Whole-Hearted: A Malsum Pass Novel

by Kimberly Forrest

  A sob escaped Connie’s throat and Jacob took her hands in his. They were big, warm, and rough from callouses, yet soothing to her nerves as they stroked over her skin. “Come with me.” He whispered. “Forget about everyone else and just be with me.”

  It was so tempting to just say yes, to let him soothe the hurt, but Connie wasn’t delusional. Eventually, the night would end and she would have to return to the real world. A world where the town she lived, and the people she interacted with every day, saw her as a user, a manipulator, a joke. She couldn’t do it.

  Pulling her hands free, Connie swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Jacob. But I can’t do this. You and me,” she said, motioning between their bodies. “It can’t happen. The town will never allow it, and I’m just not strong enough.”

  She watched as Jacob stepped back, his jaw clenching hard enough that the muscle ticked and his lips pressing into a tight line. He gave a sharp nod, turned away from her and strode toward his motorcycle. This was it. This was goodbye and her chest tightened so painfully, it felt like she could barely breathe.

  Connie expected him to get on the bike and drive away, but at the last minute he turned toward her, his face set. “Do you know how long I’ve loved you? Do you realize how long I’ve waited for you?” He gritted out. “All those years you looked straight through me while you went after my brother, but I never gave up hope. I knew, knew, that one day I’d have the opportunity and you’d be worth the wait.” He shook his head sadly. “You say you’re not strong enough, but let’s be real here, you went after Conner with single-minded determination for years. You didn’t give a shit what anyone said, so if you truly thought I was worth it, you’d find the strength.” With a sad shake of his head, he mounted the motorcycle, his parting shot cut right through her as he said, “But then, I’m not Conner, am I?” The bike started up with a rumble loud enough to drown out anything she might have said, but Connie just stood there in silence, biting her lip. Within moments, he was gone and the tears that Connie had been fighting, let loose with a vengeance.

  When Jacob got back to his place, he did a pretty decent rendition of man gone mad as he destroyed his workshop. Now, sitting on the floor, in the middle of the mess he’d have to clean up, he didn’t feel any better for the destruction he’d caused. Scrubbing his hands over his face hard, he expelled a shaky breath and closed his eyes. His thoughts wandered back to the first moment he’d fallen in love with Constance Tully. They’d been kids, maybe five or six years old – possibly even younger – and he’d been at the diner with his father when David Tully had walked in with his little girl. She’d been dressed in a glittery pink princess gown complete with a tiara perched on her white-blonde hair, and glass slippers on her feet. Jacob had been convinced that true royalty stood before him and he’d asked his father if she was a real princess. Tarvahl had laughed, ruffled his hair, and told him no, that Connie was just playing make-believe, but then David Tully had called her “princess”, surely her father would know. Jacob had sat there awestruck as he stared at the little princess across the room who was eating pancakes and knew that one day he was going to marry her.

  Jacob let out a growl and opened his eyes. He wanted to howl. He wasn’t that little boy who believed in fairytale princesses and happily ever after anymore, but up until tonight, he’d still believed that Constance Tully could be his. He was a fool. She didn’t want him – had never wanted him.

  He felt his eyes and teeth shift in his agitation but didn’t bother pushing his wolf back. Stripping off his clothes, he let the shift take him to fur, let his animal side have complete control. He’d run until either the pain was gone or he was too exhausted to continue.

  Connie didn’t know how long she sat on the dark steps in front of the salon and cried, but when she finally got back to the bed and breakfast, she was glad no one was around to see her tear-streaked face. Going up to her room, she collapsed on her bed, pulled on her headphones and cranked up the volume on her music. The Rolling Stones, Blinded By Rainbows began to play and the tears started up again. Jacob believed she didn’t want him. He actually believed that she didn’t think he was worth it to her. Oh, God, she had never meant to hurt him. Staying away had been to keep her from doing that very thing.

  Feeling sorry for herself, she listened to a few more depressing songs. When her playlist finally switched to some upbeat sounds courtesy of Beyoncé, she yanked the headphones off and stared up at the ceiling. If it wasn’t for this town, she and Jacob could be together instead of him being angry and her wallowing in self-pity. This wasn’t her fault. Her gaze moved to the dress she’d borrowed from Sherry Pierce and she wished she was leaving tomorrow. She needed to get away from this town and their low opinion of her character. It had always been said that a wolf found its strength within the pack, but right now, her pack was tearing her down and she’d had enough.

  Wanting to vent to someone who might understand, Connie picked up the phone and dialed Daisy. Connie and the feline sisters, Lily and Daisy, may have had a rough start, what with Connie initially being jealous of Lily, but while Connie’s friendship with the elder feline might be a bit tenuous, Daisy was definitely one of Connie’s best friends. The young feline had surprised everyone in town when she had decided to accompany her lover Alek, a Siberian tiger shifter, in his hunt to take down a notorious group called the fur traders who actually sold shifters like livestock. Daisy had always seemed so timid, yet she had flourished on this seemingly dangerous path.

  Currently, Daisy and Alek were in Philadelphia, checking out a possible lead on the group they were hunting, then they would be off to who knew where for God only knew how long…

  Daisy answered on the fourth ring and her voice sounded a bit breathy when she answered. “Did I interrupt something?” Connie asked as she looked at her clock. It wasn’t that late, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything.

  Daisy laughed. “Not what you’re thinking. Alek was teaching me some self-defense moves. Why do you sound like you’ve been crying? What’s the matter?”

  Connie huffed out a little laugh. “How do you know I’m not just stuffed up? Maybe I’m coming down with a cold.”

  Daisy snorted. “Mmhm, like I’m going to believe that. If you were sick you wouldn’t be calling me, you’d be slathered in Vick’s and your head would be wrapped in a hot towel, so spill.”

  The tears were threatening again, but Connie managed to tell Daisy everything, including what Jacob had said. She finished with, “It’s this town, Daisy. I swear it’s sucking the life right out of me. I need to get out of here.”

  Daisy didn’t bother trying to tell her all the reasons why it was best to stay with pack. After all, Daisy knew first-hand how damaging it could be to stay where you didn’t feel wanted. “You can come with us. We’re pretty much done here, but as soon as we know where our next assignment is going to take us, you can come along. Just think, you could see the world.”

  Connie snorted. “I appreciate the offer, but I’d be even more useless trying to be some mighty hunter. What would I do? Style the team’s hair? Do their nails?” She asked with a self-deprecating chuckle.

  “Hey, don’t sell yourself short. You’ve got skills they could totally use. You’re a whiz at picking locks, you’ve got a great sense of smell, and you’re good at putting names to faces. I know I’m terrible at that. I have to meet someone three or four times before I can actually remember them on sight.”

  Connie felt her headache return and she rubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t know, Daisy. I don’t see myself living like that. I’m just not brave like you are.”

  “You’re stronger than you think you are, Connie. My sister once told me that it’s easy to fight once you find something worth fighting for.”

  Connie winced, those words too close to what Jacob had said. God, she was such a coward.

  “Maybe you just need to get away for a little while to clear your head.” Daisy continued, pulling Connie from her thoughts. “Go to t
hat party. Have fun, and then when you get back, if you still feel like you need to leave, you can think about coming with us. Whether you find purpose in the mission like I did, or just sightsee for a while, at least you’ll be with someone from home.”

  Connie wouldn’t discount the idea. It was another possibility. Life in Malsum Pass was becoming unbearable.

  Chapter Seven

  Connie didn’t see Jacob for the next several days. Even after she had asked him to keep his distance at the end of winter, she would still at least see him regularly at the diner, at the grocery store, or just driving by. Not this time. This time she knew his absence was real, because he thought she didn’t want him. He thought that, to her, he wasn’t worth fighting for. So he’d truly given up on her. She pushed that thought away before she started crying again. Tears didn’t help the situation any, and only served to make her face puffy, and considering the visiting female wolves were due to arrive at any moment, that would not do at all.

  Her mother had predictably thrown a fit when Connie had told her that she would be leaving for a long weekend in New York City. It was only when she had told her mother about Victoria’s wealthy fiancé that she knew she had the leverage to win her mother over. Margaret Tully was now in raptures at the possibility of her daughter snagging a rich husband. It wouldn’t even matter if that husband was human. Her mother had dollar signs in her eyes. She’d even gone so far as to help Connie pack; letting out occasional coos and chuckles as she happily planned out her daughter’s wealthy future. It had been nauseating, and exhausting.

  Connie’s lips twisted in disgust at the memory, but she quickly smoothed her expression when the door to the bed and breakfast opened. Sherry Pierce was the first one through, followed by five women of various heights and hair color chatting happily. Last through the door was Tarvahl Pierce and then Jacob, both loaded down with luggage.

  Connie’s heartbeat kicked into double time at seeing Jacob. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him, drinking in the sight of his muscles flexing under a light gray shirt as he deposited his load of baggage. Seeing him again, finally, it really kicked in, how much she had missed his face; how dependent she’d grown on seeing him around town on a regular basis. Straightening, once he’d set the luggage down, his eyes skated over her, but if he actually saw her, she couldn’t tell. He smiled at a petite blonde that was trying to engage him in conversation, her body language clearly showing her interest, and Connie wanted to snarl at the tiny interloper.

  Every one of these women were pretty and had the stamp of approval from Jacob’s mother. Jealousy burned just under Connie’s skin. Unconsciously fisting her hands, she let her nails dig into her palms. There was a roaring in her ears, and her vision tinged yellow, as she watched Jacob place a hand on the little blonde’s arm and then suddenly, everyone was looking at Connie with varying degrees of both shock and surprise.

  Licking her lips nervously, Connie looked around in confusion. Margaret Tully let out a shrill laugh, grabbed Connie and dragged her away while saying to the group, “She’s just hungry. I’ll be right back.”

  “What?” Connie whispered to her mother once they were out of earshot.

  “You growled a warning. Loudly. Like you were about to attack. For God’s sake, Constance, your eyes are shifted. Get yourself under control.” Margaret hissed, pushing Connie down into a chair at the kitchen table, and then returned to finish getting the guests settled.

  Connie let her head fall to the table with a thump. Growled a warning? Her? Had she really? And of course Jacob would have heard. Would probably think she was insane with all the mixed messages she kept sending his way. She wouldn’t be surprised if he was now glad to have washed his hands of her. And could she blame him? Maybe she was insane. It was this town. This town was driving her nuts. Just when she thought she was getting control over her life, becoming a better person, she once again becomes crazy Connie who sends out mixed messages to men and growls at guests. Just perfect. She needed to get the hell out of Malsum Pass.

  With that thought in mind, Connie went up to her room and grabbed her suitcases. She’d text Tanya as soon as she had a signal. They may not have been planning to leave this soon, but if Tanya couldn’t get away, maybe Connie would just stay with her in Burlington and they’d leave for New York from there. Whatever they decided, anything was better than staying here.

  Jacob watched from the window as Connie loaded her suitcases into the back of her SUV. The little blonde wolf, Melody, was trying to get his attention again, but he barely paid her any mind. He had wanted to make Connie jealous, or at least see if he was able to do so. Stupid idea. As it turned out, it had worked, but knowing it was possible hadn’t made him feel any better. Instead of his actions forcing her to realize she had feelings for him and making her come to her senses and fight for them as a couple, she was running away. So be it. Now, if he could only make the pain go away.

  Melody would probably accommodate him, be a willing distraction, but she wasn’t what he wanted, and sex wasn’t the answer. He had no desire to use another woman to forget about Connie. He’d tried that once and it had been an epic fail. It was at a house party he’d gone to with Conner soon after his twenty-first birthday. Candace “Candy” Humphrey, a girl he had gone to high school with, had been staring at him from across the room, but anytime he would turn to look, she would lower her eyes as if she was shy. The attention surprised him slightly since she had never actually noticed him in school. Of course, it hadn’t helped that he was all gangly and awkward with braces and a head of bright orange hair that had cursed him with the nickname Weasley thanks to the popularity of Harry Potter. He had also been visited by the acne fairy, who had liberally sprinkled him with pimples. That combined with his shy nature, well, was it any wonder females looked elsewhere in school for romance? Luckily, he’d grown out of that awkward stage. His braces gone, his hair had darkened, and while he was still quiet, he was no longer shy.

  Candy was a pretty girl, human, with light brown hair and eyes, and she had a killer body; any number of guys he knew would have loved to have been the recipient of her attention. As the night wore on, she had eventually approached him, touched him casually on the arm and then the chest as she commented on some of their mutual acquaintances. She hadn’t said the words, but the invitation in her eyes and body language, had been clear. They had eventually made their way up to one of the empty bedrooms. It was dark, music from the party muted and only the sounds of their kisses and heavy breathing in his ears. Unfortunately, Connie’s image wouldn’t leave his head. Constance, Candace, Connie, Candy… was it any wonder that in the middle of that heated make out session that he had said the wrong name?

  He groaned just thinking about it. Candy had pulled away from him, “What did you just say?” He could feel her outrage pulsing off her body in waves and rightly so. He’d fucked up big time.

  Jacob had tried to backpedal. After all, he was finally with a beautiful woman ready to get naked with him, but Candy wasn’t buying it. With an offended huff she had hissed, “This is so not happening,” before leaving the room.

  That was why he was still a virgin at his age. It was laughable; some might even say pathetic, but there wasn’t exactly a lot of opportunity in Malsum Pass and he’d never been one to pick up women in bars. Unlike his older brother prior to meeting his mate, Jacob preferred relationships to anonymous sex – well, if he ever had sex that is. He’d flirted with a few women, hoping that one of them might ignite a spark and his near obsessive infatuation with Constance Tully would finally be over. It just never happened. He was a pitiful fool, in love with a woman who may very well never love him back, and right now he had every intention of heading over to The Stag and get rip roaring drunk.

  Chapter Eight

  Connie collapsed face down on one of the double beds in the hotel room while Tanya went to the window and exclaimed over the views. Connie would look later. Right now, she was too exhausted from the drive. What had possessed h
er? Why would she ever think she could handle New York City traffic? A small town girl who had only driven on the occasional highway. She’d nearly cried on the George Washington Bridge, certain that she was going to be run off the road as the cars buzzed by her, seemingly way too close on either side. While she had been white knuckling the steering wheel and trying not to hyperventilate, Tanya had been exclaiming at the sights and squealing, “Oh, look! Look, Connie!” As if she could take her eyes off the road even for a second. Yeah, not happening.

  As soon as she had left Malsum Pass and had adequate cell signal, Connie had called Tanya and told her she was on her way. Tanya had squealed happily, already making plans to go out dancing that night at a club she was sure Connie would just love. It had been great fun. For the first time in a long time, Connie felt like she could breathe, like she could be herself without anyone looking down their nose at her and judging her. How she had laughed. Tanya was a blast to be around. A plus sized beauty who embraced her shape and proudly flaunted it, she flirted with any and every male. After a few drinks, Tanya had quite a gathering of men around her and she would stick out her butt, give it a few exaggerated swings and then point out “Now this, my lovelies, is a proper ass. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

  A few of those men tried to grab said ass, but Tanya would simply swat them away and say, “No touching, honey, that’s a rare collector’s edition right there.”

  So much confidence. Connie envied that. Because, while she wasn’t blind, knew that the reflection in the mirror was beautiful, what she lacked was the confidence that she was anything more than a pretty face. Most everyone in town thought she was silly, foolish, a bit of fluff with nothing but cotton between her ears. Only her father actually seemed interested in what she had to say. Jacob did as well, her inner voice reminded her. On their one and only date, he’d listened, he’d asked questions like he valued her opinion, he’d cared about what she had to say.