Married at First Swipe

by Claire Frost

  I’m a bit tired to be honest. Another time though. It looks like subscriptions to the app are still going strong.

  Jess had replied promptly:

  Yes, the figures are looking great. Could you deal with the membership inbox today, do you think, as there are loads of questions from new users and people thinking about signing up?

  Finding it easier to talk about work than how she was really feeling, Hannah had responded:

  Yes, of course. I’ll get onto that now. Let me know if there are other things you need me to do as well.

  Their messages continued in the same stilted, semi-friendly but professional manner for the next few days, and Hannah couldn’t help but feel sad every time she received one, as it served to remind her how very weird things were between them.

  She’d not heard anything from her mum since their argument, though her dad had called her a few times and she had been round to Scott and Julia’s. Between attempts to teach Leo to stick his tongue out at his parents, she had told them the news about her planned blind-date wedding but also mentioned that now she wasn’t sure she was going to go through with it. They’d both been really lovely and supportive, and Scott said that she shouldn’t let Joan put her off the idea if it was what she truly wanted, adding that he’d pop round to their mum’s the following day and take Leo as a distraction to try to get her onside if she wanted. Hannah was surprised at her brother’s thoughtfulness – he definitely wasn’t known for his empathetic nature – and she’d thought to herself for the hundredth time that Julia was a very good influence on him. Boosted by their enthusiasm, she’d agreed to Scott’s plan. A few days later he reported back that Joan hadn’t ranted about the situation as much as he thought she would once he’d explained he and Julia thought it was a good idea. Hope swelled in Hannah’s heart, but she knew she should take Scott’s optimism with a pinch of salt as he always presumed their mum hung off his every word. Though, to be fair, it seemed she often did.

  Feeling more buoyed, Hannah tentatively asked her dad if he thought there was any way her mum would accept an invitation to go wedding-dress shopping with her at the weekend. His answer was typically John-like: succinct but sincere. ‘It’s always worth a try, Hannah my dear, but I have to be honest, it doesn’t sound like she’s at the point where she’ll accept yet. Do you want me to ask Scott to try to bring her round a bit?’

  Hannah grimaced and said no, she’d sort it herself. She realised she probably couldn’t win either way – if she didn’t invite her mum, she’d never hear the end of it; but if she did invite her, it was likely to be a no. She glanced up at the birthday card Jess had given her a few months ago and she’d kept on her desk, and nodded in agreement at the words: Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!

  She spent the next ten minutes typing and deleting various versions of a text to her mum, before eventually settling on:

  Hi Mum, I know you’re still getting your head round my wedding plans, but I’m going dress shopping on Saturday and I’d really like you to be there. Are you free around lunchtime maybe? x

  The reply didn’t come back until the following morning, and it was as Hannah expected.

  I’m afraid I’ve already agreed to lunch at Mary’s on Saturday. I hope you enjoy your shopping trip. Make sure you take Jess with you. Mum x

  She texted her dad with an update and he replied:

  Sorry it’s not better news, Hannah darling. She will come round in time. She’s a good woman, your mum. Can’t wait to see you looking a million dollars. Dad x

  Hannah was struck yet again by how different the language John used about his ex-wife was compared to the constant digs and put-downs Joan had adopted. Although it was always going to be easier for her dad; he’d moved on so quickly with Charmaine and his new life, whereas sometimes it felt like her mum had never truly moved on at all – it certainly seemed she hadn’t dealt with any of the hurt and anger she felt when John revealed he had a new ‘lady friend’ just weeks after moving out.

  She sighed and wondered whether she was really doing the right thing. If her parents couldn’t make their marriage work after knowing each other for more than twenty years, then could she really expect her marriage to a stranger to be successful? Or maybe that was precisely why she and Toby could be happy – because they didn’t know each other?

  She sighed again.

  Later that day she checked her online banking app and saw that her dad had transferred £500 to her account with the reference ‘wedding dress fund’. She welled up as she sent him a grateful text, and wondered whether it was only blind-date brides who spent most of their days crying, or if everyone about to get married was close to tears at all times.

  * * *

  She met Jess outside Selfridges in Manchester on Saturday, just as the sky was moving from its regular light grey hue to full-on blackened storm clouds.

  ‘Quick, inside before we get drenched,’ panted Jess as she trotted over to Hannah, planted a kiss on her cheek and pulled her through the doors. ‘Right, I’m thinking we start with Whistles and Self-Portrait and then move up the price brackets if we need to – what do you think?’

  ‘Yes, sounds fine,’ Hannah replied, rather shell-shocked. She had been about to launch into a short speech she’d been rehearsing all the way into town, but now didn’t seem the time.

  ‘Excellent. Now I know you don’t want a big flouncy meringue and are determined to go for something a bit different, but I’ve been looking online and I do think there are a couple of gorgeous white but cute dresses, and also some beautiful jewel-coloured ones that you’ll love, so I hope they have them here.’

  ‘All right, Gok Wan!’ Hannah laughed, relaxing her shoulders as the escalator took them up past rows and rows of intricate, lacy bras that probably cost more than Hannah’s monthly rent.

  ‘If you’re not careful, I’ll do the full-on Trinny and Susannah when we get to the lingerie department. Now, let’s do this. And then we can have a drink to toast our shopping success, and I’m warning you now, I’m already thirsty. No pressure, obviously.’

  They spent the next hour picking out dresses that might work, laughing at many hideous dresses that definitely wouldn’t and gazing at beautifully cut designer dresses that they couldn’t bear to add to the maybe pile as they’d both have to rob a bank just to pay for one of them. Eventually, they whittled the dresses down to a possible six, and Jess ushered Hannah into the next available changing room.

  ‘I’m going to stand just out here, but let me know when you need zipping up. Don’t try to do it yourself – you’ll either rip the dress or one of your muscles, okay?’

  ‘Yes, sir, whatever you say, sir!’ Hannah saluted her. ‘When did you turn into such a bossy-boots?’

  ‘When I started having to marshal two children into their school uniforms every day,’ she replied with a grin. ‘Come on, let’s get the first one on. Start with the green full-length one. I know it’s a bit out-there as a wedding dress, but it’s really going to complement your eyes.’

  Hannah was surprised how much she enjoyed trying on the array of dresses they’d chosen. Usually she wore skinny jeans or a denim skirt and black tights in the winter, and cut-off shorts or, if she was pushing the boat out, a flirty ditzy-print dress in the summer, and she certainly didn’t own anything like the ladylike gowns in front of her.

  ‘I like this one,’ Jess nodded in approval at the deep-red satin Ghost dress she was currently modelling.

  ‘I like it, but I don’t really feel like me in it, if you know what I mean,’ Hannah said, twisting and turning to get a better view of herself in the mirror.

  ‘Han, I love you, but I’m not letting you get married in denim shorts and a vest top, which is what you’d buy if I weren’t here, I know. Your mum would kill me, for one thing. Although, to be fair, there’s a high chance she might already be plotting to poison me. Sorry, too soon for Joan jokes?’

  Hannah couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Yes, definitely too soon. And, yes, she pro
bably already wants to kill you. But I think maybe I’m first in her firing line, so don’t worry, you’re safe for a little while.’

  Jess gave her a sympathetic smile, but knew when to change the subject. ‘Okay, not this one then. Try the white Whistles one next. It’s the most “weddingy” of all of them.’

  Hannah pulled the curtain across and fanned her increasingly warm face. ‘Why do they always make changing rooms the hottest place on Earth? I’m not even wearing any clothes and I’m boiling. And before you say anything, yes I am trying this dress on, I just needed a second without some expensive fabric next to my burning skin. Seriously, they need to get some fans in here or someth—’

  ‘Han? Are you all right? Hannah?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she whispered and pulled the curtain back.

  ‘Oh. My. God. Han, you look amazing. Oh, it’s perfect. Christ, what is wrong with me, I don’t know why I’m crying. And now I’ve set you off too, no!’

  Hannah swiped at her eyes. ‘I feel like me, just a grown-up, more bridal version of me!’

  ‘Quick, let me get a photo. Perfect. Well, I think we’re done here. You’d better take it off before you get mascara down it. Once we’ve paid then we can go have that drink!’

  Half an hour later, they were each holding a large glass of wine in the Royal Exchange Theatre bar and gazing at the large yellow Selfridges bag at Hannah’s feet.

  ‘Cheers to an excellent shopping trip!’ Jess said, clinking her glass against Hannah’s.

  ‘Cheers indeed!’ she cried, taking a ladylike sip to match her new-found ladylike feeling. ‘Thank you for coming with me,’ she added more quietly. ‘And I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you on Monday. I was horrible. I was upset and angry and confused, but I should never have lashed out at you, Jess. This whole thing was my idea in the first place and I should have spoken to Mum and Dad about it immediately instead of putting it off till I absolutely had to.’

  ‘I’m sorry too. I should have checked that you’d spoken to your parents – and asked how it had gone. I felt like the worst person in the world after your phone call on Monday, I really did. Of course, it’s amazing Save The Date is getting loads of exposure, but not at the expense of your happiness. This is about you more than it is the business and always will be, Han.’

  The two of them smiled shyly at each other for a second before Jess broke the moment with a laugh. ‘It looks like we’ve had our first argument then. But at least we don’t have to pretend to be annoyed with each other for no reason now – I can’t believe we tried to do that when we were kids, it’s ridiculous!’

  Hannah grinned. ‘Ahh, those were the days, when all we had to worry about was that everyone else was falling out with each other and we weren’t. Now I’d happily swap that problem for all of mine! Anyway, you need to tell me some more titbits about Toby. I loved his blog, but he didn’t give that much away and it’s killing me trying to guess what he’s like.’

  ‘Han! I’ve told you, I can’t tell you any more – it’s not like he’s going to find out anything more about you, so it’s not fair. Although I need you both to write another blog this weekend, so you can read his next one when it goes live on Monday or Tuesday. That’s not long to wait, is it?’

  ‘Yes! It’s far too long,’ moaned Hannah. ‘I was thinking the other day that I guess I’m actually engaged, although I never had a proposal, which is weird. We’ve kind of missed all of that bit out, haven’t we? We’ve gone straight to jail without passing go, so to speak.’

  ‘Jail? Marriage isn’t like jail, Han! Well, not most of the time anyway. Although you just wait till you and your Toby-to-be have been together so long you can tell exactly what the other is thinking without them doing more than blink in a certain manner – and believe me, it’s rarely something good. Then they ask you what’s for tea, even though they know what’s in the fridge just as much as you do, or they moan they haven’t got any clean pants, even though they haven’t put the washing machine on for weeks, or say—’

  ‘Argh, stop!’ Hannah said, looking mock-alarmed. ‘Married life is going to be all sunshine and roses, no?’

  ‘I hate to break it to you, Han, but it’s really not. Although it doesn’t usually feel like jail.’

  ‘Well, if I can have anywhere near as sunny and rose-smelling a relationship as you and Tom do, then I’ll be on to a winner, I think.’

  Jess didn’t reply and instead busied herself topping up their glasses, but Hannah prodded her. ‘You and Tank are definitely all right, aren’t you? All of this stuff with Save The Date and the wedding and everything isn’t too much?’

  ‘We’re fine. We’re both just busy, that’s all. Oh, I better get this,’ she added, pointing at her phone and in Hannah’s opinion looking a bit too relieved at the interruption. She waved at her friend to pick up the call and concentrated on sipping her wine as Jess moved towards the door and away from the hubbub around them. When she came back a few minutes later, her face was flushed.

  ‘Oh my god, you won’t believe this! That was a producer from North West Tonight – they’re interested in doing something on Save The Date and the wedding! Nearer the time, of course, but they just need to work out the details, and that’s why they wanted to chat to me. This could be big! But only if you and Toby want it to be big, obviously,’ she added quickly.

  ‘Well, as long as we both actually make it down the aisle and don’t kill each other on our honeymoon, then I guess it will be fine!’ Hannah laughed.

  ‘Yay! Cheers to that! Although we can’t get too drunk as I need you to write that blog post this weekend!’

  SAVE THE DATE

  Find out more about our blind-daters with a difference…

  Wow! Our first blog has had a GREAT response across social media. You’ve all been so supportive towards Hannah and Toby, the strangers who are being brought together at the ultimate blind date location: The Altar!

  So, if you’re looking for love at first swipe, or if you’re on a slightly more sedate search for Mr/Mrs Right, then subscribe to Save The Date and download our app now! Join hundreds of others who are looking for long-term love, just like you.

  In the meantime, let’s hear how our bride- and groom-to-be have been feeling over the past week…

  Dear Hannah

  Holy guacamole! F@%$!

  I’m not sure I was prepared for that level of interest/excitement/disbelief from random strangers about our impending nuptials, were you?! (You’re definitely right about there being a time and place for exclamation marks!)

  I really enjoyed reading your letter last week. You’re already starting to take shape in my head – not physically exactly, as I don’t know whether you have blonde hair, brown eyes or a massive carbuncle on the end of your nose (although as long as you wear your carbuncle with pride, who cares!), but the kind of person you are. I love that you’re up for an adventure (I guess there’s no bigger adventure than marrying someone you’ve never met – thanks Save The Date!), and have been to some really interesting places.

  I’ve spent my whole weekend thinking about my answers to this week’s STD questions (I’ve just realised that STD doesn’t just stand for Save The Date…!) and trying to get the right blend of funny/interesting, but my sister has just given me a lecture about overthinking, so instead I’m simply going to be honest.

  What’s your relationship history?

  Does it sound a bit lame to say I’ve only been in one long-term relationship? Well, even if it does, that’s the truth. It was two years ago, and it’s taken me a while to get back into the dating game. I guess that’s why I’m happy to let Save The Date take away all the stress and awkwardness around finding someone I’m suited to.

  What scares you?

  Lots of things. When I was younger I used to be fearless, but I suppose the more things that happen to you, the more wary you become. I was definitely scared about what my family and friends would say about all this at first, but I can safely say I am glad I let
my sister talk me into this blind-date wedding.

  What’s your favourite food?

  Finally a question I don’t need to overthink! It’s chip shop chips, all crispy and chunky and coated liberally in salt and vinegar.

  Until next time,

  Toby x

  Dear Toby

  Thanks so much for your letter last week – it was ace to start getting to know you, albeit with the rest of the world looking over my shoulder! That is the first time I’ve ever written the word ‘albeit’, by the way; not sure what came over me… Maybe it’s because I’m writing an actual letter rather than firing off a load of WhatsApp messages. The past week has been pretty crazy, but knowing I would soon be finding out a little more about you has really helped – although Save The Date have ramped up the intensity of the questions this week, haven’t they!

  What’s your relationship history?

  I’ve been engaged once before. It was under very different circumstances. Unsurprisingly, since first-date weddings aren’t exactly an everyday occurrence in my life! I was working in a bar in Fiji around ten years ago and had the very definition of a whirlwind romance with a guy from New Zealand. I invited him back to the UK, and we lived in this amazing bubble in a holiday cottage in Wales for a few weeks. But then reality caught up with us and I think we both realised we wanted different things and it was never going to work. He went back to Fiji and I said I’d follow him, but instead I ran off to Australia and sent him an email from Sydney airport breaking up with him. But it was definitely for the best. Now I’m in a very different place – I’m not going to run off to Australia in the next few months, I promise! I’ve dated a few other people but I have been very much single for the past six months. Well, until now, as it seems I’m engaged!