Married at First Swipe

by Claire Frost

  ‘For fuck’s sake!’ she shouted and tears pricked at her eyes. She wasn’t hurt, but neither was she seemingly able to put one foot in front of the other. Just another thing she was failing at.

  She could see that the finishing area was starting to fill up – and she wasn’t there. ‘Fucking, fucking hell!’

  She no longer cared that everyone from small children to huge Labradoodles was staring at her, and fumbled in her pocket for a tissue. She pulled out a handful that had probably been in very close proximity to an eight-year-old’s snotty nose, but wiped her dank, mud-covered sock with them anyway, before shoving it back into her welly, where it squelched wetly. Finally she was able to yank the boot out of the mud and gingerly make her way onto a less muddy patch. Still holding the dirty tissues, she hobbled towards the finish area, where she summoned up the energy to whoop Sam over the line. Lily and Tom had already completed the run and were lining up to get their finish number.

  ‘Well done, Lily!’ she called as they made their way over to her shortly after. Tom’s arm was round their daughter’s shoulders and she appeared to be crying. ‘What’s wrong, darling?’

  ‘I got a personal best,’ Lily sobbed.

  ‘Oh my goodness, that’s amazing, sweetheart!’

  ‘But you weren’t there to see it!’ Lily continued, and burst into fresh tears. Jess reached out to give her a cuddle.

  ‘But I saw you when you were nearly at the finish and you looked so fresh, even though you’d just run up that hill.’

  ‘It’s not the same as you seeing me cross the line though,’ she hiccupped, and Jess’s heart almost broke. ‘Eurgh, what is that smell? Have you just wiped dog poo on my top?’

  Jess stared down at the tissues still in her hands. ‘No, no, darling, it’s just a bit of mud, I was wiping my foot, and—’

  ‘I’m never doing ParkRun again,’ shouted Sam as he joined the little group. ‘I’m never going to get any better and I can’t believe Lily nearly tripped me up at the start, did you see? Tell her off, Mum, it’s not fair.’

  ‘I’m sure Lily didn’t mean to trip you up, and you did really well, darling, so don’t worry about not beating your time.’

  ‘I got a personal best anyway so you’ll never be as good as me!’ foghorned Lily through her tears, which made Sam promptly start crying too. Jess looked to Tom for help, but he was chatting to someone, seemingly unaware his children were both having major public meltdowns.

  Jess desperately tried to shepherd the weeping and squabbling twins through the park, every step of her right foot squidging the mud further into her sock, while Tom stopped to chat to every second person, all of whom he seemed to know. After another five minutes of arguing and sobbing, Jess was close to tears herself, and with Tom still laughing and joking with some other dads, she realised she’d have to break her no sugary snack rule again.

  The promise of a treat from the sweet shop seemed to brighten up the twins, though they were still able to produce more tears when she told them they could only choose one bar each. Embarrassed at the commotion they were causing, she quickly relented and said they could also share a twenty-pence mix and added a dark chocolate Bounty for herself.

  All their previous hysterics and spitefulness were forgotten as the twins walked ahead of their parents sharing strawberry laces and chatting about how big the spot on their teacher’s nose had been on Friday, and Jess breathed a sigh of relief, stuffing the Bounty into her mouth, barely chewing it on the way down. She turned to smile up at Tom, who had finally caught up with them, but was met by a frown.

  ‘I can’t believe you weren’t there for Lily when she crossed the finishing line,’ he chided.

  Jess nearly choked on her chocolate. ‘I did try, but my welly fell off in the mud and it went all through my sock and I had to sort myself out.’

  ‘She was really upset, you know.’

  ‘I know she was, thanks, Tom, I was there for that bit! I didn’t do it on purpose, obviously.’

  ‘Getting a personal best is a big thing for her. You know how much she likes running. I think we just need to make sure we’re supporting her properly.’

  ‘Thanks for the lecture, Tom, I’ll bear that in mind next time I’m trying to make sure everyone has a clean sports kit, has eaten a proper breakfast and the wet-weather stuff is in a bag ready, all before half past eight on a Sunday morning,’ Jess hissed, aware the children were well within shouting distance. ‘God, are you just having a go at me because I was pissed off when you let Sam play that horrible video game? Are we really doing that point-scoring thing?’

  ‘No, of course not, I was just saying that it’s good to encourage the kids when they really excel at something, and Lily seems to have a proper talent for running. And Sam’s pretty good, too.’

  ‘I do encourage them! What do you think I do every evening when I’m helping them with their art projects or homework? And every morning when I’m listening to them read and testing them on their spellings? All while making their packed lunches and finding missing shoes and cleaning up the breakfast things. And then going to work and trying to make a success of my business so we can pay the bills?’

  ‘Jess, I know you do a lot around the house, but if you only let me—’

  ‘Let you what, Tom? Let you fall asleep on the sofa while the house – and our children – go to rack and ruin?’

  ‘Now you’re just being silly.’

  ‘Silly? Right, okay, well, thanks for that, Tom! I’ll tell you what’s silly – you in those ridiculous shorts trying to beat your eight-year-old daughter in a fun run and leaving your son behind to get upset on his own. What are you trying to prove for god’s sake?’

  ‘What am I trying to prove? I’m not the one who spends the entire weekend making their child’s art project themselves just so you can show off to the other parents about what a good mum you are. I’m not the one who barely lets the kids put their paintbrushes down before you start tidying up around them in case they get a speck of paint on the table. I’m not the one who insists they have extra French lessons instead of letting them enjoy being kids, even though we can’t afford them, just so you can show off about how they can count to a hundred and order a coffee and croissant! It sounds very much like you’re trying to control their lives and prove something to the world, Jess, but at what cost to your children? And at what cost to me?’

  Jess stopped outside the house and stared at her husband. The air rushed around her head and she felt as if she were far away and might faint, but at the same time his words sped through her brain. It felt like she was looking down on the scene from outside her body and it was all happening to someone else.

  It started to drizzle, and she opened her mouth but couldn’t find any words to say. Then she turned and caught the twins staring at them both, their eyes wide and mouths slightly open, a look of fear imprinted on their faces. The sight of her children instantly snapped her to attention and she dug in her bag for her keys. ‘Right, kids, muddy trainers off, please, and go and wash your hands properly and brush your teeth again after all those sweets. And then you can maybe watch an episode of something on the iPad – but only if you promise not to argue about what it is. Off you go.’

  She didn’t stop to notice if Tom followed her and the twins inside, instead she focused on chivvying them out of their trainers and up the stairs.

  She and Tom didn’t utter another word to each other the rest of the day, and picking up on the strained atmosphere, the twins were both far quieter than normal, despite being cooped up in the house as the rain set in.

  Jess refused to let herself think about what Tom had said and filled her mind with cleaning trainers, putting the washing machine on multiple times and making a perfect Sunday lunch for them all. Lily didn’t even comment on the hated broccoli on her plate as Jess prattled on to them about school, play dates and their class assembly the following week. Sam didn’t make his usual lame joke about getting his just desserts, either. Instead, he practica
lly inhaled his apple crumble so that he didn’t have to sit at the table under the heavy cloud of his parents’ fury for a second longer than necessary.

  After lunch, Tom retreated into his work room, leaving Jess to play Junior Monopoly with the twins, though Lily couldn’t even be bothered to demand she was the dog, and immediately settled for the hat when Sam reached for the little silver canine piece. He chose not to crow when she landed on his hotel-laden expensive properties and had to pay him hundreds of pounds when usually he would be goading her with laughter at her misfortune.

  Saddened by her children’s realisation they shouldn’t be having too much fun given their parents’ mood, Jess tried even harder to make them happy. She suggested they bake fairy cakes, and allowed them to not only scrape out the batter from the bowl, but then to eat two each when they’d come out of the oven and had a chance to cool. The twins couldn’t believe their luck after their sweets and apple crumble earlier, and so even their sugar highs were more muted than normal. Inevitably, they both then crashed hard and began to squabble, but Jess merely plastered on her Mary Poppins smile and sat them in front of the TV with Junior Bake Off.

  She was just as exhausted as the kids, but when she finally had time to sit down with a mug of tea for more than two minutes, she pulled her laptop towards her and opened a new window on Google. Her meeting with the prospective buyer on Tuesday was in Cumbria, which was an easy drive from where they lived, but she suddenly couldn’t get Hannah’s suggestion of a break away from everything out of her head. She typed the words ‘B&B Lake District’ into the search engine, and scrolled through the results until eventually she landed on a ‘boutique’ bed and breakfast in Windermere that had everything she was looking for – a huge double bed, a roll-top bath, views of rolling hills, a pub within staggering distance, and a delicious-sounding breakfast cooked by the owner each day. She couldn’t help but be seduced by the romance of it. If ever there was a place to get away from it all with your beloved, this was it.

  As she clicked through to the payment page, she could already feel some of the stress leaving her hunched shoulders. She didn’t even flinch at the ridiculously high final total and merely tapped her card details into her computer, knowing this was exactly what she needed. She checked her email, and nestled at the top of her inbox was her confirmation:

  Thank you for your booking at The Lakeside Nook for four nights from Monday October 11 in the Ambleside Suite. Single person supplement has been applied.

  She shut the laptop and opened WhatsApp on her phone.

  Hi Han, hope you’ve had a fab weekend. How did it go with Toby’s parents? I want to know everything! You’ll be pleased to know I’ve taken your advice and booked a few days away in the Lakes either side of my meeting on Tuesday so I won’t be in all week. I’ll check my emails now and forward anything you’ll need, and you can just WhatsApp me if there’s anything super-urgent you can’t sort on your own or need to ask me about. Hope that’s okay x

  Hannah’s reply came back super speedily:

  Yay, that’s fab news, J! You deserve it, and I’ll be fine keeping STD ticking along in the meantime. Are your parents looking after the kids? What did Tank say? I bet he’s so happy to be spending a whole week just you and him! Xxx

  Jess replied quickly, before she could overthink what Hannah’s reaction would be.

  Actually, it’s just me going. Tom will be looking after the kids. Bring on the wine! xx

  As her phone lit up with multiple messages from Hannah almost immediately, Jess turned it face down on the table and went upstairs to pack.

  Chapter 21 Hannah

  So far, Hannah’s weekend had been exactly what she needed. She’d spent most of Saturday pottering around in her flat, and actually going to the gym instead of just talking about it. Then, that evening, she’d FaceTimed Dee in Australia and they’d had a proper catch-up. Dee still couldn’t quite believe Hannah now had an actual husband, and she’d made Hannah tell her all about the wedding and honeymoon in detail. She’d been so enthusiastic that Hannah had found herself embellishing her feelings a little without even meaning to, leaving Dee with the impression she and Toby were Mr and Mrs Right and more loved-up with each passing day. Dee, meanwhile, regaled her with stories of Queensland and her job taking tourists out to the reef to snorkel among the fish.

  ‘Oh my god, I am so jealous!’ Hannah had groaned. ‘I miss everything about Oz.’

  ‘You should come out and see me!’ Dee had shrieked. ‘What about at Christmas? Imagine having a barbie and then going down to the beach instead of being stuck in freezing cold Manchester. You know you want to!’

  ‘I so want to!’

  ‘Then come! I mean it, Han. I’m housesitting for a mate in Sydney over Christmas and there’s loads of space. Then you could come back up the coast with me and chill out at mine for as long as you want. Oh, please say yes, we’ll have such an amazing time!’

  ‘Hell, yes!’ Hannah had laughed. ‘Oh my god, I’m so excited. I know it’s only October now, but I already can’t wait! I’m going to start looking at flights right now!’

  Even the thought of lunch the following day with Toby’s parents couldn’t dampen her spirits. Toby had texted her every day the previous week, but Hannah couldn’t help feeling like there was a growing barrier between them – all those things that hadn’t been said after that night at his flat – and the most contact they’d had since was a chaste kiss when they were saying goodbye. It felt like somehow their relationship was going backwards not forwards. Melissa was definitely right in saying Toby wasn’t good at being open about his feelings, and after being shut down the first time, Hannah didn’t really feel able to bring it up again.

  She tried not to overthink her outfit to see her in-laws, but she did want to look like she’d made an effort, so she reached for the ditsy floral midi-dress she’d discarded on their date night. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually worn it – it was one of those things she’d bought in Topshop on a whim before jetting off to South America, thinking she could be an ‘English rose’ while she was away. Unsurprisingly, she’d spent the whole time in her denim cut-offs and the dress had stayed scrunched up in the bottom of her backpack. It had never completely recovered and now looked a bit more boho than beautiful rose, but she decided it would have to do, especially as Toby was due to arrive at any minute. She remembered to pick up the semi-decent bottle of red she’d left out ready as she heard the knock on her door and pulled her Converse on.

  ‘Hannah, you look so pretty!’ Toby exclaimed when he saw her. He was dressed in a rather formal, crisply ironed pale-pink shirt that seemed to wash out his skin rather than enhance it. Hannah guessed it hadn’t been bought on his shopping trip with Melissa. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a dress before. Other than on our wedding day, I mean, and you always look lovely, but—’ He stopped, clearly not quite sure where he should go with the rest of the sentence.

  Hannah smiled. ‘Thanks. I hope your parents like red?’ she asked, holding up the bottle.

  ‘They do, and they’ll love you, too,’ he reassured her as they got into the car.

  ‘We’ll see who’s the suck-up today, won’t we!’ Hannah added.

  Neither of them said much on the drive over to Knutsford, and instead let Classic FM provide them with a dramatic soundtrack to their journey. Several times Hannah thought about saying, ‘Shall we use the drive to talk about some of the obstacles we’re clearly both struggling with?’ but she always chickened out and swallowed the words back down. Toby, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be preoccupied with worries about their relationship at all, and hummed happily away to himself. All too soon they pulled up outside a large detached house and the opportunity had passed.

  ‘Right, bring on the Yorkshire puddings!’ Toby laughed. Hannah smiled awkwardly.

  ‘Toby, darling, don’t you look dapper in that new shirt!’ his mum cried when she opened the door. ‘I knew that colour would suit you.
How are you? I hope you haven’t been working too hard?’

  ‘Hi, Mum,’ he greeted her, kissing her on both cheeks, then turning back to push Hannah forward. ‘I’d like to properly introduce you and Dad to Hannah, my wife!’

  His pronouncement was met with a lot of cooing, more kisses and shaking of hands, until finally they were both invited inside out of the sharp northern breeze and into a very neat sitting room.

  ‘I’m just putting the final touches to the vegetables,’ Phil, Toby’s dad, boomed. ‘I hope you’re hungry!’

  ‘He’s made enough to feed an army, as always,’ Elaine tittered.

  Hannah smiled. ‘Don’t worry, I have a big appetite.’

  ‘That’s my girl!’ Phil grinned at her. ‘Extra Yorkshires for you!’

  The roast turned out to be absolutely delicious, so Hannah busied herself with tucking into as many roast potatoes as she could without looking too greedy, while Toby’s parents questioned him about work, whether he was getting enough sleep and whether he was still taking those zinc supplements their friend Doctor Adrian had recommended. Satisfied their son was in as good health as possible, talk turned to Hannah and Toby’s relationship.

  ‘So, how are you finding married life, Hannah? We’re so excited that you’re now part of the family!’

  ‘Thank you, Elaine, I’m excited to be part of it too,’ Hannah said. ‘Obviously, it’s been a bit strange since the wedding. I don’t think anybody ever expects to meet their husband for the first time at the altar! But hopefully we’ll have time to really get to know each other over the coming weeks and months.’