Living the Afterlife, a Death and Chronos flash fiction collection

by River Fairchild

fine martini. Now, can we get on with the problem of keeping my clientele penned in here?”

  Chronos rewound time to just before the point of impact and they stopped the car from coming through the wall. Time flowed again as Death collected his soul.

  “Lucien seemed a bit testy tonight,” Chronos remarked.

  “He’s just mad that I beat him at a game. Evil hates to lose.” Death chuckled, his jawbone dropping in a fair imitation of a smile. He put his bony arm around Chronos. “Let’s get back home, shall we?”

  Time Flux

  “Come on, admit it. This little vacation was just what you needed.”

  Chronos narrowed his eyes in a mock scowl at his friend, but he had to admit Death was right. Lately he’d had too much time on his hands and had begun to question his role in the universe…apart from regulating time, of course.

  “You’re right. I’d forgotten about this place. It’s relaxing.” He sat back in his chair and looked around the open-air bar while Death balanced peanuts on the little umbrella that came with his drink.

  Joe’s Bar sat on a small island in the south Pacific, its décor limited to palm fronds and pictures of Elvis. The warm breeze carried the sound of waves crashing onshore. Quite mesmerizing, actually. Chronos thought he should spend more time here, maybe try dipping his toes in the water.

  Their server was a young woman with a flower in her hair who seemed in awe of them. As she set their second round of drinks down she tipped the frothy concoction, spilling it into Chronos’ lap.

  “I’m so sorry, sir.” She started dabbing at his robe, jostling the hourglass in the process.

  Chronos blinked out of sight, leaving Death to stare at the empty chair. Sighing, he picked up the check.

  “He stiffed me for the tab again.”

  Chronos popped back into Joe’s, feeling somewhat disoriented. The place looked the same; he sat at the same table, but Death had disappeared. As he scanned the bar, he realized what was wrong.

  The clientele were all androids.

  “Hey, old friend.”

  The voice behind Chronos made him jump. It was Death, his lower jawbone dropped in a smile.

  “I know, you’re confused. When the server hit your hourglass she threw you two hundred years into the future.”

  “How did you know I’d be here?” Chronos shook his head, trying to make some sense of all this.

  “Because you told me.” Death straddled a chair and pulled the bowl of peanuts closer to him. “You asked me to meet you here.”

  “Oh. What did I tell you?”

  “When you got back you said something about a time flux and that the second time you reversed the flow it worked.”

  “The second time?” Chronos thought that over for a moment. “Where did I—or will I rather—go the first time?”

  “I don’t know,” Death said. “You wouldn’t ever talk about it.”

  Death smiled as he walked away. Chronos had told him what happened but he didn’t want to ruin the surprise. The old timepiece was in for the adventure of his life.

  Planet of Delights

  “You’ve been back for weeks now. Are you ever going to tell me about your little misadventure with the time flux?” Death cocked his skull to one side and watched the tips of Chronos’ ears turn pink. That happened every time he brought the subject up.

  “Well?”

  Chronos sighed, although he had a dreamy smile on his face.

  “I told you, I ended up on a planet 3,000 light years from here. I’m not even sure what year I was in.”

  “Yes and that’s all you’ve told me. I want details, my friend. I can tell you had a good time.” Death lobbed a peanut in the air and missed. It ended up buried in the green shag carpet somewhere. And people called him anachronistic.

  “All right.” Chronos settled deeper into the sofa cushions. “The planet was inhabited by cat women—well, they were women but with long tails and pointy ears. And they had stripes of fur in, ah, strategic places.”

  “Go on,” Death encouraged when Chronos stopped talking. His ears were a lovely shade of scarlet now.

  “Well, they hadn’t ever seen a man before. The way their tails wrap around—”

  “No men? How do they—”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, did you—”

  “Yes, but it was a matter of cultural exchange.”

  “And how many times did you have to exchange your culture?” Death’s jaw dropped in a laugh as Chronos hugged a pillow to his mid-section.

  “I didn’t want to seem rude, you know. They were all very curious about me. I was Earth’s ambassador, so to speak.”

  “When in Athens…?”

  “Exactly.”

  Different Strokes

  “There’s nothing like a good battle first thing in the morning.”

  War stood high above the fighting, his sword waving as if conducting a symphony. Death didn’t reply. His iPod was on and he continued to whistle ‘Louie, Louie’ between the gaps in his teeth.

  Gaia shimmered in, surprising both men. She didn’t normally frequent battles. The frown on her face didn’t bode well, either.

  “Would you mind moving over to the left a bit?” she said without preamble. “You’re trampling endangered fungi.”

  War crossed his well-muscled arms over his chest, the sword in his hand jabbing Death in the ribs.

  “Careful where you poke that thing.”

  War ignored Death’s complaint to focus on Gaia’s. “I can’t move a war. They break out wherever they may. I have no control over fungi-trampling.”

  “I meant you. You’re standing in it.”

  He looked down at his feet. Several mushrooms oozed out from beneath his boots, mashed into a paste. A strong breeze sprang up, ruffling his hair. War quickly stepped aside, lest Gaia start a monsoon and ruin his battle plans.

  “Thank you. I’ll remind you to watch where you plant your boots.” She glared at both men and whirled out on the wind.

  “Meddlesome woman,” War muttered.

  “You need to relax, my friend. This war doesn’t need your supervision.” Death peered down into the valley. “It is escalating on its own. Come, I have the perfect game to ease your tension.”

  “I don’t have time for your games, Death.”

  “But you’ll enjoy this one. It’s a test of your prowess.”

  “Oh?” War enjoyed showing off his superior skills. “What is this game?”

  “It’s called bowling.”

  “The object of the game is to toss this ball and knock over the pins—”

  People scattered as a stray ball crashed into the setting machine three lanes over. Death shook his head at War’s pleased grin.

  “No. You don’t throw it like a shot put and we’re only supposed to play in our own lane. Here, let me demonstrate.”

  Death rolled the ball down the lane, hitting five of the pins.

  “Gently, see? Now you try it.”

  War picked up a ball and crushed it while trying to place his fingers in the holes. He grabbed another and crunched through the debris to stand on the line. His toss touched the lane halfway down, took a bounce to the right and continued in the next lane, where it sank into the gutter.

  The owner of the bowling alley, a massive brute named Max, stomped over to confront them.

  “Clear out of here. You’re scaring all my customers away.”

  War drew his sword and Death hastened to plant himself between them.

  “I don’t think this game is good for relaxation after all, my friend. Why don’t we go over to my house for a rousing game of checkers instead?”

  Night On The Town

  “I just love this movie, don’t you?” Death tossed a piece of popcorn into the air and caught it in his eye socket.

  “It’s okay, but Achilles did not look like Brad Pitt.” Chronos slurped his drink and wondered why Hollywood got it wrong so much of the time. Honestly, some of the bizarre notions they cam
e up with…

  A piece of popcorn bounced off Death’s brow bone, hitting the man in front of them. The gentleman turned to complain but his words got caught in his throat as he stared at the visage behind him. Chronos watched the man blanch and turn back around.

  “Is he the one you came for?” Only people about to die saw Death as he really was.

  “No, but his time will come soon.”

  The man jumped out of his seat and ran toward the exit. Death watched him go with a shake of his skull.

  “He could have stayed and enjoyed the rest of the movie. I didn’t mean that soon.”

  “Who are you here for?” Chronos scanned the crowd, trying to guess.

  “No one. I just thought it’d be fun to go see a movie. Aren’t you having a good time?”

  Chronos thought it over. It’d been awhile since he’d done something not work related.

  “Yeah, I guess I am. Pass the popcorn, will you?”

  After the movie let out they strolled down the Champs-Elysees, watching people scurry by in the cold night air.

  “Are you going to the Valentine’s Day party at Gaia’s tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t have a date,” Chronos said. “Last year Eros kept shooting his arrows at me. They hurt.”

  “Lucien could fix you up.”

  “With a succubus? Are you crazy?”

  Death’s jaw dropped so low in a laugh that Chronos thought it might come unhinged.

  “We’re in the City of Love, old man. Find a pretty girl and ask her. You’ve got time.”

  Chronos chuckled at his friend’s little joke.

  “I don’t think so. Are you taking Helga?” He distinctly remembered Death’s date from last year. When he’d tried to shake hands with her, his arm passed right through her mid-section.

  “Yes. I am attracted to the pointy horns on her helmet. They don’t make Viking women the way they used