by Lauren Wood
That was good advice from someone who had known me for many years now. I wasn't the type of guy that had any experience with this anymore. I was married and in love. Then I was widowed and not seeking anything.
Now, I wanted everything again, but I wasn't even sure what that looked like or how I was supposed to get it.
15
Ellie
Joseph did not stay very long on Monday. I was asked to go to a few of the meetings for later that afternoon. It seemed like all Harvey did was go to meetings. There was always something to discuss or fight about. I should have been excited to go with him, considering what was going on between the two of us, but that was just not the case.
Harvey had gotten really weird about Ralph. I had not been thinking about going out with him, but he had gotten so upset, that I had not felt it was needed to relieve him of this stress he was feeling. It was his own fault. Michael had always been pretty jealous when we were together, and I had never liked that at all. It was bad enough when it was my husband doing it. But it was beyond strange when a man that was my boss and a onetime lover got jealous so quickly. It made me wonder if I had made a very bad mistake becoming intimate with him. I had known that it wasn't the best idea, but now I wondered if it was even worse than I had imagined.
The first meeting wasn’t too far from the office and it was done in a restaurant, so it wasn't very awkward at all. I had already met a couple of the guys and they were all very kind. They liked to flirt, and I looked over at Harvey several times to see how he would react. Was he going to get mad again?
The drive over had been relatively painless because it wasn't too far to go but now, I could feel his eyes on me. Every time I looked his way, he would not stay on me too long, but he didn't have to. I knew that Harvey was feeling some kind of way and all I could do was wait to see what happened next.
By the end of the first meeting, it was almost time for the last one. The meeting had gone over and we weren’t going to have much time to do anything else. We had to go from one place to the next, rather quickly.
I was hoping for a few moments of peace and quiet, but that was not to be. We were on our way to the next spot and Harvey was asking me about the information that I had written down for him. He really did need an assistant there, with all the information that was being thrown around. I couldn't even imagine how hard it would be to try to remember everything. His memory was pretty amazing, but that seemed impossible. I wasn't the only assistant at the meetings either.
When we got to the conference room of Berkeley and Frisker, I knew almost immediately that this was going to be different. Johnson, the man I had met at one of the first meetings I went to with Harvey, was there and last time I had seen him, he had been very flirtatious. It hadn't bothered me at all because I just flirted right back, but now I was feeling anxious about it. I certainly shouldn’t have to feel this way. But I knew that he was going to take it so badly.
When we first got there, I immediately spotted Johnson and told myself that I was going to do everything I could to stay away from him. That did not last very long though. Before I could say or do anything else, Johnson saw me and started to make his way towards me. Harvey was on the other side of the room, but he saw the approach of Johnson. For the moment, I thought he was going to come over, but instead, he gave him a death stare from across the room and didn’t budge.
His attitude was confusing, and I still wasn't sure what it was all about, but I was thankful that he did not find it necessary to get upset again. I would have been humiliated, if he would have made a similar scene again.
“How are you this evening, Ellie? You are certainly looking every bit as beautiful as you did last time I saw you.”
“And you are just as sweet as before, aren't you?”
“I do try.”
“I bet you do.”
“Do you have any plans after this is all said and done and we have traded a little money around?”
I told Johnson that I was most likely going to go home.
“Why would you want to go home when it's such a beautiful night?”
I could see in my peripheral vision that Harvey was coming towards us. I wanted the conversation with Johnson to end once and for all, so I said the first thing that came to mind, that I thought would make that happen.
“Well, I need to get home and feed my daughter. She will not be too happy if dinner is more than a little late. You know how kids are.”
I thought that would surely end the conversation. It always was my assumption that men would run away practically to stay away from single moms. Of course, the one time that I wanted that to be the case, it was not. He seemed unfazed by it and I was left trying to dig myself out of this hole that I was making. I was just getting deeper by the second and Harvey was almost to us. As much as I wanted to say that I wasn't worried about how he was going to react, that would have been a lie.
I was very worried about it. So much so, that I started to fidget a little bit. It was a bad habit that I had kicked quite some time ago, but every time I got around Harvey, it was a different story.
“We are about ready to get started, Johnson. I saved you a seat next to me. I wanted to talk to you about our last meeting. It does not correlate to the contract your people sent over. I know that it must be a typo.”
I thought for a minute that Johnson was going to refuse him, but he finally bid me goodbye for right now and went to sit with Harvey. I sat away from the both of them in the corner. I could do my job further away from them both.
“You were pretty quiet in there today.”
“Well, sitting next to Johnson really helped things go pretty quickly. You have a way of handling people.”
“Not everybody.”
I knew that he was talking about me and for some reason, a flash of our last time together came to mind. He had certainly handled me, and I was still shaking inside from it.
“So, are we going to go have dinner?”
“I really shouldn't. I need to get back home and make something for Anna.”
“Why don't I order something, and we can get it to-go? Then we will go our separate ways?”
He added the last part in late, almost like he didn't want to say it at all, but I was appreciative of his forethought. If I didn't have to go home and figure out dinner, that would certainly help things out. The rest of it was the part about him that confused the hell out of me. Harvey was high and low. His reaction to men’s attention to me was puzzling, and now he was showing how much he could be thoughtful. The two men didn’t seem to be the same.
We made it to my place about twenty minutes later and I had dinner in a couple of bags sitting next to me. It was a great idea and I was thankful that he would have thought of it. If not, there was no telling what I would have come up with for dinner. It wouldn’t have smelled so good, I was sure of that.
I got out of the car and turned around to thank him. Instead of getting any words out, there were lips pressed against mine and all I could do was kiss him back. He caught me off-guard and I was trembling slightly when he finally pulled away.
“Have a goodnight, Ellie. I will see you in the morning.”
There was a smile concentrated on me that was almost contagious, and I caught myself looking at him in the same way. Confusing. That was what came to mind when I thought of Harvey. At the moment, he was just confusing and really damn sexy.
After dinner, I went through the mail that was scattered on the table and came to a handwritten envelope that had strange handwriting with no return address. I was tired and I should have been on my way to bed, but instead I was opening the letter. I was shocked with what I read inside. To be truthful, I was scared.
‘Get out of town now, Ellie! You don't belong here! Stay away from Harvey, or else!’
The envelope fell from my hands and they were shaking when I tried to settle them. Who would send such a thing? And why?
16
Harvey
I went into El
lie's office to speak with her. I didn't like the way that yesterday had ended, and I wanted to get us back on the right foot. I was there to ask her if she wanted to go out, but she was already on the phone when I popped in. I didn't try to overhear the conversation, but I did pay attention when she said her ex's name. Michael.
After a minute, I felt like I was overhearing something I wasn't supposed to, and I should have just left. It would have been easier, and it would have been better, so that she could finish the conversation. But the truth was, that I didn't want her to finish the conversation. I don't even know why she was talking to her ex and again I could feel a jealousy clawing at me from the inside.
It was even worse than when I had seen her alone with Ralph. Ralph wasn’t really that much competition, but Michael was. They had been married after all and shared a child together.
I knocked on the door and moved inside the office. She had a surprised look on her face and then she put her hand up to give her just a minute. I sat down across from her at the table and I wondered what they were possibly talking about.
“Okay Michael, I will see you on Friday. Anna is looking forward to it. She has a lot to tell you about her new school.”
There was a moment as she was listening on the other line and then she nodded her head and told him to have a good day.
She didn't say I love you, but she might as well have. That's what I heard anyways. I had never met somebody that was so friendly with their ex before. I certainly wasn't.
“Sorry about that, Harvey. I just had to talk to my ex really quick. He is getting Anna this weekend and we were agreeing on a meet time and place. Everything is different since I moved here.”
“The whole weekend?”
She agreed and I smiled to myself. I could think of a lot of things that we could do this weekend if she was alone.
“Maybe you will have time to do something?”
“Yeah, I'm sure that I will. Are you asking me?”
I told her that I was, and she wanted to know what I had in mind. I hadn't gotten that far. I had just found out after all.
“Whatever you want, or I can come up with something. It would just be nice to spend a little time with you outside of work.”
Ellie agreed and then looked down like she was shy again. I wanted to ask her about Michael and what was going on between the two of them, but I knew better. It wasn't my business and the last time I had stuck my nose where it didn't belong, we had gotten into a little argument. That was certainly not what I wanted to happen again.
“Was there anything else that you wanted?”
She was hurrying me along and I knew that it was because of all the work that she had taken on since Joseph started flaking. We had gotten so wrapped up in talking about Ellie that I did not even have a clue what was going on with him. All I know is, he was taking a lot of time off and that was not like Joseph at all. I made a mental note to find out what was going on with him.
“No, that was it.” I shut the door behind me.
I started to walk towards her, and she had this nervous look on her face. Ellie knew what I was going to do, and she didn't try to stop me. I think a part of me was worried that she would.
When I leaned down to kiss her, Ellie moved up slightly to meet my lips and that was as good of an answer as I was going to get. She felt perfect and the more I tried to wrap my head around everything that was going on, the harder it was to do so. I wanted her, badly, but was it right? Should I feel so possessive over her when I never had these feelings before?
The rest of the week I noticed all of the attention that Ellie was getting. It shouldn't have been that big of a surprise to me because she was beautiful. I wasn't the only one that saw it and each time I saw her cornered in a room somewhere talking to a man, this instantaneous feeling of jealousy came over me. I wanted to violently attack the men that were talking to her, even though I knew it was the wrong feeling to have. I wasn't used to feeling this way about anyone. I didn't know how to respond.
Joseph noticed the difference, but I made sure that I didn't talk to him about it. He seemed to think that he knew this was going to happen. I can't believe that, because I would have never guessed it. It's so strange to me, how everything had worked out so far and now she's leaving me with a lot of unknowns. I really don't like those.
Twice throughout the week, I would go to see Ellie and she would be on the phone with her ex. It seemed rather strange to me that they were so familiar with each other, but she seemed to think that it was necessary. I am not sure how I felt about it. I did know that I did not want her so buddy-buddy with him.
It wasn't something I could change though. They had a kid together, so I had to stay silent about my opinions, even though they were killing me inside. I had never felt so out of touch with myself. I knew that I had to let it go and it killed me to do so. I wanted to know what was going on. I needed to know, but the only time I brought it up, she just shrugged it off like it was no big deal. It was a huge deal to me.
Ellie had told me that staying friends with Michael was not something that she necessarily wanted to do, but it was what was best for her daughter. I heard that a lot and I had to admire her for the way she always put her daughter first. But at the same time, it was rather frustrating because it all made sense. It wasn't like she was being ridiculous. And because of that, it meant that I couldn't really say much. How could I, when I was the one that was being dramatic and even ridiculous?
So, by the time Saturday rolled around and our date was scheduled to happen, I had really worked myself up into a tizzy. I'd over thought it probably ten times over and now I had this strange feeling that it was all going to bad. I knew that it was because my mind had gotten to me. There was nothing I could really do about it besides play it out.
When I went to get her, I tried to push it all out before I got there, but it was impossible. As soon as she opened the door, I forgot everything but the woman in front of me. All of the worry and thinking was gone. It was just her. She was beautiful and smiling at me in a way that told me everything was going to be okay.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
We were walking out to the car, and I felt like I was finally exactly where I was supposed to be, with her.
“If you’re not into going Harvey, we can always do this another time. I know that you're busy.”
“Are you already trying to cancel on me?”
She told me that she wasn't and then leaned over to kiss me.
“I have waited all week for this, and I am definitely looking forward to it.”
It was the best answer that she could give me and I kissed her again, deepening the action until we were both breathing a little bit harder, as we came up for air.
Why had I been so worried?
17
Ellie
I woke up in Harvey’s arms. He was still sleeping and looked so peaceful. Lately, I had noticed a few more frown lines on his face, which was rather remarkable, considering that he already frowned so much as it was. Whatever he had been dealing with this week, it had certainly put a lot of pressure on him. I liked to see him like this, not so stressed out. It's a lot easier to remember that we were still in the beginning of it. We worked together every day almost lately and that meant that I knew more about him then I had learned about anybody else. It felt like a relationship even before we started to see each other outside of work.
I needed to get up and get back to reality. Lying next to him was nice, but there was a lot to do. When I tried to get out of bed, he stopped me and asked me what I was doing.
“I need to get up.”
“Why?”
He tried to pull me back to him and I made a squealing sound that was not that dignified. I would have taken it back if I had a chance, but I knew that I didn't.
“Seriously Harvey, I can't lay in bed all day. I've got a lot of stuff that I need to do.”
“You told me that you don't have to pick her up
till later, so I was hoping that we could spend some time together before then.”
“Of course, but right now I need to get up.”
“Why?” It was clear that he didn’t want me to go.
“I'm just going to check on her.”
“Do you not trust your ex?”
“I should. It's not that I don't trust him per say, I just want to make sure that Anna is alright. I'm not used to her being away from me and I know it seems silly, because it hasn't been that long, but it feels like forever.”
He waved me off and told me that I should do whatever I need to do. I could tell that he was a little bothered by it, but I wasn't going to take it to heart. I don't think that it was meant to be that way. With what he told me about his own family, I had a feeling that Harvey would be very understanding when it came to mine. When it came to men though, it seemed to be a little different.
Lately, especially since he walked in on me having a conversation with Michael, I had noticed that Harvey was bothered by it. He tried to hide it, but he wasn’t very good at it. Instead of trying to figure out what had him so upset, it was just easier to pretend like I didn't see it.
I am not really sure what was going on between us, but I knew that it was going to be really complicated if he got mad every time I was around a guy or one showed interest in me. I worked with a lot of guys at work and when it came to Michael, there really was no conversation to be had about it. He was Anna’s dad, so he wasn't going anywhere. Harvey was just going to have to realize that.
Instead of staying in the bed with Harvey and most likely getting nothing done, I went into the bathroom to use the phone and then take a shower. Michael was having a good time with Anna and I talked to her for a moment before I hung up and finished my shower. When I got out, Harvey was up, but he wasn't wearing enough clothing to indicate that he was actually planning on going outside of the room.