The Mighty Samurai and the Evil Bird Demon Etsushi: A Kwirky-buki Play
Page 2
*@
TATSUYA groans (in slow motion) and falls down on the ground.
ETSUSHI
Look at me, I am uncut.
I, the victor, shall now strut.
ETSUSHI, laughing, dances akin to a chicken scratching the ground. NARRATOR claps the two blocks of wood together in a slow pattern.
TATSUYA
You have defeated me. Do me the honor and kill me.
ETSUSHI
No honor for a lost fool.
Make them suffer! That's my rule.
TATSUYA
No. No! Kill me! Give me the honorable death of a samurai!
ETSUSHI
Do not beg, for I don't care.
Now I fly, my wings on air.
Caw! Caw!
ETSUSHI exits.
ETSUSHI (OS)
Live in pain and dishonor.
Never regain your honor.
[laughs] Caw! Caw!
TATSUYA cries. NARRATOR stops clapping the blocks together. TATSUYA stands up, the flashback over, and sits on HIS chair.
TADAO
That is truly a sad story.
TATSUYA
Yes. It is. And what of you? What is your sad story?
TADAO
My story is truly a sad one, too.
TATSUYA
Let me hear it. You will make me feel better about my sad life.
TADAO
Okay.
TADAO stands, leaving HIS staff behind, and walks to the center of the stage. In this flashback, TADAO is a little fuller of life than before.
HE smiles like a proud little child and bows. NARRATOR beats on the drum in a 2-1 pattern.
VOICE 2 (OS)
Tadao, are you truly ready to become a follower of the Buddha?
TADAO
Yes, very much! I am ready to serve my fellow man.
VOICE 2 (OS)
That is good, Tadao. That is very good. Will you forever abandon the ways of war, never picking up a sword or harming another?
TADAO
Yes, I do. I very much do! I hate swords. [spits on the ground] I hate them!
VOICE 2 (OS)
Will you forever abandon the ways of sake, never drinking another cup of the sumptuous rice wine?
TADAO
Yes, I will. I'll never touch a drop of it ever again!
VOICE 2 (OS)
Will you forever abandon the ways of women, never--
NARRATOR stops beating the drums.
*@ (in a questioning manner)
TADAO
Wait--What?
VOICE 2 (OS)
Never again succumbing to the pleasures of the flesh?
TADAO
One moment. Explain this to me. If I become a monk, I can never know a woman ever again? Ever? Again? Ever again? Not even a little bit?
VOICE 2 (OS)
That is right.
Half-Beat.
TADAO
Bye.
The NARRATOR beats the drum once. TADAO returns to HIS seat, the flashback over.
TATSUYA
That is a sad, sad story.
TADAO
Thank you.
TATSUYA
I no longer need to weep for my dishonor. Your story has lifted my spirits. Where are you travelling?
TADAO
Nowhere in particular.
TATSUYA
Please, travel with me. Your company and sad story will keep my spirits high. Maybe high enough to keep me from committing hara kiri in the darkness of night.
TADAO
Oh...wonderful.
TATSUYA
Will you go with me?
TADAO
Sure. Nothing better to do around here.
TATSUYA
Let's leave this place. I need to drink some sake before my beard grows to the ground.
TADAO and TASUYA laugh. THEY stand.
TADAO
We can head east. I know of a village with sake already in stock.
Half-beat.
TATSUYA hugs TADAO tightly.
TATSUYA
My friend!
TADAO
You're my friend too. So long as you don't cry in public anymore.
TATSUYA
My crying days are over, now that I am with you.
TADAO
What about your snot-dripping, blubbering days?
TATSUYA
Come! To sake we must go!
TATSUYA picks up HIS sword, grabs TADAO in HIS arm, and THEY leave, TADAO grabbing HIS staff as HE is pulled along.
NARRATOR
And from that day forth, Tatsuya and Tadao were friends. They travelled village to village, looking for wonderful sake, but they found none. Then, one day, they found a great mansion. A mansion...that was cursed.
NARRATOR strikes the gong.
NARRATOR
Very scary, yes?
The lights dim for the transition of scenes. NARRATOR plays same tune on ukulele.
NARRATOR (CONT.)
Water moves the leaves.
Path of leaves cannot be known.
Leaves are lazy bums.
An entry room in a nearly abandoned mansion. The air is heavy with fear and sorrow, but hope for a return to the glory days still exists.
TADAO and TATSUYA enter, and NARRATOR stops playing.
TADAO
I’m so sorry. I didn’t think they’d deny anyone a cup of sake.
TATSUYA
I do not blame them. I have no right to ask anyone for anything.
TADAO
It’s just that who would have it in their souls to deny you (a poor, dirty, sad traveler) a cup of sake? That’s the type of person who needs it the most.
TATSUYA
Oh! Will my shame never leave me? Am I cursed to live like this forever?
TADAO
Don’t be sad. Nothing lasts forever.
TATSUYA
I can’t believe you.
TADAO
Well, you were once a proud, honorable samurai. And now you’re not. See? Things can change for you, yet.
TATSUYA hugs TADAO.
TATSUYA
You are a good friend.
TADAO
And you are a very strong friend. Could you…please…let me breathe?
TATSUYA lets go. TADAO gasps for air.
TADAO
Thank you.
HOSHI (OS)
Ah! Guests! I have guests!
HOSHI enters, and NARRATOR strikes the gong. HOSHI is a cowardly, but friendly, Lord of HIS house. HE was once a respected ruler, but recent misfortunes have made HIM a rich hermit.
HOSHI’s foot is swollen and hurts badly, forcing HIM to walk on a homemade crutch.
TADAO bows to HOSHI.
TADAO
We are weary travelers, tired from many days’ walk, and we ask that you let us sleep in your barn overnight.
HOSHI
Nonsense!
TATSUYA
If you find offense with me, I will sleep in the mud alone, if my friend can sleep in your barn.
HOSHI
I won’t hear of it.
TATSUYA
[to TADAO] You see? My dishonor is like a bad smell, and it offends everyone I am near.
HOSHI
You two will sleep in my honored guests’ room. You will have plenty of rice balls to eat, as much sake as you can drink, and the finest silk blankets in all of the lands.
TATSUYA
Huh? Is this a dream?
TADAO
Did you say something about sake?
HOSHI
This is no dream, my boy. I am Lord of this house, and I hereby decree you two my personal friends, and I will not let my friends sleep in the barn with the animals or even in the mud. I won’t hear of it! Welcome, welcome to my home. I am Lord Akira Hoshi.
HOSHI bows, and so do TADAO and TATSUYA.
TATSUYA
; Lord Hoshi? You are Lord Hoshi?
TADAO
Could you repeat that part about sake?
HOSHI
Uhm…yes, I am Lord Hoshi. Please take off your sandals, rest, and well have some nice, hot tea and talk about the good things in life.
TADAO
I could have sworn I heard sake instead of tea.
TATSUYA
You are the Lord Hoshi? The Lord Hoshi whose family was cursed by demons to forever be alone?
HOSHI
Those are just rumors. Silly, silly rumors.
TADAO
Wait, what about demons?
TATSUYA
The Lord Hoshi who begs travelers to fight in his name? Hundreds of travelers, samurai, ronin, even yakuzi, all dead at the hands of the demons?
HOSHI
Some brave men might have...perished at the claws and teeth of hideous creatures--but who's to say what did or didn't happen? I say they're rumors. Now, come along.
TADAO
I don't think I'll be needing that sake now. Thank you.
HOSHI
Really? Okay. Okay! I admit it! My house is plagued by the unclean demons of the underworld. It is all because I failed to honor the spirit of my evil ancestor Maki Asakawa when she had passed. And now, all who sleep in my house are doomed to be eaten like chicken in fried rice! I cannot even get a doctor here to heal my foot. My foot turns green and smells of cheese, but no one will come to heal it, no matter what I offer to pay. I am forsaken!
HOSHI falls to the ground and weeps at TADAO and TATSUYA's feet.
Beat.
TADAO
That's very unfortunate for you, Lord Hoshi. Have you tried washing your foot?
HOSHI weeps louder.
TADAO
Never mind. It was just some advice. I thought I might offer it to you. [Beat] Uhm...I'm sure you're a very lonely and terrified man, but...I'm going to go. I hate to hear about the demons cursing you with eternal loneliness and all, but I'm leaving before they curse me too, or worse. Good luck with that, though.
TADAO goes to leave, but HOSHI scrambles to TADAO's feet.
HOSHI
You would leave me to my despair? You would kick my face and let me sleep in the mud? You would leave me to suffer a dishonorable death at the hands of evil creatures? You would let my foot turn even greener? You would do this to me?
TADAO
I think I'm going to have to. Yeah, I'm leaving. Sorry about this, but...bye.
HOSHI scrambles to TATSUYA's feet.
HOSHI
You would abandon me, too?
TATSUYA
I am not a man to defend anything now. I am dishonored. I am so dishonored, I must walk away in shame with my cowardly, weak friend.
TADAO
Hey! I mean, yeah I'm weak and cowardly, but you could have been a litter nicer about it. Jeez.
HOSHI stands, leaning on HIS crutch, and prays to the heavens.
HOSHI
Oh, Buddha! Please help these two young men to find the courage to rid me of my troubles! Please, oh please, Buddha! Help them find the strength to save me and my two beautiful, beautiful daughters! My daughters, my greatest treasures, who are blessed with a heavenly beauty no man has ever seen before!
NARRATOR plays a few quick notes on the flute at the mention of the daughters.
TADAO
You have beautiful daughters?
NARRATOR plays a melody on the flute.
HOSHI
I do, yes. Two of the most beautiful daughters in the country. Before my curse, rich suitors would travel months to ask their hands in marriage. But now, no one. I would make my daughters marry any man if he were brave enough to fight off the demons. Any man! Even a dishonored samurai...or a vagrant.
TATSUYA
I wish you all the luck in finding such men.
TATSUYA moves to leave, but TADAO pulls HIM back.
TADAO
We'll do it!
NARRATOR plays a high note on the flute and then stops playing.
TATSUYA
But--
TADAO
We'll help you fight off the demons and restore your honor. Yep, we're your men.
HOSHI
You are?! Thank you! Thank you, Buddha, for answering my prayers!
HOSHI dances, but then stops due to HIS throbbing foot. HE bows to TADAO and TATSUYA.
HOSHI
You have made me a very, very happy man. You won't regret it! [To offstage] Nami! Yuriko! We are saved!
HOSHI exits.
TATSUYA
I can't fight for Lord Hoshi. I am a dishonored-
TADAO
A dishonored samurai, and you have failed everyone and deserve to die, I know-I know. But...you have a chance to redeem yourself here. Think about it. If you save Lord Hoshi and his two beautiful, beautiful daughters, your shame will be lifted, and you'll be a samurai again. Think about it.
TATSUYA
But-
TADAO
Think about it! Please?
Half-beat.
TATSUYA
You think so?
TADAO
I swear it on my ex-monkhood.
TATSUYA
I dream of the day when I am once again a samurai; killing with my blade, saving the innocent, defending my lord's honor.
TADAO
Yeah. Doesn't that sound great?
TATSUYA
It does. But...no, my shame is too great.
TADAO
Oh, come on! I mean, if you don't do it for yourself, think of those beautiful, beautiful daughters. Don't they deserve your protection?
NAMI enters, and NARRATOR plays the same notes on the flute as before. NAMI is youthful beauty incarnate. SHE is delicate in all HER mannerisms, and SHE has a respectable maturity not found in most girls HER age.
NAMI sits on HER knees and bows at the feet of TADAO and TATSUYA.
NAMI
Are you the men come to restore my father's house?
TADAO
Uhm-mum-mum-yes! Yes, we are. I'm Tadao...the Magnificent! [mumbles] This is my friend Tatsuya. [normal voice] We have come to rescue you.
NAMI looks up at TATSUYA, who has been staring at HER like HE's been paralyzed by beauty.
NAMI
I thank you for helping my father in our time of need.
TATSUYA kneels down to NAMI's eyelevel.
TATSUYA
It is an honor to help one as beautiful as you.
NAMI blushes, and HER reaction makes TATSUYA blush. NAMI stands, and so does TATSUYA.
NAMI
I shall prepare some tea for your journey. The ogre's cave is far from here. You must leave soon if you are to come back before sunset.
TADAO
Two cups, please? Wait, we're leaving immediately? Why?
NAMI
The ogre Shigeru Kôyama would kill you in your sleep if you do not kill him first.
TATSUYA
Then that is what we must do. Forget the tea! We will leave at once. At sunset, you will see us walking back unharmed, carrying the head of Shigeru!
NAMI
Thank you. You are a very brave man. Two very brave men.
NAMI bows, and TADAO and TATSUYA bow. NAMI stares at TATSUYA for a moment, blushes, and then exits.
TADAO
You know, I saw her first, right?
TATSUYA
She is beautiful. Her skin is whiter than the moon, her hair is softer than silk, and her eyes shine brighter than diamonds.
TADAO
I'm guessing you're claiming her?
TATSUYA pulls out HIS sword, and NARRATOR stops playing flute.
TATSUYA
In the name of Lord Hoshi, I shall kill Shigeru!
NARRATOR hits the gong
*@
TADAO
That's what I figured. But she has a sister, so I should be fine.
TATSUYA
Come, Tadao! We must hurry.
TATSUYA exits.
TADAO
Hey, hey, wait! Wait for me!
TADAO exits.
NARRATOR
After seeing the beautiful, pale face of Nami, Tatsuya ran to the mountains to kill the ogre. He did not fear the curse on Lord Hoshi's house...mostly because he was thinking with his twig and berries...idiot....and his faithful and cowardly friend Tadao followed, maybe never to be heard from again.
NARRATOR strikes the gong. Lights fade for scene shift. NARRATOR plays the ukulele.
NARRATOR
A skunk hides in cave.
His smell makes others hate him.
Now, he smells himself.
A dark, creepy cave in the mountains. Sunlight barely creeps through the opening off in the distance, allowing the shadows of ghosts to take form. NARRATOR stops playing the ukulele.
TATSUYA and TADAO enter. TATSUYA is still brandishing HIS sword, and TADAO is gasping for air and leaning on HIS staff.
TATSUYA
We are here!
TADAO
Barely.
TATSUYA