TAT Box Set

by Emjay Soren

  "Want to head out? Go for a drive maybe?" His voice was low and sent a shiver down my spine.

  "Sure." My voice cracked and my face went beet red. Somehow I managed to stand and follow him to his truck. I was going for a ride with Chad Blake, and nerves were not going to stop me.

  Noah was.

  I won’t tell no one your name…

  I won’t tell em’ your name

  GooGoo Dolls

  Chapter Five

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s the rush?” Noah said and weaseled his way between me and Chad as we were headed towards Chad’s truck.

  My brother and I are close, extremely close. There hasn’t been a time in our lives when it wasn’t just the two of us, most of the time with our backs against the wall. There was nothing on this earth I didn’t trust him with. He knew it, too. I was worried though, that the Noah’s overprotective act was going to rear its ugly head. For the most part, Noah wasn’t truly overprotective. Noah was smart, and in our lives we had experienced enough to know that true evil exists. Noah is protective only if the situation calls for it. That meant one of two things. Either Noah was having an issue with me getting too close to his personal life, or he knew too much about Chad to ever let him near me. I feared the latter.

  “We’re going for a drive.” I replied, looking at him with pleading eyes.

  “No, you’re not leaving yet.” He wasn’t asking me to stay he was telling me, in his own roundabout way, that I was staying until he left. I couldn’t deny the tinge of uncertainty I felt at my brother’s hesitation. I had learned long ago to trust my instinct and then trust Noah even more, but I wasn’t getting any vibes from Chad… not negative ones anyway.

  “Don’t do this, Noah. It’s not your style and this big brother bear act doesn’t suit you. We both know you too well.” Chad looked shocked that I would defend myself so quickly. I don’t think he had any idea how truly unafraid of Noah I was.

  Noah would die for me, and I would do the same for him. It was that simple.

  Noah rolled his eyes and scoffed at me before pushing Chad. “Give me more credit Carrie, fuck.” He looked at Chad with a smile and laughed before turning back to me. “I need some back up tonight. Ramey is on her way here tonight with a few friends. Apparently she can’t get the message that over means over and she loves you, so…” He didn’t need to finish. I had been doing this since Noah started having girlfriends. At first they saw me as a threat because I was the most important person in Noah’s life. After a few choice words from Noah on the matter, these girls tried to become my best friend. I was always polite and cordial, knowing they weren’t staying around long.

  Noah had commitment issues, and that was putting it mildly. I always softened the blow of Noah dropping the girls like they were nothing. In his eyes, they were nothing. I tried to ease their pain with a few mild explanations… it’s not you, it’s him, he is so numb inside. It’s not that you’re not beautiful, you are, of course. Noah just can’t see past his own insecurities… blah, blah, blah.

  By letting them down gently they still saw Noah in a shining light, but suddenly he was all brooding and distant, and the chicks ate that shit up. It took me a few years to learn that I had become his wing man of sorts. He could dump these girls and then if he wanted, give it a month or two and call them up and they would be back on him in five minutes flat. He was a dog for sure, and I assisted him in his dog like behavior. But if a boy had the balls to do that shit to me? Noah would castrate the son of a bitch. Candy asked me once how I could repeatedly help him dump girls and not think the worst of my brother’s sexual exploits.

  I explained to her that Noah was upfront and honest with every girl he dated. He warned them it was just sex, no strings, no emotion. These women chose to try and forge emotions out of conquests. They knew the score, and allowed him in anyway. He was my brother, and though I hated his cynical views on sex and love, I supported him regardless. Candy was the only girl I knew, who for the last two years, had been sleeping with Noah and wanting nothing in return.

  “Bubba, I’m on a date.” I said, actually annoyed. It was really Ramey that was bugging me, not Noah. I had tried every last trick in my book just shy of telling her to fuck off. She was dense and completely immune to the brush off.

  “No, you’re at a bonfire with Chad, who is like us, and doesn’t date. He’s dealt with this shit himself, so he understands, Carrie.” Noah said. His tone and the look on his face told me he thought I was becoming one of those girls now, too.

  Fuck. Was I? Was this not a date?

  “Bro, it’s your sister. I wouldn’t be here with her if it wasn’t a date.”

  My heart fluttered in my chest at his words, but…yikes…Noah did not look happy all of a sudden.

  “No, bro, I’m pretty fuckin’ certain you don’t date anyone, and you sure the fuck aren’t dating Carrie!” The aggression in his tone was terrifying. I had dated plenty, and sure, I was inexperienced in an odd sort of way, but Noah was being a dick! He had never acted like this with any of my previous boyfriends.

  Your previous boyfriends weren’t Chad Blake. The harpy in my head spit the words at me, and I swiftly agreed. That was why Noah was freaking out. Chad was the game changer and Noah knew it.

  “I’m hoping to date Carrie more. I’m also hoping to finish this date tonight without one of us ending up bloody. You know me, Noah, I would never disrespect you.” He stepped close and looked Noah dead in the eyes. “You sure the fuck know I would never play Carrie.”

  God bless Chad, he stood his ground and didn’t bow down to my bully of a brother. In all honesty, it made him uber-sexy.

  Noah was done talking. He went from mildly irritated to straight up pissed off in about two seconds flat. “No, fucker! It isn’t happening, not to my baby sister! You disrespect every female you touch, and Carrie won’t be treated like a fangirl. There’s a fuckin’ reason I have purposely kept her away!”

  Whoa…what?

  “Noah!” I gasped in outrage, completely confused on that whole outburst in general.

  “You act like everyone here doesn’t know who Carrie is.” Chad took a lethal step closer and started clenching his fists, Noah mirroring his actions.

  Fucking men and their bullshit egos.

  Chad kept going. “You act like we don’t know the two of you are like Mutt and fucking Jeff, two peas in a pod, or whatever! We have been boys for years, man, years! I wouldn’t throw that shit away for a piece of ass!”

  Whoa!

  “Piece of ass?” I asked calmly, before I very sweetly kneed him in the nuts. Chad grabbed his junk and doubled over, dropping to his knees. “My ass, the piece you are talking about, is not interested in you or your dick!” And with that I stormed to Noah’s side. “Let’s go before Ramey gets here and I really do unleash the anger.”

  Noah laughed and nodded as he turned me towards his car and started leading me away from the party. He stopped up short and left me standing there, turning to walk back to Chad. Most people would have been fearful that the mother of all beat downs was about to take place, but those people don’t know my brother. Noah walked over to Chad, offered him a hand, and pulled him to his feet. Chad was a little gray from the sixty second flu courtesy of my knee. He and Noah spoke, then laughed and then both walked back toward me.

  Noah glanced over my shoulder at a group of people just arriving. “Too late, Sissy, Ramey just showed. Talk to Chad, I’ll be back in a second.”

  What?!?! Talk about an about face! Two seconds ago Noah wanted him far away from me, now Chad was my keeper. Something was up.

  “Carrie….” Chad started, but I held my hand up and looked away, my eyes following Noah, curious if he was off to hide somewhere or face the music. I didn’t want to hear Chad’s excuses.

  “Its fine, Chad, I get it.” Hoping the whole conversation was dropped I headed back to the bonfire and took a seat while still searching for my brother. The night had gone to shit right quick and I wanted a boo
k and a bath, stat!

  “No, it’s not fine, Carrie.” Chad said coming up on the left side of me and straddling the log I was sitting on. Now facing me he took my hand into his. I tried to pull back, but he just held it tighter. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I meant that you were more than that. I would never risk my friendship with Noah by banging his little sister for shits and giggles.”

  “You suck at flattery.” I said and rolled my eyes.

  He shrugged in indifference. “It’s true though. I’ve wanted to get to know you better for a while now. I think your funny, Carrie, and… hot…fuck!” He cups his hands over his face frustrated. “I’m not saying this right.” His voice drops and he leans in gripping my chin between his fingers. “I’ve never had to answer for myself when a hot girl is involved. I’m trying here, Carrie, but I’m still me and I won’t deny or apologize for how bad I want you.”

  “You need to know that I am not, nor will ever be, your play toy. I like you, Chad, you’re hot too!” I smiled mockingly and continued. “Noah will look out for me, but in the end the decision is mine, and he’ll respect that. If it’s ass you’re looking for though, then move along, because I am so far from the girls you’re used to. I have no desire to use my body to keep you around.”

  “I just wanted to go for a drive and talk, and maybe get a second date without your brother. I just want this to go better than it is. I know I have a sketchy past when it comes to women. I don’t deny the women or the fact that I was in it for the sex. But I am not a liar, I tell it like it is and I want to go on a damn date without a fight or your brother’s antics or you freaked out. All in, remember?”

  I laughed and nudged his shoulder playfully, nodding, letting him know I wanted that too. “What did you mean when you said everyone knows how we are? Me and Noah?”

  He shrugged again. “Just since meeting you and Noah, it’s obvious you guys are close. You understand each other when no one else knows what you’re saying. You have each other’s backs, and seem more like friends than siblings.”

  “We’re all we have.” I said.

  I leaned to the side to look at Noah as he came and sat on the other side of Chad. “Carrie, give the poor boy a break. I was being a dick earlier. Chad explained himself. You’re safe, Sissy.”

  “Yeah, I figured as much. Where’s Ramey? Are you hiding?”

  Just then I saw Ramey coming towards us with two beers in hand, all her friends gone. “Uh… Noah?”

  I wasn’t sure what move he wanted me to make, and I needed an answer quick.

  “No, it’s cool. She knows the score. She’s coming home with us tonight.” And like that I wanted to smack him. Noah was only good with cold comfort; he didn’t take into consideration of the girls feelings. Ramey was not going to take the brush off lightly. “Trust, Carrie.” He said his eyes drilling into mine.

  Trust or trust me was kind of code for Noah and me. It was universal for I get it, I mean it, I promise, and of course, trust me. He knew I was disappointed.

  “Whatever.” I looked at Chad who was watching us with some odd fascination. I just smiled. “Want to head out for that ride?”

  As the words left my mouth, Shamus came over with the guitars again. “We got a request, boys, care to play an encore?”

  Everyone started cheering and Chad leaned the guitar against the log with a gentleness that one would use when laying a sleeping baby down. It was sweet seeing him so completely consumed by something. “Not tonight. I got a pretty girl willing to let me drive her home…” He looks at me with a smile, then to Noah, but scoffs when he sees Noah watching him close. “And her brother is a dick so I’m out!”

  As I stand to follow Chad, I bend down to say my farewells to Noah and tell him to be gentle with Ramey when she actually pipes up. “Carrie, Noah was telling me that you play as well and that you can sing. Why don’t you ever join in?”

  I actually liked Ramey as opposed to all the other chicks my brother would bring around, with the exception of Candy. Ramey was a clinger, no doubt, but she had good intentions. No matter, I hated being put on the spot almost as much as I hated knowing my brother talked to her about me. Where was the code?

  “Really, Noah? Trust!” I said angrily and turned to follow Chad who came walking back and grabbed me around the waist.

  “Oh no you don’t, I wanna hear you jam.” He got in close and spoke into my neck in a whisper. “Nothing is sexier than a woman with a guitar and a tune. Play me something, Carrie girl.”

  Jeeze! I was almost panting! Who could say no to a request like that? Besides, he didn’t need to know that I was suddenly fantasizing about playing the guitar naked while sitting in his lap… not like it would ever happen, but still.

  Noah looked pissed as he pulled away from Ramey and I caught the end of his scolding her. “… never told you shit about my baby sis, so how the fuck do you know this shit? Are you a fucking stalker?”

  I felt bad for Ramey because Noah was drawing attention to them and I really don’t think she meant anything by it. “Noah, calm down, I’m sure she heard it in passing or something. It’s not like it’s a secret.” I brushed off the creep factor of yet another fangirl of Noah’s getting a little too nosey and strapped on the guitar. Might as well get this over with already.

  I started strumming the first few chords to ‘Nutshell’ by Alice in Chains and saw Noah soften immediately. Chad groaned, and Shamus and Cal both cursed.

  “Jesus, Carrie, you too?” Shamus asked with a laugh, and I knew they were referring to Noah’s die hard obsession with Alice in Chains. They had even an AIC cover band before they realized they had real raw talent.

  I laughed. “Who do you think taught me? Of course I know Alice tunes.”

  Everyone was laughing and I continued to strum the chords as all eyes fell to me. I wanted to hide under a rock, but Noah had a request. “Play some ‘Name’, sissy. You do it best.”

  I started strumming immediately when my eyes locked with my brother’s. I remembered the chords easily as I played through the first few bars when Shame started laughing. “You’re fucking kidding me… she looks just like him.”

  The ‘him’ in question was Noah, and I did look like him. I had mimicked every aspect of his skills when he’d taught me to play.

  “Who chose this song, Carrie?” Chad asked me, just as captivated as Noah was when I played; only from Noah I saw pride and sentiment… from Chad I saw heat, serious heat, and it made me want to play all night.

  “Noah did.” I said and let the intro play again since everyone was talking. I just kept playing, hoping to get out of singing.

  “Noah chose a Goo Goo Dolls song?” Shame and Chad asked in unison.

  “Bullshit.” Cal yelled from back by the coolers.

  “Carrie demanded a song choice of her own when I was teaching her. I, of course, was molding the rhythm guitarist in my AIC cover band, so that was everything we were playing then. She was so sick of playing Alice, so I told her to pick a song and not bitch about it.” He laughed and chugged his beer.

  “She’s fuckin’ awesome.” Chad spoke reverently and it made my hands tremble. He took a seat behind me so that I was now sitting between his legs, his hands resting on the sides of my thighs. I could smell his cologne as it mingled perfectly with the fire smell, his beer and the rain. I could feel his breath on my neck and his closeness sent goose bumps down my arms.

  “You have no idea. Sing it, girl.” Noah said.

  I knew if I sang it I would cry. I always did. This song was a reminder of our childhood and emotionally personal for the both of us. I looked at Chad beside me. I had stopped playing when Noah was telling the story, prepared to defend myself. Now Chad’s gaze was drilling into me and I couldn’t help but blush.

  “Oh, I have to hear it. Will you sing it for me?” His eyes were smoldering and I couldn’t, in that instant, deny how much I was falling for this Chad Blake game. And I didn’t give a shit.

  I said nothing and starte
d the song over again. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the guitar as I sang. I could feel Chad’s whiskey eyes, intoxicating, dark and burning as he watched me, his face close to my cheek. I was thankful that he couldn’t make me watch him from the angle we were sitting; this song would show too much.

  I could hear Noah’s hum of approval on a specific verse, but kept playing.

  And now we’re grown up orphans

  That never knew their names

  We don’t belong to no one, that’s a shame

  But you could hide beside me maybe for a while

  I won’t tell no one your name

  I played through the song and kept my eyes on my strings. It was a party packed with professionals, so I was terrified of screwing up. I played straight through to the end, tear free, thank God. The crowd had started clapping in the bridge at the end before the song slows again. I looked at Noah then and could see that age old pride in his eyes. He was holding Ramey’s hand and for just an instant I wished he would relax and let the moment take him in and feel loved. Candy would be my choice for him, but I would take Ramey if Noah would let her in. As the song ended and everyone started cheering, Noah stood and came to me, hugging me close. “Good job, Sissy.”

  I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t. Noah knew. He’d seen me watch my strings, disregard the nerves and focus. It was pride he had for me and maybe a small sense of loss. I think he was seeing in Chad what he thought I might see down the road. Good or bad, Noah knew exactly what I was in for.

  *

  Chad and I drove down the back roads and looked at the old farm houses and pier bars that I wished I could go to. He talked about making it big and playing in some of the more popular clubs, and I said I would love to see a show of his. He looked at me, shocked. “I know I probably sound like a fool, but are you honestly telling me you have never been to a show?”

  I nodded and blushed a little. “I think if I had been to a show I would have said hi to you and the guys, don’t ya think? Noah is a little more than protective when it comes to his music. He says it’s his outlet and all that, so I respected it and stayed away. After that bull tonight though, I think he was full of it and wanted me away from the whoredom.” I trailed off. Noah was a total downer and I didn’t want to talk about him right now.