by Maya Banks
“I think that’s a perfect idea,” he said gruffly.
CHAPTER 19
EDEN relaxed, letting go of her earlier bout of nerves. She had argued endlessly with herself whether to tell Swanny she was a virgin, but in the end he deserved to know. And, well, she wanted the experience to be wonderful, what she’d been dreaming of, and now that he knew, she knew he would take extra care with her and make it as special as she wanted it to be.
When she’d first told him and he’d looked astonished and baffled and speechless, for a while she thought she’d made a mistake and that he would back out. But then she realized that he was simply overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that she wanted him to be her first.
Her heart had simply melted at his reaction. He didn’t feel as if he were good enough for her, and he was genuinely baffled by the idea that she wanted him when, in his words, she could have any man she wanted.
But therein was the issue. She hadn’t wanted a man or felt right making love with another man. Not until Swanny. And as she’d tried to explain, she couldn’t say why it was him. Just that for her, he was the one. Now, looking back, she was so glad she had waited. That she’d been discerning and holding out for just the right man, because she knew to her bones that Swanny was the right man to take this enormous leap with. He might have doubts as to why she wanted him, but she had none whatsoever, and if it was the last thing she did, she was going to make him see himself the way she saw him. Strong. Caring. Loyal. Tender. So very loving and humble. Her heart turned over just thinking of him being her first.
“Shall I undress or do you want to do it?” she asked him shyly.
He put his hand on her arm. “I’m going to undress you. I want to make this perfect for you, so I’m going to take this nice and slow and if there’s ever a point where you want me to stop, just say the word and it stops then. I want you to relax and let me love you. We have all night and I plan to make the most of it.”
She relaxed and then lay back on the pillow as he gently pulled the covers down to their feet, out of the way. She stared at his body, fascinated by the lean muscled contours of his body. Scars crisscrossed his chest and abdomen and even his thighs and upper arms. It broke her heart that this man had been subjected to unspeakable torture, but she also knew he was a survivor and that whatever hell he’d gone through hadn’t broken him. Not many men could survive what he had and retain their sanity, and yet he continued to put himself on the line, where something just like what had happened before could happen again. Her admiration for him grew with every passing second.
He lifted his body over hers, his erection brushing against her belly where her top had risen to bare her abdomen. It was an electric shock and she looked down, wanting to see him intimately. Her eyes widened as they had the first time she’d seen his erection because it seemed enormous. She wondered if he’d even fit, especially since she was a virgin.
But she forced those fears out of her mind as he lowered his body carefully to hers until they were flush against each other. He kissed her lingeringly, so sweet and gentle her heart swelled and for some insane reason, tears burned her eyelids. The moment was just perfect. It seemed she’d been waiting for this—for Swanny—her entire life. And now it was here. She wanted him so very much that emotion overwhelmed her, consumed her until she was nearly bursting with it.
Breathing hard, he lifted his head and propped his weight on one forearm and reached to caress her face with his free hand.
“I’m going to be very gentle with you, Eden. I don’t want you to be afraid. The very last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I’ll go as slow as you want. I want to know what pleases you, what feels good to you and what doesn’t so I make sure I don’t do it again. Your pleasure is my one and only priority.”
“With every word you make me want you even more, and I do want you, Swanny. So very much. I ache,” she whispered.
He groaned. “God, I want you too, Eden. So damn much I hurt with it.”
“Then make us both feel good. I trust you.”
He stopped, holding his head just above her, his eyes burning into hers with blazing intensity. She could see emotion glimmering in the fire, almost as if he couldn’t quite get the words out he wanted to say.
When he finally did speak, his tone was husky and laced with awe.
“That you trust me with this—you—honey, I don’t have words. You can’t possibly understand what this means. That you waited. For me. And that it’s me you want to make love to you. You undo me, Eden. There’s never been anyone for me like you. No one who ever bothered to look beyond the scars and see the heart of me.”
She stroked her palm over the scar-lined cheek, caressing and petting lightly. “They’re part of you. Of who you are and where you’ve been. You’re a hero. Willing to put your life on the line when so many others wouldn’t. I’m so sorry you paid the ultimate price and for the pain the memories must still cause you. But I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry you’re here right now and that we’re making love together.”
He claimed her mouth again, moving his big body over hers. The silk nightwear was hardly a barrier to the hardness of his body. She could feel his muscles, the strength in this big man. Knew he could so easily hurt her but also that he never would and that she’d never be safer than she would with him. He’d never allow anyone to hurt her physically or emotionally.
The kiss deepened. She tasted him. Savored the intimacy of their kiss, her body coming to life underneath his. Her breasts swelled, her nipples hardening into tight points, and between her legs a pulse beat, making her restless and edgy.
Slowly and reverently, he slid the straps of her top down her arms, pausing just before her breasts were bared, almost as if he were savoring and anticipating the first glimpse of her unclothed.
She shifted restlessly, eager to be skin to skin with him, to feel his warmth and strength with no barriers between them. He kissed the hollow of her neck and then trailed his tongue downward to where he met with the barrier of her top and then slowly slid it downward, baring her breasts to his touch and gaze.
When his mouth tenderly closed around her nipple, she let out a low moan as pleasure cascaded through her body. Her muscles clenched and her clit tingled with anticipation. The pressure between her legs was making her edgy and needy.
She wanted to touch him and so she ran her hands over his shoulders and then thrust her fingers into his hair, telling him without words the pleasure he was giving her.
He pushed the top farther down and then lifted her hips so he could pull it the rest of the way down. He moved down her body, tossing aside the top, and then he hooked his fingers into her lacy shorts and slowly slid them down her legs until she was completely naked.
For a long moment he simply knelt there and stared, his heated gaze sweeping from head to toe, his obvious desire and appreciation for her body gleaming in his eyes.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I never dreamed of having a woman like you, that you would want me. I’m overcome, Eden. I don’t even know what to say. Can’t possibly tell you in words what I feel right now.”
“Then show me,” she whispered back. “Love me, Swanny. Show me how beautiful it will be between us.”
He began at her feet, kissing and tonguing every inch of flesh on his way up her body. He lavished attention over every part until she was mindless with desire. He gently parted her thighs, baring her vagina to his sight and touch.
He ran his fingers lightly through the wispy tuft of hair over her mound and then went lower, carefully parting her labia. He touched her clit, just a soft caress, but it was like a surge of lightning that electrified her entire body. She gasped and arched upward, seeking more, wanting more.
He pressed his thumb over her clit and stroked lightly until she was breathless and on edge. His fingers circled her opening, tenderly exploring the small piece of skin that signaled her virginity.
Then he lowered his head and nuzzled into her fo
lds, replacing his fingers with his mouth and tongue. He licked and sucked lightly at her clit, seemingly knowing just the right amount of pressure to exert, expertly navigating the line between pleasure and pain.
He placed his open mouth over her opening and gently slid his tongue inside her, tasting her from the inside out.
“So sweet,” he murmured. “So very sweet. Like honey dipped in sunshine.”
His words and tongue were playing equal havoc with her emotions. She was so on edge that she knew she wouldn’t last long and she didn’t want to come without him inside her. She wanted this first time to be with him, inside her, together. Them coming together and experiencing it together.
She saw him reach for the box on the nightstand and for a moment didn’t realize what it was until he tore it open and a condom fell out. She put a hand to his arm to stop him and he looked up, his gaze responding to her unspoken question.
“Do we have to use one?” she asked. “I mean, is it safe not to? Obviously I’ve never been with anyone, but I don’t want my first time to be with a condom. I want to feel you. Not latex. Are you safe, and do you mind not using one?”
Swanny groaned. “God no, I don’t want one. I was protecting you, Eden. I’ll always protect you. But to answer your question, yes, I’m safe. It’s been a while for me and I’ve never not used a condom. And we have regular physicals and checkups on the job, so I know I’m clean. But what about pregnancy, honey? I’d never do anything to compromise your career.”
Her cheeks heated. “I’m on birth control. I get a shot every three months. Which sounds silly given that I’ve never even had sex, but they regulate my periods and make them more bearable. After one shoot when I was on my period and was just miserable the whole time, my agent urged me to go to the doctor to see if there was something they could do so that my periods wouldn’t interfere with my job. They suggested birth control and they gave me pain medicine for when it gets really bad. But the birth control has really helped on its own.”
“If you’re sure, then,” Swanny said huskily. “There’s nothing more I want than to have you skin to skin, to feel you surrounding me all soft and silky.”
She smiled. “That’s settled, then. Put them away and let’s get back to the good part.”
He laughed and tossed the box to the side and then lowered his head once more to her most intimate flesh and began working her up again, sucking, licking, kissing until she was writhing beneath him.
He slid up her body, fitting his to hers, but he made no effort to enter her yet. He caressed and sucked at her nipples, alternating between them until they were rigid peaks, straining upward. Then he kissed a path to her neck and nibbled just beneath her ear at the soft column of her neck.
When he reached her mouth he kissed her long and breathless, and then she felt him reach between them, positioning himself at the mouth of her opening. Her eyes widened at the feel of just the head stretching her opening.
“Relax, honey,” Swanny said gently. “I’m going to take it nice and easy. If you need me to stop at any time, just tell me. I can’t promise not to hurt you. I’m a big guy and this is your first time, but I’m damn sure going to try to make it as easy on you as possible.”
Her heart softened and her body relaxed, going pliant beneath his. “I know you will, Swanny. I trust you. I want this to be perfect for both of us. Not just me.”
“There is no way my being with you can be anything but perfect,” Swanny said in a fervent tone.
He slid his fingers over her clit, caressing and touching until she went wetter, and then he gently began to push forward, stretching her opening to his entry. He removed his hand and braced himself on his forearms on either side of her shoulders, staring down at her as he continued his slow entry.
She winced when she felt a slight tearing sensation and despite her best effort to hold them back, tears burned her eyelids. Swanny’s eyes glowed with tenderness and he reached up to thumb away the tear that had escaped and slid down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” he said, regret reflected in his features. “Do you need me to stop?”
“No, it’s okay,” she said hastily, worried he’d call it all off. “I’ll be okay. It’s just a little uncomfortable. Please don’t stop.”
“I won’t. I’m just going to go slow and give you time to adjust to having me inside you. The pain won’t last long and then I’ll make you feel nothing but pleasure. I swear it.”
He moved forward just a bit and she flinched but held tightly to his shoulders. He stopped immediately and leaned down to kiss her.
“I’m going to stay right where I am for a bit. Let you adjust. You tell me when you’re ready for me to go further, okay?”
She nodded and then focused on relaxing around him, savoring the sensation of having him inside her, albeit not deeply. Not yet. And she wanted that. Wanted him as deep as he could possibly be so they were one person. Connected in the most intimate way two people could be connected.
She shifted experimentally, testing the feel of him barely inside her. Some of the stinging pain had abated, leaving her with a restless, unfulfilled feeling.
Swanny groaned. “You’re killing me, Eden. There’s only so much restraint I can muster.”
She smiled and slid her hands over his broad shoulders. “It’s okay now. It doesn’t hurt as much.”
He propped himself up farther so he could see her face, gauging her reaction, and then he pressed forward, slowly and so very gently. She tensed, expecting more pain but other than the discomfort of stretching to accommodate him, the pain had diminished to a dull ache.
“Okay?” Swanny whispered.
God, but she loved how tender and caring he was being. She’d imagined her first time a lot over the years, but this far surpassed her wildest fantasies. It was beautiful. There was a poignancy that made her ache. Emotion swelled and knotted in her chest and throat. All she could muster was a reassuring smile and a nod to let him know she was fine.
He withdrew just a little and then pushed forward, a little more forcefully than he had before. She gasped, not in pain, but in wonder as pain and discomfort turned to intense pleasure.
“Just a little farther, honey. One more time and I’ll be there. Tell me if this hurts you.”
It shocked her that he wasn’t already all the way in. It certainly felt like she had a lot of him inside her. But then she’d seen his size, had been nervous that he’d even fit especially since it was her first time, but her vagina was slick with her desire and gripped him tightly, inviting him deeper.
Again he withdrew, not all the way. He was still inside her and then he pushed harder and she felt his groin meet hers. Her eyes widened in wonder at the sensations bombarding her. She felt completely full, stretched tightly around him like a closed fist.
His face was taut, his features strained. He briefly closed his eyes and his breaths were short and raspy. She realized just what his restraint was costing him, and it endeared him to her all the more that he’d taken such care to make it as painless as possible for her.
When he reopened his eyes, they glittered with the same desperate need she felt. Her hips moved, unconsciously tilting upward to take him deeper, if such a thing were possible.
“I’m okay, Swanny,” she said softly. “You feel so good inside me. I want this to be good for you.”
He caressed her cheek with one hand and then fused their mouths together as his hips rose and then he thrust back into her. His body covered her protectively and she wrapped her legs around his thighs, anchoring him to her, letting him know she was with him all the way.
She wrapped her arms more firmly around his shoulders, pulling him down even more to meet her mouth. Their tongues tangled and he mimicked the movements of his cock, thrusting his tongue in the same manner.
His breaths came quick and hot, mingling with her own. She inhaled deeply through her nose, trying to catch up as her body tightened and began the upward climb to the ultimate release.
“How close are you?” Swanny rasped out. “I want you with me, honey. I’m not leaving you behind. You come first. Always. Tell me what you need to get there and I’ll make it happen.”
She was so caught up in the overwhelming bombardment of sensation and feeling that it took a moment for his question to register.
“Close,” she gasped out. “It feels close. I’m not sure what’s happening, but it feels like I’m about to burst into a million pieces.”
He smiled tenderly down at her, pushing inward with his hips again, and then slid out in a long, slow pull that had her vaginal walls clenching around him, resisting his withdrawal.
“That’s what a good orgasm does,” he said. “Just let go, honey. Let it happen. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
He bent his neck so he could reach her breasts and sucked one nipple into his mouth as he surged forward again, burying himself to the hilt.
“You like that,” he murmured.
Since she’d gone even wetter around his erection, he was stating the obvious.
She was nearly to the point of desperation. She was on edge, the tension growing until it was unbearable. He began to thrust harder, forgoing his earlier tenderness. He was careful to maintain control and he didn’t thrust so hard that it hurt her at all, but he set a more rapid pace, plunging, retreating, then thrusting forward again until she was panting and writhing beneath him like a wild thing.
Her eyes flew open as the world seemed to shatter around her. The tension snapped, releasing the most intense pleasure she’d ever experienced in her life. She curled her fingers into his shoulders, holding on to him. Her anchor in the violent storm of her orgasm.
The room blurred around her. His features blurred but she focused on his eyes, drawing from the mirroring pleasure in his gaze. She bucked beneath him, arching, meeting his thrusts and using her legs to pull him into her over and over.
And then he let out a huge groan and his entire body tensed. He swelled within her, growing even more turgid, larger, and his thrusts became quicker, deeper.
To her utter amazement, as soon as she came down from the mind-blowing orgasm, his frenzied thrusts pushed her over the edge again. This time it was a quick buildup, no long leisurely climb to the top. It was explosive, not as lingering as the first, and her body quaked as a second orgasm flashed through her and he poured himself into her.
The heat of his semen flooded her, making the aftermath of her orgasm last even longer. He thrust with more ease as his seed eased his passage so he could easily slide to the hilt.
He let out a long groan and then finally collapsed over her, his warmth invading her whole body. She wrapped her arms around his back and shoulders and she caressed softly, enjoying having his weight covering her. She felt safe, like nothing in the world could hurt her at this moment.
She trailed her hands as low down his spine as she could reach and then traveled upward again, stroking and letting him know without words how she felt.
Finally he lifted himself off her and she immediately regretted the loss of his weight and heat. He propped himself up on his forearms, still buried inside her, and gazed down at her with such tenderness that she swallowed back the knot forming in her throat.
“Are you okay? Was I too rough?” he asked in concern.
She smiled and reached up to caress his face, paying special attention to his scar. “It was wonderful, Swanny. I never imagined my first time would be this perfect. And maybe that’s why I held back. Something inside me told me that none of the other men would give me what you’ve given me.”
“It’s you who have given me something more precious than anything I’ve ever received,” he said, sincerity shining in his eyes. “You can’t possibly know what it means to me that you trusted me to be your first. I wanted it to be special for you. For us both. In a lot of ways this feels like my first time as well. I’ve never made love to a woman without a condom, and I’ve damn sure never felt this way about any woman I’ve been with.”
“I’m glad,” she said, huskiness lacing her voice. “And it was perfect, Swanny. You made it so special. I’ll never forget my first time for sure. You were so gentle and patient. You were perfect.”
Fire blazed in his eyes and he reached down to claim her mouth. He kissed her lingeringly, sweetly and so very reverently.
“I’m going to pull out now, honey,” he said gently. “It may hurt you a little but I’ll go as slow and as easy as possible. I need to clean us both up. I think I came a gallon.”
She laughed and then braced her hands on his shoulders as he began withdrawing inch by precious inch. As he’d predicted, she winced when he finally pulled free, but at the same time she felt like she’d lost that connection with him that she so savored.
He rolled to the side and got off the bed. He leaned down to kiss her again. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move. I’m going to try not to mess up the sheets any more if possible so we aren’t sleeping with a wet spot.”
Then he disappeared into the bathroom and brought back a warm cloth and carefully cleaned her sensitive areas before wiping down his own groin and still semierect penis.
He checked the sheets, lifting her hips to feel beneath her, and then frowned. “It’s a little damp and I don’t want you sleeping on a sticky mess, nor do I want to have housekeeping in at this time of night and put a damper on the mood, so I can put a towel down over the spot and we can sleep like that.”
“A towel is fine,” she said, smiling at him. “I honestly just want to go to bed and have you hold me.”
“That sounds wonderful to me too, but first I’m going to draw you a nice hot bath and let you soak for a bit. You’re going to be sore and I don’t want it to interfere with your shoot tomorrow. So give me a bit to draw your water and then I’ll let you soak in the tub for a while and then we’ll go to bed.”
“That sounds heavenly,” Eden replied, touched by the depth of his caring and the fact that he saw to her every need.
A little while later he came back into the bedroom and lifted her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. It was a novel experience to have a man pick her up and carry her anywhere. She was tall and though she didn’t weigh much, she was still tall enough that a normal man wouldn’t have been able to carry her.
But Swanny was hardly “normal.” Could never be considered average. He was muscled, absolutely fit and so very strong. He made her feel cherished in a way she’d never dreamed of being cherished. She sighed as he lowered her into the bathtub and then sat on the closed toilet, watching as she relaxed into the water.