Reckless

by Gemma Rogers

  Throughout the course of the following week, Nicky took Charlotte out three times. Always bringing her back on time and spending a few minutes to talk to David, who, irritatingly, had taken a shine to him. I couldn’t deny it, Nicky was charming, and he had a way with words. David thought he was a nice young man and admitted he was happy Charlotte was dating him, compared to whom she could have brought home. He kept pushing me to be friendlier, but I couldn’t do it. I found it easier to avoid all contact with Nicky wherever possible.

  How could I look at Charlotte and her new boyfriend when weeks before I’d been in his bed? The whole situation was impossible, but I felt powerless to stop it. Nicky hadn’t been in touch at all. I hadn’t seen him in the playground, and he hadn’t attended the last two creative writing classes. David worked late that Friday evening, and Charlotte was out with Nicky again, bowling this time apparently. I took the opportunity of an empty house to ring Stella, filling her in on recent events. She couldn’t believe the audacity of Nicky but agreed that if I intervened, I risked pushing Charlotte further towards him. It was something I’d have to ride out.

  I threw myself into my lesson planning and tried to swim as often as I could after school, anything to distract myself. Charlotte was hardly home and when she was, she didn’t talk much. I tried not to think about what Nicky and Charlotte got up to when they were alone together. I knew Charlotte was a sensible girl, but it had been about two years since we’d had the talk about safe sex and making sure you love the person before you jump into anything.

  That was the problem, I knew how easy it was to fall for Nicky. He was all she talked about whenever she came out of her room. Her physical appearance suddenly became of the utmost importance. Clothes became tighter and skirts slightly shorter, not so much as to cause concern with David yet, but I had noticed. Amy had taken a back seat and now it was Nicky waiting for her in the morning at the gate when we arrived. I’d watch them hold hands in the playground and feel the acid swirl in my chest. I tried to ignore the smirk he’d give me when Charlotte wasn’t looking.

  I prayed Nicky genuinely felt the same way about Charlotte and would look after her. Until she came home in tears, I couldn’t intervene. For now, I was stuck on the side-lines. I could do with a weekend at Stella’s in Nottingham, to get away from it all, but I couldn’t book anything, I had to be here. A bird protecting my nest.

  I cajoled Matilda and Susan into visiting my local pub on Saturday night for a few glasses of wine. I was desperate to get out and fancied a drink, so we settled in a corner of the Bell & Whistle, an old-style village pub with oak beams and a log fire.

  ‘Do you ever get sick of them?’ I asked Matilda and Susan, already on my second glass of Sauvignon Blanc, even though it was still early.

  ‘Who?’ Matilda asked.

  ‘Sick of children,’ I blurted, and we laughed.

  ‘Every day,’ Susan said wistfully. It was common knowledge she was desperate to retire.

  ‘Is everything OK? Matilda jumped in, referring to my suspension a couple of weeks ago.

  ‘Yes fine, that’s all fine. Just motherhood is driving me mad.’ I proceeded to tell them Charlotte had an older boyfriend and I was finding it difficult to adjust to the idea. I didn’t tell them who he was or that he attended the school and thankfully they didn’t ask. The advice they gave me was pretty much the same as Stella. However, it felt good to talk about it again. To get things off my chest.

  We stayed until last orders and Matilda and Susan ordered a taxi. They offered to drop me off, but I declined, they were going in the opposite direction and it was no longer raining. It would be quicker for me to walk, I lived so close.

  We said our goodbyes outside the pub before they climbed into the car. I walked down the street, glad to be out in the fresh air. At home, the atmosphere seemed oppressive, although I knew it was me that had created it. I felt unable to relax, wondering if Nicky was going to show up.

  Turning the corner into my street, only two minutes away from home, I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. The streets were quiet and as I walked, I thought I could hear another set of footsteps fall in time with mine. Behind, but not too close. I sped up, counting the door numbers as I walked by.

  It’ll be fine, I’m only a few houses away.

  Every fibre of my being told me to run as I heard the footsteps gaining on me, the thudding of heavy shoes on concrete echoing around the quiet lane.

  41

  The back of my neck prickled, tiny hairs standing to attention, alert to the danger I was in. Droplets of rain began to fall, peppering the ground in front on me. The street lights seemed too dim to be of any use. My chest shook from the banging of my heart against its cage. I was desperate to look behind me, but too terrified to do so. My fingers gripped the keys in my pocket, ready to pull them out. They were all I had to defend myself.

  At last I saw the house; the hallway light had been left on, but the rest of the house was in darkness. David was in bed. All I could hear was the sound of my heart thudding in my ears. Breathing shallow, I imagined being seconds away from home and safety, before being attacked in the street.

  Rushing onto the drive, I reached my front door and spun around. Keys wedged through my fingers, ready to fight.

  The driveway was empty. I panted, trying to catch my breath, edging backwards until my shoulder connected with the door, reluctant to turn away. Fearing if I did, someone would launch at me from the darkness. There was no one there, but I hadn’t imagined it. Someone had been behind me, getting closer and closer. Perhaps they didn’t know I lived so close by and were deterred when I turned into the driveway?

  I fumbled with my key in the door, going by touch as I looked over my shoulder out onto the dark street. I’d had seen one too many horror movies to know it would be an error to look away.

  ‘You all right, Izzy?’

  The voice made me jump and I saw Mary, my neighbour, putting some rubbish in the recycling bin.

  My shoulders sagged and I managed a weak smile.

  ‘Yes, fine thanks, Mary, couldn’t find my key,’ I lied.

  ‘Night, love,’ she called and went back inside.

  I slotted the key in correctly and turned it, pushing open the door. Inside, the house was dark and still. I turned on all the lights downstairs, but it gave me little comfort.

  To calm my nerves, I sat on the kitchen worktop and smoked a cigarette, leaning towards the open window, the alcohol having left my system. Fear made you sober up pretty quickly.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I was far too wired. My handbag vibrated making me jump and I snatched it, retrieving the Motorola that had been silent for so long. A text from Nicky waited for me. I opened it and shuddered.

  You looked nice tonight

  I threw the phone and it clattered onto the worktop. I cringed at the noise, hoping it hadn’t woken my family sleeping upstairs. Hands shaking, I lit another cigarette and pushed the window open further. I’d have to light a candle to get rid of the smell, but I didn’t care. Had it been Nicky behind me in the street? Or had he seen me at the pub? He hadn’t been with Charlotte. David had dropped her around Amy’s at lunchtime and Louise had brought her home after dinner.

  My skin crawled, and goosebumps crept up my arms and across my back. I had no idea what sort of game he was playing. I wasn’t going to respond. I didn’t want to talk to Nicky or engage with him in any way. Not while he held all the cards.

  I waited a while until I felt calmer and the smell of cigarettes had diminished before retiring to bed.

  I didn’t sleep a wink. It felt like days since I’d had a good night’s sleep.

  When morning came, I rolled over, rubbing my stinging eyes, pulling the cover back over my head as the bedroom door opened.

  ‘Morning,’ David said brightly.

  I grunted from beneath the duvet. I heard him place a cup on the bedside table. My mouth was dry, and I needed caffeine desperately.

&nbs
p; ‘Hungover?’ he asked, slowly drawing the cover back, smiling at me pitifully.

  ‘Yep,’ I groaned. My hangover was mild, but I felt like I could sleep for a week.

  ‘Well, I hope you’ll be hungry later. Roast beef today, with help from my apprentice.’ He smiled. David cooked a lovely roast dinner. My forte was the Yorkshires and potatoes, but he had a way with meat, always able to cook it so it was melt-in-the-mouth tender.

  ‘What’s the occasion?’ I asked, shuffling up the bed and taking a sip of my tea which was frustratingly hot.

  ‘Nicky’s coming for Sunday lunch.’

  I swallowed the hot liquid, scorching my throat, and coughed.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind? Charlotte asked, and I thought it would be nice. He’s coming over around midday, I think,’ David continued.

  My mood plummeted like a ton of bricks; this wasn’t something I wanted to face today. Not after last night; not after the text. What had it meant anyway? Was it a poor attempt at flirting or was he letting me know he was watching? Either way, it wasn’t good, and I worried that it might have been him following me last night. Would he have hurt me? Or did he only mean to scare me?

  ‘Come on, you can smile your way through one meal, can’t you?’ David grimaced, frustrated at my lack of response.

  ‘Sure.’ I smiled.

  He left and I continued to drink my tea, scalding my mouth. There was only one way to get through today and it was to pretend everything was fine, plaster a smile on my face and be polite.

  I threw off the covers and jumped straight in the shower. The hot water eased away my stress and once dressed, with hair and make-up done, I felt better. My smile would be my armour.

  David wolf-whistled when he saw me, peeling potatoes over the sink. I snorted and put my apron over my head, to get started on the vegetables.

  ‘I think I’ll invite handsome young men to dinner every week,’ David said, chuckling to himself.

  I didn’t respond, my jaw tightened and inwardly I cringed.

  ‘I think I’ll make a cheesecake, I’ve got the ingredients,’ I said, changing the subject.

  When everything was prepared, and the beef in the oven, David made coffee for both of us and we perused the Sunday papers in the conservatory.

  At midday on the dot, there was a knock on the door and Charlotte flew down the stairs to open it. They came through to the kitchen briefly to say hello before Charlotte dragged Nicky away to her room. The exchange between us had been pleasant but robotic. I smiled tightly, fixing him with a hard stare, trying to figure out if he was the one who’d followed me last night. He barely flinched, giving nothing away.

  ‘Do you not mind him being up there?’ I asked David as I laid the table. The thought of them alone together made the lump in my throat hard to swallow but I guess it was better here, under my roof and within easy reach.

  ‘I’ve told her to keep the door open.’ He winked.

  I wasn’t sure what sort of deterrent that would be, it wouldn’t have stopped me when I was the same age.

  Before long, David was serving dinner and I climbed the stairs as quietly as I could. The top faced Charlotte’s room and her door was open. Nicky was sat on the floor looking through Charlotte’s CD collection and Charlotte was laying on her bed reading the album insert of Pink Floyd’s The Wall.

  ‘Dinner’s ready,’ I called from the top stair and turned to head back down.

  Minutes later, we were all seated, but I was struggling to relax. Nicky sat directly opposite me on purpose, waiting until I chose a seat before joining the table. I could feel his eyes burning into me.

  ‘Can I get you a drink, Nicky?’ I asked in a voice that didn’t particularly sound like my own.

  ‘Yes please, anything is fine. Thanks.’

  I got up and grabbed a can of Diet Coke from the fridge, pouring it into a glass and returning back to the table.

  He smiled, locking eyes with mine. His twinkled, and a mischievous grin emerged for a second. I felt like I’d been kicked in the ribs.

  David made conversation with Nicky and Charlotte, asking them about the fireworks last week and what movies they’d been to see. I didn’t pay attention, trying to zone out, tucking into my dinner and stopping every couple of bites to sip some of my wine.

  When I looked up, I saw Nicky was smiling at me. My eyes darted around the table. David and Charlotte were both looking at me expectantly. I slowly chewed, finishing my mouthful and feeling my cheeks flush.

  ‘What did I miss?’ I said, taking another sip of wine.

  Nicky glanced at my trembling hand.

  ‘I asked if the creative writing class was still running?’ he said, a gleam in his eye.

  I bit my lip. ‘Yes, it is,’ I replied before turning to Charlotte, diverting the attention away. ‘Charlotte, I think at one point you thought about coming, didn’t you?’

  She opened her mouth to speak, but Nicky interrupted.

  ‘One of the guys I play football with goes, he said it’s been really enlightening. You’ve taught him a lot. He said he’s been able to expand on the skills he already had, learn new tricks.’

  I felt the room swim momentarily. Bile burned in my throat. Please, Nicky, not here, not now.

  David nodded approvingly, raising an eyebrow.

  I glared at Nicky as he winked at me across the table and was lucky not to be seen. I pressed my nails into my palms. Counting in my head. This was a game to him. He was playing a game with my life for his own amusement. How had I been so stupid to get involved with him?

  Something brushed my foot and I jerked my leg back.

  ‘Do you live with your parents?’ David asked.

  Nicky squirmed at the question, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

  ‘Just my mum,’ he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

  ‘Oh really, is your dad not around?’ I asked, my tone light and innocent. I propped my chin on my hand, staring at Nicky. The spotlight was now on him. I saw his jaw clench.

  ‘He walked out a few years back,’ Nicky replied with a shrug of the shoulders, although I could see his bravado was fading.

  ‘That’s awful, I’m sorry to hear that. How come?’ I pushed.

  ‘Mum,’ Charlotte protested and the atmosphere at the table changed.

  David patted my hand and I leaned back in my seat.

  ‘Sorry, sorry,’ I said, although I wasn’t. ‘I didn’t mean to pry.’

  ‘He used to beat my mum until one day I stepped in,’ Nicky growled, his knuckles white around his fork. Seeing it tremble, he set it down before picking up his glass to take a sip.

  ‘Men who bully women are cowards,’ I said before standing and turning to clear my plate.

  I felt like I’d won a small victory and grinned, unseen, from the dinner table. It was then I heard the shattering of glass and Charlotte’s high-pitched scream.

  42

  I spun around, terrified at what I was going to see. Had Nicky lost his temper and started throwing glasses around?

  Charlotte was leaning over him, wrapping his bleeding hand in a napkin. He looked directly at me. A pointed glare and laughed coldly.

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Cole, I don’t seem to know my own strength!’

  David was mopping the Coke which had spilt all over the table and I carefully collected what remained of Nicky’s glass from the tablecloth.

  ‘It’s these bloody dishwashers, they weaken the glass, you know,’ David scowled.

  ‘Come and wash your hand,’ I said, wrapping the broken glass in newspaper and throwing it in the bin.

  Nicky joined me at the sink. The cut wasn’t too bad, and I tried my best to minimise touching him, but even standing in such close proximity made my revulsion surge. I breathed in his scent, the smell transporting me right back to his bed. I shook my head to dispel the image, trying to ignore his breath fluttering strands of my hair. I didn’t like him so close. He made my skin crawl now, any desire I’d had for him had evaporated. Charlotte w
as the other side, rolling up his sleeve so it wouldn’t get wet.

  Once he’d rinsed the cut, Charlotte helped him dry his hand and I placed two plasters over the wound. Our eyes met as I pressed it gently over his skin, smoothing it to ensure it would stick. A sense of sadness nagged at my side that things between us had turned so bad.

  ‘I think this calls for dessert,’ David interrupted, trying to dispel the fractious atmosphere.

  I brought the dessert plates and cheesecake over to the table with a knife, relieved the ordeal was almost over. It was like being on a rollercoaster and I was exhausted.

  ‘Looks delicious,’ Nicky said enthusiastically.

  ‘It is, Mum’s cheesecakes are awesome,’ Charlotte said, and she sounded like my little girl again, before the teenage years had hit.

  ‘Thanks, Charlotte. Here you go.’ I delivered the first slice to Nicky, one to David, then Charlotte and lastly myself.

  Ten minutes of polite conversation later, we’d finished. Charlotte excused her and Nicky from the table to go back upstairs.

  ‘Thanks very much for lunch, it was lovely.’ Nicky said before leaving the kitchen, Charlotte in the lead.

  ‘You’re welcome, Nicky, any time,’ David replied as he cleared the table.

  I loaded the dishwasher and we worked in silence until all the dishes were out of sight.

  ‘What was that about?’ David asked as he topped up both of our wine glasses. I’d tried to pace myself throughout dinner, not wanting to let alcohol tempt me into saying something I shouldn’t.

  ‘What?’

  ‘The third degree about his parents?’

  I snorted. ‘Just curious. I didn’t realise he’d be so sensitive,’ I said lightly.

  David tutted and headed into the lounge. He liked lazy Sunday afternoons with a full stomach and a bottomless glass. It wouldn’t be long before he’d be nodding off on the sofa.

  I bundled the cloth and napkins together and took them into the utility room for a short hot wash. When I returned to the kitchen, I was glad David had gone. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to him tell me what a wonderful young man Nicky was.