Married at First Swipe

by Claire Frost

  * * *

  ‘So you’re going to see my parents, grandma and brother to talk about me, but I’m not allowed to come too?’ Hannah asked the following morning after Jess had broken the news to her.

  ‘Yep, that’s about the size of it!’ she laughed. ‘While I’m at it, I Facebooked Dee and Johanna, and although Dee is obviously in Oz and Johanna is somewhere I can’t even pronounce, I’m going to email them some questions and they’re going to send me their answers.’

  ‘Myanmar. Or at least that’s where she was last I heard. She’s working for a humanitarian charity over there; she’s amazing. Though I’m surprised she’s got time to indulge you in your ridiculous questions!’

  ‘They’re not ridiculous, Han, they’re going to help me find you a husband – there’s nothing ridiculous about that. Would you rather I just did eeny meeny miny moe? Because I can, you know?’

  ‘Of course not, it’s just a bit weird you speaking to my family and friends without me being there, that’s all.’

  ‘But if you were there, do you think they’d actually say what they really think?’ Jess reasoned.

  ‘Have you met my mother? Though maybe the others wouldn’t, I’m not sure. Fine, go and see them, but don’t blame me when you realise how weird they all really are!’

  ‘Well, they are related to you, after all!’ Jess grinned.

  * * *

  She’d arranged to start with Joan, Hannah’s mum, as she lived the closest. In fact, she was still in the pretty semi-detached house Hannah had grown up in. The only difference now was that Hannah’s dad lived a ten-minute drive away with his second wife and their daughter. Not that Jess really wanted to mention that to Joan, as she knew she was still rather prickly about the situation.

  ‘Jess! So lovely of you to pop over,’ Joan cried as soon as she opened the door and ushered Jess inside. ‘I thought we could have a glass of Pinot Grigio while we chat,’ she giggled girlishly once they were ensconced on her three-piece suite.

  ‘Joan, you’re so naughty, it’s only two o’clock!’ Jess laughed. ‘But go on, I’ll have a very small glass – I’m driving, sadly.’

  Joan fussed around with side tables and coasters, but finally she relaxed and sipped her wine. ‘So, this sounds exciting: you’re trying to get Hannah to finally settle down, I hear?’

  ‘Well, it actually all came from Hannah,’ Jess replied earnestly. ‘She’s asked me to help her find a man she can be with long term, seeing as how we both work on Save The Date. It sounds like she’d definitely like to settle down. So I wanted to ask you what you thought of any of her previous boyfriends.’

  ‘She rarely deigns to bring them round to meet me,’ Joan said rather bitterly.

  ‘I don’t think she’s had many, erm, steady boyfriends recently, so maybe that’s why,’ Jess said gently. ‘But what about before then?’

  ‘Well, she was abroad so much before then, so I suppose I’ve only really met the boys she used to go out with when she was a teenager, and they all seemed far too unambitious for her. But I suppose when you’re that age, all you’re interested in is beer and girls,’ she tittered. ‘Except for your Tom, Jess, he’s always been a nice boy. At least your mum has never had to worry. But with Hannah, she’s never been interested in settling down with anyone.’

  ‘There were a few guys she met when she was abroad, weren’t there?’ Jess pressed. ‘Did she tell you anything about them?’

  ‘There was a man she met in Fiji, who she liked, I think. He was from Australia or New Zealand, or somewhere like that, and she took him to Wales, I think, although goodness knows why; it was soon after that it fell apart, from what I can work out. She never brought him home to meet us, that’s for sure, and she just stopped mentioning him so I didn’t like to ask what happened. As I said, I don’t really know anything about my daughter’s love life, and I’m sure that’s the way she likes it!’ She smiled a little sadly, before topping up her glass and offering the bottle to Jess, who had hardly touched her own wine and politely waved it away.

  ‘Okay, what kind of man do you think Hannah should date then, especially if she is looking for a long-term relationship?’

  ‘She needs someone who’s going to balance her out,’ Joan replied immediately.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, you know what she’s like, always rushing headlong into things; she needs a man who’s going to make her stop and think before she runs off to the nearest hot country to “find herself” again.’

  ‘So someone who’s going to complement her adventurous nature, but help keep her feet on dry land?’ Jess smiled.

  ‘Exactly!’ Joan agreed. ‘I keep telling her she needs to realise she’s not in her twenties any longer. But you’re right, he has to also have that exciting, exploring streak about him. I can’t imagine Hannah with anyone too boring, like an accountant or tax adviser. He has to have something about him to keep her interested. And he needs to be intelligent. Hannah is so clever; if only she put her mind to things, she could be a real high-flyer in a big company. No offence to your company, Jess, of course, but you know what I mean. She could have walked into any job after university, like my friend Mary’s son, who’s a top lawyer down in London now, but instead she found herself behind a bar in yet another beach resort. But you’ve got to let them do what they want, I suppose,’ she sighed.

  ‘I’m already finding that with my two, and they’re only eight.’ Jess nodded. ‘They’ll be teenagers before I know it! So what do you think is the most important thing to Hannah in a relationship?’

  ‘Gosh, I’ve never really thought about it, you’d probably have to ask her.’

  ‘But what do you think might be important to her?’ Jess pushed.

  ‘I don’t know. Hopefully that he’s kind. Oh, and funny. Hannah has always loved to joke around, as you know, and doesn’t take anything too seriously, more’s the pity! And that he seems like he might be good with children I suppose.’

  ‘Has Hannah ever talked to you about having kids?’ Jess asked tentatively in case she was crossing a line.

  ‘Not directly and definitely not recently,’ Joan said. ‘But she’s always liked children, hasn’t she. When she was little, she used to tell me she wished she had a little sister to play with. She had Scott, obviously, but I think she fancied bossing around a younger sibling and she was desperate to dress up all her dolls in pink baby clothes.’

  ‘I didn’t know that,’ Jess said, intrigued.

  ‘She grew out of it, I suppose, and then she became as thick as thieves with you at secondary school so didn’t need a sister anymore. And I can remember having to tell her off for bossing you around so much in those first few years. Thankfully, that was another thing she grew out of.’

  ‘Ahh, she still does her fair share of that now!’ Jess laughed. ‘I’ve taken up too much of your time already, but I wanted to ask you one final question. Is there anyone – apart from an accountant or a tax adviser – you think Hannah definitely shouldn’t date?’

  ‘A cheat,’ Joan answered crisply. ‘Hannah would hate to be humiliated and I would hate to see her hurt. Once a man has cheated, he’s a cheat for life, believe me. No matter what the circumstances, there’s never an excuse, never.’

  ‘Yes, right. Okay, that’s everything, I think.’ Jess smiled awkwardly. ‘Thank you, Joan, you’ve been so helpful, and hopefully I’ll be able to find Hannah the perfect match.’

  ‘If anyone can, you can, Jess,’ Joan said warmly. ‘I know Hannah really looks up to you and your marriage to Tom, and she loves those dear children of yours, too. You must bring them with you next time you come and we’ll bake some biscuits. Hannah and Scott used to love mixing the dough together when they were little, although they’d always squabble over who got to lick the bowl, the little terrors!’

  Jess smiled. ‘The twins would love that, I’m sure. Thanks again, Joan.’

  * * *

  She was a bit late making her way over to Hannah’s
dad John’s house the following afternoon, after the bank called her to confirm everything she’d already discussed with the adviser in person the week before. Sadly, Save The Date’s financial position was no less precarious than it had been then, and hearing it all again had upset and destabilised her, which meant she’d then missed the correct turning off the main road and had to double back on herself, adding to the delay.

  ‘I’m so sorry I’m late, I can’t believe I went the wrong way, even with the sat nav telling me what to do,’ she gabbled as John showed her into the kitchen, with its large table and fridge covered with paintings and crayon-filled pictures.

  ‘It’s not a problem at all, Jess,’ he said as he made them both tea. ‘Charmaine will be back from the school run with Seraphina soon and they’ll both be so pleased you’re still here. We were saying last night how long it is since we’ve seen you. Although we haven’t actually seen Hannah for a while either, I must invite her over for Sunday lunch. Anyway, you said you had some questions?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. I’ve promised Hannah I’ll help find her The One, but I can’t do it on my own, which is why I wanted to talk to you about the kind of man you think she should go for.’

  ‘In my dad role, I obviously don’t think any man out there is good enough for my little Hannah,’ he laughed. ‘But I do think she’d love to have someone to settle down with now she’s finally putting down some roots back home and not always on a flight to wherever the next big thing is. So I’d say someone who can let her be herself without clipping her wings, but also makes her want to stay in one place for an extended amount of time, with that place hopefully being local. It’s been so nice having her back home for the past six months, and I know her mum appreciates it too.’

  ‘I saw Joan yesterday,’ Jess nodded. ‘She was telling me that back in the day Han always wanted a little sister, which I didn’t know.’

  ‘For a while, she’d ask us every day if she was getting a new baby sister like so many of the other kids in her class and she’d point at her mum’s tummy and ask if she could listen for the baby’s heartbeat. I think she even told her teacher she was going to have a sister at one point and poor Joan had to explain to them that no, she wasn’t pregnant. I think Hannah thought that if she wished for it enough, a baby would just appear! Sadly, it wasn’t to be, but thankfully she met you a few years later, and I know she sees you as the sister she never had, Jess.’

  ‘Me too.’ Jess smiled, her throat tight with emotion. ‘Any other qualities you think her perfect match needs?’

  ‘To tell her how much he loves her every day. I know Hannah adores her grandmother, and her poor grandfather before he passed away – sadly my own parents never got to meet her as they both died when Scott was tiny – and she often talks about their amazing relationship. I know me and her mum didn’t always have the best marriage, but I always loved Joan. I just wish I’d told her more often. I’m trying not to make the same mistake this time though,’ he said, before clearing his throat. ‘Listen to me going all soft! I just want Hannah to be happy and with a man who adores her. Everything else is a bonus. Ah, I hear the sound of a hungry little girl. We’re in here, darling,’ he called.

  ‘Daddy, we made insect houses at school today and then Mrs Wilson read us all a story about a boy who had a funny eye and got laughed at except by one nice little girl in his class and then they became best friends and went on a magic carpet together. It was awesome.’

  ‘Everything is awesome at the moment, isn’t it, darling. Say hello to Jess and then you can have a snack. I think Mummy has put one in the fridge for you.’

  With that, Charmaine walked into the kitchen. ‘Jess, it’s so lovely to see you, it’s been far too long. You should come over with the twins for a play date with Seraphina – shall I send you some dates?’

  ‘That would be lovely,’ nodded Jess, aware that she’d also promised to take them over to Joan’s at some point. At this rate, she’d be seeing more of Hannah’s family than she did her own parents.

  ‘We were just talking about Hannah and her new man. Well, the new man Jess here is going to find her.’

  ‘I hope he’s handsome!’ Charmaine said. ‘Hannah is so pretty that she needs a good match in the looks department.’

  ‘Noted!’ Jess said, while trying not to laugh at John’s face. ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Hannah would like to marry a painter,’ Seraphina announced through a mouthful of carrot and houmous.

  ‘Really, why do you think that, darling?’ her dad asked.

  ‘She told me,’ she replied importantly. ‘She was plaiting my hair and we were talking about why she didn’t have a boyfriend and she said she hadn’t found anyone who made her tummy whoosh enough. I asked her who would do that and she said someone creative and I asked her what creative means and she said like a painter and I said that we had a painter coming to paint our hall tomorrow and I could ask him if he had a girlfriend if she wanted, and then she laughed but I don’t know why.’

  ‘Wow, you do have a good memory, Seraphina!’ Jess laughed. ‘I think someone creative sounds perfect for Hannah.’

  ‘She’s a lovely kid,’ Jess said to John and Charmaine as Seraphina went upstairs to change out of her school things.

  ‘She is,’ John agreed proudly. ‘And it’s nice to see her and Hannah getting along so well. Scott is a bit more distant with his half-sister so she doesn’t have the same kind of bond with him, but she adores Hannah.’

  ‘And Hannah adores her too.’

  * * *

  Jess was slightly dreading her meeting with Scott. She’d arranged to meet him in a hipster café in the Northern Quarter in town at his suggestion, and she was quite glad time would be fairly tight. She wouldn’t have more than three-quarters of an hour before she had to get back to pick the twins up – Tom apparently had another meeting he couldn’t move.

  So, it meant a massive schlep into town for a very short amount of time. Jess being Jess, she’d managed to arrive half an hour early, despite her attempts not to be, so she was already on her second latte by the time Scott arrived. He was as good-looking as he’d always been, with his strong jaw and cheekbones. His eyes were the same chocolate brown as Hannah’s, though where her hair was dark and glossy to match, his was a dirty blond that was gelled neatly at the front, except for one lock that fell across his forehead in what he probably thought was an attractive way, but which annoyed Jess immediately. She was secretly happy to see the telltale grey bags beneath his eyes that showed he wasn’t immune to getting up in the night with the baby, plus she was glad to feel none of the frission of attraction she’d experienced throughout her teen years whenever she’d seen him – despite being with Tom for much of them. She’d once let slip to Hannah that she thought her brother was pretty hot, and her friend had ripped the mick out of her mercilessly for a whole year afterwards.

  ‘Scott, hi!’ she called as she saw him glancing round the café and missing her entirely.

  ‘Jess, I’d have known you anywhere! Looking gorgeous!’ He grinned. ‘I’ll just grab a coffee.’

  ‘So how are you?’ she asked a couple of minutes later as they sipped their drinks.

  ‘I’m really good. I’ve got loads of work on at the moment. I manage construction sites so I’ve got literally hundreds of people that I’ve got to make sure are pulling their weight and not taking liberties. It’s hard work, but they all respect me, you know, so it’s all good.’ Jess tried hard not to pull a face, but she softened as he started talking about Julia and Leo. ‘And of course there’s the small matter of me being a dad now! Which is crazy and brilliant, though nobody tells you you’re going to feel… well, feel so much, really. And Julia is just amazing. Seriously, I thought I knew what love was but it wasn’t until I saw Julia feeding Leo that I knew, if you know what I mean. Has Hannah shown you pictures? Here, look at this one I took yesterday when I came home from work – they were both spark out on the sofa, bless them.’

  Jes
s grinned in recognition of the exhaustion of motherhood, though was also sure she’d never looked as beautiful as Julia did asleep before she’d had the twins, never mind afterwards. ‘He’s gorgeous, and Hannah clearly loves spending time with you all,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, she’s very sweet with him, although she has also taught him to blow raspberries, which Julia’s not quite so happy about! It is actually really nice to have her back here in Manc, though I can’t understand why she didn’t stay in Oz or wherever she was, I know I’d be out there like a shot if I could. Anyway, what’s all this about finding her a man? She didn’t mention anything to me when she was over the other weekend.’

  ‘Well, I think she’s up for settling down and wanted it to be back home. I’m trying to find her the perfect match through my dating app and I wondered if you had any thoughts about why her previous relationships haven’t lasted and what the right kind of guy for her is like?’

  Scott looked surprised at the question and rubbed his eyes. ‘I guess all the guys she previously went out with were just not right for her – or she wasn’t right for them, anyway.’

  Jess suppressed a sigh. ‘But why do you think that is?’ she probed.

  ‘Well, she’s very headstrong, isn’t she? If she doesn’t want to do something then she’s not going to do it, which might put some men off. And she’s quite independent. Even as a kid she was always climbing trees or off reading in a corner on her own. Most of my mates had their sisters trailing round after them wanting to be part of our crew, you know, but Hannah was never like that. She’s always been independent and guys just sometimes want to look after their birds and be that hunter gatherer, whereas Hannah never seemed to need that.’