The Countess

by Lisa Doughty

“Come, let us enjoy dinner. We can continue our discussion later. Everything is better after one has eaten, don’t you agree?” she stated, as she settled beside Rhys, happy for the reprieve. Rhys took her arm and tucked under his once again.

  Rhys steered her around the room the long way, forcing her audience of gentlemen to depart ahead of them. As soon as their backs were turned, she closed her fan. She felt warm and safe to be on Rhys’ arm.

  “The Duke and Esme are getting along famously,” she stated, to start conversation.

  “Yes,” he agreed. His short answer confused her. Did he not want to talk about his sister?

  “They have been inseparable since they met,” she added, hoping to prompt him to share his feelings about the couple.

  “Yes, like two other people I know.” He gave her a rakish smile.

  Cordelia felt her cheeks turn pink. Rhys smiled at her, making butterflies take flight in her belly. Cordelia reached for her fan, but Rhys grabbed it.

  “You will not need your weaponry tonight, my lady, I give you my word that I will be a perfect gentleman…all night,” he whispered, close to her ear.

  So, her suspicions were right. He was done with her. Their whirlwind affair was over. Why had she opened her mouth at the stables? How could she be so practiced at the art of control then make such a mistake? They could have had one more night together. The disappointment and hurt were all consuming, but she would be damned if she let him know it.

  “Thank you, my lord. As you wish,” she said softly, and stepped away from him slightly to let him know she understood his meaning perfectly.

  Never again! Never, ever again would she open herself to a man, much less lie down and give herself as she had. She felt vindicated about this decision. Nothing good could come from a liaison, other than hurt feelings and regret. Cordelia held her head up as she walked beside him. He would never see her shame. Let him think he had the best of her, what did she care? He was gone after tomorrow, and easily avoided until then. So be it!

  Chapter 35

  Rhys waved off the footman and pulled her chair out himself. As he seated her, she felt his gloved fingers brush her arm. When she looked at him over her shoulder, he acted like nothing had happened. The arrogant cad! What was his game? Did he mean to tease her? He sat, and slowly removed his gloves. Cordelia tried not to stare at the hands that had brought her so much pleasure. Damn it to hell! He was good at these games, far better than she. Was he trying to show her what she had lost with her ineptness? She decided to ignore him altogether, and converse with the other guests.

  She removed her fan from her wrist before pulling at the fingers of her own gloves. Cordelia started inane conversation with the Duke and Esme. She tried to concentrate, but could swear she could feel Rhys’ heat. It penetrated her dress and caressed her skin. How was she to make it through an entire dinner if she could not even sit next to the man?

  From the corner of her eye, she saw Rhys talking with Lady Verness. Was she going to be his next conquest? Would Cordelia be forced to watch him as he seduced his next lover? Is that how these things worked? She thought back to her time with the Earl and his little club of friends who negotiated affairs for favors. Would Rhys be any different? Younger maybe, but surely the rules were the same. Her stomach turned at the thought.

  Rhys’ soft baritone voice was all she could concentrate on. He was talking quietly to Lady Verness. Cordelia leaned closer, to see if she could hear their conversation. Lady Verness was making doe eyes at him! Anger and jealousy hit her hard.

  “All is not lost, Lady Verness. Men are simple creatures. They want what they cannot have, but only if the prize is worth the pursuit,” Cordelia overheard him say.

  So, that was why he had pursued her! Because she was unavailable to him? She should have known that once he got his prize he would move on to the next challenge.

  “Oh?” said Lady Verness, breathlessly.

  “You are fortunate, Lady Verness, to have two gentlemen vying for your attentions,” he complimented.

  No wonder he was pouring on the compliments! He intended to steal her for himself! How dare he act so brazenly in front of her? It was but hours ago she was in his arms. The blackguard, the cad!

  “Only two?” she cooed, rested her chin on her hand, and stared at him dreamily.

  And, his flirtations were working! In a moment, she would be sitting in his lap! Anger, like Cordelia had never felt, consumed her. Before she thought it through, she kicked Rhys’ foot under the table. She immediately regretted being so rash and looked away, acting as if nothing had happened. She felt him look at her and pretended to be involved in a conversation between the Duke and Lady Ensley. Discretely she scooted as far away from him as she could without being obvious.

  Finally, the first course was served, and Rhys concentrated on his plate. Cordelia relaxed a little, but her appetite was completely gone. How had he come to affect her so? She did not own him, nor had she the right to lay claim on him, since she would never let any man do the same to her. But, still, it hurt that he had moved on so quickly. What they had shared was special to her. She pushed the food around her plate, unable to eat. There had to be a way to stop thinking about things that would never be. She was a realist, after all.

  He turned to continue his conversation with Lady Verness. Cordelia did her best to ignore it. Let her have him. What did she care?

  Cordelia chanted that to herself for the next two courses. By the end of the third, she knew she had been fooling herself. She cared, and very much so. The thought of him moving onto his next lover made her physically ill. The more she ignored him, the more she longed to touch him, to see if he would respond to her. More than that, she needed to know that he still wanted her. Even if it was for just a moment, and nothing was to come of it, she needed to know that the passion they shared had not been a lie.

  Cordelia laid her hand on the table next to his, willing him to touch her, craving a sign that there was still desire between them. Rhys moved his hand closer as he talked market fluctuations with Lord Emerson. Her heart soared when he brushed his little finger against hers. It was not enough. She wanted more. She always wanted more when it came to Rhys. She discretely slid her hand off the table, rubbing against his, and glanced his way. If he hadn’t moved his finger she would have thought he hadn’t noticed. He seemed so engrossed in what Emerson was saying. Cordelia squeezed her thigh under the table trying to resist touching him. This was a fool’s pursuit, but she did not care. She wanted that powerful feeling just once more.

  Lightly, Cordelia rubbed her fingers against his thigh to judge his reaction to her touch. He didn’t pull away. Boldly she slid her hand over his thigh slowly, waiting for him to grab her hand to stop her. When she felt him move, she froze, but to her surprise, he covered her hand with his napkin, then clasped his hands together on top of the table. Was she free to do what she wished? With his permission?

  A sigh escaped as excitement surged through her. She boldly slid her hand further between his legs. He opened his legs wider and leaned back. Her heart skipped a beat. He still wanted her touch! Afraid she might be misinterpreting his signals, she continued slowly, sliding her hand towards his crotch. Everyone laughed at something Emerson said, but Rhys did not. She saw his knuckles turning white as he gripped his hands together tighter. She wanted to cry out with joy, but Lady Emerson asked her a question about Rodrigo’s fashion sense distracting her. Cordelia relaxed her features and answered the best she could.

  Rhys fidgeted slightly under her hand. She should stop this. What could they do at the dinner table? But she could not stop. She needed to touch him one last time while he was willing. That was all. Her hand inched closer, and he adjusted himself in the chair, making her hand slide the last few inches. Her little finger rested against his erection. He was hard for her! Excitement and desire filled her as a warm feeling gathered between her legs. Cordelia struggled to keep her features still. She rubbed her little finger up and down his arousal a c
ouple of times, and he pushed himself against her hand. Cordelia took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip, letting it slide slowly from her teeth before letting it go. It was so erotic to know that he still wanted her. The memory of what they had done together flooded, and she rubbed her fingers against him again. Oh lord, how much she wanted this man! Rhys reached between them and put his hand over hers, holding it against his arousal. She glanced at him and she saw desire sparkling in his eyes. Oh god, now what?

  “Are you going to the ball, my lord?” Lady Verness leaned in to ask, bumping his shoulder.

  Cordelia realized the insanity of what they were doing and tried to pull her hand away. Rhys gripped her hard, stopping her. Was he afraid Lady Verness would notice? She froze as she became acutely aware of the dangerous position she had put them in.

  “Of course, my lady.” He smiled at the young lady rakishly. “I would not miss it for the world.”

  “Oh, wonderful. Who will you be escorting, Lord Roth?” she asked, hopefully, her insinuation clear.

  “Quite possibly the love of my life.”

  Chapter 36

  Cordelia sucked her breath in at his statement, and tried to pull her hand away again, but he squeezed it tighter, holding her there. Cordelia looked around the table. Luckily, nobody but she and Lady Verness had heard his answer.

  “Excuse me?” Lady Verness asked, shocked.

  “I do not know why you would be shocked, my lady. Is this not a gathering for that very purpose?” He turned to Cordelia. “Is that not true, Lady Cromwell?”

  “Yes…yes, of course, my lord,” she stuttered.

  A footman approached Rhys with a silver tray bearing a folded piece of paper and presented it to him. Rhys let go of Cordelia’s hand and she put it on her lap. He took the note from the tray, read it, then smiled.

  “If you will excuse me, Lady Cromwell. I have urgent business that needs my attention.” He stood, holding his napkin in front of him. “Excuse me, everyone.” He bowed and walked away.

  Lady Verness watched him go with a dreamy look.

  “I wonder what it would be like to be the love of his life,” she said, in wonderment.

  “I’m sure I do not know,” Cordelia answered, honestly. What had he meant, saying such a thing?

  “I am sure I will never know,” Lady Verness said, sadly.

  Cordelia found her statement oddly comforting. Maybe he had not been flirting with her after all. Wouldn’t Lady Verness be more encouraged if he had been? Had she misjudged him again? She felt just like her clients, not being able to fathom what their suitors were thinking. But he was not her suitor. No. He was her lover. And he still wanted her, despite the fact that he had wanted to end it between them. Cordelia’s mind whirled. She looked toward the door but he was gone.

  The rest of the evening dragged on, with round after round of forgettable conversation. After the group adjourned to the game room for a night of billiards and whist, Cordelia migrated over to the window seat to get some peace. Rhys had not rejoined the party. What did that mean? Had she overstepped at dinner? Was he avoiding her now? His body reacted to her, that was certain. And hers to his. She still had a warm wanting feeling between her legs. How was this to end when they still craved each other?

  “You look lost in thought,” Emelia stated.

  “Yes. I was woolgathering, I suppose.”

  “Lord Roth, I presume?”

  “Have I become completely transparent?”

  “Not to everyone, but I know you too well. Although, I have never seen you taken with a man before. It is easy to see the difference in you. I was hoping for a happier result, I dare say,” Emelia stated light heartily, and sat next to her. Cordelia looked out the window into the darkness.

  “How is that possible when one has fallen for a rake? There can be no happily ever after,” Cordelia stated solemnly.

  “Oh, I do not know, dear. No one can predict the future when people fall in love, only that there is no fighting the feeling if it is genuine. You know this Cordelia. You have seen it a hundred times.”

  “In my case, unfortunately, the feeling is one sided.”

  “Hardly, Cordelia! You cannot be that blind! Everyone can see the man’s smitten with you. Except you, apparently.” Emelia stated, directly.

  Cordelia looked at Emelia surprised. What was she talking about? When had Rhys displayed anything other than contempt for her in public? There were times, in the throes of passion, that she had thought maybe, but she was never sure of it. She had no experience with lust or men, other than how to avoid both of them. Emelia could not be right! She was the one that told her Rhys was not inclined to any relationship, except a sexual one.

  “You are so confusing! I do not know what to believe anymore. First, you said he was perfect because he was not interested in long term relationships, and now you talk as if he is in love? It cannot be both!”

  “Oh phish! Any man is capable of falling in love, Cordelia, despite their past.” Emelia waved her hand dismissively but hesitated before continuing. “And, well, do not be angry with me, but the truth is... I did not know if Lord Roth was interested in relationships or not. Roddy and I just assumed, because of his reputation and the fact that he had never shown interest in marriage. Now that I have had a chance to know the man, I believe he may have been waiting to see his sister settled first,” she confessed. “I just said it so you would consider, ah, opening up a bit.” Emelia cringed, waiting for Cordelia to explode.

  “Oh god! I have made an utter fool of myself!” Cordelia recalled the times she had dismissed what he said as rakish banter. Could he have meant them seriously? She felt panicked.

  “Does it really matter in the end? Does it change what you have shared?” Emelia rushed to ask.

  “I…I do not know. I simply thought of us as a whirlwind affair, a dalliance on a long weekend in the country. I never considered anything else. Besides, he has never made a suggestion of more.”

  “Are you sure, Cordelia?” Emelia looked surprised. “Hmmm, strange. I would have thought…, oh never mind. No more assumptions,” she stated firmly. “You must talk to him, Cordelia. Tell him how you feel, and accept his answer without question, whatever it may be. Only then will you know,” Emelia declared.

  The thought of confessing her feelings to Rhys was petrifying. What if she had been right about him trying to end it? If that was the case, then she had accosted the man at the dinner table against his will. Is that why he had left so abruptly and never returned? What had she been thinking! What a fool! In the least she owed the man an apology for being so brash.

  “You should retire, Cordelia. I can tell that you are not up to socializing. Get a good night’s rest. All will be better in the morning.” Emelia patted her arm.

  “I cannot keep leaving you with the burden of entertaining the guests,” Cordelia objected weakly.

  “The night is winding down. Besides, Rodrigo is in his element.” Emelia waved toward Rodrigo, who was entertaining a group of guests with flamboyant gestures. They were laughing heartily. “It will wrap up early tonight, I’m sure. Everyone is excited about the ball. I doubt anyone will be up for a late night tonight knowing that tomorrow is the event of the week.”

  “I suppose you are right,” Cordelia agreed. “I’m not good company anyway.” Emelia kissed her cheek when they stood.

  “Try to get some sleep.”

  Tilly was waiting for her. She declined a bath and freed herself of her dress and underthings before donning a robe and sitting next to the window. There was no moon, and everything outside was as black as she felt inside. Cordelia was changed. Rhys had awoken something in her. Feeling beyond passion and desire. It was a yearning to be wanted by someone, needed, and to need someone in return.

  She could not keep the memories of their time together at bay. The feel of his hands on her skin. The feel of his body under hers. Especially the night she had gone to him, and he had let her explore. She sighed. Would these feelings pass once
he was gone? Was the pull this strong because he was just a few hallways away? Was he in his room thinking of her as she was of him? Dare she go see him? Would he receive her, or ask her to leave? Good god, she was driving herself insane with all these questions and insecurities! She should just go talk with the man!

  She owed him an apology in any case. It was not like her to take such liberties at a dinner table. It was beyond the pale that she had run him off in such a way. But, to show up at his room again? If not there, then when and where would it be appropriate to apologize? On their ride tomorrow? With the Duke or his sister within earshot? That would be dreadful! No. This was a conversation best held in private. With her justifications firmly in place, Cordelia practically ran to his door, put her ear against it, heard nothing, and turned the handle. Opening it just enough to slide through, she closed it quietly behind her. The room was dimly lit. Her heart jumped in her throat when she saw Rhys staring out the window. He had his back to the door and his hands clasped behind his back. Only his bare heels were visible under his dressing gown. His hands worried against each other, as if lost in thought.

  “I won’t be needing you tonight, Turner. Thank you,” he said, without turning around.

  Butterflies took flight at the sound of his deep voice. She had lied to herself. She was not here to apologize. She came because wanted this man. Before she could speak, he turned.

  “Cordelia.” He said quietly, surprised to see her.

  The front of his robe was open, exposing a large expanse of his chest. She recognized his sleeping pants from the last time she had come to him. His kind expression gave her the confidence to speak.

  “I came to apologize,” she managed to squeak. His brows furrowed in confusion.

  “Apologize? For what?” Apparently, he was not going make this easy for her. Fine. She supposed she deserved it.

  “I should not have made you feel…uncomfortable at dinner. I am not usually so bold, my lord, it’s just that…”