by Lauren Wood
My eyes took in the hard lines and my mouth started to go dry. I don’t know if he was doing this on purpose or not, but it certainly had my attention. Way too much of it. I couldn’t get my eyes off of the chest that I liked so much. He always felt so good when I was laying there, hearing his heartbeat underneath me. Now though, I wasn’t thinking about the calm after the storm.
Right now, he had me thinking about the storm itself and before long, I was letting my towel hit the ground and I was climbing back into bed. He hadn’t had to say a word to get me to the dark side. It was rather embarrassing how badly I needed him to touch me right now. I didn’t want to feel this way. I really didn’t. I wanted to have my own head back, but Harvey ran it now. Tight boxers that showed off his need was all it took apparently.
How was I supposed to feel good about the obvious lack of control?
“You have to get that phone, Ellie. It’s driving me crazy. Who the hell is calling you like that?”
“I don’t know. I really should answer it or turn it off.”
The whole time we were trying to get it on for the last hour, the phone had rung at least ten times. I wasn’t too concerned with it because I was in the midst of such pleasure, but now I wanted to know who was calling me. It only occurred to me then that it could be Anna or something to do with her. I usually didn’t just drop off the face of the earth like I had done this weekend. Harvey had a bad ability to make me think that nothing else was going on, but things with him.
When I got to it, I saw that it was Michael and I cursed before I answered. I didn’t want to talk to him, not like this. It wasn’t like he could see me or anything, but I just felt self-conscious about what I’d been doing. I knew that he hadn’t moved on yet, so I felt guilty that I had.
“Hey, Ellie. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for an hour.”
His tone was off, and I wondered what was going on. I asked him as much.
“I just got worried. I am not used to you living so far away. Anna was worried as well.”
I sighed at the mention of Anna. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to see if you wanted me to come to the city early. We could go get some dinner, like old times.”
I told him that I didn’t think it would be a good idea, but then he put Anna on, and I wasn’t able to say no. It was just like Michael to do something like that. He had used Anna to get his way a lot and he was still trying to do so. I probably would have had a little bit more to say, but I was with Harvey and I didn't want to bring my problems into my relationship with him. It was hard for me to pretend like Harvey was okay with how close me and Michael had to be.
“Honey, put your dad back on. I will see you in a little bit.”
I hung up the phone after a few words with Michael. I hoped that he knew me well enough to know that I was bothered by all of this. He had made an awkward situation even worse and he didn't even know that he had done it.
Harvey was already dressed when I finally got back to bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I figured that you’ve got to go, so I should probably get some work done too.”
Something was bothering him, and it did not take that much deduction to realize that he was upset about me going to see Michael.
“You know that I have to go, right?”
“Of course, I do. It doesn't mean that I have to like it though.”
He pulled me in and gave me a ferocious kiss that took my breath away. It almost made me want to fall back in bed with him, but he let me go and made me realize that it wasn't an option.
“I just don't understand why you guys have to spend so much time together. Most exes don't even really talk.”
“We have kids, so I can't really be that way. I thought you knew that?”
He said that he did know, but like he said before, he didn’t have to like it. Harvey obviously didn't like it in his face and was telling me so. I didn't know what to think, I really didn't. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to fix it and I wanted him to not be upset, but this was something that couldn’t be changed.
Michael was always going to be Anna's father, no matter how much I wanted to change it. He was always going to be in my life, and if Harvey was going to be in my life, then he would have to realize that.
I left with a sinking feeling in my stomach. What I hadn't told Harvey was why I had been calling Michael so much. I wanted to tell somebody about the threatening notes and for one reason or another, it had been Michael. He had been my husband for many years and any time that I felt unsafe or insecure, I had gone to him. It seemed natural.
He was being very helpful, and I knew that it would be a lot more complicated if I didn't have Michael around to help calm me down. I hadn't been seeing Harvey long enough for me to bring up something like that. It felt like my own problem and my ex, although it wasn't the perfect set-up, was certainly stepping up and making me feel better.
I went to go meet my ex-husband and my child. We were going to have dinner at one of our favorite places and then I will go get some ice cream or something. It was a pretty good ending to a great weekend. If only I could get Harvey on board with it all. He had nothing to worry about with Michael. He just had to realize that.
18
Harvey
Something was going on with Ellie and Michael. I wasn't really quite sure what. She kept telling me that I had nothing to worry about when it came to her ex, but how could I not? They had so much history together and even though I felt like we had this great connection, that did not mean that it was enough. Was it more than what she had with Michael? They had a child together after all. I knew they were divorced, and I heard everything that Ellie told me, but there was still this thought in the back of my mind that I couldn't break free from.
There was also a change in Ellie. She seemed a little bit more on edge than usual and when I asked her about it, she would just give me this ambiguous answer. I don't know what was going on, but she didn't want to tell me the truth and of course, that made my mind come up with a million scenarios that were probably worse than what was actually going on. I hoped anyways.
Not sure what I should do, and instead of not seeing her again for a whole weekend, I thought that it would be nice if I took her and her daughter to Disney World. I had never been there myself, but I was told that it was a great place for kids. It was also a great way to break the ice and finally meet Ellie's daughter. It was a big step, one that we had talked about, but she wasn't as pleased about it as I would have hoped.
When I walked in, she was getting off the phone and my knee-jerk reaction was to ask her who it was. I stopped myself because I knew better. I was learning anyways.
I told her about my plan and she just looked at me for a minute.
“You want to take me and my kid to Disney World?”
“Or Disneyland. Wherever you want to go. They’ve got one in Florida and one in California, I'm sure there are a couple in other places. Wherever you want to go. I think it would be good if we finally meet, don't you?”
I was inserting myself into her life. I didn't want her to know that's what I was doing, but I knew what my intent was. I wanted the kid to like me and for her to have one less reason to get back with Michael. I could be just as helpful and caring as he could. I had been in his position at one point, or at least I was set up for it. I had always wanted kids of my own and I knew if I was going to be with Ellie, she came with the package. I was actually quite happy about that.
She finally agreed to it, but there was hesitation on her part.
“You know that we can’t kiss in front of her and stuff, right?”
“Of course not. I can just be a friend from work if you want.”
That seemed to settle Ellie down a little bit and again I had to wonder why. Why was she so worried about what her daughter thought or what title I was given? My first instinct was to think that it had nothing to do with Anna at all. It had to do with her father and how he sa
w everything. But I wasn't going to say any of that. I knew that my mind was playing with my head and I just ignored it. It probably wasn't real anyways.
Saturday came and I went all out because in truth, I wanted to impress them both. I knew that Ellie probably wasn't the type to get too impressed with money, but she would be impressed that I had thought so much of her daughter. I had done everything I could think of to make it as pleasant for her as possible. My jet was chock full of every Disney movie and character and candy that I could think of.
Ellie asked me if I thought I was going overboard, and I agreed that I probably was.
“I just want to make a good impression.”
“You make her mother happy. That is as good of an impression as you need.”
I was a little humbled by her words, but it did not stop me from doing my best to win her over. Anna was a sweet girl like her mother, and it didn't take long for me to care about her as well. She was a good kid and I could see Ellie in almost everything that she did. Why did my mind go to what it would be like for the two of us to have one together? It seemed natural to me, even though it wasn't very natural to think of such things with the woman that I had met a month ago.
We had a great time there and everything was going so well. Anna wanted to get her makeup done like a Princess and her mom had gone to get something to drink from the concession stands. The lines were long, so I told her that she didn't have to wait for Ellie to get back. I sent her forward to pick out a dress with the other kids. There were several other children playing and there was a whole set-up. I sat down and watched her for a moment, but then I saw Ellie and she pulled my attention away.
Ellie was the type of beauty that was understated and unless a man looked hard, he wouldn't even recognize what was in front of him. She barely wore makeup, which was a little surprising. Every time I had seen her outside of work, there wouldn't be any of it on. She had a little lip gloss on today, the kind that was light pink and glossy, but that was it. Her hair was down and the light caught it just enough that it made it shine like some ethereal light was behind her or coming out of her.
I don't know how long I stared at her, but it was almost as long as she was in the line. I looked back to see what Anna was doing because Ellie was coming back. I was sure that her daughter would be dressed like a Princess and she would love it. When I couldn't find her, my eyes kept scanning the small area where all of the little girls were picking out outfits and putting on crowns, but I couldn't see Anna anywhere.
I immediately started to panic. Just because I couldn't see her, Ellie was going to flip out that I had lost her kid. There was no way that I was going to let this happen. I got up from the table where I was sitting and went closer to the area that was set up for it. She had to be somewhere. I knew it, I just couldn't find where right now. My heart was racing and I knew she wasn’t going to be able to forgive me.
“What is going on, Harvey? Where is Anna?”
“I don't know, Ellie. She was over there putting on a Princess dress so that she could get her makeup done and the next thing I know, she's gone.”
“What do you mean, she's gone?!”
Ellie set down the items that she had bought at the concession stand and immediately went towards the dress-up area. She was looking at every little girl and turning them around to make sure that it wasn't Anna. When she finally met my eyes again, there was a panic in her face that I had never seen before and it made my own heart clench. Not because I was even more afraid than before, but because I was putting her through this. How had this even happened?
I thought Ellie freaked out a little bit more than she needed to. It was obvious that her daughter was there, and I told her that she needed to calm down.
“You're not going to help Anna any if you're sitting here freaking out. We have to think about this rationally.”
“I should have never come here. I should have just moved when I got the first note. I knew better.”
“Wait, what are you talking about? What note?”
She was practically in tears and she told me that she had been getting some threatening messages in the mail for the last week or two.
“I didn't really think anything of it. I don't know really who sent them or why they were doing it, but I didn't really take them that seriously. I had to bring Michael into it because the last one had threatened Anna. I thought that this was just some sick joke or something, but now she's gone!”
Now Ellie was crying, and I felt horrible. I pulled her in for a hug and there were so many reasons for me to feel bad. I was hating her for talking to her ex, but it was only because she was afraid.
Yes, their child was in danger and I had been the jerk that I could only see that someone was talking to my woman. It was pretty infantile, and I felt shame wash over me. I thought I was better than this.
19
Ellie
I'd never been so afraid in all of my life. I knew that something bad had happened. I had been worried about it since I got the first threatening message. At first, I had just brushed it off like it was no big deal, but I had slept on it and it was a big deal. Then I had worried about who had sent it and why, but now it didn't matter. Now it was a matter of finding Anna, and I knew that I had to figure it out. Someone had taken her, but I didn't know who.
After I couldn't find her immediately in the surrounding area, I went to the information place and was going to have them put out a watch for her. The place was so big and even though we had had a great day, all of that came crashing down in a matter of seconds. It does not matter how we had arrived in style, all that mattered now, was the fact that my daughter was gone.
I was just about to talk to the lady in the front, when I saw Anna to my right. She was in a play area and there was a sign on the top that said ‘Lost Boys’. It was a play on that movie Peter Pan, but I was not finding the humor in it. Not yet. It was still too soon.
“Anna!”
She came running to me, no worse for wear. I could see that she had a little bit of makeup on, but it did not tell me where she had been. I felt like she had been gone for hours now, but it had been more like less than one. Time had a way of playing tricks on a person’s mind.
“I have been looking all over for you. Where have you been?”
“I was following another Princess, when I realized I was lost. Then Mickey Mouse brought me here. Can you believe it, I actually met him and he helped me? He was so nice!”
I was thankful that she seemed unfazed about the whole situation. She was actually excited that her favorite cartoon characters had come to the rescue. I was going to have to find whoever it was and personally thank them. But at the moment, I just wanted to hold her tight. I never wanted to let her go again. And I didn't for quite some time. It did not matter how old she was. I carried her out of there and only when she asked to get down, did I do so.
She was right back to it and after she drank the watered-down drink that I had brought back from the concession stands, she went right back to putting on Princess makeup and finding a dress. I felt like I had just aged ten years in a matter of minutes. Harvey was looking at me and I knew that he wanted to talk. It didn't take much to guess what he wanted to talk about.
“You should have told me about those threats, Ellie. I want to help.”
“I know, it was just, embarrassing. I didn't think that it was that big of a deal, but now I guess I realize how much it's been eating at me lately. I just don't understand who would do it. Then she was gone and we couldn't find her. I was just so sure that somebody had finally done it. I don't even know how they would have gotten her right now that we are even here, but that was exactly where my mind went. I don't ever want to feel that way again.”
“You need to talk to the police about it.”
“Maybe. But for now, let's just get back to the hotel and get some sleep. I think I need some wine and a bubble bath after this.”
His brow went up, but I tried to ignore it. Sometimes I thought
that he liked to mess with me, and sometimes I don't think that he even had to. All Harvey had to do was give me that look, the look that told me that he wanted me and all bets were off.
“You took my daughter to Disney World, with him?!”
“Well, actually we took her to Disneyland in California. She had a really good time. But she ran off for a little bit and we found her at the information desk. I wanted you to know about it because she's probably going to say something, and I don't want you thinking the worst.”
“Thinking the worst? You’re telling me that you lost our seven-year-old. How much worse does it get?”
He was mad, really mad and I can’t say that I blamed him all that much. If the tables were turned, I would have been livid. That thought helped me to realize that I had to let him vent, but I was still a bit defensive about it all, partially because of my own guilt.
“I didn't lose Anna. She just walked away from the Princess station. It's not a big deal Michael, but it has brought something to my attention. I really need to call the cops about all of those threats. I know you don't think that they mean anything, and maybe they don't, but all I could worry about when I couldn't find her for those few moments was the threats. Maybe they can figure out who is behind them.”
“Are you really sure you want to do that? The police are going to get all in your business, Ellie. It can be very invasive.”
“If somebody wants to hurt me or Anna, shouldn't I make sure that I do everything in my power to make sure that it doesn’t happen?”
He agreed, but he was rather reluctant, and I wanted him to tell me why he was against it, but he would not. He'd actually gotten off the phone with me rather quickly, like he had somewhere else he needed to be. It was the first time since we had started talking, since I moved here, that he had gotten off the phone with me so quickly. It made me a little suspicious. Of what, I'm not really sure. Michael wasn't acting like himself.