Her face fell. “No. I had a falling out… What happened to her?”
“I’m so sorry, Sara. She was found a few months ago. She’s been gone for a very long time.” I reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry.”
She waved me away and blew out a shaky breath. Tears in her eyes, she fanned her face and blinked them away. “I kind of knew she was gone. She disappeared all those years ago and everyone said she was just being Jessica. She was always so wild. I knew something else was up. She’d been scared right before…”
I sat up and nodded. “That’s kind of why I’m here. I’m a friend of Mercer Dunn’s. I don’t know if you remember him. He was dating—”
“Of course I remember him. Jessica was always talking about him. What about him?”
“The police are trying to say that he did it.”
She slumped. “No way. If anything, it was that other guy she was dating. Well, I don’t know if that’s the right term for what they were doing.”
“I know it’s probably not a good time, but can you tell me everything you remember? I’m looking for anything, no matter how small, that might lead me to the man she was seeing. Or anywhere else, I guess. I just know that Mercer didn’t do it.”
“I can try to remember everything. It’s been so long.” She pulled a bottle of water closer and fiddled with the label. “That time definitely stands out, though. It was when I met my husband.”
“May he rest in Barbie hell.”
Laughing, Sara patted my arm. “Thank you for that.”
“I can come back, Sara. I don’t want to put anything else on you.”
“No, it’s okay.” She stood up and moved towards a bedroom. “I kept everything from that time period. Pictures of Jessica and everything we did together. I might have something that’ll jog my memory.”
The two little girls showed up at my knees as soon as their mom vanished. One had lopsided pigtails and the other’s hair was flying all around her little head. The wilder one popped her thumb out of her mouth and stuck her tongue out at me.
“That’s not very nice.” Still, I did it right back to her.
She screamed and ran away, leaving me with her lopsided sister. “That’s not very nice.”
“Cute.”
“Cute.”
“All right. I get it. You’re mocking me.”
“All right. I get it. You’re mocking me.” Her words were littered with little speech issues, but she was cute as a very annoying button.
“I’m a monkey and I like to throw my poop.”
She started to mock me and then burst into a fit of giggles. “You throw your poop!”
She had me there. I shrugged and nodded. “You better get before I throw some at you.”
She ran away screaming, too, and I was blissfully free of children. I could admit that they were really cute, but I didn’t think I’d ever enjoy a child that wasn’t my own.
Sara came back a few minutes later and shoved stuff out of the way to set a box down on the bar. “That other guy. I never met him. She never told me his name, either. I remember that. He was some big mystery.”
“Do you know what he did?”
Sara was flipping through pictures. “No. I mean it when I say mystery. She didn’t want anyone to know that she was cheating on Mercer. She liked Mercer and didn’t want to hurt him, but she was wild. Jessica wasn’t a one-man kind of woman. No matter how much she liked a guy.”
“Do you think she would’ve told anyone more about him?”
She pulled a picture out and smiled at it. Tears filled her eyes as she stroked her finger over it. “She was a good girl. I know it sounds bad, but she wasn’t bad. She just liked having fun.”
I looked at the picture and felt my stomach twist. Jessica was a striking black-haired beauty. With a smile that went on for forever, her arms were wrapped around a young Mercer. He looked happier than I’d ever seen him and it hit me like a hammer to the chest that I’d never seen him truly happy. I blinked back my own tears and pulled the picture closer to me.
“He’s special to you, huh?”
I blinked away tears and laughed. “I’m an idiot.”
She patted my hand. “No one is going to get it more than me right now.”
“Can I have this?”
“Take it. Let me find another one of Jessica’s best friend. Katie. She was a year younger than us, but just as wild and crazy as Jessica. They were thick as thieves. As close as I was to Jessica, I couldn’t compete with Katie. If Jess told anyone anything more about the mystery man, it would’ve been Katie.”
“Do you remember her last name?” My heart started racing, a sense of imminence settling in.
She pulled a picture out and waved it. “Here! Her last name was May. She was always introducing herself as Katie May, like one name. She’s the blonde in the middle.”
I looked at the picture and noted how Jessica and Katie were hung all over each other. Young and free, they were having the time of their lives, it seemed. “They’re both so beautiful.”
“They were. Jess was a knockout. I was always so jealous.”
“I would’ve been jealous, too. By that age, I was stripping in a bad part of Vegas, dyed platinum blonde from a box. It wasn’t pretty.”
Sara closed the box and sighed. “I was getting married in a dress bigger than I am now.”
“You got four cute kids from yours—and another on the way. That’s something. All I got was a lifelong membership into a very exclusive club. NA.”
She laughed and then slapped her hand over her mouth. “I shouldn’t laugh at that. I’m sorry.”
“Laugh away. If you can’t joke about the shit in your life, what can you do?”
“Cry?”
“I hate that.” I pocketed both pictures and looked around her house. “Hey, I’ve got some time. You really helped me. Let me help you.”
“I should say no. You’re a stranger and you just told me my cousin is dead.”
“Say yes. It’ll be my penance for bringing the bad news.”
“I… can’t.”
“You’re dragging that out a lot. I think you mean you can.”
“Fine. Help me with the kitchen and then get out of here before someone I know finds out I let a stranger come in and do my dishes.”
“I’ll give you my number. You wouldn’t have a stranger’s number—therefore it’s not so weird.”
She stood up and held out her hand. Shaking mine, she pulled me in for a hug. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I talked to your mom first. She seems to miss you.” I made myself at home and started loading the dishwasher. “I’m supposed to tell you that she loves you.”
Sara fled from the kitchen, crying. It was quickly followed by four screaming children. With the whole house thoroughly upset, I finished picking up the kitchen and started the dishwasher before leaving a note for her to call me if she needed anything. I’d done enough damage with her for the day. It was time to leave.
With the pictures in my pocket, I stopped and picked Mercer up from his hiding spot and then headed back towards Arkansas. I was in a melancholy mood, saddened by so much. Mercer was quiet and I didn’t feel like breaking the silence, so we made the drive back without speaking to each other. He didn’t even ask about what Sara had said. I didn’t volunteer it. The picture of him and Jessica burned a hole in my pocket. Knowing that smile of his was there, scalding me with the knowledge that I was jealous of a dead girl. She’d made him happy. He’d loved her. I was nothing to him.
“We should pull over for the night.”
I shook myself out of my reverie and realized that it had gotten dark. I’d been staring so intensely at the road that I hadn’t even noticed it happen. “Um, sure.”
The next town we came to had another tiny motel with a flashing vacancy sign. I went in and paid for two rooms in cash. I was in a fog as I went back to the car and handed Mercer his key. Grabbing my bag, I went to my room without saying anything els
e to him. I locked the door and dropped my bag. I needed to cry and I didn’t want to chance anyone—meaning Mercer—hearing me, so I stripped and got in the shower. The cold water froze me until it went boiling hot and burned my skin. Still, I stood under it and hung my head. The tears wouldn’t come at first. I didn’t even know why I wanted to cry, really. I was fine. I was… in love with a man whom I’d never seen happy.
That made the tears come. How selfish it was that I didn’t cry for Jessica’s lost life or Sara’s many losses, but my own. I was selfish. I was jealous and a stupid woman.
I needed to solve the case and go home. Being alone in my house for a few weeks sounded like a really good thing. I needed to go to a meeting. I needed to go for a run. Instead, I wrapped my scalded body in a rough towel and climbed on top of the bed like that. With the heater on full blast, I stared at the ceiling as the shivers I was feeling faded.
It could’ve been worse. Things could’ve always been worse. I told myself that again and again. Mercer could’ve given in to my lame seductions. I could’ve felt what it was like to have him, at least in bed, and then lost him.
I sighed. Would it really have been all that bad to at least have that to hold on to, though? I couldn’t make myself think so. There I was, crying over a man, and there was only an awkward hand job between us. A hand job that he’d let me give him while picturing I was someone else.
I fell asleep like that, feeling shitty for myself and wishing that I had whatever the dead woman had had to make Mercer smile like that.
Chapter 13
Mercer
Get out. Get the fuck out, right now, I chanted at myself over and over again. Still, I stood motionless where I was. Just in the threshold of Lauren’s room, I hadn’t expected to find myself staring at her barely-covered body. The tiny towel she wore did little to hide her from my prying eyes. I felt like a fucking predator, watching her while she slept, checking out her body, but I was helpless to it. She was stunning, all long legs and soft curves. Her wet hair fanned out all around her, curling wildly. No makeup on her pretty face, she looked frustrated even in her sleep.
I moved closer, even though I knew I needed to leave. I’d come over to talk to her. At least that’s what I told myself. I’d known she’d be asleep. I’d snuck in like I had snuck into the room the night before. Maybe I was hoping for a replay. The idea of laying my body on top of hers when she was that close to naked was one that turned my blood to lava. But I couldn’t. I didn’t think I’d be able to stop myself.
I wanted to know what had upset her. She’d been too quiet. There was something wrong, but I hadn’t known how to ask without seeming like I cared. I didn’t want her to think I did. I needed her to keep thinking of me as a piece of shit, then she wouldn’t try anything with me. I was too weak to turn her down if she did. And what an asshole I was for hoping she’d make a move. I was still reeling from feeling her writhe against me the night before. It’d been one of the hottest things I’d ever felt. Even when I was raging angry because I thought she was moving for a stranger like that, some man who wasn’t me, I was so turned-on that I could barely think. Knowing that it had been for me rocked me. She wanted me. At least, she had.
I wanted to know what had happened at Sara’s house. I vaguely remembered the woman. She’d been nice. Had she been able to convince Lauren somehow that I was guilty of what the police were accusing me of? That was crazy, though. Lauren trusted me and believed in me more than anyone else in the world. No one would ever be able to change her mind about me. Even me. Even though I didn’t deserve her loyalty.
I didn’t deserve what she was doing for me, either. Trying to clear my name, it was crazy. If she got too close to the truth, it would be dangerous. If a man had killed Jessica for threatening to expose him, there was no way he wouldn’t feel it an option to do the same to Lauren. I didn’t know how long I should let her do her investigating. I had to stay with her, in case it got dangerous, but I couldn’t let it get too dangerous. I wouldn’t be able to keep her safe if shit got too serious.
She spread out more in her sleep and that towel threatened to fall away. I meant to turn away, but then she moaned, ever so softly. Whatever she was dreaming, it wasn’t good. That furrow in her brows was deeper than ever and she was frowning. Her hands balled into little fists and I watched as a tear escaped her tightly shut eyes.
My chest thudded painfully. She was crying in her sleep. Something had upset her enough that she was that upset, even in her dreams. I wanted to wake her up and hold her in my arms. She deserved to be comforted. She deserved a man who could comfort her. Eventually, she’d find that man. He’d pull her into his arms and wake her up by kissing that spot between her brows. Then he’d kiss her lips and tell her that everything was okay. She’d cling to him, wrapping her arms and legs around him in a way that she’d only do when no one else was watching. Fiercely strong, she’d only show him the side of her that got scared and needed someone to hold her. He’d hold her in his lap and stroke her silky hair until she fell back asleep. Then, he’d just hold her and stare down at her, thankful that he got to be the man that she needed.
“Mercer…” Lauren’s broken voice was just a ghost of a sound in the silent room. She was still dreaming, still fighting whatever demons had followed her that day.
Hearing my name on her lips was too much. I let myself back out of the room and stood outside in the cool night air, wishing I was anywhere else in the world, that I was anyone else in the world. Staring up at the sky, I couldn’t see the stars due to the glow of the vacancy sign.
“Mercer.”
I turned, surprised to see Lauren standing in the doorway to her room. Clutching that damned towel tight around her, she looked better than those stars ever could. “Yeah?”
She looked down and then back up at me through her lashes. “Come inside. Please.”
I planted my hand against the brick veneer of the motel and held myself back. I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted to, but she deserved more. “Go back inside, Lauren.”
Pain filled her eyes, but she nodded. “Goodnight, then.”
The sound of her door closing and the lock turning could’ve brought me to my knees if I wasn’t holding myself up against that wall. I made my way back to my room and fell into bed, wishing that everything was over. I didn’t know how much more I could handle.
***
I was outside, leaning against the car, when Lauren came out of her room the next morning. In skintight jeans and a sweater that couldn’t actually be warm with that dipping neckline, she looked like a million bucks. Her hair, which she usually wore straight, was curling just as wildly as it had been the night before. She had makeup on again, her lips painted a deep red that drew my attention. Looking for Mr. Perfect, she’d said.
I looked away from her, feeling like she was stomping on my chest with those impressive knee-high boots she was wearing.
“So, I found Katie May.” Lauren pulled a couple of old photos from her pocket and put them on the hood of the car next to me. “Sara said she was Jessica’s best friend. I looked for her this morning and she’s in Fayetteville. We’re not all that far away.”
Looking down at the pictures, I sucked in a sharp breath and picked up the one of Jessica hugging me. It’d been a very long time since I’d seen a picture of Jessica. I glanced up at Lauren and choked on that breath. There was a devastatingly sad look in her eyes as she stared at the picture. At me in the photo. I looked back down and tried to see what she was looking at. It was just me. I was older now and missing a part, but I still looked the same, mostly.
“What?”
She cleared her throat and pushed the pictures over to me. “You keep them. They’re special for you.”
I looked at them again and then back up at her. A wall had come down around her. She felt closed off and colder, just that fast.
“Sara thinks that Katie will know more about the married man. I can get us to her in less than an hour. I think I just want to
skip breakfast and drive straight through. The sooner we figure this out, the better—right?”
“Lauren…”
“Come on. Do your stowaway act.” She grabbed her bag and tossed it in the trunk. “I feel like listening to music this morning. How about you?”
It didn’t matter what I wanted. By the time I had myself and my bag in the back seat, she was already blaring some shitty music. She pulled out of the parking lot, doing everything in her ability to not meet my eyes in the rearview mirror.
It was a painfully awkward drive, punctuated by her turning the volume up every time I tried to talk. Eventually, I climbed into the front seat and jabbed the radio off.
“Are you trying to make us both go deaf?”
“Get back in the back.”
“No. I’m up here, now. I can’t handle another minute back there with you blaring shitty pop music. I’d rather get caught and go to jail.”
“Nice.”
I looked over at her and frowned. “You seem like you’re in a great mood.”
She changed lanes and nodded. “I’m wonderful, actually. I have a date. While I was looking for you, I met this guy named Adam and I was going to have a hot night of meaningless sex with him. We kissed and it was… good, to say the least. I couldn’t do it, though, because I was still holding on to something else. That’s silly, though. So, I called him and when this is all over, I’m going down to see him. He owns a bar in this tiny little town in Mississippi. A biker bar. Did Luke ever tell you how I have a weakness for bikers?”
I saw red. If she wanted to push all of my buttons, she had. I was pissed about so many things. She kissed some asshole. She went to a bar. She was trying to mess around with a biker. She was still trying to see him. It was all fucked up and I felt like breaking something.
“I’m hoping we wrap this up soon. He was super hot. It’s been such a long time since I’ve hooked up with someone. Years, actually. I don’t know what I was waiting on.”
I bit my tongue, hard. Whatever I said could and would be used against me. Instead, I turned the radio back on and flipped through the stations.
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