by Emjay Soren
“Chad, I love that you wanted that for me, but I cannot leave you like this.” I looked at his groin indicating the monster hard-on he was sporting. “I’m not a stranger to the male anatomy and I’m not a virgin, no matter what Noah made you think.”
He kissed me again, long and hard before pulling back on a sigh. “Baby, you’re innocent enough being that was your first orgasm, and I fucking love that it’s mine. That is what’s gonna get me off the minute I get in the bathroom.”
Holy fuck!
“So you are going in that party, to the bathroom by yourself, to beat off alone while thinking of me?” Out loud it sounded even more ridiculous.
“Sure the fuck can’t stay like this all night. It’s fine baby, it’s normal.” He was looking at me like it was all in a casual dry humping day.
“It’s not fine, Chad. It’s ludicrous.”
He rubbed his face in frustration before looking at me with resolve. “It’s normal, Carrie. I’ve been beating off since I was ten. I promise, I know how it works.”
Feeling as though I was being scolded, I nodded in understanding. “That’s not what I meant, but wow, ten huh?” I shook my head, floored that I’d said that out loud. “I just meant it’s ludicrous to think of me while doing it.”
“No, that’s normal, Carrie. That’s all I will think about for the next forever. I’ll never think of anyone else.” He seemed so certain about how he felt about me. He didn’t second guess anything the way I do.
“But if you’re doing it either way, then do it here…” I trailed off and looked at the floor, embarrassed by what I was saying. “Do it now, while I’m here.” I whispered.
He groaned and cupped my chin forcing my eyes to his. “Look me in the eye and tell me if I’m getting this straight. You’re asking me to give myself a hand job while you watch?”
Oh God, I was mortified, but he was asking, and I would be damned if I’d let on to how hot the idea got me. So with a beet red face I looked at him and nodded.
Chad’s hand moved up and clasped me behind my neck, the other hand sneaking between our bodies and working himself free of his jeans, his eyes never leaving mine. I could feel the shudder when he gripped himself, then the movement of his hand as he started stroking. He bit his bottom lip and groaned when I shivered. “Fuck I don’t think I have ever been more excited to beat off.” His eyes rolled back in his head and he arched his back shifting me a little on his lap.
“Is it good?” I asked in a whisper, terrified to shatter the moment.
He nodded and licked his lips before pulling me in for a kiss. “It’s unreal baby… you watching me is sexy as hell.”
I wanted to look down and really watch him, but I wasn’t brazen enough. “Watch me baby. Look what you do to me.”
His demand had my gaze dropping and watching him stroke for stroke. He was thick and heavily veined and red at the top where the crown was glistening with what was to come. Was he really thinking of me?
“What are you thinking Chad?” I asked, more daring by the second. Feeling inspired to let the words roll even if I sounded cheap.
“I can’t think. I see you sittin’ on my lap fresh from a wicked orgasm, your first and I gave it to you. I’m watching you baby and it’s all I need.” He groaned and began stoking faster, his strokes centered on the end of his shaft. “Kiss me, baby.” He breathed the words and then my mouth was on his. He was thrusting into my mouth in tune to his fist before his hips thrust up and he broke the kiss. A sexy groan escaped his lips, his fist stilled and his body bowed tightly. “Here I go, baby.”
Holy fuck!
He was so beautiful right then, coming between the two of us. His eyes locked on mine, both of us panting and Chad moaning my name as his release slickened his hand.
We were silent for several minutes and just huddled into one another. I glanced down between us wondering if I had his release on me, but saw that there was a knit cap over him and nothing on either one of us. “Wow, I’m impressed. That’s both resourceful and fast thinking.” I said and then we both cracked up laughing.
Chad wiped himself off and then tossed the soiled cap out the window. “I had it in my back pocket. It usually helps with my hair after a show because I sweat so much.” He said matter of factly while tucking himself in his jeans and putting himself back together. I take that as my cue to get off his lap and dressed, but he grasped my hips stalling me. “Wait.” Is all he said.
What is he planning… surely not a round two?
He slipped the straps of my bra over each arm and slid the lace up to my shoulder. He then cupped each breast individually and adjusted them into the cups before fastening the hook in the back. His lips were on my neck, my jaw and then my ear where he whispered, “I hate to cover this perfect skin.”
God, he was good.
He slid my shirt over my head and adjusted it, smoothing it over my stomach, then leaned up and kissed me softly on the lips. “I want you to know that what we did here tonight, it doesn’t change what I feel. If anything I’m in even deeper and more terrified, baby.” He dropped his head between my breasts and sighed.
“I’m scared too.” I admitted, my fingers twirling gently in his hair while my chin resting on the top of his head. “What are you scared of?”
He shook his head and then pulled back to look at me. “That you did all of this because you think you have to in order to keep me. I have a checkered past with women and relationships and it was always about sex. I’m not ashamed of it and I enjoyed every second, but that doesn’t mean you have to cave to what I want. With you Carrie, it’s private and personal and there is no rush. I want you, obviously, but I want you on your terms baby.”
I pulled him in for a kiss. “I am very unlike normal girls. My experience in sex is tainted and ugly. Every kiss and every touch has been absolutely awful. Ranging anywhere from boring to utterly terrifying.” I can see the questions forming on his face, so I hold up my hand. “I’m not ready to explain myself or my past yet, but I care for you Chad, and I am so scared of how bad this would feel if it ends. I just ask that what I do share with you is taken as a gift and with respect, and if this thing between us goes nowhere, that whatever happens between us stays between us.”
“I’ll try to not push you, but I want to know what you’re talking about. We all know that whatever happened when you guys were little was bad, and I can only imagine and hope I’m wrong, but whatever happens between us, is ours and ours alone baby.”
“Well then, I guess we can see what happens and not stress so much. You are you are, and I like it….a lot. That vulgar rockstar thing you had going on a few minutes ago? I really liked that, babe.” I bit my lip and winked before he pulled me close and laughed.
“I knew you were into the dirty talk.” He joked and I laughed as he put his mouth to mine for one last searing kiss. “It’s nice to know these things.”
“I think you like being the dirty talker in this scenario.”
“If I’m dirty talkin’ to you, then hell yeah!”
I bit my lip and he cursed and landed his hands in a smack on my ass, pulling me close pushing his tongue in my mouth.
Oh, how I long for round two!
With a groan he eased me off him and ran his fingers through his hair before looking at me with that rockstar smile. “Let me get you inside before Noah comes looking for you and finds me getting you off... again, because I’m seriously about to throw every bit of restraint I have right out the window, baby.”
I hopped off his lap not hiding my disappointment as I gave him an exaggerated pouty lip. I flipped my visor down to re-apply my peaches and cream gloss and made sure the rest of me was in order before hopping out of the car. Chad was waiting at the trunk of my car, his hand stretched out to me. He pulled me into his side before wrapping his arm over my shoulders and kissing me below my ear. “Come on my little closet freak. I need a few beers and some time spent looking at you so I can come up with all sorts of dirty things to make you blush some more.
”
I blushed and he loved it!
*
Candy was sitting on the porch when we walked up to the house. She wasn’t smiling or laughing, she sat alone looking at the stars. “What’s up, chica?” I asked. Chad stopped with me, kissing my temple before whispering that he was heading in for a beer.
I nodded, but my attention was on Candy. I had never seen her looking so distant and lost. I sat down beside her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “What’s up, Cans?” Since the day we’d met we’d been Cares and Cans. She was and would always be the sister of my heart.
She looked at me and I saw it. Her eyes were glassy and red, her cheeks and nose wet and bright pink. I can hear the nasal tone of her sobs. I am petrified of whatever it is that is affecting her so deeply. “Oh God Cans, seriously, what’s up?” The tremor in my voice is evident.
She looked like she might talk, but then the screen door behind us squeaks open and I watched as she clamped her mouth shut and closed her eyes, a tear falling silently down her cheek. Chad dropped down in a crouch behind me and handed me two bottles of beer, saying nothing as he walked away, leaving us to girl time.
He is so awesome!
I mentally slap myself for turning to girl goo over Chad when my bestie is obviously hurting. I have never seen Candy cry. In all the years I have known her, even while living together, she has never shed a tear in my presence. Something was seriously wrong. “Please, Cans? Talk to me, I’m freaking out.”
She nodded and sniffed a few times before blowing out a steady breath. “You swear to me that you will never breathe a word of this?”
Her tone left no wiggle room. I hope it’s not something illegal, life risking, or life altering. That’s how freaked I am though. My mind is going straight to the absolute worst scenario. “Yeah Cans, I swear.”
She took another deep breath and looked me in the eye. “I just walked inside and went looking for Noah.” She started sobbing again and I can barely make out the rest of her words.
“You were looking for Noah and what?” I asked, calling on all my patience to not head into this house and rip him out here by his hair to get the answer to what was going on. Every nerve ending was tingling as I pictured Noah with that filthy spoon and needle. I swear, if he’s using, I’ll kill him with my bare hands.
“He…” She sniffled and looked away. “He was with a girl, going down on her, and it just hit me, Cares.” And I know, oh fuck do I know, and I could kill Noah. I feel relief for a fleeting moment that it wasn’t the drugs, but knowing he openly did this ignites my anger all over again.
“You realized that you love him?”
She can only nod before falling to a heap in my lap and sobbing. This is something I have worried about for the nearly two years. When they first started sleeping together it was just sex, and I believed them both. After a very long weekend trip home where I had a nightmare that I wasn’t coming down from, Noah and Candy both stayed with me until I slept. Noah had confided in her to a degree about what had gone on with us as kids, and they had been close since then. Candy knew my secrets without the details, but she knew all of Noah’s. Besides me, she was the only woman he trusted.
I believe that he loves her too, though I have never confronted him about it. Knowing that he would actually put himself in a position to be seen by Candy like that, spoke volumes about how fucked up he really was. I knew what he was doing. I didn’t agree with it, but I understood it….in a fucked up kind of way. Candy however, could not.
“Sweetie, I have never gotten myself in the middle of you and Noah and this thing you guys have going.” She nodded and sat up wiping her eyes.
“I know you’ve been impartial.”
I nodded in agreement. “I have been impartial, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you guys.” I tuck the stray strands of hair behind my ears and lean in. “I think that Noah cares for you Cans, I do. I think that is why he forces you to stay in the friend zone.”
She nodded and started crying again. “I know he does. It’s his fault though Care, he made me this way.” She is aggravated as she speaks, like she’s desperate to prove a point.
“Tell me?” I asked her. If she doesn’t I’m okay with it. I understand needing to keep things to yourself.
“It was fine when things were just about sex. He would text me and ask me where and when. I was able to focus on my school work and had a guy who treated me like gold and gave it to me good with no strings. It was perfect what we had. Then he just changed.” She cried, her voice pitching at the end. She reached for her cell phone sitting on the stair beside her. She frantically wipes her face and starts searching through her phone taking deep breaths. She was on a mission to show me something.
“Look at these.” She said, and handed me her phone. “The highlighted ones are his comments. The top one was sent over three months ago.”
I read the text and want to cringe. Eww!
When can we fuck again?
“Scroll down and read them, Carrie. Tell me if I’m crazy.” She sounded more like her no nonsense self and I knew she was desperate to see if she is right, if he had in fact changed the game. So I read through. A few made me cringe… My dix hard as fuk… A few made me gag… cumming in ur mouth 2nite… and then I saw it. The message she said changed it all. It came a few weeks back. Miss u.
I read the message a few more times trying to see if he meant something else but as I read through the entire thread I could see why she knew she wasn’t reading into it. He was borderline romantic.
What part of me do you miss? Candy had asked
All of you. Ur voice, smile, lips, kiss and of course ur pussy.
Charming Noah.
Not trying to be charming just saying where I am at
And…
And… I’m going crazy wondering when I’m gonna see you again
The messages were all like this and they went on for the last few weeks. I scrolled through until I found messages from earlier today.
Promise me Candy
I said I would Noah. Its Carries first show I wouldn’t miss it.
So what ur only going cuz of my sis?
Yes…and no
Why no
No because I want to see you 2
Me too. Cant explain it and don’t want to. I just know I cant wait to see u
I hand the phone back to her and she starts sobbing again. Now more than before I can justify these tears, he had absolutely made her think and hope for more.
You know it kills me to see you crying
To think of all your love she's been denying
And I can't blame you for feeling cheated
Being so in love and so unneeded
But the reason you keep trying is a feeling that I know
Deborah Allen
Chapter Nine
I sat with Candy for nearly an hour trying to calm her down. I wasn’t sure what to say to her, because honestly, I’m every bit as confused as she is. She sat outside waiting for her cab. I had offered her a ride repeatedly, refusing to call her a cab, but she just got mad and called one herself saying that she wasn’t going to ruin my night because she was being a whiny little bitch. So here I sat, waiting for her cab with her, not wanting her to be alone.
“Carrie?” Chad asked from the door. I felt like hell for leaving him inside, but I couldn’t leave her.
“Cab should be here soon then I’ll be in.” I said softly as if my voice would startle Candy into another ugly cry.
Oh, yes, my bestie had had a full on ugly cry over my smelly brother!
Chad stepped outside and took a seat on the other side of Candy and pulled her in for a hug. My heart stuttered a bit. He was seriously making it hard to not fall assholes over elbows for him. He was hugging my bestie because she was hurting, and because she was hurting I was hurting. In turn because it was boyfriend law, he was hurting.
“I swear to hell and heaven high Chad Blake…” Candy said, her voice like gravel,
“If you cause one tear for Carrie, because we all know your ego is a bigger bastard than you are, I will hunt you down and nut you.” She smiled insincerely, but he nodded making it clear the point got across. I laughed uncomfortably.
“Whatever Noah did Candy, it is all ego darlin’. It always is after a show.” Chad said and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.
“I don’t see you in there chasing down an orgasm.” She said snidely. I looked away and Chad stared at the ground trying not to smile. We had been there and done that already tonight.
“You’re right, but Noah’s ego is different from my ego. I’m not innocent though, Candy.”
“Well, his ego is all he has left, because I can’t do it anymore.” She rubbed beneath her eyes and stood and stretched. “Be careful your ego doesn’t get in the way of you and Carrie. A good woman is a gift you can’t replace, Chad.”
He nodded in understanding, but like a smart man who loves his nuts, he said nothing.
I could hear the tremble in her voice, the uncertainty and desperation. She didn’t know if she could stay away from Noah, but was desperate to break free from the thing that was causing her pain. I wish I had the words to ease her pain, but if Noah loved any girl, Candy came closest. He never slept with the same woman twice, other than her, and the only person he’d ever divulged secrets to, besides me, was Candy. If Noah could love, she would be the one. But he was too defensive to let someone in.
Noah was not good with vulnerability. He proved it time and time again with me. He was up and down because I was dating Chad. If Noah ever found himself that vulnerable to a girl, he would destroy whatever she loved in him just to protect himself. It was exactly why he was face deep between some fangirl’s legs right now. Candy was his weakness and Noah destroyed her because he felt vulnerable to her. This was not the first time he had done something like this, but it was the first time she was insulted and hurt by it.
The cab arrived and Chad walked with us and made sure Candy was safely inside before opening the passenger door and handing the cab driver a fifty and his number. “Keep the change my man, but call me so I know she got in safe. Do not leave until you see her shut the door behind her.”