In the Wake

by Lisa Kron

  Ellen and Amy sit semi-dressed and cross-legged on the bed in Amy’s Boston apartment, paging through their datebooks. They are infused with postcoital contentment and connection.

  ELLEN: I’ve got the first of those speaking gigs at Brown that Friday.

  AMY: Can I come and see you?

  ELLEN: Really?

  AMY: Can I?

  ELLEN: Of course. I would love that. (Checking her calendar) Yes. Then I can come back with you and spend the weekend here. Is that okay?

  (Amy nods. It’s a happy plan.)

  (Flirting) They’re putting me in a hotel.

  (Amy pushes Ellen down on the bed and straddles her, pinning her arms down.)

  AMY: I love a hotel.

  ELLEN (Suddenly, charmingly, dissolved by desire): You do?

  (Amy, still holding Ellen’s arms down, kisses her deeply. Then she gets up and starts to dress, no agenda, just preparing for Ellen to leave. Ellen, still in a swoon and stupid with desire for Amy to come back and do more things to her, flops around on the bed.)

  AMY: What’s happening over there?

  ELLEN (Suddenly feeling exposed, embarrassed): I feel . . .

  AMY: What?

  ELLEN (She can hardly say it): I feel . . . needy.

  AMY (Direct, and with easy, simple authority): There’s a difference between neediness . . . and need.

  (Ellen is all hers.)

  Need is very sexy.

  ELLEN (A puddle of limp goofiness): How do you just say those things to me??? Look at what you do to me! I’m all undone! How do you do that to me???

  AMY: I’m very talented.

  ELLEN: You’re so talented. You’re a really talented artist. Why are you all the way over there?

  AMY: Because it’s time for you to go.

  ELLEN: No, it’s not.

  AMY: Isn’t your train in an hour?

  ELLEN: There’s no train. I wish I didn’t have to go.

  AMY (Simply): Then stay.

  (A beat.)

  Sometimes I want to reach in and shake you. I’m so mad at you that you’re not mine.

  ELLEN: I know.

  AMY: Sometimes I do.

  ELLEN: I know. I’m walking down the street and I feel it.

  AMY: Sometimes I find you and kiss you from the inside.

  ELLEN: I know.

  AMY (Rueful disbelief): A year and a half.

  (Ellen nods.)

  You’re going to DC next week.

  ELLEN: Yeah.

  (A small beat, then Ellen begins to dress.)

  AMY (Normal, open tone): Are you going to see Judy?

  ELLEN: Yeah. I’m just there for a night but I’ll see her for dinner. I’ll be glad to talk to her. I’m a little worried about Tessa. She’s having a hard time and—

  (She sees tears coming down Amy’s cheeks.)

  No. No. What’s happening?

  (Amy shrugs it off.)

  Amy, Amy, I’m sorry I have to go. I know this is so hard.

  (Amy shrugs her off, gathering herself into herself.)

  Amy . . . ?

  AMY (Sharp): What?(A small beat) Look, this is the situation I’ve put myself in. I have to deal with it.

  ELLEN: With me.

  AMY: No, not with you.

  ELLEN: Of course with me.

  AMY: No, Ellen.

  What do you think? You leave here and go back to your family.

  ELLEN: I— Yes.

  AMY: I would break you and Danny up if I thought that relationship wasn’t worthy. I’ve broken up relationships. But what you have with him, and, all of it, Kayla and Laurie—if I had that I would never leave it. And you’re not going to leave it. Are you?

  ELLEN: I know. I know. But—

  AMY: Ellen, I need someone of my own.

  (Small beat.)

  ELLEN (True acknowledgment): I know. Amy, I know you do.

  AMY: And . . . Then what’s going to happen?

  ELLEN: I—

  AMY: You’ll go away. I’ll lose you.

  ELLEN: No. No, Amy. That’s wrong. If you found someone else I would feel—very bad, oh my God I can hardly even think about . . . how that would feel. (About this she is very clear) But I would figure out how to stay in your life.

  AMY: How?

  ELLEN: I don’t know. But I would.

  AMY: I don’t know how you’d be able to do that. I don’t believe you.

  ELLEN: I wouldn’t have a choice! Amy, Amy, look, nothing about this relationship is . . . easy or comfortable or . . . it’s not a light, fun party we’re having here . . . but we’re here because we’re changing each other. Amy, look at me. What happens to me with you . . . undone . . . nothing but feeling . . . this is new. This is something I couldn’t even imagine before you. And I know how you let me hold your heart.

  (Amy starts to cry.)

  And I know no one has ever done that before. I feel it. I feel your heart. You’re right, we can’t stay in this configuration, certain things will have to change—but listen to me, listen to me. I will never not be holding your heart.

  Scene 2

  Projections: Coverage of Cheney, Bush, Tony Blair and Robert Byrd, each talking about the imminent invasion of Iraq.

  February 15, 2003. Four months later. The day of global protest against the invasion of Iraq.

  Danny, Ellen and Kayla have just returned from the march and are sprawled out in Danny and Ellen’s apartment. The TV is on and Ellen flips through the channels. Laurie enters.

  LAURIE: Hi, you guys.

  DANNY: Hey!

  ELLEN: Hey, Laur.

  KAYLA: Hi.

  LAURIE (Kissing Kayla): Hey, honey. How was it?

  KAYLA: It was good. It was exciting. They’re saying there were four hundred thousand people there. I’m tired!

  DANNY: If I had the energy to reach forward I’d take my shoes off. My dogs are barkin’!

  KAYLA: Oh, I know. (Holding her feet out) Honey, help me!

  (Laurie takes Kayla’s shoes off and rubs her feet.)

  ELLEN (Focused on the TV): Unbelievable! It was fucking huge and there’s virtually no coverage!

  LAURIE: I saw it on CNN.

  ELLEN: Yes, they mention that a protest took place. But it’s the biggest protest in world history! The only place there weren’t protests was in mainland China. Why isn’t it the fucking lead? Well, we did get slightly more coverage than the Valentine’s Day thieves who stole thousands of roses. That was an important story!

  (She clicks off the TV, disgusted.)

  God! Why is everybody so fucking stupid?

  KAYLA (Weary laugh): Oh, Ellen . . .

  ELLEN: What?

  (Beat.)

  What?

  KAYLA: Nothing. (Ellen waits) You know, there are some serious people who are saying this invasion is a good idea.

  ELLEN: Whaaaatt?

  KAYLA: I’m not saying I agree with them, but we can’t just dismiss them out of hand.

  ELLEN: Like who?

  KAYLA: Oh . . . Ellen, you know.

  LAURIE: Gephardt.

  KAYLA: Gephardt.

  DANNY: Bonus points, Laurie. Have you been watching Face the Nation again?

  LAURIE: Danny, you know my show is Meet the Press.

  ELLEN: Gephardt? Laurie, Al Gore was too conservative for you.

  LAURIE: I’m just winning my bonus points.

  KAYLA: What about the New York Times editorial // page?

  ELLEN: AAAHHH. The fucking New York Times editorial page!

  KAYLA: Thomas Friedman is making some // interesting arguments, Ellen.

  DANNY (Mock horror): Oh, no, not Tom Friedman!

  ELLEN: Tom Friedman can bite my ass.

  KAYLA: Well, he is an expert in the region. // He says getting rid of Saddam could transform the region.

  ELLEN: Oh. Tom Friedman has lost his marbles. Tom Friedman is a crazed Pollyanna. What he says would make sense except that they’re proposing to initiate this transformation by bombing the hell out of the place. />
  KAYLA: All right then, Tony Blair.

  ELLEN: I know, I can’t figure that one out.

  KAYLA: He’s not a stupid man.

  DANNY (Mock amazement): That’s what I was gonna say.

  KAYLA: It is possible they know something we don’t know. (Off Ellen’s dismissive reaction) It is.

  ELLEN: Look, obviously Saddam is terrible. But their solution is to blow the place up?

  (The others speak underneath Ellen’s rant.)

  (Ellen takes the beer from Laurie and continues without missing a beat.)

  ELLEN: Thanks. A preemptive war?! What the fuck is that? The only reason that can make sense to them is that they don’t know the slightest thing about actual war.

  KAYLA: Unlike you?

  ELLEN: Of course, I don’t know anything about war. But I’m reasonably sure that it’s the height of arrogance to think that you can attack a country and be able to control the outcome. Are you really agreeing with Tom Friedman?

  KAYLA: No, Ellen. But I . . . I . . .

  LAURIE (Subtle communication): Honey?

  KAYLA (Still trying): Just . . . I just . . .

  LAURIE: Honey? Let it go.

  ELLEN (Seeing their communication): What?

  LAURIE (Still to Kayla): It’s not worth it.

  ELLEN: Laurie, what’s going on?

  LAURIE (Friendly, brushing it off): It’s okay.

  DANNY: What are you ladies up to tonight? And by ladies, I mean big-rig-driving, strap-on-wearing—

  KAYLA (A warning): Daniel?

  DANNY: You know . . . ladies.

  KAYLA: Oh. I don’t know. Honey, are you cooking tonight or—

  LAURIE: I don’t feel like it. Can we go out?

  KAYLA: Sure, of course.

  (Realizing they haven’t asked the others.)

  Do you guys feel like going out for dinner tonight?

  DANNY: Sure.

  KAYLA: Oh, good.

  DANNY: I mean . . . I can go. (To Ellen) I don’t know when you’re . . .

  ELLEN: Oh, I want to go! Oh, man, I’d love to go out with you guys tonight. I have to—I have to go out of town and I have to leave late tonight.

  KAYLA (Excited): Oh, is this the week you’re going to the Aspen Institute?

  ELLEN: No. No, that’s next week. No, (Keeping the tone light and even) I’m going to Boston.

  KAYLA (Also carefully light and even): Oh.

  LAURIE: Oh.

  KAYLA: That’s too bad.

  ELLEN: I know. Can we make a plan for the week after next?

  KAYLA (Eager): Yeah, we should definitely make a plan now because . . . or . . . yeah. Good idea.

  ELLEN: What’s up?

  KAYLA: Uh—

  LAURIE: You can tell them now, it’s fine with me.

  ELLEN: Tell us what?

  (Slight beat.)

  KAYLA: It’s . . . God, such a big build-up now! It’s not that big of a deal . . . It’s just . . . I’m considering going back to school.

  (A slight beat.)

  ELLEN: You are?

  DANNY: Okay. Finally getting your GED. It’s about time.

  KAYLA: Our director of donor relations is about to leave and they’d like to hire me for the job but they can’t because I don’t have a master’s. And, well, it got me thinking, you know, it might be a good idea to get a master’s, I mean I won’t get that job, of course, but I’d kind of like the option to move up somewhere at some point and . . . yeah . . . so . . .

  ELLEN: So . . . what kind degree would you get?

  KAYLA: It’d be a master’s in Organizational Management.

  ELLEN: Huh.

  KAYLA: Yeah. I looked at a lot of programs. I was accepted to one.

  LAURIE (Proud of her): Well, you were accepted to three.

  KAYLA: Yeah, but I was accepted to one that’s interesting to me.

  ELLEN: Where?

  KAYLA: Uh . . . Madison.

  ELLEN: Madison?

  DANNY: Huh. Sounds like a plan.

  ELLEN: Is it a plan?

  KAYLA: It might be.

  ELLEN: Are you guys moving to Wisconsin?

  KAYLA: We might be.

  LAURIE: Yes.

  KAYLA: Yes.

  ELLEN: Oh. That’s . . . big.

  KAYLA: Things change, you know, Ellen. Things shift. We’re just, well, in a way, we’re just catching up with that.

  LAURIE: We really do want to have a kid.

  KAYLA: Yeah, and that’s not something that just happens—

  DANNY: Not for the lesbians.

  KAYLA: —and . . . you know, Laurie’s put up with the tenement-living long enough. And . . . also . . . it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. You know? It doesn’t have the same romance it did—back in our heyday.

  (Small beat.)

  DANNY: Well, all I can say is that I am going to miss the // hell out of . . .

  KAYLA: Okay, calm down, we’re not leaving immediately. // We just wanted you to—

  DANNY: No, you didn’t let me finish. I’m going to miss the hell out of Laurie!

  (He wraps Laurie in a huge bear hug.)

  // Goddamnit, I’m gonna miss you! You’re like the brother I never had!

  LAURIE: Shut. Up.

  KAYLA: Oh my God, you are a butt pain!

  (A beat.)

  Ellen? Speak.

  ELLEN: I think it’s great, Kayla.

  DANNY: Good job, Sister.

  ELLEN: I think it’s really smart.

  KAYLA: Thanks.

  ELLEN: Oh. Oh. You know what I keep meaning to ask you? Did you get that e-mail I sent from that woman?

  KAYLA: What e-mail?

  ELLEN: She has a small publishing house?

  (Ellen goes to her computer to look for the e-mail.)

  KAYLA: Oh. Oh. That’s okay, // Ellen.

  ELLEN: No. Shoot. I meant to check with you again about it. She’s putting together an anthology, and I wanted you to send her your stuff . . .

  KAYLA: Ellen, it’s . . . // really . . .

  ELLEN (Continuing to look): No, it’s okay. I’m sure the e-mail is still here . . .

  KAYLA: Ellen, stop.

  ELLEN (Undeterred): No, but . . . Oh, Kayla, seriously, she’d love // your work. Where did I put that—

  KAYLA: Ellen, stop it! Stop. Ellen. I’m not a writer anymore!

  (A beat.)

  ELLEN: Of course you are.

  KAYLA: No. I’ve let that go.

  ELLEN: For a while. Because you’ve been concentrating on other things.

  KAYLA: Ellen, I can’t operate that way. It makes me feel like a failure.

  ELLEN: What way?

  KAYLA: In a constantly . . . liminal state . . .

  ELLEN: But that’s not // the only way to . . .

  KAYLA: Look, you’ve figured out how to make it work. I admire it. Truthfully, it makes me so jealous. But I can’t do what you do. You thrive on constant flux. To me, that is unbearable. I accept who I am and I’m making conscious choices and I want you to stop judging them.

  ELLEN: I don’t judge // your choices, all I’m—

  KAYLA: Or not—but accept them! I need you to accept them because they’re painful enough.

  ELLEN: You’re just—you’re such—you’re not someone who’s supposed to walk away from your gift, from your talent // —there are so many ways to—

  KAYLA: I miss thinking of myself as a writer, Ellen. I miss thinking of myself as a person who’s going to make that kind of impact in the world. But I’ve come to realize that, unlike you, I need to know, roughly, what my days are going to be like. I need to know there’s going to be some money in the bank, I need a nice place to come home to, I need to come home and find my love there, and I need to know it’s not going to change on a daily basis. I need that more than I need to be a writer. I can’t do anything about the fact that that seems small to you.

  (Kayla and Ellen share a long look. Ellen nods.)

  ELLEN: Okay.

  KAYLA: Okay.


  (A long beat.)

  LAURIE: We’re going to be back, eventually.

  ELLEN: I don’t know, Laurie. I think you might really like suburban living.

  LAURIE: Yes, I will. But Kayla’s going to be, like, “Midwesterners, talk faster!”

  (A beat.)

  Listen, in two years we’re probably all going to be living together in Houston.

  ELLEN: Okay, if that’s your plan to make me feel better about Madison, it might actually be working.

  KAYLA: Houston! How did you come up with Houston? We are never moving to Houston!

  DANNY: Now you’ve gone too far. Even for me. Houston? That’s fucked up.

  LAURIE: I don’t know! I’m just . . . I don’t know! Don’t make fun of me!

  ELLEN: Oh, we weren’t.

  KAYLA: Sorry. Oh, we’re not, honey, we’re not!

  DANNY: We weren’t.

  LAURIE (Overlapping them, wanting them to stop): It’s fine. I’m totally fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. I’m going to go down. (Getting up to leave; to Danny) So we’re seeing you later tonight, right?

  DANNY: Abso-freakin’-lutely.

  LAURIE: Super. Okay. (To Kayla) You have anything for the laundry besides what’s in the hamper?

  KAYLA (Getting up): Yeah. I’m coming with you. (To Ellen and Danny) Okay, so we will make a date for—two weeks from now?

  ELLEN: Yeah, ’cause next week I’m // in Aspen.

  KAYLA: Oh, that’s when you’re at Aspen, right. That’s going to be really great, Ellen.

  ELLEN: Yeah, I think so. Thanks.

  KAYLA: So we’ll have dinner in two weeks. And, Danny, what time tonight?

  DANNY: I’m a free agent.

  KAYLA: Okay, we’ll call you in a little while.

  (They leave. Ellen and Danny each straighten the room in silence for a few beats.)

  ELLEN: I feel kind of sad.

  DANNY: Yeah.

  ELLEN: Did you have any idea that was happening?

  DANNY: No. I mean, Kayla’s been talking off and on about going back to school, but I didn’t know she was actually applying to places.

  ELLEN: Wanna try to stop ’em?

  DANNY: I don’t think we can do that.

  ELLEN: I guess not.

  DANNY: I don’t think so.

  ELLEN: It’s a lot to take in.

  (A beat.)

  DANNY: So, what’s up with you these days, Ellie?