Love and the Ironmonger

by W. W. Jacobs

  CHAPTER IV--_Three Worms that turned_

  George Early came down to breakfast next morning half an hour after hisusual time, blithely humming a tune. Mrs. Haskins had it on the tip ofher tongue to say something caustic, but refrained.

  "Quarter past eight," said George, looking at the watchmaker's over theway.

  "Yes, indeed," said Mrs. Haskins. "I've done all I could to get you upin time. I'm only flesh and blood; I can't keep the time back."

  "Tea hot?" said George, cheerfully ignoring this outburst.

  "It was half an hour ago. It's been standing on the 'ob--boiled andstewed and the Lord knows what else. Just what I always do say----"

  "Well, don't say it again," said George; "make some more. What'sthis--a kipper? Don't care for kippers this morning. Let's have someham and eggs, and send Carrie out for the _Morning Post_."

  "That's all, Mrs. Haskins," as the landlady hesitated. "Oh, stop aminute! I'll have a rabbit for dinner at seven sharp."

  Mrs. Haskins stood by the door with the tea cosy in her hand andamazement on her face.

  "Shall I write it down?" said George. "Ham and eggs, _MorningPost_, rabbit."

  He sat down in the armchair and put one foot on the mantelpiece, whileMrs. Haskins groped her way out of the room and slipped down the firstflight of stairs.

  "Parrott good, Gray good, Busby good. Yes," said George to himself witha smile of satisfaction; "it's the luckiest thing I've struck for manya day. This is going to be a picnic. They hadn't a word to say--not aword. Of course not. What could they say?" he asked a china dog on themantelshelf. "Nothing."

  He got up and looked out of the window. The jeweller's shop oppositelooked a paltry, second-rate establishment. Hansoms crawling by the endof the street were merely things that you held up a finger to. What wasa fur overcoat like that man had on over the way? "Fifteen hundredpounds a year!" said George in delicious contemplation. "Fifteenhundred golden sovereigns, and a dip in the lucky bag for yours truly.All prizes and no blanks!"

  The _Morning Post_ arrived.

  "Hallo!" said George, "already? I suppose the breakfast'll come up incourse of time."

  Carrie sniffed.

  "You needn't put on airs," she said loftily. "I suppose you thinkyou're everybody because you're going to have rabbit for dinner."

  "Look here," said George, with affected hauteur; "you mustn't speak tome like that: I never take impudence from maid-servants. If you're notcareful I shall speak to your mistress, and then you won't get acharacter when you leave. Take your feet off the carpet."

  Carrie giggled.

  "What is it?" she asked; "five shillings rise, or some money left you?I'm particular to know, because I always like to treat people accordingto their position."

  It was just a quarter past nine when George reached the office.Business was in full swing, and an air of concern appeared on the facesof several junior clerks as George Early hung up his hat. To be aquarter of an hour late was a crime many were guilty of, but to saunterin at nine-fifteen was tempting Fate.

  "Missed your train?" asked Matthews, a sympathetic youth with freckles.

  "Train?" said George; "don't be silly. My coachman overslept himself.Is she here?"

  "Rather; got a new hat. Looks spiffing."

  "I didn't ask about her hat," said George. "Where's Polly?"

  "Upstairs in her office."

  "Go and tell him I'm here, and ask if there's any telegrams for me."

  Matthews was tickled at this display of humour, and told George thathe'd got a nerve. He informed him that Busby and Gray had both arrivedlate; that Busby was in a beastly temper, but that Gray was in the bestof spirits.

  George smiled at the news concerning Busby. "It's that studying at thelibrary," he said to himself facetiously. "No man can expect to keephis spirits up if he goes slogging away studying books, after puttingin a full day at business. He wants recreation, a game of billiards,for instance. But that's the worst of these conscientious Johnnies;they get fifty pounds a year left them for study, and study they will,even if it means an early tomb."

  Somebody went by, humming--

  "For I am too diddley um tum tum, And I am too diddley ay!"

  "Hallo!" said George. "Who's going to be 'Queen o' the May' to-day?"

  "That's Gray," whispered Matthews; "see him skip up the step?"

  George turned in time to catch the graceful back-kick of a tweed leg assomebody disappeared through the door.

  "Seems to have an elastic step this morning."

  "It's the Leytonstone air," said Matthews; "you get it like that offWanstead Flats."

  "P'raps so," said George; "I don't think he got that off WansteadFlats. I think I know where he got it."

  "Where?"

  "You get on with your work, and don't be inquisitive."

  Gray's exuberance had calmed down towards the middle of the day, andwhen he started out in search of lunch his face wore a more thoughtfulexpression. The elasticity of his step was not at all noticeable, if itexisted. It is doubtful if one in twenty of the people he met wouldhave guessed that he had recently come into five hundred pounds a year,or even fivepence.

  In Queen Victoria Street he stopped on the kerbstone, and looked abouthim. Hungry clerks and typists flitted by in quest of milk and buns.Gray chinked his money and crossed the road. Before turning up a narrowside street he stopped again, and looked round. Then he carefullywalked on.

  On his left, three doors up, was a tea-shop. Gray looked in, and passedon. A couple of warehouses and a restaurant came next, and a narrowalley beyond. Gray turned into this alley, and followed its tortuouslength for some distance until it emptied itself and Gray into a sortof paved square, where the noise of traffic was reduced to a steadyhum. There was one noticeable house in the square, a dull-lookingbuilding with a projecting lamp. People passed in and out. It was apublic-house.

  Instead of hurrying by with averted gaze, Gray stopped and glancedsideways at the bill of fare in a brass frame. He really hadn't theleast curiosity to know what joints were on, and what entrees off, hewas just asking himself a question which he couldn't answer. Anotherman had stopped to read the bill on the other door-post, and as he didso, Gray looked up. It was George Early.

  For reasons best known to himself, Gray was angry.

  "What the devil do you want?" he asked, addressing George.

  "Want?" said George, surprised; "I'm looking at the bill."

  "What do you want?" shouted Gray, fiercely, moving a step nearer.

  "I want to be measured for a suit of clothes," said George, innocently."This is a tailor's, isn't it?"

  "This is a public-house," said Gray, in a low, murderous tone, "andyou--you're following me."

  A whisky bill stared George full in the face, and his pleasantexpression gave way to a look of concern.

  "A public-house?" he said, stepping back. "Why, so it is. What's this,Gray? You don't mean to tell me you----"

  "I tell you this," said Gray in a fierce whisper, thrusting his faceclose to George's; "if I catch you following me about----"

  "Stop!" said the other, in commanding tones; "this is no laughingmatter. You have said enough, Gray, and I have seen you with my owneyes." He pulled out a note-book.

  Gray laughed ironically.

  "Damn your note-books," he said. "I don't know what you're after, but Iknow that it'll take more than a silly cuckoo like you to upset me."

  "Be careful," said George; "you know what lawyers are when they like tobe nasty."

  Gray thrust himself forward offensively. "I suppose you think you knowsomething," he said, looking at the other man's eyebrows from adistance of two inches.

  George Early's face expanded in a smile, "I do," he said.

  "Oh?"

  "Yes. But," said George, "I'm the only one in the firm who knows.Exclusive information, as they say."

  "I see," said Gray, who had been deliberating. "Well, look here"--hetapped George Early on the chest with one forefinger to emphasize ea
chword--"I know something also, so that's two of us. You're a cleverbantam, you are, but you'll have to get up a bit earlier to get overme. You just keep your eyes open, and see which of us gets tiredfirst."

  With that he marched off. George followed.

  A tea-shop loomed up in the distance, and Gray entered and seatedhimself at a table. George went in and took a seat opposite.

  For the rest of the day Gray made himself offensive, frequentlyrequesting George to keep an eye on him, and to have his note-bookhandy. He went out of his way to offer some points in detective work,particularly on the subject of tracking, and advised the purchase of alittle book entitled "Nightingale Nick, the Boy Detective." This wasnot the worst. George observed Gray in close consultation with Busby,and afterwards with Parrott, both of whom adopted an attitude mostaggressive.

  "They're in league against me," thought the blackmailer.

  This proved to be somewhere near the truth, for on endeavouring tonegotiate a loan of five shillings from the head clerk that worthysmilingly replied that he would have been pleased to lend it if he hadhappened to have it, but the sum of tenpence was all he possessed. Hewouldn't think of refusing it, he would only ask George to wait till hegot it out of the savings bank. He offered eightpence, keeping twopencefor his fare home.

  "That's the game, is it?" thought George.

  Busby wouldn't speak at all. He replied to all questions by nods andother facial expressions. He shrugged his shoulders in a mostexpressive way when asked about the new books in the Free Library, andmerely laughed when the subject of billiards was mentioned.

  "After all, a man can't lie in a laugh," said George. "He can't lie ifhe doesn't speak. He's done me, and that's straight. Wait aminute"--brightening up--"I'd forgotten the missis. I've got him theresafe enough."

  "Old man," he said to Busby later in the day, "I'd forgotten to mentionit, but the missis asked me to run over to supper again to-night. Youcan tell her to expect me at nine."

  Busby found his tongue. "Well, fancy that!" he said, smiling andapologetic. "I'm sorry, old chap, she must have forgotten it."

  "Why?" asked George.

  "She went off to her mother's this morning for a month. What anuisance! I'm awfully sorry! But, I say, Early, you can come down justthe same, old chap. We'll have supper together, and run over to theFree Library for an hour afterwards."

  "Thanks," said George. "I will."

  "That's right," said Busby, "do."

  George didn't go, he went home to his rabbit dinner and abused hislandlady in a most outrageous manner.

  "In all my days," said Mrs. Haskins to her gouty aunt, "I've never beentalked to like that. Bless my soul! if you ask me about it, I say let'im get the _Morning Post_ and take a flat in Kensington, and themas laughs last laughs most!"

  George Early got to the office next morning at his proper time,surprising the staff as much as by his lateness the day before. Hisconduct throughout the day was most exemplary, and he bore the sneersof Busby and the taunts of Gray with meekness and resignation. Parrottfound fault with his work, and went to the verge of bullying him.George obeyed his instructions, and knuckled under in a most abjectmanner, going so far as to call the head clerk "sir," and ask for a dayoff to bury his uncle.

  "A day off!" said Gray, chuckling to himself; "I think he needs it. Ilike a man to come playing the old soldier with me, and think he'sgoing to get off best."

  Busby was highly gratified at the turn affairs had taken. He had had topay his wife's fare to her mother's, certainly, and give her aten-pound note; but, taking into consideration Early's previousvictory, things looked very promising.

  Parrott said nothing, but as he saw George go meekly out of the officehe smiled, which meant a very great deal, for Parrott only smiled onthe most rare occasions.