by Claire Frost
‘No, Han. I’m not pimping you out just to save my dating app! I don’t even understand how you think you marrying a stranger would drive people to sign up in the first place.’
‘Well, I’ve been thinking about that,’ Hannah said, her heart quickening with excitement. ‘You know earlier this week—’
Suddenly the door opened and Tom came striding in. ‘Knock knock, I come bearing gifts of real filter coffee and muffins!’
Hannah and Jess turned to stare at him.
‘What? Oh sorry, have I interrupted? I’ll come back in a bit,’ he added.
‘No, no, I’ll have a muffin, Tank – that croissant barely touched the sides.’ Hannah smiled, and he was quickly relieved of the food and drink before Jess pulled her desk chair over to the table for him.
‘I was just telling Hannah what the bank said yesterday.’ Jess grimaced. ‘We’re trying to come up with some way of doubling our subscribers in the next few months and we have precisely nothing.’
‘Well, not nothing,’ Hannah said. ‘Look, both of you just hear me out and then let’s see what we think, okay? So you know last week when Andy and Pippa sent that bottle of gin to announce their engagement and say thank you?’ Hannah began. Her friend nodded, though Tom looked blank. Clearly Jess had decided that what was drunk in the Save The Date office, stayed in the Save The Date office. ‘Well, anyway, it made me realise that what we need to do is celebrate our successes and make sure our customers know that real people are using the app and finding their soulmates. That’s the whole reason people sign up to us: to find The One so they can live happily ever after. But we know from the bank’s doom and gloom that not enough people are buying into that dream of wedded bliss, so that’s what we need to sell harder.’
Tom chewed his lip. ‘Right, that makes sense. But how are we going to do that?’
Hannah could see Jess frowning at her, so she focused all her attention on Tom. ‘We show them what the app could do for them. Publicly. We prove that it really does work – just look at Andy and Pippa. We show them that anyone – even a loser like me – can find love and get married!’
‘But you haven’t found love, have you?’ Tom asked, confused. ‘And you’re not getting married – that I know of anyway,’ he added laughing.
‘Not yet, but what if Save The Date set me up on the ultimate blind date?’
‘Hannah…’ Jess began.
‘I still don’t quite understand,’ Tom interrupted.
‘Okay, in simple terms it would work something like this: Jess finds me the perfect match via Save The Date and then we sell the idea that the app can find anyone The One, even poor lonely thirty-something me, and I trust the company so much that I agree to marry my match on our very first date. We’ll place a few stories in the press to create a bit of a stir, then we’ll get them to follow up with me and my perfect husband a few months down the line and everyone will see how happy we are and want a bit of that happiness themselves. The app goes crazy, more and more people who want to get married and settle down subscribe, meaning the pool of people to choose from is even bigger, so more and more users find their perfect match and set a date for their wedding – and, bingo, we’ve created a self-perpetuating circle that ensures Save The Date becomes a success.’
‘But do you even want to get married, Hannah?’ Tom asked.
‘Yes,’ she said simply. ‘If you mean do I want to find someone I love enough – and who loves me enough – to spend the rest of our lives having adventures together, then yes.’
‘Well… wow!’ Tom said. ‘I mean, it’s clearly crazy, but it will definitely get people talking. Although I’m still not quite sure how it will mean we get a load of subscribers in the short term and get the bank off our back.’
Hannah’s excitement began to diminish as she realised she definitely wasn’t sure how that would happen either.
‘What if we put out a call for guys to take part?’ Jess suddenly said. ‘We know we have more women than men signed up to the app at the moment, which isn’t ideal when we’re trying to cater to everyone. So doing a subscription shout-out for eligible men who are up for the date of a lifetime should not only beef up our male members, it should also… What? Why are you both pissing yourselves?’
‘Beef up our male members?’ Hannah smirked, before nudging Tom and dissolving into giggles again.
‘God, you two are so childish,’ Jess scolded, but Hannah could see she too was trying not to laugh. ‘Now I can’t remember what I was saying! Right… it should not only boost our male membership, it should also create some early publicity and buzz around the app’s USP.’
Hannah made an effort to straighten her face and say something helpful. ‘That’s a great idea, J. And to give us a bigger reach and boost memberships we should come up with a special offer for both men and women, whether they want to put themselves forward to be my blind-date husband or not.’ Warming to her theme, she added, ‘And we should do some focused Facebook ads directed at single people in their late twenties and thirties, as they don’t cost that much and should reach our target audience. And we also need to leverage people like Andy and Pippa who have already found love through Save The Date. Have you asked them for testimonials or anything yet, Jess?’
Jess shook her head, clearly annoyed at herself for not thinking of that sooner.
‘Then let’s not only get them to write something for the website, but also ask them if we could share their engagement picture and use it on our social channels, and maybe even write a press release to get out to the media. I mean, we all need a good-news story when the world around us is falling apart like it seems to have been lately!’
‘You’re right, Hannah,’ Tom nodded. ‘As far as I’m aware, Save The Date hasn’t done much press at all since launch, has it, Jess? And that’s not a criticism,’ he added. Hannah glanced at Jess’s frown and Tom’s fearful look and decided to step in quickly.
‘No, we haven’t, but we should definitely start now, right, Jess? I guess if this is going to be a truly blind-date wedding, not only will I not be able to meet my groom, but he also won’t be able to see me, so we can’t use a photo of me in our call-out for a would-be Mr Edwards. So let’s use Andy and Pippa to launch the search for my husband. What do you think?’ Hannah turned her gaze full on Jess, who had been uncharacteristically quiet.
‘I’m just not sure,’ her friend said, shaking her head.
‘Jess, let me at least give it a go. If it works then I end up with a gorgeous husband I love for the rest of my life and you end up with a successful business that will mean you don’t need to worry about stupid bank managers. And if it doesn’t work, well at least I’ll have had fun trying! If I’m truly honest, life has been feeling a bit stale the past few months, despite the joy of spending more time with you guys and the twins, and my family. I’ve been missing that adventure and thrill-seeking you know I crave so much. And this feels like the perfect opportunity to jump into something exciting and potentially life-changing in all the right ways.’
‘You really are serious about this, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, I am. You’re thinking of this as if you’re the one who’s going on the marriage blind date, so you’re never going to be on board because it’s the last thing on this earth you’d do. But for me, it makes perfect sense – okay, not perfect sense, but you know what I mean.’ She smiled at the look on her friend’s face. ‘You started Save The Date because you saw a gap in the market for people who want long-term, grown-up love. I’ll never forget you writing that email telling me about the conversation you’d just had with a couple of the mums at school who struggled using dating apps. The guys they matched with always seemed to be up for one thing only, and weren’t interested in a long-term relationship. I could feel your excitement even though I was thousands of miles away, and when you asked me if I thought you were mad to take a punt and start Save The Date – you’d even come up with the name, for god’s sake! – I immediately replied telling you
to go for it, as I’m sure you knew I would! I know you think I should be finally growing up and settling down, so this is my slightly mad way of doing it. I know I’m taking a chance, but isn’t that what you did setting up the business in the first place?’
Jess still didn’t look completely convinced. ‘But what if you get hurt in the process? I’m not sure I can deal with the responsibility of promising you sunshine and roses for the rest of your life only for you to end up heartbroken and divorced.’
‘That’s the real world, though,’ Hannah said thoughtfully. ‘Whoever I end up marrying might turn out to be a dick, whether I’ve met them thanks to my best friend’s amazing matchmaking skills or drunk in a dodgy club in Cuba. Isn’t that the chance we all take when we agree to marry someone? Except you two, obviously – you were always meant to be together for ever. And you’d have me to deal with if either of you tried to leave! Which is why both of you should be involved in choosing my husband-to-be.’ She caught Jess’s raised eyebrow and quickly added, ‘Though of course you’d be the one in charge, Jess.’ She saw her friend’s face relax just a little so she delivered the knockout blow. ‘If I don’t do this, I might just pack in the whole finding a man thing for good.’
‘Han, your love life hasn’t been that bad up till now,’ Jess reasoned.
‘Define bad… I’m sick of going on first dates with boring Barrys and moron Matts for god’s sake!’
‘Who are Barry and Matt?’ Tom asked.
‘You don’t need to know,’ Hannah and Jess said at the same time. Hannah smiled and reached for her friend’s hand. ‘Jess, I need to do this. I know we all want what we don’t have, but from where I’m sitting and looking at you two and your gorgeous twins, married life looks pretty bloody perfect. Is it so wrong to want a bit of that?’ Hannah watched as Jess’s eyes moved to look at her husband and her face broke into a smile.
‘Believe me, it’s definitely not bloody perfect. But you’re right, I don’t know what I’d do without Tom and the kids now.’
Hannah noticed tears were pricking at her friend’s eyes and she herself had to blink hard a few times, but then she stood up and declared, ‘Okay, so that’s settled then!’
‘I’m not sure I actually agreed to anything,’ Jess protested.
‘I’m sure I heard you say yes, right after you’d said what an amazing man you’d married yourself!’ Tom laughed, and suddenly the three of them were hugging and laughing and cheering like they’d won the lottery.
‘What just happened?’ Jess said when they’d all calmed down a bit. ‘I feel drunk. Though is it too early for one of your special gin and tonics, Han?’
‘It’s only midday,’ Tom laughed. ‘And sadly I’ve got a call with a prospective client in a few minutes so I’ll have to leave you to it. But don’t go agreeing to any more harebrained schemes when I’m not looking, Jess, I know what you’re like now!’
‘I’m still not sure I agreed to this one,’ Jess answered, shaking her head again. ‘Although before you go, Tom, in all seriousness, if we are going to do this I think we all need to agree that if any of us feel this ultimate blind date thing is getting out of hand – especially you, Hannah – we will pull the whole idea. Without meaning to sound trite, no amount of money can buy happiness, and if there’s a choice between my best friend being happy and saving this business, my best friend wins out every single time without fail. We can deal with whatever financial mess we’re faced with, but I can’t deal with knowing I’ve made you miserable, Han. So we need to promise we’re going to be honest with each other at all times throughout this process.’
‘Of course,’ Hannah nodded. ‘I really want to do this, but I also really want us all to be friends at the end of it, so I’ll definitely let you know if you start pissing me off!’
They all laughed slightly hysterically and Tom gave them both a hug before racing back to the house to make his call. They watched him go and when it was just the two of them, Jess walked over to the desk, dumped the papers on top of it and declared, ‘Right, I’m not sure how I follow any of that, but I’m about to add “Find Hannah the man of her dreams” to the top of my to-do list, so I’m going to be pretty busy for the next few weeks, which means unfortunately you’re going to have to do the dreaded certificate updates this month, Han. Bad luck!’
Hannah groaned but smiled. ‘I’ll let you off, seeing as how you’ve got the best excuse ever!’
* * *
That evening, as she waited for the ping of the microwave to tell her that her baked potato was ready, Hannah steadfastly ignored the notifications lighting up her phone to tell her she had received four WhatsApp messages from Matt. What was the point in reading his pathetic excuses? And anyway, Jess was about to find her a husband so Matt was very much out of the picture now.
Later, in a post jacket-with-cheese-and-beans coma, she idly scrolled through the messages before remembering she wasn’t supposed to actually read them. She decided she might as well reply seeing as how Matt could now see the blue ticks showing she’d opened them.
Hi Matt, thanks for your messages, though I definitely didn’t need that much detail about the state of your current relationship. It’s always complicated, isn’t it? Anyway, I think it’s only fair to tell you that I’ve just agreed to get married to someone myself, so I won’t be responding to any future texts from you. Good luck and hope you manage to finally find the courage to break up with the girlfriend you’ve told me so much about. Hannah x
Hannah put down her phone with a big smile on her face and absent-mindedly began humming a tune she only later realised was ‘Here Comes the Bride’.
Chapter 5 Jess
Finding Hannah the man of her dreams was a pretty daunting mission, Jess concluded the following week. She’d contacted Pippa and Andy, who had been delighted to help launch Save The Date’s search for the perfect groom, and the press release was drafted and almost ready to go, along with social media ads and emails to everyone already on their mailing list. One minute she worried that no one would put themselves forward to be part of such a mad scheme, while the next she fretted thousands of people would apply and she’d never be able to decide between them all. And even if she did think one of them would be a good match, would Hannah agree? Jess had spent a whole evening flicking through her friend’s old Facebook images to get a snapshot of the kind of guy she usually went for, but one tanned, long-haired beach-bum bartender tended to look fairly similar to another after a while, and now she was more confused than ever. It was all so much responsibility. She was actually holding her best friend’s future in her hands.
Jess had been Hannah’s friend for over twenty years and truly believed she knew her inside and out. But she also knew that there were times in their lives when they hadn’t seen each other as much as they would have liked, especially when Hannah was on a different continent for months on end; plus, although Hannah spent a lot of time with Jess’s family, Jess only saw Hannah occasionally with her family. And even then it was with just her mum, or maybe with her dad and his family. She needed to build up a bigger picture of Hannah and the different – and difficult – relationships in her life in order to make sure she matched her with the right man.
‘Why not take a couple of afternoons off work and hang out with her mum, her brother and her dad and his family each day?’ Tom suggested, when she voiced her worries to him on the sofa that night. ‘You don’t have to tell them the plan is for her to marry the man you match her with, just that you want to find her the right man, and as you run a dating app, you want to make sure the algorithms or whatever are working properly.’
‘Mr T, you are sometimes a bit of a genius!’ she smiled.
‘Sometimes? I think you’ll find it’s all the time,’ he replied, yawning. ‘Although sadly my genius doesn’t stretch to where Sam has stashed his PE kit – do you know where it is? Their teacher told me at pick-up that Sam says he’s lost it so won’t be able to do PE tomorrow at all.’
‘I
s it not in the cupboard under the stairs with Lily’s?’ Jess frowned.
‘I don’t know, I didn’t know that’s where it lived, and I forgot to ask Sam about it earlier because he was chatting away about some Pokémon thing that I didn’t understand on the way home. I thought he would have talked to you about his kit.’
‘Well, it’s lived in the cupboard for the last three years – after they’ve dumped it on the floor and I’ve sorted through it, washed it, ironed it and put it back in the bag, obviously.’ Jess replied, irritated her husband had so little clue about the mundane minutiae of their lives. ‘And before you say it, no, I’m not better at remembering these things than you, I just listen better and have no choice but to sort things out. That reminds me, did you see that email from the school about inset days next term?’
‘I saw something in my inbox, but I didn’t read it,’ Tom answered, yawning again. ‘Right, I’m off to bed, are you coming up?’
Jess rolled her eyes. ‘I’ll just locate the PE kits, update the calendar with the inset days and be up soon.’
Her exasperation seemed to be lost on Tom as he merely replied, ‘Okay, see you shortly. Oh, did I mention I can’t do school pick-up tomorrow as I’ve got a call and I’ve also got a meeting in town on Wednesday? You’ll be able to swap with me though, won’t you?’
‘Do I have a choice? Though we do have a thing called a calendar, you know, where we’re both supposed to note things like that down?’
‘I know, but if I just tell you that’s much easier; I know you’ll always remember these things,’ Tom said, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he went upstairs.
Half an hour later, PE kits checked and placed in the hall ready for the following morning, calendar updated, plus a prompt added to her phone for closer to the time to remind Tom about the inset day, Jess had texted Joan, Scott and Hannah’s dad John and arranged to see each of them over the next week, having very briefly explained that she wanted to talk to them about the sort of man Hannah should date. It had been too late to call Hannah’s grandma, but she’d emailed her as she knew how much Vera enjoyed using her iPad. All she had to do now was tell Hannah, and she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to think about her plan.