Reckless

by Gemma Rogers

  ‘Not for another two weeks. She’s told me to tell you, you’re looking after Charlotte as we’re going out.’ I laughed and David joined in. He’d always liked Stella, she was easy to get along with, hilarious and frequently spoke her mind. A quality I was envious of.

  ‘Not out-out?’ he asked in mock horror, his face aghast.

  I nodded, raising my eyebrows dramatically.

  Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door and the pizza arrived. We gathered around the table and dived into the two large pizzas, one pepperoni, one Hawaiian. I was astounded at how much Amy could put away for such a small girl. She must have been having a growth spurt, either that or she had hollow legs.

  ‘So, what’s the plan, girls, are you taking over the TV tonight?’ David asked, a twinkle in his eye.

  ‘Yep, back-to-back episodes of Pretty Little Liars. Amy’s only seen the first season,’ Charlotte replied.

  ‘And ice cream,’ Amy added.

  ‘Of course, you mustn’t forget ice cream, there are two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer with your names on,’ I said with a smile, pleased Amy felt comfortable at our house. Charlotte had spent so much time at Amy’s, it was nice for them both to be here for a change.

  David opened a bottle of wine and put the television on in the kitchen. He looked to be settling in to spend the evening there. I cleared the mess from dinner and nursed the glass he’d poured for me while we watched a programme about garden makeovers. The girl’s high-pitched squeals came from the front room.

  I peeked my head in to see they’d just put on Fatal Attraction.

  ‘Odd choice, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s a classic,’ Amy said. ‘My mum loves it,’

  ‘Never seen it,’ Charlotte volunteered.

  ‘Mind if I join you?’ I asked and they nodded. I settled down on the sofa in front of the window. Amy and Charlotte were sitting on the floor, having a mock picnic on the rug of the leftover Doritos and ice cream.

  David followed, bringing in the wine.

  ‘Oh, this is a good one,’ he said, sitting beside me.

  I shifted in my seat and he rested his hand on my thigh.

  We watched the movie, sometimes from behind cushions. Glenn Close’s Alex was chilling, and it was just as good as I’d remembered. I eyed David curiously, wondering if the plot rang home, but he didn’t flinch. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in to him at the end as the girls took their empty wrappers and spoons into the kitchen. It was easy to play happy families for the sake of Charlotte and Amy.

  A loud bang came from out front, making us jump. Our nerves were still on edge from the shock ending of the film. We both got up, realising it had got dark and we hadn’t closed the blinds. The security light illuminated the driveway; one of our bins was on the floor. A chill ran down my back, settling in my toes.

  ‘Foxes. I’ll go pick it up,’ David said.

  Foxes? It had to be one hell of a fox.

  David came back a minute later and locked up as I closed the blinds and curtains.

  ‘Right, be good, you two. We’re heading up to bed,’ I called into the kitchen, where it sounded like they were raiding the biscuit tin. Where were they putting it all?

  Upstairs, as I was about to close the curtains, I thought I saw a shadow on the driveway; a figure standing in the dark by my car. The security light timed out, plunging the driveway into darkness and then it was gone.

  Squinting, I scanned the road as far as I could see, but nothing moved. I froze, sure I’d seen someone, but the light didn’t come back on.

  After a few minutes, I heard David come up the stairs and drew the curtains. Perhaps I’d imagined it.

  20

  David nudged me awake the next morning, holding a tray laden with coffee and toasted crumpets. I sat up, my head still a little fuzzy.

  ‘Morning. You look like you could do with this,’ he said, placing the tray on the bed beside me.

  ‘Thanks. What time is it?’ I asked, already turning to look at the clock on the bedside table. It was nine o’clock. I took a sip of my coffee which was steaming hot and sweet. ‘How are the girls?’ I asked.

  ‘Fine, they went to bed after a midnight, I think.’ He sat on the edge of the bed.

  ‘Are they still asleep?’ I asked, surprised, as Charlotte never normally lay in this late.

  ‘Yep.’

  I tucked into a buttery crumpet, feeling more human with each bite. The weather was getting colder and I felt a draught so pulled the duvet up to my chin. Autumn was in full swing, bringing with it grey skies and blankets of rain.

  ‘There’s a country fair on today in the next village, think the girls would like to go?’ David asked.

  I smirked; I doubted it. I was certain my fifteen-year-old self would have turned my nose up at a visit to a country fair.

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Well, we can go this afternoon and if Charlotte doesn’t have plans she can come too. A nice family day out.’

  Charlotte was as unimpressed by the idea of a country fair as I was, but as Amy was going home at lunchtime, she didn’t have much of a choice. David was adamant that we were going to have a family outing, guilt creeping in from not spending much time with us this past month.

  Later that afternoon, just as we were about to leave, David discovered he had a nail in his tyre. It was completely flat, so we had to go in my car. He said he’d change it later on so as not to delay our trip, moaning about the cost of Land Rover tyres.

  We made our way along the winding roads to the picturesque village of Wisborough Green. There was a pub, a village shop and a post office. The fair had been erected on the green, where the locals played bowls and cricket in the summer.

  Trying to find a place to park was a pain and the temperature was cooler than we’d expected. David was determined to have a good afternoon so tried to encourage us with promises of crepes and hot tea from the food tent. He dragged the fair out for an hour and a half, which was impressive as there were around fifteen stalls, perusing each one, holding my hand and stopping to see what was on offer. Charlotte spent most of the time sulking and staring at her phone. I tried to become enthused when she found a crafting stall with lots of jewellery. Although I did find a stall selling plaques and bought one for Mary. It read, ‘The kitchen is the heart of the home’. As a thank you for all the baking.

  David finally conceded defeat when the heavens opened, and everyone ran for cover from the rain. When we got back to the sanctuary of the car, wiping the drops from our faces, David spoke.

  ‘OK, so that wasn’t the best idea,’ he said, putting on his seat belt.

  ‘You think, Dad?’ Charlotte smirked.

  I chose to stay quiet, perhaps now we could go home, although I was grateful David was making the effort. Perhaps it was a little too late and I couldn’t deny I felt guilty that I still wanted to find an excuse to get out and see Nicky.

  ‘How about we go for an early dinner?’

  I rolled my eyes as I stared out of the window. I wouldn’t be escaping after all.

  ‘Miller & Carter?’ I suggested, dryly.

  David frowned at me.

  ‘Smith & Western’s Dad.’ Charlotte almost leapt over into the front seat.

  ‘OK, OK,’ he agreed, tapping the name of the restaurant into the satnav and negotiating a three-point turn back towards the main road.

  The meal was nice, lots of meat to choose from, so David was in heaven. Charlotte loved the menu too and the whole cowboy feel to the place was fun. It was like we’d walked into a west coast ranch, complete with country music pumping through the speakers. There were only a few customers as it was a bit early for the dinner-time rush, so we munched on nachos to begin with, waiting a while before our mains came out. I’d made my peace with not seeing Nicky and ensured I enjoyed time together as a family.

  Feeling stuffed after sharing a huge sundae for dessert, we rolled out of the restaurant and made the journe
y home – none of us could wait to get into our pyjamas. Charlotte wanted to rush back to watch an influencer called Saffron on Strictly Come Dancing.

  ‘What the bloody hell is an influencer?’ David asked, rubbing his bloated stomach.

  ‘Don’t worry, Dad,’ Charlotte sighed as though she couldn’t be bothered to explain.

  ‘Saturday night in for Strictly, rock and roll, eh!’ David turned to me, grinning.

  ‘Yep, that’s us,’ I replied, unable to hide the bitterness in my tone.

  ‘What’s wrong? You’ve been in a funny mood all day,’ he said, exasperated.

  ‘Nothing,’ I replied, my voice a tad too high.

  When we got back to the house, I stopped off at Mary’s to deliver our gift, trying to delay an awkward conversation with David.

  ‘Ah, thank you, love, it’s beautiful,’ the crinkled skin around her eyes glistened.

  ‘Just a little thank you for the baking since we arrived.’ I squeezed her hand.

  ‘Did you have a visitor late last night? My light on the driveway was going on and off all night, yours too when I checked,’ she said.

  I shrank back from the door.

  ‘Perhaps it was kids?’ I offered, the general term for anything unexplained, but someone had been there. Could they have purposely put a nail in David’s tyre? Nicky wouldn’t do something like that, would he?

  She shrugged and went on to spend a few minutes telling me how she’d won a line at bingo.

  When I got into the house, everyone was getting changed and I had a chance to grab the Motorola out of my bag and sneak it into the bathroom without anybody noticing. I turned the taps to run a bath, uninterested in Strictly, and switched the phone on. Ten messages buzzed through, one after the other. My stomach churned as I read them one by one.

  Hope you can get away over the weekend x

  Can you get out? X

  I miss you. Try to get out X

  You must have your phone switched off again!

  Where are you?

  Dying to see you!

  Are you ignoring me?

  What have I done?

  Don’t Sleep with Him!!!

  TEXT ME BACK!!!

  Nicky sounded like he was getting angrier and more desperate with each text.

  I replied quickly, my fingers fumbling over the ancient keys.

  I’m so sorry, been dragged out all day and haven’t been on my own at all. Miss you. Will try and meet tomorrow xxx

  I hoped it would be enough to placate him. I knew it was difficult for him to understand as his home life was the opposite of mine. I had to carry on as wife and mother like nothing had changed, whereas he didn’t have to pretend.

  I slipped into the bath, leaving the phone on the toilet seat. The door was locked. I’d heard Charlotte and David chatting as the theme to Strictly Come Dancing boomed out. The phone lit up, buzzing as a message came through.

  Finally! Hate it when you don’t reply

  His message was stand-offish, and it showed the difference in years between us. He had no idea what it was like for me.

  I’m sorry, it’s difficult. Just because I’m not texting doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you.

  I hoped it would soften him and when his next message came through, it seemed to have worked.

  OK, can’t wait to see you tomorrow!

  On Sunday morning, we woke to more grey skies. According to the weather reports, it was going to rain for most of the day. David decided it was a perfect opportunity to make his quarterly visit to his parents back in Weybridge. Charlotte was happy to go as she always got spoilt whilst they were there. I hadn’t got along with David’s father for a few years. They never made me feel good enough for their only son and eventually I stopped trying, so I had a ready excuse to stay behind.

  When they left at ten, I was already showered and dressed, trying to stop the palpitations in my chest as I text Nicky. I hadn’t considered where we’d meet. It has started to drizzle and no doubt his mum would be home, so I assumed it wouldn’t be there.

  I’m free, let’s meet

  I’ll come to you

  Nicky’s response startled me; the text came through within a minute of mine being sent. I didn’t want him at the house. It didn’t seem right. As I worded a reply, gently suggesting we go elsewhere, there was a knock at the door, so loud I gasped. Was it a delivery? I wasn’t expecting a package, but it was one of those impatient forceful knocks. I crept down the stairs, my body held in an icy grip.

  Pulling the door open amidst another knock, I stepped back, my mouth dropping open. Nicky stood on the doormat. The welcome doormat that David had chosen in the hardware shop, the one he’d picked out for our new home.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Nicky stepped over the threshold without invitation, walking past me into the hallway, turning to close the front door before scooping me up in a passionate embrace. I pulled away. The hair at the back of my neck prickled. How did he know where I lived?

  ‘I know he’s gone. I watched them leave, so I knew it was safe,’ he continued to nuzzle my neck.

  ‘Nicky, I don’t feel comfortable with this,’ I managed, but he was already pulling me upstairs by the hand.

  A revelation dawned, like someone had flicked a switch in my mind.

  ‘Have you been sitting outside my house?’ I asked, trailing behind him.

  He stopped, turning around in the hallway.

  ‘Maybe.’ He winked, laughing at the horror in my eyes. The sound set my nerves on edge.

  ‘Were you here last night?’ I asked, but he shook his head.

  Pausing at the top, he spun around, deciding which room was mine. A pink dressing gown hung on the edge of the door. It was the giveaway and Nicky pushed it wide, surveying mine and David’s bedroom.

  ‘I want to fuck you in his bed,’ he said, and I whipped my hand out of his. He saw the revulsion on my face and backtracked. ‘I’m joking. Come and sit down, I’ve got something for you.’ He patted the space beside him on my bed and pulled out a flat square box.

  I lowered myself next to him, muscles tense. The situation made me uncomfortable. What if David or Charlotte had forgotten something or had a problem with the car and had to come back? I strained my ears, on high alert for any sounds of cars approaching.

  Nicky handed me the box and I opened it; revealing a pair of silver earrings shaped like apples on a bed of pink tissue paper. They were gorgeous and I couldn’t help but smile.

  ‘Apples for teachers, right?’ he whispered, kissing my neck whilst reaching his hand inside my shirt.

  I closed my eyes as my skin tingled beneath his touch, nipples standing to attention. I didn’t stop him when he kissed my lips or when he moved lower and began removing my clothes, even though I knew I should have. It was so easy to get caught up in the moment with him.

  ‘Turn over,’ he said breathlessly, and I did as instructed. Without hesitation, he pushed inside me, and I cried out. He wasn’t normally so rough but he seemed caught up in the thrill of being here. It was against the rules, dangerous and his need was urgent.

  Once it was over, Nicky reverted to his charming self, but I couldn’t help feeling like I’d been involved in some kind of pissing contest. More to do with his ego and marking of territory than him wanting to be with me. We went downstairs and I made us a drink, unable to shake off the feeling of unease. I couldn’t wait to get him out of the house.

  ‘What’s up?’ He snaked a hand around my waist, pulling me to him.

  ‘I don’t feel comfortable here, Nicky,’ I sounded whiney and a spike of self-loathing drove into my side.

  I caught the slightest eye roll and he chucked his glass in the sink. I winced, waiting for it to shatter, but thankfully it didn’t. I had one sulky teenager already, I didn’t want another.

  ‘Let’s go to Reigate Hill, we can take a picnic. We’ll be fine if we wrap up and it’ll be dead apart from the dog walkers.’ This seemed to pique Nicky’
s interest and he agreed.

  I sped around the kitchen and cobbled together a picnic from what I could find in the fridge. Packing it into a cool bag, hidden away in a cupboard, normally reserved for trips to the beach.

  ‘I’m going to pop upstairs and get a jumper.’ I took the stairs two at a time, not wanting to leave Nicky alone in my kitchen for too long. My sheets were a mess and I hurriedly stripped the bed, throwing them in the washing basket, before getting a jumper out of the wardrobe. I put the earrings in my jewellery box, knowing David wouldn’t have a clue what was in there.

  When I returned, Nicky was looking at photos on the fridge; the happy family snaps taken over the years on numerous day trips and holidays. He was frowning at one of David and I, sat on a rock, squinting at the camera in bright sunlight. Charlotte had taken it two years ago, when things were better. Nicky quickly changed his expression when he realised I’d entered the room.

  ‘Ready?’ he said, and I nodded.

  I cast my eye around, checking nothing was out of place. Nicky had nothing to lose if we got exposed, whereas I had everything, and I didn’t get the impression he had any qualms about David finding out.

  I put a baseball hat on and kept my head low as we left. It was great having Mary as a neighbour, but I didn’t know if she watched all the comings and goings from the house. It was only once I’d climbed into my car and driven away that I relaxed.

  Nicky drove ahead and I could see his eyes, cool and piercing, in the rear-view mirror, staring at me every time we stopped in traffic. I felt goosebumps creep up my forearms. What was Nicky doing sitting outside my house? Had he done it before? Was he the shadow on the driveway last night, and if so, how had he even found out where I lived?