“Is that what you want? We can do that. We can do whatever we want. Let’s walk the rest of the way to the river.”
In the dim light at the edge of the parking lot, beyond the piles scooped up by snow plows, Ross waded into eight inches or so of untouched snow. Puck asked, “Where are you going?”
“I’m checking out the real snow. Come and join me.”
Puck looked down at the sneakers on his feet and knew he would go home with wet feet, but he was curious about what Ross had in mind. It didn’t take long to find out. As soon as he stepped beyond the small mountain of crusty ice and snow scooped from the parking lot, a puffy snowball exploded against his shoulder.
Puck raised his head just in time for another snowball to land in the center of his chest. He laughed and said, “So this is how it goes?” Within minutes Ross was backing off as a volley of white cannonballs pummeled him.
Ross hid behind the trunk of an old hickory tree. He said, “Damn, I think I picked the wrong guy for a snowball fight.”
“I told you I was an athlete.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t say you had an arm that you should register as an automatic weapon.”
Puck stepped up close to the tree. “Aw, c’mon, you don’t need to hide from me.”
Ross stepped out from behind the trunk just as Puck pulled a snowball from behind his back. He tugged the front of Ross’s coat forward and shoved the cold white stuff inside.
“Hey, now, fuck, that’s playing dirty.” Seconds later, Ross was rolling on the ground with Puck. They were both laughing and fighting for the upper hand.
Puck let up slightly to give Ross a fighting chance. Ross still flailed around, and Puck finally pinned him to the ground. “Hey, that was fun. I haven’t done anything like that since high school.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever done anything like that, and yeah, it was fun. Did I tell you how beautiful your brown eyes are?”
“Oh, shit, you’re not going to get all soft and mushy on me, are you? You had me going there with the snowball fight.”
“I won’t on one condition.”
Puck pushed himself upward until he was on his knees straddling Ross’s midsection. “Yeah, what’s that?”
“You have to get down here and kiss me again. And this time I want you to mean it.”
Puck groaned. Part of his head still wanted to resist, but his heart was winning the battle. Staring down into Ross’s deep blue eyes, Puck gave in. He leaned forward until their lips pressed together. He parted his lips for Ross’s tongue, closed his eyes, and let go of the fear.
Ross gasped for breath as they both came up for air. “Damn, I”m going to want more of those. I’ll want a lot more.”
“Slow down. Take those baby steps,” whispered Puck. “It’s all fucking new to me.”
13
Check-Up
Puck dreaded each time he had an appointment to take Addie to the doctor because it always brought back horrifying memories of Miranda’s last hours. The doctors worked desperately in the final moments, but there was nothing they could do to halt the bitter end. Fortunately, the appointments were frequent enough that Puck felt like someone afraid of heights desensitizing by visiting the Empire State Building every couple of weeks. The appointments became less painful as time went on.
Puck arrived at the latest checkup appointment for Addie with a new question to ask Dr. Merton. As one of the few family doctors in the Coldbrook Bend area, he was Puck’s primary physician, too. He gave advice on fighting fatigue and encouraged Puck to ask any other health questions.
Addie never feared doctors. She was always in a good mood from the moment they entered the waiting room to the sterile, disinfectant-scented examination rooms. The receptionist smiled when she saw Puck and Addie. “Is she back for another checkup?”
“Yep, eventually they get fewer and further between, right?”
“Yes, they do.”
Puck retreated to a seat in the waiting room and hoped that the extra-wide smile from the receptionist wasn’t an attempt at flirtation. He flipped through parenting magazines and shook his head at how simple the photos made family life look.
He suspected the men and women in the photos went home to their real children after the photoshoots, let their hair down and growled about who’s turn it was to take out the garbage. Then they stayed up half the night worrying about their kids driving cars and drinking at unsupervised parties.
A dark-haired woman to Puck’s right leaned slightly toward him and said, “She’s adorable, and she’s so quiet and good. How do you do that?”
Puck shrugged. “She’s always been like that. Lucky, I guess?” He turned to take a closer look and saw the boy on the opposite side of the woman balancing a small video game on the cast on his right arm while he manned the controls with his left hand. Puck said, “Wow, I broke my arm about the time I was his age.”
The woman rolled her eyes. “I guess that’s what happens when you climb onto the roof of the shed just to see if you can do it and lose your balance.”
“Oh, Mom.”
Puck said, “I got in a fight with my best buddy. I drew the short straw. He didn’t have a scratch on him.”
Puck flinched when his comment caused the woman to lean slightly away from him and cross her legs in the opposite direction. He responded by staring straight ahead and shuffling the magazines on the table to his left.
Fortunately, the nurse called Puck and Addie into the examination room a few short minutes later. Dr. Merton stepped into the room soon after the nurses weighed and checked Addie.
Puck liked Dr. Merton. He was middle-aged with salt-and-pepper gray hair and a kind face. During an earlier appointment, he said that he was a native of Coldbrook Bend. He worked for a time in Rochester, but he chose to move back home and be a family doctor where he grew up.
Dr. Merton said, “Addie is growing like a weed, and that’s the way we want them to grow. That’s much better than growing like a fussy flower.”
“I do my best to do everything like I’m supposed to. She’s an easy baby compared with the horror stories I hear from other people.”
Dr. Merton reached his index finger downward for Addie to grab. “Then you’re a lucky dad.” He turned his attention to Puck and said, “It looks like you have a question.”
Puck fidgeted and rubbed his hands on his jeans. “I know this is Addie’s appointment, but is it okay if I ask a question about me?”
“Of course it is. There’s a reason why I’m called a family doctor. What’s on your mind?”
“It’s rather personal.”
“Most medical questions are personal. It’s not the subject of casual conversation until you reach retirement age. If you’re worried about anyone else finding out what you ask, that’s covered, too. I could get thrown out of my practice if I shared your secrets. Also, I’m not a priest, so I don’t make judgments.”
Puck’s forehead furrowed. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Because ninety percent of the time when someone hesitates about asking a question, it’s something about sex, Puck. The other ten percent are usually about something they do in the bathroom. Am I on target?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Puck considered dropping the subject, but then he closed his eyes and managed to say, “Do you know anything about sex with guys?”
Puck took a deep breath, opened his eyes again, and stared straight into Dr. Merton’s face. The response was a kindly, soft smile. It was the same one Puck’s dad had on his face when his eight-year-old son asked about the origin of babies.
“Let me be completely honest. I don’t know anything from my own experience, but as far as medical matters, yes, I’ve dealt with many situations. I have gay clients, both single and couples.”
Puck breathed a sigh of relief. He said, “I’ve met a guy, and I’m considering it, but I wanted to make sure everything was safe. You know, because of Addie. She needs me.”
Dr. Merton reached o
ut and patted Puck’s knee. He was startled by the touch, but it felt positive and reassuring. He was surprised by how much knowledge Dr. Merton shared in a brief discussion of using condoms, PrEP or even avoiding sex that could be risky altogether.
“If you can ask me these questions, I’m sure you can ask your partner frank questions about his sex life. Nothing is perfect, but if you choose condoms and use them correctly, your risk is very low. If you choose the PrEP route, you’ll be seeing me a lot more, but it makes your risk very low, too. We’ll take some blood before you leave and test it to make sure there are no surprises. And since you asked me a hard question, I’ll ask you one, too. “How are things going for you and Addie without Miranda?”
Puck knew that Dr. Merton would ask something about Miranda. He always did, and Puck always dreaded the questions. The anguish and pain were still there just below the surface, but it almost felt normal. It was getting harder and harder to remember when it wasn’t there. Puck developed his own methods for dealing with it, and he made sure they weren’t based on alcohol and drugs.
“I never know when it’s going to hurt. I still think about her all of the time, but I can go almost an entire day now without it feeling like someone is twisting a knife in my gut. Is that progress?”
“That’s a lot of progress, and it will never completely heal. There will always be scars, but time does make things better.”
“Will Addie remember Miranda?”
“That’s a more complicated question than you might think. It will also get even more complicated as she gets older, because I’m sure she will hear stories about Miranda from you, and she’ll see pictures. She might not know whether what she remembers about her mother is from actually seeing her, or if it is made up of the photos she sees and stories that she hears.”
“So is that what my dad is talking about when I insist that I know what my Aunt Lisa looked like. In fact, I remember seeing her in person, but he tells me that’s impossible because she died when I was just two years old.”
Dr. Merton nodded. “That’s a perfect analogy.”
Puck smiled. “I love those memories. So I should talk about Miranda and show Addie pictures and tell her stories?”
“As long as it’s not too painful for you.”
“After awhile, I think it’ll make me feel better, Doc.”
“Then, by all means, share all of the stories you can.”
“And take her to the cemetery?”
Dr. Merton said, “I don’t see why not. What about Miranda’s family? Addie’s grandparents?”
Puck shook his head. “I don’t want to get into it, but they didn’t want us to get married. I haven’t heard from them since Miranda died. She was an only child.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you getting the support that you need?”
“It’s been tough, but it’s getting better. I met someone.” Puck grinned. “That’s why we had the conversation earlier. I mean, we’re just friends for now, and I’m not sure what direction it will go. I just want to be prepared. And I think I’ve found a great sitter for Addie. He has a baby that’s just a year old.” Puck paused for a moment. “Do you think it’s weird that it’s a guy?”
Dr. Merton smiled, slapped Puck’s knee and stood up. “I’ve heard of bisexual people before. No, I’m not worried. In fact, I’m pleased to hear all of your news. It sounds like you’re doing all of the right things. Just keep in mind that if you hit a tough spot, and you need someone to talk to, give us a call. We can put you in touch with the right people. If you’ve got a good sitter, you might even consider getting away for a few days. Taking care of a baby is hard work. Sometimes you need a break.”
At that moment, Puck envisioned Ross’s smiling face, and it brought an idea to mind. He said. “Thank you so much, Doc. You’ve been a big help.”
Dr. Merton bent over and tickled Addie’s tummy. “You have a wonderful little girl here. Keep up the good work!”
14
Roses
While Alan’s basset hound Boomer busily sniffed at a bare patch of grass along the sidewalk, Ross held the leash firmly to deter the dog from wandering any further. He said, “You know, I think you’re one of the luckiest dogs in the world.”
Boomer ignored the comment and continued to sniff. Alan tried to convince Ross that Boomer needed a sweater to walk out in the Minnesota winter weather, but Ross disagreed. Boomer lived his life wearing the furry sweater nature gave him, and he didn’t seem deterred by concerns about the weather.
“You live with two amazing men as your owners, and then you have me, and I spoil you rotten. What more could a dog want or need?”
Acting on his own instincts, Boomer suddenly turned back to the sidewalk and took off as quickly as a dog with stumpy legs could. That lasted for three steps before the leash grew taut. Boomer abruptly sat down and waited for Alan to follow. By the time Alan stepped forward, Boomer was reluctant to stand again. The result was a start and stop process all the way home.
As Ross stepped inside the kitchen door of Alan’s house and kicked off his shoes, Alan met them and began to wipe at Boomer’s snowy feet with a dishcloth. He said, “You do know that you don’t need to do this, don’t you? My neighbor takes Boomer out in the yard over lunch hour, and I can walk him when I get home.”
“It keeps me from making the mistake of getting my own dog.”
“Why would that be a mistake?”
“Because I’m not home enough, and I keep telling myself that I want to travel. I can give Boomer back after I have my fun.”
Alan sighed. “I can’t wait to do more traveling. I’m restless. I’ve never lived in one place as long as I’ve lived in Coldbrook Bend, so now I have wanderlust, and I want to travel. I need to wrench Diego away from his work for at least two or three weeks and go on a grand trip. Would you like some hot chocolate? It is still cold out there.”
“I should head home, but that is tempting. I guess I can spend a few more minutes here. When does Diego get home? He told us that he would be in the office tomorrow, but I didn’t know when he gets back from his business trip.”
“I’m expecting him any time.” Alan filled an electric kettle with water and set it on to boil. “I hope you don’t mind a mix. I’m too lazy at the moment to do the real thing.”
“I think I can handle the mix. It’s the way I would make it at home.”
Alan busied himself with mugs and hot chocolate mix. He said, “I’m going to be nosy, because, well, it’s the only way I know how to be. I heard that you hooked up that new friend of yours with Dak as his babysitter.”
“Where did you hear that? Word gets around fast, I guess, and most people in a little town don’t know the concept of privacy.”
“I live with your boss, and I think Rhea knows everything.”
“Damn, yeah, I guess I did tell her about it. It seems like it’s going well. I wouldn’t expect anything different. Dak is such a great guy. He’s a great dad.”
While he poured the hot water and stirred the mugs of hot chocolate, Alan asked, “And is there anything between you and the guy?”
“I hope so.”
“You hope so? Don’t you know?”
Ross shook his head. “I feel a little bit like I’m one of those cowboys out on the range trying to tame a wild horse. We get close, and then he bolts. Then we get close again, and he runs again. I love spending the time together, but I want to take the next step.”
“He’s got a lot going on. Don’t expect to go to bed too soon if that’s what you have in mind.” Alan handed Ross a mug and sat beside him at the kitchen table. “Is he the right guy?”
Ross considered the question as he blew across the mug to cool the hot liquid. “How do I know? I don’t even know him that well.”
“Sometimes you just know.”
As if on cue, the kitchen door opened, and the first thing Ross saw was a bunch of red roses. Alan grinned and yelped, “Oh my God!” He rose from the table and rushed to
the door.
Ross leaned back and watched, sipping his hot chocolate, and thinking about his own dreams while Alan threw his arms around Diego crushing the roses between them. Diego said, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t know you had company. I didn’t notice Ross’s car out on the street.”
“It’s not a problem. Pretend I’m not here.”
Boomer ambled over toward the door to join in the greeting. After sharing a kiss, Alan took the roses and said, “The ones from Easter haven’t faded yet. They’re still looking good in the living room.”
Diego said, “My man should have flowers in every room even though they aren’t half as handsome as he is.”
Alan blushed. “And you think Boomer is spoiled. Diego’s like this all the time.”
Diego stepped up to the kitchen table and bent over to hug Ross. “It’s always good to see you, too. Rhea left me a note about all the work that you got done while I was gone.”
“I did my best.” Ross stood up, pulled his coat from the back of his chair and said, “I need to head home.”
Alan said, “You don’t need to rush off.”
“I’m hardly rushing off. You gave me hot chocolate.”
Alan added, “And I hope he’s the right one.”
“That’s my dream. Trust me, that’s my dream.”
15
Weekend
After a longer than usual day at work, Puck knocked on Dak and Brody’s front door. He heard a voice from inside the house. “It’s unlocked. Come on in.”
When he opened the door, Puck smiled at the sight that greeted him. The TV was on in the living room, and Brody was sitting in the floor by one end of the sofa. He was playing with blocks with Penny.
On the opposite end of the sofa, Dak sat in the corner gently rocking Addie in his arms while he made goofy faces. He looked up and said, “I have to keep an eye on Penny all day long, so when Brody gets home, I take the easy job. Addie is such a sweetheart.”
River Town Box Set Page 39