Fashionably Fabulous

by Robyn Peterman

  “Bitch Queen.”

  “Liar.”

  “Death to all royalty,” came guttural shouts from the Dark side as they struggled to free themselves and end me where I stood.

  “I am many things,” I said with a smile to my detractors. “Bitch, traitor, and liar aren’t among them.”

  “Proof. You have no proof,” one I recognized from outside The Dave’s office snarled.

  “And that’s where you’re wrong, Troll.”

  The crowd went deathly silent again as all heads whipped in the direction of the person I was speaking to.

  “Lies,” he bellowed. “She dies. The false Queen is a traitor.”

  His ugly voice and vicious words bounced off the walls of the enormous concert hall and confusion was rampant.

  “Cease,” I shouted, not using the mic. I didn’t need a mic. My magic was more than enough. “You want proof? I have your proof.”

  Fairies were clearly a literal bunch. Not. A. Problem.

  The screen dropped down from the ceiling and the lights dimmed. Willing my mind to go back to the place that had destroyed me was easier than I’d thought it would be. It wasn’t without pain, but… no pain, no gain.

  Watching my demise was emotionless for me this time. I’d lived it and I remembered it. However, it was anything but emotionless for The Kev, The Dave, Astrid, The Reggie and the others. Even Satan began to glow a terrifying red as he watched the Trolls tear me from limb to limb while my sister laughed like a deranged monster.

  The shocked wailing coming from the right side of the room didn’t surprise me. My death was bloody and graphic… and it was playing out on a twenty-foot screen in Technicolor. I didn’t need to watch it, but I did. Seeing what could happen when evil took root gave me the strength to end it permanently.

  Glancing out at the reactions of my people, I gasped. The auras of the Light were as pure as I believed they would be. The Grays were mixed but redeemable. It was the Dark that was in question—not all of the Dark were truly damned.

  Shitshitshit. Ending those that could be saved was inconceivable to me. Separating them from the Trolls once the spell wore off would be impossible. Maybe.

  “Martha. Jane,” I called out as I turned back to the screen and watched The Corrine take my severed hand and sign the decree into law. “Prepare to remove the collars. Lizard, defend your women. Keep them safe.”

  “With pleasure,” Lizard growled as his eyes began to glow. One was silver and one was red. It was beautiful.

  “She brings Demons to our land,” a still disguised Troll screamed as his own furious spittle covered his face. “It is treasonous. She must die.”

  “Okay, asshole,” I snarled. “Which part of the movie didn’t you understand? I didn’t sign the law. It’s not open to debate, motherfucker. Demons are allowed in Zanthia.”

  “And Trolls are not,” The Kev said, walking across the stage in his true form with a piece of parchment paper in his hands. “The decree to permanently ban the enemy of our people—the ones who have been systematically trying to control and ruin our peaceful existence shall now become law.”

  He knelt before me and offered up a quill pen. It was kind of old-fashioned , but the Fairies were all about pomp and circumstance. Taking the pen, I signed the decree into law.

  “Okay, that’s done,” I said with a grin and a shrug. “Guess it’s time for the Trolls to leave. You dudes want to leave voluntarily or do I have to go balls out on your asses?”

  “The Fairy Queen has tremendous balls,” Satan announced as he strolled onto the stage to the complete and utter shock of all present.

  It was the first visit of the Underworld royalty to Zanthia, and if I had my way, it wouldn’t be the last. He might be the Devil but I liked him. A lot.

  “Lucifer, you have to stop saying balls,” Mother Nature chided as she too took to the stage. “It’s positively rude.”

  “The Fairy Queen said it first,” Satan pointed out.

  “Oh!” Mother Nature said with a giggle. “My bad. Carry on.”

  “Umm… I didn’t say BJ yet,” I told Satan with an eye roll.

  “I know,” he said with an unapologetic shrug. “I just can’t resist an audience.”

  Ignoring my need to smack him, I turned back to my people. “The choice is yours. You can live in the future with us or die with the past.”

  And that’s when the spell broke. The Trolls were free. They were also stupid—very stupid.

  Surprisingly, they kept their Fairy exteriors as they charged the stage. Maybe they weren’t as stupid as I thought…

  “BJ,” I shouted as my inner circle and friends all took to the stage prepared to fight alongside me.

  “Damn it to Hell,” Satan snarled. “I’m assuming collateral damage is a no-no?”

  “It is,” I said, as I snapped my fingers and reinforced the walls protecting the Light and the Gray.

  “Then would you like to share how we tell the Trolls apart from the Dark Fairies?”

  “You can’t tell?” I asked, flabbergasted.

  “If I could tell, I wouldn’t ask,” he replied, annoyed. “Seems you might have a few tricks up your Prada sleeves that I don’t.”

  “Fine point. Well made,” I said, marveling at the power I was blessed with. “Martha and Jane, remove the collars. NOW!”

  Scooping up the mics and tossing them to the girls, they let the words rip with a vengeance like only they could. I was very aware this tactic would take down most of the room, but it would also accomplish what was necessary. The Fairies would live through the words. However, we might not survive the Trolls if we couldn’t figure out which ones they were.

  “Biscuits slacks, with creamy, creamy, fucking cream cheese on ‘em,” Jane bellowed into the mic as Fairies began to drop like flies.

  I was grateful my inner circle was wearing earplugs and that I’d had the smarts to send some extra pairs with Susu when she’d gone to Astrid. Lizard and Tiara were absolutely fine.

  “Motherhumpin’ assless creamy biscuits with sequined electric slacks on fire in Walmart,” Martha added with glee.

  “Keep going,” I commanded to the crazy old Vamps. “Don’t stop.”

  “No problem, biscuit ass,” Jane shouted into the mic with a respectful thumbs up.

  The Trolls were obvious now. They knew it and we knew it. And that’s when it got ugly.

  Finally dropping their Fairy facades, the twenty-eight Trolls were now ten feet tall. Some were even taller than that, with rotting flesh and a stench that made the Basement of Hell smell like freshly baked flaky circle bread.

  “You will not win this,” one of the Troll bellowed in a harsh voice that sounded like he’d swallowed massive quantities of glass and his throat was still bleeding profusely. “You’ve been gone too long. Zanthia is now ours.”

  “I’m going to have to disagree with you and your smelly posse,” I replied equally as harshly.

  Smoke and fire huffed out of his nose and his fury consumed him. With a battle cry that I would carry with me forever, he signaled to his cohorts to attack.

  “Game on,” I shouted.

  “Left side of the neck,” Satan roared as he clapped his hands and deadly looking jeweled swords appeared in all of our hands. “Clean through the left side. Or rip their heads off.”

  “I say knee the bastards in the nuts and then remove the offending head,” Mother Nature called out as she began to glow like an avenging Angel.

  “Doesn’t matter how,” Astrid snarled as black glitter covered her body and her gold eyes went red. “Just do it.”

  “Shift,” I commanded to my Fairies. “Shift and end them.”

  In the blink of an eye the ten Light Fairies we’d saved from the dungeon, plus The Reggie, The Gus, The Bob and The Henry all shifted. But even more spectacularly, Tiara, Lizard and The Shelia shifted. However, the most stunning of all was The Kev. He was truly glorious—an enormous mesmerizing bronze creature with sparkling golden horns and claw
s and teeth as sharp as daggers.

  “Holy Hell,” Satan muttered. “Fucking impressive.”

  “NOW,” I roared as my small frame morphed into my monster.

  Susu, Lulu and Huhu buzzed around my huge head with blood-thirsty eyes and maniacal expressions on their lovely faces.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked as I began to charge.

  “Yesssssssssss!” they squealed in unison.

  “Then eat them, but leave the biggest one for me.”

  Screaming like tiny banshees, they shot into the melee and went to town. The grunts and shouts of agony came from both sides as the bloody battle raged.

  “Watch your back,” The Kev bellowed as he dove through the air like a ball shot from a cannon and tackled a Troll that had slipped behind me.

  Many of the Trolls were severely damaged, but still fighting—growling and gnashing their razor sharp teeth. It was a shitshow of epic proportions and I wasn’t sure who was winning at this point.

  “Shall I call on the Fairies outside?” The Reggie asked in his beast form.

  He was stunning and vicious.

  “No. They stay outside until it’s over,” I ground out as I bit through the jugular of a Troll that was gunning for The Reggie and then tore his head from his body with my claws. “They’re weak from hiding in the jungle and not experienced with Trolls.”

  “Yes, my Queen,” he said in a booming voice as he threw his huge frame back into the fight.

  I could hear Martha and Jane in the background of the Hell we were in shouting the words as if their undead lives depended on it. I was truly glad I’d told them how I felt. From now on, I would never keep a kind or loving word inside my head. I would speak it and I would speak it loudly.

  “Shit,” I growled and I felt the fire-like sensation of jaws tearing at my hind leg. Trying to shake the Troll off was impossible and my blood flowed out of my body as he tore through my scales.

  “Not today, you son of a bitch,” Satan roared as he shot through the air completely on fire and shoved an enormous blade right through the Trolls neck. “You’re welcome,” he said with a cocky grin as the dead Troll fell away and I could send magic to my open wounds.

  “Do I owe you for this?” I asked, baring my fangs in my best monster smile.

  “Hmm,” he replied with an evil little glint in his eye. “A vacation home in Zanthia sounds appealing.”

  “Deal,” I said with a laugh that sounded more like a massive grunt in my beast form. “You have yourself a deal.”

  “Twenty down. Eight to go,” The Kev bellowed in a voice that rocked the very foundation for the Grand Fun Palace.

  “Five,” Mother Nature shrieked like she was having a ball as she literally blew up three that were trying to eat her monkeys.

  Apparently, the Trolls hadn’t gotten the message that no one fucks with Mother Nature… or her monkeys.

  “Four,” Susu squealed as she and her cohorts finished off an unlucky Troll.

  “Three,” Astrid grunted as she tore the head off of an ugly one with her bare hands and then kicked it across the venue like a football.

  “Two,” The Dave shouted in his beast form, which was even more stunning than his human form.

  He and The Shelia fought side by side and took out the Trolls with shocking ease.

  “One,” The Kev grunted as he gored the Troll running straight at me and knocked his head clean off his body.

  “Last one is mine,” I shouted in a voice so full of fury, I didn’t recognize it.

  I knew the last Troll. He would be branded into my brain for as long as I lived. He was the one that had led the charge in my demise so long ago. It didn’t surprise me he was the last one standing. He was the most evil of all. He had someone I loved in his deadly jaws and that wasn’t working for me.

  “You will fight me, you bastard,” I snarled as he spit The Reggie out of his mouth and threw him across the auditorium. “You killed me once. It’s my turn to return the favor.”

  “Die,” he growled as he charged me like a derailed freight train straight from the bowels of Hell. His sharp teeth were bared. Smoke and fire blew like an inferno from his mouth and nose. His eyes were wild and his fondest wish was to kill me again. Too bad so sad.

  I stood as still as a statue and let him run at me. All of The Kev’s training came back to me clearly, but there was one move that The Kev had never taught me and I was about to use it. I was seriously tired and still bleeding profusely. I was simply done.

  “Watch him,” The Kev directed, advising me, but letting me fight my own fight.

  “Yep,” I said, still not moving.

  And then I tripped the bastard.

  I. Tripped. The. Troll.

  The son of a bitch went down like a ton of bricks. He was running with such speed and anger he was sloppy—stupid and sloppy. It was far easier than it should have been, but at the same time it was poetic justice. It was so much easier to be nice than to be an asshole.

  “Yesssssssssss,” Astrid shouted.

  “Not done yet,” I said, going back to my human form and picking up a sword from the ground. “This is for my people. It’s for the baby I carry and me. It’s for my mate. It’s for our daughter, Mina. But mostly it’s for the good of the future. You have no place in our future.”

  Emotionlessly and with the expertise of training long hours and months with The Kev, I shoved the blade through the left side of the Troll’s neck. It was fast. It was clean… and it was over.

  “Is everyone alive?” I asked as my knees gave out. I collapsed to the ground amidst all the blood and gore.

  “Beaten up, but accounted for,” The Dave said. “The Reggie is in a bad way, but I think he will mend.”

  “Take him to the Plaza. Now. The Gus, The Dave and The Henry go and work on The Reggie. I can’t lose him,” I instructed.

  In a golden pop of Fairy dust they were all gone.

  “What do you want to do with them?” Satan asked pointing at the now cowering Dark Court. “Can I have them?”

  “Umm… no. Nice try, but no,” I said with an exhausted chuckle, getting back to my feet with the help of The Kev. Waving my hand, I broke the spell on the dungeon of the Magic Mystery Castle. “Imprison them. They will await their judgment day rotting in the very same cells they put innocent people in. I will deal with them when I’m ready, which might take a month or six.”

  Clapping my hands, I chained them together—all three hundred or so of them. Iron bound their feet, wrists and necks. It was fitting.

  “Shall we transport them?” The Dave asked with The Shelia at his side.

  “No. Walk them through the streets of Zanthia and let it be warning of what will happen if the Gray choose to go Dark,” I said flatly.

  “Ooooh, nice touch,” Satan said with a grin.

  “Satan?” I said.

  “Yes, Fairy Queen?”

  “This is my house. I would very much like you to zip your lip.”

  The Devil’s laugh bounced through the huge room and I shook my head. I’d thought my life was crazy, but I’d had no clue how truly insane it could get.

  Waving my hands, I dissolved the protection walls and all the Fairies went to their knees—even the Gray. There was hope for them in the new Zanthia and that made me happy. I didn’t have the heart or the energy to explain the thumbs up thing at the moment, but it could wait until tomorrow—a bright, sunny new tomorrow.

  Epilogue

  Once upon a time in a dangerously enchanted land far, far away, there lived a beautiful Fairy Queen. Her glimmering silver eyes were legendary and her laugh was reminiscent of delicate wind chimes on a breezy spring day. A simple smile from Her Majesty could make even the weariest immortal’s heart grow light. The Winds of Change favored the beautiful Queen and the sun shone brightly on the lush green land during her reign.

  In her first time around in life, there were a few hiccups—an evil sister who wanted her dead, Trolls, unrest—you know, the usual. People are rar
ely given second chances but the Fairy Queen was indeed given another shot. For she was the true Fairy Queen and the truth always wins out in the end. It might take a few hundred years to make it happen, but in the end Fate is usually kind to those that are truly good.

  In the Fairy Queen’s long and sad absence, the light went gray and soon turned charcoal black. What was once enchanted was bewitched with greed and avarice. The once exquisite land of Zanthia was thrown into chaos as the Dark fought for power and the Light became hazy.

  However, this did not deter the reincarnated Fairy Queen. Well, it kind of did, but she prevailed anyway—especially once she agreed to take the job she’d been destined to have.

  The Darkness gone forever and now the sun blessed the completely remodeled Zanthia.

  Gone was the macabre carnival and in its place stood a graceful and lovely town. While the good Fairies of Zanthia had a little difficulty letting go of the solid gold tackiness of the former regime, the Queen was very persuasive. She’d only had to throw two fits to make her people realize that tacky was tacky.

  The only sadness that marred the Fairy Queen’s newfound joy was the passing of her beloved The Reggie. After the showdown with the Dark evil, The Reggie was damaged beyond repair. He’d died peacefully in the arms of the Fairy Queen he so loved. His last words were words of happiness as he knew he was going to be reunited with his true love, The Jewel. The Fairy Queen shed many tears over the death of The Reggie, but found joy through the pain knowing that The Reggie would find perfect peace with his mate in the Heavens above.

  Once the walls were torn down around Zanthia, immortals of many origins visited the magical land. One of the favorites was the Dark Prince himself. Rumor had it that he’d won his vacation palace in Zanthia on a bet with the Fairy Queen herself, but no one was talking about it, and the rumor would never be confirmed. However, there was also gossip that The Kev and The Fairy Queen had a condo with air conditioning in Hell for quick getaways.

  The rumor mill was nothing if not interesting…

  And the profane, rock star Vampyres that had helped save the day? Martha and Jane were immortalized in the town square with ten-foot statues. Much to the Fairy Queen’s dismay, they were clothed only in assless chaps and pasties. When the Queen went for her afternoon walk with her children, she usually avoided that part of town.