by Claire Frost
‘Hannah, stop! I’m sure that’s not what he was thinking. It must be awkward for him, too. Have you spoken to him about it? Maybe you need to get him to open up.’
‘Awkward is the word, you’re right. Anyway, did you talk to Tom about how you’re feeling? Have you booked that time off yet?’
‘He was working on a commission all day Saturday and then Sam spent most of yesterday vomiting, which wasn’t fun for anyone, and although he’s better today we couldn’t send him into school so Tom’s keeping half an eye on him this morning and I’ve said he can come and do some reading in here this afternoon if you don’t mind?’
‘Of course I don’t mind, poor little mite,’ Hannah replied immediately. ‘God, that does not sound like a good weekend.’
‘It wasn’t the best,’ Jess sighed. ‘So apart from the weirdness with Toby, how was the rest of your weekend? I need cheering up!’
‘It was fine. We went to see Melissa and Michaela the next day. Toby didn’t even mention what had happened.’
‘Maybe he didn’t want to talk about his sex life in front of his sister!’
‘Yeah, but he had the whole drive there and back to talk to me about it, but it was as if it had never happened; like he thought that if he didn’t mention it then maybe it would mean it wasn’t real.’
‘That is a bit weird,’ Jess conceded. ‘What was Melissa like? She seemed really fun when I met her at the wedding.’
‘She’s great, actually, and Michaela too. They cooked this absolute feast of spiced lamb and cuminy, fennely potatoes.’
‘God, I’m practically salivating just listening to you!’
‘I’ll bring you a doggy bag next time. Dare I mention we had profiteroles for pudding?’
Jess let out a moan.
‘Christ, J, you sound like you’re having an orgasm for god’s sake!’
‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ Jess murmured. ‘Go on, other than scoffing your way through all of my favourite foods, what else happened?’
‘Well, their adorable pugs took the spotlight off me a bit, so I’m forever in their doggy debt. And Melissa has a wicked sense of humour. She and Toby are pretty different.’
‘Does he not have a wicked sense of humour then?’ Jess looked at her friend worriedly. When she’d plucked Toby from all of the men who had applied to be a part of the blind-date wedding, his ability to make her laugh had been high on the list of things she’d liked about him.
‘Sometimes. I think I just couldn’t get past the way he seemed to be putting on a show yesterday. I can understand it more in front of his sister, as you said, but he was doing it in front of me, too, and I didn’t know what to do. I should have called him out on it, I know. Though I think Melissa realised things weren’t as rosy as Toby was making out – she took me to one side later on.’
‘Not in a scary way, I hope? I can imagine Melissa isn’t someone to get on the wrong side of!’
‘No, she was nice. She told Toby and Michaela we were going to have a sisterly chat while they washed up. I think she saw my face because she added that no one was to worry and she promised to be gentle. Anyway, she asked how much Toby had told me about Emma, and explained how broken he was for eighteen months after she died. She said it’s been a long way back for him and that she feels responsible for pushing Toby into the Save The Date thing.’
‘He could have said no, though,’ Jess reasoned. ‘And from the start he was one of the most responsive and seemed open to the blind-date wedding idea.’
Hannah nodded. ‘Yes, Melissa said he’s determined to make it work, but it’s been a long time since he was in a relationship and he might be a bit, well, rusty – and this isn’t just any relationship, so it’s always going to be harder. She also said he isn’t great at opening up about things, so I might need to be the one who leads any big conversations, at least to start with. Though it’s not as if that’s my forte either! Anyway, Melissa gave me her number in case I ever need some non-judgemental advice.’
‘I’m not sure how non-judgemental Melissa can be when it comes to her brother!’
‘I know, but she was being nice. And I did take what she said on board – you would have been proud of me, J. On the way home I tried to start a conversation about what had happened the previous night, but Toby completely shut it down and changed the subject.’
‘I’m proud of you, Han.’ Jess smiled. ‘And all you can do is try to chip away at the wall he’s put up. It’s going to take you both a bit of time to get your heads round your relationship.’
‘Yep, I know,’ Hannah sighed. ‘Although, on the other hand, Toby started going on about settling down and having babies at one point – which was even weirder given the awkwardness of the night before. Seriously, I didn’t know what to say at all!’
‘What did you say? I mean, have the two of you spoken about the children thing yet?’ Jess probed.
‘Well… insofar as we both quite like kids. But give us a chance, we’ve only known each other two seconds!’
‘I know when I had my initial chat with Toby when I was going through the selection process, I asked him whether kids were a definite yes or no for him and he said he thought he’d quite like children but only with the right person, which seemed a very sensible thing to say.’
‘It does, though we both still have a long way to go before we can categorically say we’re with the right person to have kids with,’ Hannah said. ‘I saw a picture of her, you know.’
‘Of who?’
‘Emma. His fiancée.’
‘Oh. And?’
‘She was beautiful, and so smiley. And he looked so happy next to her.’
‘Well, of course he was happy, he was in love with her,’ Jess replied gently. ‘But she died, which was terrible for everyone involved, but he’s not in love with her now, he’s moved on, which is why he wanted to be part of this whole project in the first place.’
‘What if he hasn’t moved on though? What if he is still in love with her?’ Hannah said quietly. ‘Oh, don’t listen to me, I’m just feeling a bit tired and emotional, it’s probably still the jet-lag. Despite how many long-haul flights I’ve been on, it still always takes me ages to get over it. And to make matters worse I’ve got a massive dose of PMT today. Just ignore me.’
Jess glanced at her friend and felt a gnaw of worry in her stomach; maybe she should have stuck to her guns in the first place and told Hannah the whole blind-date wedding thing was ridiculous.
‘Jess, stop it!’
‘Stop what?’
‘That look. I know that look – it’s you worrying you’ve ruined my life by setting me up with Toby. You haven’t, I promise, it’s just going to take a bit of time for us both to get used to the situation, as you said. And, in fact, everyone around us. His family seem pretty on board with everything, but I’ve had to promise Mum that Toby and I will go round at the weekend. I was just going to take him to see G-ma, but when Mum found out she went a bit crazy and immediately called me to say she would collect G-ma from her flat and we all had to go to hers for Sunday lunch. I managed to negotiate her down to a cup of tea on Saturday afternoon, which means we only have to stay an hour, ninety minutes max, which is enough to inflict on Toby, especially as we’ll also have to go and see Dad and Charmaine at some point. Although at least they should be a bit easier because we can take Seraphina out somewhere to take the heat off if Dad starts getting intense. You know what he’s like.’
Jess laughed. ‘Yep, but his heart’s in the right place. Do you think your mum will ask Scott and Julia and Leo to be there on Saturday, too?’
‘I’m not sure. I think she’ll want to have Toby to herself as much as possible – although she’ll have G-ma to contend with too! I guess I’ll have to take him round to Scott’s at some point, but at least Leo will be a cute distraction. And I’m so overdue a proper night out with the girls. I know some of them were at the wedding, but I hardly got time to chat, and then there’s Dee and Johanna who are in G
od knows where now. Hmph, it’s exhausting this parading your new spouse round everyone, isn’t it!’
‘Well, it is when you marry someone nobody has met before!’ Jess said. ‘Oh, I’ve got something exciting to tell you about Save The Date – I can’t believe I haven’t told you already this morning.’
‘That would be my fault,’ grinned Hannah.
‘Well, anyway, I haven’t been able to tell you before now as nothing was concrete, but I’ve had an offer to buy the business!’
‘To buy it? Is that a good thing?’ Hannah looked at her, confused.
‘It is when it’s the kind of money they’re talking about! It’s big bucks, Han!’
‘Right, well then, that’s great,’ she replied, still frowning. ‘It’s a bit out of the blue, isn’t it?’
‘Yes and no. Since the business has been doing so well, I’ve been thinking about selling it. You know I only started the app in the first place because I could see a gap in the market, and although loads of good things have come out of it – you and Toby for starters! – the whole reason for working so hard was to make it a success financially, which thankfully it now is. And then at the end of last week, I got a call from an investment company saying they had a client who was thinking about making an offer for the business. He named a figure that frankly made my eyes water, so I’d be mad not to at least follow it up.’
‘What would selling the app mean day to day?’ Hannah asked carefully.
‘It would depend, I think. I could negotiate to still be CEO and nothing much would change, I guess, other than the fact we’d be owned by someone else. Or I could sell the whole thing and walk away completely and do something else, especially with that kind of money.’
She noticed Hannah’s expression and realised how insensitive she’d been. ‘Shit, Hannah, I didn’t mean to worry you, I should have explained properly. Obviously, if I stayed as CEO, you would stay in your job if you wanted to. And if I stepped away then I would of course negotiate a position in the new team for you. Without you, none of this would have happened and Save The Date would have disappeared completely. You’re integral to everything, you know that, but I should have made that clear before I even told you about the buyout.’ Seeing her friend nod in understanding and look less freaked out, she decided to say what had been on her mind for the last few weeks.
‘Han, I hope you don’t mind me saying this and don’t take it the wrong way, but have you thought about what you might want to do career-wise? As I said, there’ll always be a job for you here, but if I’m honest, I’m a bit surprised you’ve stayed this long. I’ve never known you last more than six months in one country before, never mind in one workplace! I love working with you, but I also know that, when it’s just you and me, I’m the one who does all the more exciting things and you end up having to do loads of admin, which isn’t really challenging you, is it?’
Hannah’s frown had been becoming more and more pronounced as Jess spoke, but she knew she had to get to the end of what she was trying to say. Although looking at Hannah’s expression, she did wonder whether she’d have been better off saving her motivational speech for another day.
Hannah huffed so hard, her hair blew in the breeze. ‘I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.’ She shrugged. ‘I mean, I have had other things on my mind recently, you know, like getting married! I guess I need to think about long-term stuff at some point, especially if you’re selling the app, but there’s no rush, is there? The sale isn’t going to happen overnight?’
‘No, it definitely isn’t, these things take time.’ Jess nodded. ‘But even if I wasn’t thinking about selling up, I’d probably be having this conversation with you, Han. I s’pose what I’m saying is if you’re putting down roots and maybe thinking about having a family—’ At that, Hannah’s eyes went wide. ‘All right, I did say maybe! It’s just that if you were, then you probably want to also think about your career, that’s all. And maybe this is the push you need to start that process.’
Hannah sighed once more. ‘You’re right, J. Again. But I’m not sure I’ve got space in my brain with everything else going on at the moment.’
‘I know the feeling, I do! And I’m not saying you need to make any decisions now, just maybe start having a little think, that’s all.’
‘Okay, Mum!’ Hannah said, her grin back on her face.
‘Damn, that reminds me, I’d better go and take Sam off Tom’s hands before he gets square eyes from playing too many games on the Xbox.’
‘Tom or Sam?’ Hannah laughed.
‘Ha, probably both of them! Though Tom’s eyes can get as square as he likes. Poor old Sam has a reading and spelling test tomorrow, his sister reminded me, and I don’t think FIFA counts as reading practice.’
Jess pulled on her jacket and made her way up the garden towards the house. The temperature had dropped significantly in the last few weeks and it felt almost wintry with the wind whipping around the trees. She noticed that the lawn needed cutting too, before it became waterlogged with a carpet of autumnal leaves, as well as the rose bushes that they were already late pruning and the pond full of dead irises that needed chopping out to enable green shoots to grow come spring. It all filled her with despair, and she added them to the ever-growing to-do list in her head – the tasks that only she would ever notice needed doing.
She walked through the back door into the kitchen and then on into the living room, where she was met with a scene that wouldn’t have been out of place in nineties sitcom Men Behaving Badly. Tom was spark out on the sofa, mouth open and snoring lightly, while Sam was half a metre from their flatscreen TV, headphones on, playing a violent-looking shooting game that Jess swore she’d banned him from ever turning on again. Strewn across the floor were empty crisp packets, satsuma peel and plates of crumbs.
Her first thought was to turn round and walk straight back to the summerhouse away from all the chaos. She knew that what she should do was wake Tom up, remove Sam’s headphones and tell them both to clear things up immediately. But looking round at the room that she’d made sure was tidy just a few hours before, she didn’t even know where to start.
Chapter 19 Hannah
Hannah was very aware that Toby hadn’t yet been to her flat, but she decided the following Saturday before they drove to see G-ma and Joan was not the day for that. Okay, Toby’s house hadn’t been as grand and grown-up as she’d worried it might be, but there was still no getting away from the fact that he owned a two-bedroom period property in a nice area and she rented a one-bed flat that had definitely seen better days, in an area that wasn’t quite so nice, and she wasn’t feeling strong enough to manage his reaction to that as well as deal with a visit to her mum. She supposed it was fairly clear from the outside that her flat wasn’t Buckingham Palace, and this would be the second time Toby had come to pick her up so it couldn’t be that much of a surprise, but even so, in the same way she made sure she went to visit her mum and not the other way round, it was clear it would always be easier if she went round to Toby’s.
She fiddled with her bag as she waited for the doorbell to ring, and tried to distract herself from the butterflies in her stomach by texting Jess to ask how things were. Her friend had been almost scarily angry when she’d found out Tom hadn’t been supervising Sam like he should have, so Hannah hadn’t wanted to broach the subject of Tom since. She couldn’t quite see why Jess was so pissed off. Sure, Tom had been pretty crap, and Sam had been naughtily opportunistic to take the chance to play the horrible violent game he’d been banned from even mentioning, but Tom was presumably knackered after working for much of the weekend and she kind of had to applaud Sam for his ingenuity. Not that Hannah would ever say that to her friend, of course – and she wasn’t a parent herself, so what did she know?
Even so, she was worried that Jess looked permanently on edge, and if Hannah so much as mentioned Tom, her face would immediately scrunch into a scowl. With the news of the potential sale of Save The Date, she sho
uld be putting her feet up a bit, but if anything she was spending longer days in the office than ever before. It was like she was almost willing her marriage to fail. What upset Hannah the most was that Jess would barely even talk to her about it.
Jess’s reply came back blandly:
All good, thanks, give Joan my love! x
The doorbell finally gave its feeble call and Hannah grabbed her bag and made for the door, quickly shutting it behind her before she’d even said hello to Toby.
‘Hi, sorry about that.’ She smiled. ‘That coat is nice, very cool.’
‘Another Melissa purchase,’ he said ruefully. He scooped her into a warm hug. ‘It’s nice to see you, Han; I’ve missed you this week. Going back to work has been exhausting and I was wiped out by the time I got home last night.’
As they reached the car Hannah saw two large definitely-not-supermarket bouquets on the back seat of his BMW. ‘Oh, Tobes, you shouldn’t have!’
‘I didn’t, I mean they’re not for—’
‘Don’t worry, I was only joking,’ she laughed. ‘But they are beautiful and Mum and G-ma will love them – and you.’
‘Ha! Okay, but next time I will buy you flowers. What did you get up to last night?’
‘I texted Dee quite a bit. She seems to be having the best time in Queensland where she’s working part-time as a counsellor, as well as being a tour guide on boats going out to the reef so she gets to snorkel or dive every day. Which reminds me, I had a look into PADI courses and there’s one near Stockport that looks pretty good and you do it across a couple of weekends. Though it’s not cheap, sadly, so I’ll have to see.’
‘Do it! I might even join you.’
‘Really? That would be brilliant, Tobes! We’ll have to book somewhere with amazing diving to go on holiday next year.’
Toby smiled at Hannah’s mention of the future. ‘Has Jess said any more about the buyout?’