaving that kitchen until she heard the truth.

  The truth she wa
s almost positive she already knew, just by looking at her best friend.

  But she needed to hear it. She needed to hear the words from her husband’s mouth.

  “Tell me.”

  “Maren, I—”

  “Tell me.” Her voice shook as she struggled to keep from yelling. “Now.”

  “I’m the father of Sabrina’s baby.”

  And just like that, for the second time in less than a month, Maren’s entire world shattered. Only this time, there was no way she’d be able to keep the pieces together.

  “Maren?”

  The voice penetrated the fog in her head. Had she passed out? Blacked out momentarily? Maybe she was sleeping? Waking up from a bad dream?

  Maren blinked. Slowly, deliberately.

  No. It wasn’t a dream. She was very much awake. And somehow she’d managed to stay on her feet.

  “Maren.” Sabrina’s voice. “Please. If you would just listen…”

  She shook her head. It was a nightmare all right, but it was very, very real. “No.” When she finally spoke, she didn’t recognize her own voice. “No,” she repeated. Stronger this time. “I don’t want to listen.”

  Her vision, momentarily blurred, came back into crystal-clear focus and her gaze landed directly on Sabrina’s ballooning stomach. A wave of nausea slammed into her so hard it almost knocked her over. But no, she would not be sick. She would not react. Not like that. Not then.

  “Maren, please.” Davis took a step away from Sabrina’s side, toward her. She almost laughed. Where should he be standing? “It’s not what you think.”

  She put up a hand to stop him. She wasn’t sure where he should be standing, but it was definitely not next to her.

  “The baby isn’t yours?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes. It is. But it’s just—”

  “I don’t want to…” She shook her head. “No. Not now.” She looked at both of them in turn. Her husband of almost twenty years, her best friend for so much longer.

  Who were they? How could they have…

  “It’s Rylee’s birthday.”

  Yes. The idea gave her strength. She just needed to get through the afternoon. Through Rylee’s birthday and a house full of people without completely falling apart. And in order to do that, she couldn’t think about whatever it was that was going on. She looked at them each one more time. Disgust and disbelief started to penetrate the confusion.

  “Davis, you should be watching the grill. There are hungry teenagers to feed.” She moved quickly into command mode. Most of the party guests were still on the driveway, looking at the car, but they’d be hungry soon and there was the cake to get through. “I’ll get the candles.” Maren moved automatically toward the drawer where she kept the party supplies, but stopped. “No,” she said. “I’ll get the cake. It’s in the garage.”

  She turned to leave, but thought twice. Maren spun around again to see Sabrina and Davis still staring at her. Sabrina’s face was streaked with tears. Her mascara had left black smeared blotches on her cheeks. Maren looked to Davis, who simply looked stunned as he stood there. They’d both clearly expected a different reaction from her. “What are you waiting for?” She glared at her husband. “The burgers aren’t going to cook themselves.”

  And with that, she spun on her heel and, forcing herself not to run from the room, escaped into the foyer, where she immediately leaned up against the wall and took deep, gulping breaths.

  Had that just happened? Had her life really just imploded while she stood in her kitchen on her daughter’s sixteenth birthday? While she barked orders?

  It had.

  Another deep breath.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, but only for a second. She had a cake to get, candles to light, “Happy Birthday” to sing. She had to—

  “Maren?”

  Her eyes snapped open. “Jessica? Hi.” Her brain somehow registered the presence of her neighbor. She stood in front of her in a bright-orange blouse Maren had never seen before, a gift bag in her hand and…a man.

  “This is Chad.”

  Chad. Chad of the car that had been parked on the street more often than not in the last few weeks.

  “I came to wish Rylee happy—hey. Are you okay?”

  She didn’t know whether it was the concern in her friend’s voice, or the strange man’s handsome and way too bright of a smile that seemed to be mocking her as her life crumbled around her. But in an instant, she knew she couldn’t do it. Any of it.

  “You know what?” She heard herself say. “I’m actually not okay. I think I need to go lay down. Jessica, would you mind…” She waved behind her in an inadequate effort to indicate she needed her friend to handle the party and started to walk away.

  “Maren?”

  “Is she okay?”

  On some level, Maren registered the voices behind her, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t have the energy. Because every ounce she had left was channeled in putting one foot in front of the other, up the stairs and into her room, where she drew the blinds, locked the door and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  Rylee

  The party had been…strange.

  If it hadn’t been for her new car, Rylee’s entire sixteenth birthday would have been a total write-off. Her parents were acting super weird, and Sienna hadn’t even bothered to show up.

  Not that she really expected her to. But she’d hoped—no, she’d really hoped she would.

  More than once while Rylee sat in the front seat of her new car, she’d looked around the group on the driveway, hoping to see her best friend. Getting their first cars was another one of the things they’d always talked about doing together.

  About how as soon as they got wheels, they could go driving around all day with the windows down and the music cranked. They’d be able to go wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted. Together.

  Rylee tried not to let it bother her that Sienna was missing the moment, but after a few minutes of sitting in the driver’s seat while Brice set all the radio stations, Rylee was over it. “Do you want to get out of here?”

  Brice paused, his hand over the radio dial. “Like right now?”

  “Yes.” Rylee pulled the door shut and waved at the few friends who were still on the driveway. They probably wouldn’t even notice if she took off for a few minutes. “Right now,” she said to him. “I just need to get out of here and…” Rylee looked toward the house and her eyes locked with her grandmother’s. She forced a smile, but she needn’t have bothered; her grandma nodded and waved her fingers at her in a shooing motion that Rylee took as permission to take off. Not that she was looking for it. As much as her mom complained about her grandma, she just got Rylee. Ever since she was little, Grandma had been a safe place and Rylee could do no wrong.

  Rylee blew her a kiss and turned the key in the ignition before putting the car in reverse and backing out of the drive.

  The freedom of driving her very own car was more than even Rylee could have anticipated. She rolled the windows down, and let Brice pick a song on the radio, which he turned up to full blast. She drove and drove, not knowing or caring where she was going until finally the sun started to go down and she took a road that she remembered would lead to an old nature preserve her parents used to take her to for day hikes.

  “What’s this place?”

  Once parked, they left the car in the little dirt lot and walked together down the gravel path into the trees.

  “It’s this old park we used to come to,” Rylee said. Nostalgia washed over her as they walked and Rylee told Brice of some of the memories she had of going there when she was little. “My mom used to pack these ridiculously huge picnics,” she said as Brice took her hand. “And my dad would bring a ball for us to kick. Mostly he’d end up chasing it into the trees over there.” She laughed, remembering how terrible she’d been at any sport involving a ball. “We’d always have our picnic here at these tables.” The old wooden tables had definitely seen better day
s, and were in desperate need of a coat of paint. “And then when I got older, I’d go sit by the river and watch the ducks.”

  She had a private clearing in the trees that had felt like her own special little hideaway where she could be alone. Looking back, her parents must have known exactly where she was. Hell, they probably could have seen her from the tables, but when she was little, it felt like a world away.

  “Come on.” She pulled Brice’s hand and started running down the path, suddenly desperate to see if her place was still there. “I want to show you something.”

  It was still there. The little thicket of willows that created an almost wall around the grassy area where she’d sit, and sometimes spread out her dolls. With Brice’s hand still in hers, Rylee picked her way through the shrubs so they could get into the clearing. And then, just like when she was a child, an immediate sense of peace washed over her.

  She turned in a slow circle as she took in the walls of willows on three sides and the river rushing by on the other. “Isn’t this amazing? I can’t believe I’d forgotten about it.”

  She’d forgotten because it had been years since they’d been there. But why had they stopped going out there?

  She knew exactly why. Because she’d grown up, started swimming and they’d gotten busy. Now they’d do all of those things with the new baby while Rylee was away at college. Maybe her little brother or sister would find this spot. Maybe it would give him or her the same sense of peace.

  “I think you’re amazing.” Brice tugged her hand and pulled her close so her body was pressing up against his.

  Instantly Rylee’s thoughts turned from the past to the present and the boy who was kissing her. Everything with Brice was intense. He made her feel so…wanted. So…important.

  She kissed him back and let her hands rest on his waist for a moment until he lowered her to the ground where they could sit. Only they didn’t just sit.