by J. S. Cooper
I sighed. “I didn't say that.”
His expression brightened. “So you do want me again then?”
“Tyler, this is not the right time for this conversation. Okay? You need to go out for a bit.”
“Where am I meant to go right now, Olivia?”
“I don't know. This is San Francisco. You can figure something out.”
“Do you want me to leave for the entire night or …?”
“You don't have to leave for the entire night. You can come back. Maybe go to a diner or something. Get some pancakes.”
“I'd love to go and get some pancakes with you if you were interested.”
“I just told you I need to talk to my friends, so no, I'm not going to come with you to get pancakes.”
“Okay. Okay. I get it. You want to call your friends and you want to bitch about me because the condom broke and you think you might be pregnant, which is a long shot at best. I don't even think I had that much sperm left after you blew me in the alleyway and sucked me off.”
“Oh, my gosh. Are you really going to say that right now, Tyler? Are you really going to make me feel cheap?”
“I'm not trying to make you feel cheap. That was the single best blow job of my life, and I mean of my life. And I've had plenty of blow jobs.”
“I don't want to hear that!”
“Sorry. Yeah, I guess I should keep my mouth shut. So, is there a diner you recommend or …?”
“You know how to use Yelp, right? You've got a phone. Just go!”
“Okay. Let me get my clothes on. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Olivia, I didn't mean for this to happen.”
“I know.” I let out a long, deep sigh. “I know, and I'm not blaming you. It's just a lot to deal with. And this conversation is also a lot.”
“Okay.” He looked sad so I decided to give him something to make him happy.
“The sex was great. The best sex I've ever had in my life. I'm sure you know that. And yes, I will tell my friends, and you can get that silly, goofy smile off of your face. But I need you to go because there's other stuff going on right now. And I need to just be alone and shower and think about everything.”
“You're not upset with me, are you?”
“Tyler, I just don't know how I'm feeling right now. It's a lot. My stupid brother has just gotten engaged to a skank.”
“You don't know she's a skank.”
“Really? Are you going to stand up for her right now, Tyler?”
“Sorry. Sorry. I'm not speaking up for her. I'm just speaking up for Derrick. I want you to give his fiancée a chance.”
“Oh, my gosh. Please do not call her his fiancée. I will puke. My parents are literally going to die. They are going to call me and they are going to say, ‘Olivia, how could you let this happen? Derrick came to visit you for a long weekend and now he's coming back with a fiancée. How did that happen?’ And they will blame me because they blame me for everything! They don't care that he's a grown man. They don't care that he's older than me. They're just going to blame me because I'm the girl and I'm always the one that's in the wrong.”
“I don't think you're in the wrong.”
“Tyler!”
“Fine, fine. I'm going, but will you call me when you're ready for me to come back?”
“Yes, I will call you when I'm ready for you to come back.”
“Can I give you a kiss before I go?”
“Sure, you can give me one kiss, Tyler.”
“Can I tell you something, Olivia?”
“What do you want to tell me?”
“You're the sexiest piece of pussy I've ever had.”
“Oh my God! What did you just say?”
“I meant to say you're the hottest piece of pussy I've ever had, but sexiest came out first. Both are true, though.”
“Tyler, that doesn't make me feel better.”
“Well, it makes me feel better. I love seeing that look on your face when you get angry.” He shot me an infuriating smile.
I just shook my head and jumped out of the bed and walked to the shower. “Be gone by the time I'm out of here!” I yelled and closed the door.
“Hey, Olivia,” Tyler said, softly knocking on the door.
“What?” I shouted.
“I just want to let you know that no matter what you decide, no matter what you want to do, I'm here for you. Okay? If for some reason you don't want to take the morning-after pill and you just want to wait and see and you end up pregnant. I'll be here to look after the baby with you.”
“Tyler …” I sighed, not sure how to respond.
“I just want to let you know, because I want to be honest with you, Olivia. I mean, hey, that's the least I can do.”
“Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I'll see you later. Okay? Bye.”
“Good-bye!”
An hour later, Magnolia, Jane, Millie, and Birdy were all sitting on my bed.
“Thank you, guys. I can't believe you all came over. You really didn't have to. We could have just done something like a group text message conversation or a conference call or something.”
“Olivia, are you joking? Of course, we had to come.” Birdy said her eyes wide. “I cannot believe the condom broke. Like, is that even real? I've never heard of a condom breaking before in my life. Like, I thought that was an old wives tale to scare people off from having sex.”
“It's not an old wives tale, Birdy,” Magnolia said. “Actually, I know that it's true because it kind of happened to me as well.”
“It's happened to you as well?” I looked at Magnolia in surprise. “Really? When?”
“Well, it happened to me and Jagger.”
“I thought you guys didn't use condoms?” I asked her in surprise.
“We don't use condoms anymore, but in the beginning we did. And we had a little accident.”
“What do you mean by an accident?”
“I don't know.” She laughed. “I just know when he pulled out there was sperm on the outside of the condom and we both freaked out because we're not ready to have kids yet.”
“So, what did you do?” I asked her curiously. “Did you take the morning-after pill? I've been thinking about doing that.”
She shook her head. “No, I decided not to because … I don't know. I love Jagger and he loves me and well, if we were to have a baby, we'd have a baby. That would be cool. You know, it just wasn't our time. And, obviously, I didn't get pregnant.”
I let out a deep sigh. “I just don't know what to do.”
Jane’s expression was unusually stern. “Well, what do you want to do, Olivia? If you were to have a baby with Tyler, would you want him in your life as the father? Would you want to be in a relationship with him? Would you be okay raising a kid with him if you weren't in a relationship with him?”
“I don't know. Those are a lot of questions.” I bit down on my lower lip. “I mean, he is one of the nicest guys I know. I've known him for such a long time and I feel like—well, I don't know.”
Millie narrowed her eyes. “You really like him, don't you Olivia?”
“I mean … yes and no.”
“What do you mean yes and no?” Birdy said. “And girls, I mean, I wasn't going to say this before. It's not really my place because it's Olivia's story, but Olivia hooked up with this really good-looking guy at the speed dating event—”
“I didn't hook up with anyone, Birdy.”
“Okay. Okay. You didn't hook up with him, but Olivia got this really hot guy, Brandon, and then ditched him for Tyler.”
“Ooh. Tell us more!” Magnolia said.
“There's nothing to tell.” I grinned. “There was just this really good-looking guy with these really bright green eyes and he was really into me and I thought I liked him, but then Tyler showed up and totally cock blocked me, and Brandon walked away.”
“And then you went home with Tyler. So I guess it worked,” Birdy said in a sing-song voice.
“Yeah, I guess it worked, and look where I am no
w. I'm here with you girls talking about how the condom broke.”
“Oh, man, this sounds like something out of a movie.” Jane winced. “I can't believe it.”
“Yeah, and that's not the only thing. Can you believe my stupid brother?”
Birdy shook her head. “I cannot believe that your brother is going to marry a stripper.”
“Oh my God, that is the least of it. I don't even care that she was a stripper. Hey, maybe she could teach me some moves,” I said. “But she's just so ditsy and stupid.”
“Uh, you don't really know that she's stupid, though,” Magnolia said quietly. “You met her on the first night that your brother was in town, right?”
“Yeah, and?”
“Well, maybe she was nervous. She hadn't seen Derrick in a long time and maybe she was just trying to make a good impression.”
“Well, she didn't.”
“Yeah. And maybe that made her feel worse and that's why she got drunk and then she acted even worse.”
“Wow, you're really giving her the benefit of the doubt.”
“I'm not just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I just want to point out that maybe she's not so bad. Maybe there's a reason why your brother has fallen for her.”
“I just don't understand how someone can be a playboy all his life and say he's never going to settle down, and then he decides to settle down with the absolute worst girl in the universe?”
“Oh, that's putting it on a bit strong, isn't it, Olivia?” Jane shook her head. “I doubt Tiffany's the worst girl in the universe.”
I let out a deep sigh. “You're right, of course. I’m not being fair. She's not the worst girl in the universe. In fact, she was okay. I just didn't expect someone like her to be my sister-in-law.”
“Well, you never know. They're not married yet.” Birdy offered. “Maybe they'll break up. Maybe I'll be your sister-in-law.”
“Oh, dear God, no,” I said, and we all laughed.
“I have an idea,” Magnolia said.
“Yeah. What's your idea?”
“Why don't you send Tyler an email telling him exactly what you're thinking and see what he says.”
“What'd you mean send him an email? He literally just left my apartment an hour ago, and he's coming back tonight.”
“Yeah, I know that. But sometimes two people can talk easier through email or text. You know, like me and Jagger, Jane and Tate, or Millie and Marco.”
“So now you think it's Olivia and Tyler?” Birdy looked sad. “I really want there to be an Olivia and Tyler, but then I really don't because if you guys are Olivia and Tyler, then it's just me left as the single girl. It’ll be Birdy and no one.”
“Oh, Birdy. You'll find someone,” Millie said gently. “I have faith.”
“Yeah, Birdy. And I wouldn't worry about it right now,” I added. “There is no Olivia and Tyler. There is Olivia and there is Tyler separately because, guys, there's something else I need to tell you. The real reason why I'm a little bit nervous and a little bit worried.”
“What, what is it?” Jane said, “You can tell us anything.”
“Well, it's about Tyler. Something I noticed.” I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them my suspicions. Obviously, Tyler didn't want to tell me the truth, but I didn't want to approach Derrick with my fears and concerns either because if it was what I was thinking, I didn't want to get him upset. I needed to talk to my friends, and I only hoped that Tyler would understand when he found out.
“Tell us, Olivia, tell us what is it?”
“Well, so when I was looking at Tyler's body …” I almost felt like I was betraying his confidence even though he hadn’t actually told me anything.
“Oh my God. Don't tell me, do not tell me!” Birdy, burst out. “He has got a crooked penis, doesn't he? How crooked is it? How bent? Did it look like a hook? Let me know and I'll tell you whether that's normal or not.”
I giggled a little at the absurdity of her question. “No, that's not it, Birdy. He doesn't have a crooked penis, but one day you will have to let us all know how you’re such an expert on bent penises.”
Birdy disappointed. “I would have bet someone like him had a crooked penis.”
“Why would you think he'd have a crooked penis?”
She shrugged. “I don't know. He just looks like the sort of guy that would have a crooked penis.”
“Oh, Birdy. He has an absolutely magnificently straight penis.”
“How big is it?” She asked with her eyes twinkling. “Will you tell us?”
“No, I will not tell you. That is his own private information … but if I let the number seven or eight slip, hey.”
“No way is he eight inches long!” Millie gasped. “That's humongous!”
“Let's just say that he knows what he's doing, and he's got the goods to do it with.” I laughed, then the seriousness of the situation caught up with me and I went quiet.
“What is it, Olivia? You can tell us,” Magnolia said softly. “You can tell us anything.”
“So, you know I've known Tyler my whole life. He and Derrick have been best friends. They were on the football team together. They always used to work out. They were both really muscular, you know?”
“Yeah. They’ve got some nice bodies,” Birdy said.
“Yeah, they do. But I noticed, especially when Tyler took off his clothes, that he's a lot skinnier than I remember him being.”
“What do you mean, skinnier?”
“He still has some muscle, but he’s a lot more gaunt than I remember. You know? And yesterday when I was touching his hair, it fell out.”
“His hair fell out?” Jane looked astonished.
“Like, just fell out in a clump.”
“You mean, just a few strands?”
“No, it was a thick clump,” I said.
“Whoa.” Magnolia’s eyes widened. “Why do you think that is?”
“He could have alopecia,” Birdy exclaimed. “Maybe that's why. I knew a guy once with alopecia and he had to shave his whole body and his whole head so that he was absolutely hairless. Because when you have alopecia, your hair just drops out anyway.”
“Yeah. But that wouldn't account for the fact that he's gotten skinny,” I said softly. “I don't think he has alopecia.”
“Do you think he has cancer?” Tears welled up in Millie’s eyes. “Do you think he's sick?”
“I don't know,” I said, “but that’s what I’m thinking. But if he is, it makes me so sad to think that he didn't tell me. And he didn't tell my brother. It makes me so nervous and worried and scared.”
“Don't be scared. You need to talk to him.” Magnolia said. “You need to send that email, and you need to send it now.”
“I know, but maybe I shouldn't send an email. Maybe I should talk to him in person. Maybe it will feel more ...” My words dropped off as I closed my eyes. I could feel tears running down my face. “Why do I suddenly feel so overwhelmed? Why does my heart feel so much joy and hurt at the same time?”
“That's because you just had sex for the first time in a long time,” Jane said. “You're really emotionally connected to him, and whether or not you want to admit it to us, or even to yourself, you really like this guy. We all thought that you guys had a special connection. We all saw the way that he looked at you. He really likes you, too. And I think you've had a crush on him for a long time. So, the combination of your feelings of being intimate with him and now being worried and angry, it's a lot. And you have the added worry that the condom broke and you could possibly get pregnant. Add to that the fact he's possibly sick or was sick, it's just a lot to take on. I actually think that's why you're so mad about your brother as well. I think you're mad because nothing seems to be in control in your life. Everything's changing and you don't know how to feel about any of it.”
“Wow. You're so perceptive.” I wiped the tears away from my eyes. “You know, I’ve had a thing for Tyler forever. When I was young, I just thought, let me m
ove on with my life. It's never going to happen. And now here he is. And as soon as I saw him, I felt that connection all over again. I looked into his eyes and I felt like he felt it too. We still have that banter and that teasing. And at first, I thought he's just the same old guy. He's the same old player. He just wants to be with a million different girls like Derrick. But he's not that guy anymore. And it’s looking like my brother's not that guy anymore, either.”
“People do grow up, you know,” Jane said. “People evolve, and sometimes when we can't accept that they're evolving it’s because we're the ones who aren't evolving.”
“Wow. That's pretty deep,” Magnolia smiled. “And I think it's true. I agree with everything you just said.”
“I love you, girls.” I smiled through my tears. “Thank you so much for coming. It means the world to me that you all dropped everything you were doing and came so late at night. You don't know how much it means to me.”
“We'll always be here for you,” Magnolia said. “Girlfriends for life. You feel me?”
“Yes.” I smiled a warm happy smile. “Girlfriends for life.”
Chapter 16
Tyler
I sat in the corner of the diner, sipping on my hot chocolate and eating my blueberry pancakes. I'd never felt so alone in my life. I rested my head in my hands and looked out the window. Cars drove past in dark, yet all I could think about was how bright everything had been until just a little while ago. Olivia and I had finally made love and it had felt as beautiful and as wonderful as I thought it would. And now here I was by myself, banished because she didn't know how to open up to me. She didn't know how to tell me her feelings. She didn't know how to express her anger.
And I didn't know how to change that.
I was starting to feel nervous. Did she regret what we’d done? Did she feel trapped, even though we didn’t even know yet if she was pregnant?
My phone rang and I grabbed it eagerly, hoping that it was Olivia telling me to come home. But when I looked down at the screen, it was my mom. I answered it quickly hoping that everything was okay. "Hey, Mom, what's going on?"
"Hey, Tyler. How are you, my dear?"
"Mom, I'm okay. Why are you calling? It's so late there."