by Lauren Wood
I laid on my back and she laid on my chest. There was a moment where everything was perfect. It didn’t last very long though. Ellie was getting up, talking about how she had to get home. I didn’t want her to leave. I was still trying to figure out how to make this work. She was my employee, but she was also so much more now. Ellie was the one that had me feeling again, even though I hadn’t thought it possible.
Pulling her down for a kiss, I almost got her back in bed, but she fought me off. Ellie was looking delectable, but I knew that it wasn’t meant to be. She was focused on all the wrong things, as far as I could see. She was worried about how work was going to be come Monday. I was thinking about how our lives were going to be in a year. My mind was going way too fast. I didn’t mention such things, as I knew that it wasn’t that time. We weren’t there yet, but my heart thought that we were.
I don’t even know what made me come up that idea. I went from no emotions, to the floodgates being opened. I told her about my ex-wife and my unborn daughter. These were all topics that I understandably kept to myself. I don’t know what had coerced me into talking about all of that. I don’t know what was going on and maybe I needed some time to work through that myself.
When Ellie went out the door, I was left with a gaping hole inside of me. I had to pull myself together. I wasn’t the same man as before. I’d already learned the hard lesson, that life could change in an instant. The last thing I needed to do was get attached to Ellie.
Even as I said it in my mind, I knew that I wasn’t going to listen. Truth be told, I wanted to feel. It seemed like I hadn’t in so long, going through life numb, it was no way to live. It was easier, no attachments and relationships to worry about, but it was certainly not better. Ellie had shown me that, by just being her. It had been two weeks since we’d met for the first time and the change going on inside of me was nothing short of miraculous.
And the sex… That was another subject all on its own.
13
Ellie
When I got back home, no one was up, and I was able to take a long shower. I replayed the evening in my mind, worried that I was never going to be able to walk straight again. I am sure that I would be able to, but by Monday? That was the real question and I wasn’t sure.
Chauncey must have heard me getting up and moving around because I heard the door open. She shut it behind her, and I knew what she was going to say.
“You little hoochie.”
Okay, not exactly what she was going to say, but close.
“What?”
“You know what.”
I pulled the curtain back and stuck my head out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then tell me that you didn’t just rock that man’s world after all those meetings?”
I sighed out loud and closed the curtain. She could hear the tone; she didn’t need to see the defeat in my face as well. It was redundant.
“It wasn’t like that, Chauncey.”
“Yet you are in one hell of a good mood right now. I want to know what happened.”
“You know what happened.”
“I want details.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to give them. I mean, I wasn’t even sure what happened. I mean, I knew. Of course, I knew, but I didn’t have time to process it. It was hard to deal with everything I had going on in my head.
“It was like nothing that I have ever felt before, and I mean that, Chauncey. It was amazing.”
She pulled the curtain back and I covered up. “Really?”
“Yeah, so you’re telling me that it was good?”
“So good.”
“I thought Michael was the only one for you.”
“Michael was before I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That things could be so much different.”
She had this look of shock and I can't say that I blamed her. I never thought that I would feel like this, but here I was. I knew for one reason or another, what happened between me and Harvey would not be repeated elsewhere. I didn't even know if it would be repeated with us like that again, but I was anxious to find out.
“You have to tell me what it is that you mean.”
I pulled the curtain back so that I couldn't see her anymore. I turned the water off and put a towel around me. It became clear that I was not going to be able to enjoy my shower anymore. I had just wanted to sit there and think about everything, really soak it in. I couldn't do that if she was sitting there staring at me like she was at the moment.
Once I got out, I told her that I meant what I said.
“Why are you talking in riddles?”
I shrugged, because I didn't really have an answer. I wasn't sure what was going on or why he was so much different. I just know that I had never felt this way before and it was all because of Harvey. What it meant for me and for Anna and for the future, I wasn't really sure about any of that just yet. All I knew for certain was the only thing that I could really think about at the moment, was Harvey and what we had done not too long ago.
“It is hard to explain, Chauncey. Really, I don't even know what to say practically, just that he is this really cool guy.”
“And we're still talking about your boss?”
“Yes. I know that he is my boss, but none of that has to change.”
“Do you really think that you can go over to his house, rock his world and nothing is going to change?”
“I was sort of hoping.”
She just shook her head and followed me as I walked into my bedroom. Anna slept like the living dead, so at least I didn't have to worry about her getting up. I don't know how I would explain to her why I was just now getting in. I wasn't even sure if I was dating anyone, or how to do that with a kid. All of this was new and Chauncey wanted me to tell her things that I didn't even know myself.
“So, don't you feel anything for him?”
“Of course, I do. But that doesn't mean that it has to be something bad when we work together.”
“I am not saying that it will be bad, but you're acting like you can pretend like nothing happened when you go to work on Monday. You guys didn't talk about how you were going to act when you guys were together?”
“I had never really thought about it.”
Chauncey looked at me like I had lost my mind and maybe I had. It's not like I had planned for this to happen. It just had happened.
“How can you not have thought about it?”
Again, I didn't have an answer and I was starting to think that this conversation should have been avoided altogether. It had just been bubbling up inside of me and I wanted to tell her. Now, I wasn’t sure if that was the right answer or not.
“I don't know, Chauncey. He kissed me and that was pretty much it. He is very attractive and it's hard for me to even imagine that this happened to begin with. We’ve stayed out of each other’s hair after I walked in on him half-dressed. It’s been awkward between us ever since.”
“It is a big stretch to go from awkward to having sex with him.”
I didn't like the way she said it, because it wasn't just sex that we had done. I don't even really know what it was, but I knew that sex was too simple of a word. It had been earth-shattering. Sex was something that I used to do with my ex-husband, not with Harvey. With him, it was something else altogether different.
“I don't know what you want me to say, Chauncey. He told me a sad story about his wife and his unborn kid being killed. I was just trying to comfort him you know, and the next thing I know we're kissing. Then it's the two of us trying to get each other's clothes off quickly enough and then we were having sex. It just all happened so quickly I don't even know what to think about it. And you're sitting here asking me all these questions that I really don't know the answers to.”
I sounded almost hysterical at the end of it and if I was honest with myself, that was exactly how I was feeling right now. I don't know any other answers, because I still had not processed what had
happened between us. To try and guess what would happen next would be a fool’s errand.
“Just make sure that Anna doesn't hear anything about it. It was just a one-off thing I'm sure. It's not like we're dating or something. Harvey is still my boss and way above me.”
“I think there is more to this than you are giving it credit, Ellie. Just give it time, trust me. I have a really good feeling about this.”
She was doing a one-eighty, but I wasn't going to pay attention to it either way. Like I had told her, there was no sense in talking about a future that I didn't even really know existed or not. He might think it was a one-off thing. Everything I was telling her very well may be true, even though the whole time I was hoping that it wasn't.
14
Harvey
I thought about Ellie all weekend, but I had too much to do to track her down. I knew if I could get ahold of her, there would only be one thing that I wanted to do. That would not help the situation at the moment. Not to mention, she had her daughter and I'm sure she didn't want me to pop up and disturb whatever was going on with them. I was at a standstill.
So, I walked in on Monday morning and I went to her office first, because she was the first person that I wanted to see. When I got to her office, she was talking to Ralph and I stopped short. Ralph worked on the next floor down, so I wasn't even sure what he was doing here. He worked in research and development. There was no need for him to be talking to my assistant.
I tried to pull back the immediate protective/possessive feelings that I had for Ellie. I walked in with her smiling and nodding her head, like she was agreeing to something. I wanted to know what that something was, even though I didn't have a right to know. What was making me feel this way?
“Uhm hi, boss. I didn't think that you would be in yet.”
“Yes, we have a busy day and I don't know if Joseph is going to be here. I was hoping that we could get started on it.”
I didn't like the hint of desperation in my tone. I tried to imagine that she did not hear it. Even if I did.
Ralph took the hint and excused himself rather quickly. I was thankful for that, because every hackle I had was raised and I actually liked the guy. I was the one that had hired him, even though he had a bit of a reputation for being hard to work with. I had the same reputation and I respected that, but if I caught him near Ellie again, all that was out the window.
Once he was gone, I couldn't help myself. I asked Ellie what he wanted and when she told me that he had asked her out, I was a bit taken aback. It was of course my worst fears coming to roost and probably the last thing that I wanted to hear.
“So, what did you say?”
“I told him that I wasn't sure, that I would get back to him. I don't know when Joseph is coming back or how many days I need to work this week. My schedule is pretty much up in the air at the moment.”
“And if you knew your schedule?”
Ellie smiled and there was a bit of a twinkle in her eye. She looked like she was enjoying herself and that bothered me. I certainly was not enjoying the moment.
“Are you messing with me, Ellie?”
“Are you seriously getting jealous right now?”
I stopped short and didn't know what to say. That's exactly what I was doing, and I did not like the fact that it was so transparent to her. Why would it be so hard? I certainly wasn't acting like myself and the only way that this was going to get any easier was for me to be truthful about it. I just didn't know how.
“I was just asking.”
“Well then, if you're just being nosy, I guess I don't have to answer, do I?”
Her eyes were flashing a little bit and I felt like she was daring me to contradict her. I wanted to. I really did, but I needed to let it go. I went from feeling nothing to feeling everything, and maybe it was just too much. Maybe I needed to pull back a little bit.
I didn't know how to respond because it was not like I could tell her that she couldn't have interoffice relationships. I couldn't tell her anything. We had spent one night together and even though I was making it into all of these things in my head, I had to come to grips with the fact that she might not be feeling the same way.
I couldn't read Ellie, so the best thing I could do was to leave in retreat. I wanted to kiss her and hold her against me. I had played this out far too many times in my head and none of them had ended with her being upset with me. I didn't blame her. It wasn't my place to have a say in any of this, but I still didn't have an opinion. I still wanted to believe that I had a right to her.
Joseph came in a little later and he was a bit too chipper for my taste. I called him into my office to have a meeting and he was all smiles for exactly thirty seconds.
“Shut the door, Joseph, I don't need this being heard by anyone else.”
He must have been able to tell from my face that this was going to be a serious conversation. I felt like Joseph was the one who had set this up, hiring her, and now I wanted to know what it was all for. My frustration knew no end at the moment and he was the only one I could direct my anger out to and direct it I did.
“What is going on, boss?”
“I need to talk to you about Ellie.”
“So, things are going good, right? I knew that she would be a good match for you.”
“A good match, what exactly do you mean?”
He looked at me a little carefully and asked me what it was that I had done.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Harvey. Whatever you’ve done, repent. I have seen that look before. You weren't rude to her, were you?”
“Why are you so worried about if I am rude to her or not?”
“Because I told you before, that I am friends with her father. We go to church together.”
He was looking at me like I had defiled her or something and so help me, I felt a little guilty all of a sudden. That was pretty much what I had done. Now, I was the one that was jealous and trying to get over such a strange feeling.
How is it that I could feel guilty about it? I wanted to offer her the moon, but she wouldn't even let me ask a question about going on a date with someone else. It was obvious that there was still a large distance between what the both of us wanted.
“I didn't do anything to her. I just don't understand why you are trying to set us up. It's pretty clear that's what you're doing and after all of this time, why now and why her?”
I don't really know what I expected from him. But I honestly think that he was going to tell me some answer that would make sense. I wasn't supposed to feel this about anyone. I wasn’t prepared to do it all over again, yet here I was. Maybe I would find the reason, maybe not.
“I just asked you if you had a lot in common.”
“With Ellie?”
He sighed and then asked me what was really on my mind.
“Like I said, I am just trying to figure out why you’re trying to set us up. Is there something about her that I don't know about?”
He looked me square in the face and told me that he thought I had already found out.
“The way you are looking right now, tells me everything I need to know. She has already gotten to you. That's why you're looking all out of sorts today.”
I hated that he was right, but I still did not understand this. Why couldn't she see it, now that it was clear to everyone else?
“I wouldn't say that she has gotten to me, but I am just wondering if there is something I need to know, that I don't know?
“Not really. I just thought that you guys would do well together. Was I right?”
“Was that the reason that you took off for the last few days?”
“Answer my question and I'll answer yours.”
Sad part was, I probably didn't have to answer his question. He already knew the answer.
“Yes, you were probably right.”
“I thought it would be good for the two of you to have a little time together. It is good to see a smile on your face again, so I am
not going to feel guilty about it one bit. It's about time that you put yourself out there. I'm sorry that I had to trick you into doing it. Maybe next time you will give it a chance.”
He wasn't sorry at all and I can't say that I was sorry either. He had seen what was right in front of me and I had been blinded to it. It had been time for me to move on, even though I hadn't thought it had been time. But now I had moved on, or I was starting to, and the woman that had my eye was not playing games.
“If you know that you like her, and that is a good thing, why do you look so frustrated all of a sudden?”
“Because I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with her.”
“Just take it slow. She's still an employee and you're her boss, so don't make it weird.”
“I think that it's a little too late for that.”
Joseph sighed and asked me to elaborate.
I did so quickly because I didn't like to hear my answer.
“I might have slept with her already.”
That stunned Joseph because of my recent track record and it took him a minute to recover from the information.
“That was fast.”
“Yeah, you could say that. It was also pretty damn good. I don't know if I can regret that.”
“So, then why is it frustrating?”
“Because she was in there talking to Ralph a few minutes ago and all I wanted to do was rip his head off. I'm sure that is not a good thing, cause you know I just might.”
“I doubt that anything is going on with her and Ralph.”
“He asked her out.”
“And what did she say?”
“I asked her that, but she got all offended and didn't want to tell me.”
He just shook his head.
“You're making this more complicated than it has to be. Just chill out, Harvey. You’re a damn billionaire, you're one hell of a catch. All you have to do is not freak out.”