The Impulse of the Moment

by Jann Rowland

  “She is not engaged yet,” said Collins, a half-hearted final attempt to deny what his heart already knew.

  “No, she is not,” replied Mr. Bennet. “But I believe you know as well as I that it is likely she will be.

  “The reason I stayed behind today, William, is to tell you that I am proud of you. In fact, that is an understatement. I have never been prouder of my own children than I am of you at this very moment.” Mr. Bennet put his hand on Collins’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Your presence in my family has always been welcome. It has never been more apparent to me than it is now that I made the correct decision to bring you into our home. You are a good man, William Collins.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Bennet,” said Collins, feeling all the compliment of his mentor’s words. Though it did not manifest physically, he felt his backbone firm and his spine straighten. It was for the best that Elizabeth find someone to love her as she deserved to be loved. Mr. Bennet was correct—now Collins could find someone of his own to love and receive her love in return. And he had just the candidate in mind.

  “Shall I make your excuses at dinner today?”

  Collins turned to face his cousin, and for a moment the offer was appealing. But there was no reason to avoid his family, and every reason to continue in intimacy with his only living relations. And Collins decided he would not avoid them, even on this day.

  “That will not be necessary. I shall come at the dinner hour as usual.”

  With one final squeeze, Mr. Bennet released his shoulder and stood. “You know you are welcome at any time.”

  “I know,” was all Collins said.

  With a final smile, Mr. Bennet turned and walked out of the church, leaving Collins to his thoughts. They were brighter, happier than they had been before. And on a certain level, Collins felt freer than he could remember feeling at any time in the past. The future approached, and Collins was eager to discover what lay over the horizon.

  Chapter XV

  Monday morning saw the arrival of a surprising letter addressed to Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet. And while Elizabeth might have been happy in other circumstances to receive the invitation it contained, in this instance she thought it was a matter of poor timing.

  “Your uncle asks for your presence in London for a few days, Lizzy,” said Mr. Bennet. The family had been sitting down to break their fast when the mail was delivered by the butler, and Mr. Bennet wasted no time in opening it.

  “Oh, well . . .” Elizabeth paused, biting back the refusal which had entered her mind in an instant. Instead, she composed herself and asked her father: “What is the reason for Uncle’s request?”

  “It seems that Mrs. Gardiner has caught a cold, and a bad one at that. Though my brother states she is in no danger, his wife has been bed ridden, and the nurse is struggling to watch the children with no one to manage the house.”

  An image of Mr. Darcy and the increasing intimacy of his attentions of late entered Elizabeth’s mind. But she could not refuse this request from her dear relations, particularly when they had favored her with an invitation to visit the North Country.

  “Of course, I shall go,” said Elizabeth. “Please write to Uncle and inform him I shall arrive before noon tomorrow.” Then Elizabeth turned to Thomas and smiled. “If you and my brother will consent to arrange for the carriage to take me there.”

  “If that is what you wish,” said Thomas with a grin.

  But Mr. Bennet only directed a long look at Elizabeth. “Perhaps we could offer to send Mary?”

  “I should be happy to go in your stead, Lizzy,” said Mary.

  “Thank you, Mary, Papa,” said Elizabeth, smiling at her father and sister in turn. “But it is no trouble. Aunt and Uncle have always been so kind to us all—I would feel churlish if I were to refuse to help now in their time of need.”

  It was clear that the family understood why Elizabeth might wish to be in Hertfordshire at that particular moment, but once she made the decision, she would not be moved. Mary continued to assert her willingness to go in her stead, and Mr. Bennet asked her another time or two if she would not reconsider, but Elizabeth stood firm.

  Jane’s reaction was different, and more than a little surprising to Elizabeth. Through the discussion at the breakfast table, Jane had remained quiet and watchful, not saying a word. When they had retreated from the table, Elizabeth to her room to begin packing a few essential items to take with her to London, Jane followed her.

  “Lizzy, I am happy you are to go to London.”

  “Oh?” asked Elizabeth with a frown her sister did not seem to see. “Why would you be grateful that I am going away?”

  For a moment, Jane peered at her, and Elizabeth had the distinct impression there was something she wished to say. “A change of scene and society is always good, is it not?”

  Elizabeth was further convinced that Jane had not said what she wished. Though Elizabeth thought of pressing her sister, the needs of preparing for the morrow were in the back of her mind, distracting her. As such, she did not attend her sister as she usually would have.

  “In fact,” continued Jane when Elizabeth did not respond, “perhaps it is best if you pack for a longer stay. Once you arrive in London, you may find you have no desire to leave it.”

  Then with a brilliant smile, Jane excused herself, leaving Elizabeth to watch her, confused at her sister’s words. Why Jane would think Elizabeth wished to stay in London long she could not fathom. But now was no time to consider it, and Elizabeth pushed it from her thoughts.

  Elizabeth’s next visitor was even more surprising. Though she had known Caroline all her life, Elizabeth had never been so close to Caroline as Jane. There had been times when Elizabeth found her new sister positively infuriating, for Caroline could, at times, display a hint of arrogance, not to mention disdain for others. She was a good sort of woman, and Elizabeth was happy her brother had been able to obtain Caroline for a wife. But they had never been intimate, which made Caroline’s appearance all that much more curious.

  “Do you need assistance?” asked Caroline when she entered the room.

  “Thank you, but I believe I have it under control,” replied Elizabeth with a smile. “It is not as if I shall be gone for weeks. All I require are a few dresses and some other items I do not believe I could do without.”

  “You mean to return quickly.”

  “Is there any doubt?” asked Elizabeth. Ignoring the heat rising in her cheeks, Elizabeth continued to fold her dresses. Caroline would not miss the opportunity to tease her, she thought, given how the other woman had done so concerning Mr. Darcy at every opportunity.

  “No, I suppose there is not.”

  Caroline fell silent for several moments while Elizabeth continued her work, and for a time neither spoke. Though she could not help but feel curious as to her new sister’s reason for speaking to her, Elizabeth decided she would allow Caroline to make her point, if, indeed, that was her purpose.

  “I have always believed you were a good match for Mr. Darcy,” said Caroline at length.

  A laugh escaped, with which Caroline joined Elizabeth’s amusement. “Truly? Given your lack of commentary on the matter, I might never have guessed!”

  “You shall not take that tone with me, Elizabeth Bennet,” said Caroline in a haughty tone. “As your brother’s wife, I am to be respected.”

  Having seen the other woman’s arrogance on occasion, Elizabeth knew Caroline was teasing. As such, she only threw her sister an amused look and continued with her packing. Caroline was not insulted in the slightest.

  “Well, perhaps I have mentioned it on occasion. But I have been proven correct, have I not?”

  Once again caught in the throes of embarrassment, Elizabeth turned away. Even though Caroline could be insufferable, however, Elizabeth could not but agree.

  “It is still early. But it is quite possible you have.” Then Elizabeth threw Caroline an insolent smirk. “I suppose one mus
t be right occasionally.”

  “Impudent woman!” cried Caroline, though there was no heat in her voice. “So, you are not immune to the gentleman’s charms?”

  Elizabeth turned to Caroline and favored her with a pert smile. “You mean to pester me until I confess to it—I see your game. Then I suppose I shall have to own to it and endure your insufferable smugness, for I find I have some measure of attraction for the gentleman.”

  With a smile, Caroline stepped forward and grasped Elizabeth’s hand. “Lizzy,” said she, surprising Elizabeth—Caroline rarely called her by her familiar moniker, “all teasing aside, I wish to say that I am very happy for you. While I am feeling no little satisfaction at being proven correct, I am more interested in your happiness. He has always seemed like a good man to me, one who would suit you. And I must point out that I think there are few men who would suit you as a bride.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Elizabeth, frowning at Caroline’s inference.

  “You are far too outspoken, far too intelligent and not afraid to show it.” Caroline smiled, indicating she did not mean to speak in censure. “Do you think every man wishes to have an intelligent wife, one who will contradict and tease him?”

  Elizabeth frowned, her thoughts turning inward. “I . . . I suppose I had never thought of it.”

  “I have,” said Caroline. “In many ways, you and I are alike. I have found a man who does not object to a wife such as I described in your brother. But at times I have wondered if you will find it as easy to do the same. There is certainly no one in Meryton who fits that description.”

  “But I have a dowry,” said Elizabeth. “Surely on the strength of that alone I would receive attention from eligible gentlemen.”

  A snort of exasperation was Caroline’s response. “Would you wish to be married to such a man?”

  “No, I would not,” replied Elizabeth, feeling more than a little subdued.

  “Of course, you would not. Trapped in marriage with such a man would be akin to a punishment for you. The Elizabeth we all know and love would soon disappear.

  “Mr. Darcy is not such a man. It is clear he is attracted to you precisely because of those qualities other men would disdain.”

  “I am not engaged yet,” managed Elizabeth weakly.

  “Do you doubt your effect on the gentleman?” Caroline smiled and squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “If you have any wits about you at all, you do not. None of us can predict the future, but I shall be very surprised if Mr. Darcy does not offer for you. And I am very happy for you, Elizabeth. We will lose you to a great estate in the north, but none of us will resent the loss of your society if it makes you happy.”

  Caroline released her hand and moved toward the door. But before she left, she turned back to Elizabeth and regarded her, a wry smile lifting the corners of her lips.

  “Do not worry for your Mr. Darcy in your absence. I will ensure the likes of Agatha Goulding does not turn his head.”

  It was Elizabeth’s turn to laugh. “Surely if you believe you are correct concerning his feelings for me, you can have no notion he will abandon me simply because I am gone for a few days.”

  “Perhaps. But one cannot be too careful.”

  When Caroline was gone, Elizabeth stood staring at the door for several long moments. It seemed her new sister was correct in her assertions, and now Elizabeth was forced to confront the subject she had never before considered. The brief conversation had prompted Elizabeth to think of Caroline in terms she never had before.

  The revelation of Miss Elizabeth’s upcoming journey to London caught Darcy off guard, unsure what to make of it. Their unofficial courtship had seemed to be proceeding well, Miss Elizabeth accepting his overtures with pleasure. But now she was to go visit her relations in town, and Darcy wondered if she was doing it to avoid him.

  When in company with the rest of the Longbourn family, Darcy could say little, unable to ask the question burning in his mind while they were all there. But Darcy studied her as they spoke, wondering at what she was not saying. Several times someone else in the room directed a comment or a question at him, and Darcy was forced to ask them to repeat their question, so unaware was he of anything else but this woman before him. Thus, it was a relief when Bingley finally suggested a walk out of doors.

  “May I escort you, Miss Elizabeth?” Darcy was quick to say, half afraid she would refuse.

  Contrary to his fears, however, she readily agreed. Then with Bingley escorting Miss Bennet, the four exited the house, the rest of company declining the invitation. Their destination the rear of the property where the formal gardens stood, Darcy allowed Bingley and her sister to outpace them, eager to speak with her alone. But as they were walking away, Darcy witnessed Miss Bennet look back at them, and though he could not be certain, he thought she looked at him in particular with an expression which could only be termed self-assured.

  “It seems you were eager to have a moment alone with me, Mr. Darcy,” said Miss Elizabeth, pulling his attention back from his contemplation of her sister.

  “I was . . . I mean, yes, I . . .” Unable to form his thoughts into coherent sentences, Darcy paused for a moment, wondering how he might bring up the subject. The sight of her amusement at his expense drew the confusion from Darcy’s mind, and he returned the grin.

  “Am I not always eager for time alone with you?”

  As he had intended, a blush bloomed on her cheeks to his delight. But this young woman was a hardy soul, for she immediately recovered and fixed him with a stern glare. Grinning, Darcy held out his hands in surrender. By now he understood that her journey to London was for some reason other than to escape him, and it made his confidence swell in his breast.

  “Hearing of your imminent journey to London was a shock, I will own. But I sense you are called there for some reason other than to escape my society. Am I correct?”

  “You are,” said Miss Bennet. Her manner turned serious. “A letter came in the post from my uncle, requesting my presence in London. My aunt is ill and requires my assistance. Given all they have done for me and the affection which exists between us, it is a request I cannot refuse.”

  “That speaks very well to your character, Miss Elizabeth,” said Darcy. “You will be a great comfort to her, I am sure.”

  “That is my hope,” replied she. “But I do not believe I shall be gone long. When Mrs. Gardiner is on the mend, I shall return—you may be assured of that.”

  The echo of a memory entered Darcy’s mind, and he frowned, certain he had heard the name “Gardiner” before. But he could not place it, try though he might.

  When Darcy focused again on Miss Elizabeth, he thought her color was a little higher than usual. As they walked, she looked out over the gardens, and it took Darcy a moment to realize she was avoiding his gaze.

  “I am certain I have heard that name before,” said he slowly, and when her cheeks pinked even more, he knew he had guessed correctly. “Why does the mention of your aunt and uncle embarrass you when I have never made their acquaintance?”

  “Have you not?” asked Miss Elizabeth, turning to face him. “The name is familiar to you—can you not place it?”

  She was baiting him, Darcy realized. Opening his mouth to speak, Darcy frowned and remained silent, the memory of earlier that summer filling his mind. Then he looked up and stared into her eyes, curious as to her meaning.

  “There was a couple who toured Pemberley this summer by that name, I believe. Were they your aunt and uncle?”

  “They were,” replied Miss Elizabeth.

  “But how could you know of that? Did they inform you of the matter?”

  Though Miss Elizabeth was silent for a moment, there was never any question of her ultimate reply. A moment later, she said: “Because I was with them, Mr. Darcy.”

  “You were?” Darcy could not believe his ears. Had he seen Miss Elizabeth that summer, it was quite possible he might not have allowed her to leave witho
ut an assurance of seeing her again. In fact, his thoughts had been on her to such an extent that he may have made a fool of himself!

  “Yes, I was there, Mr. Darcy. You did not see me, though I most certainly saw you.” The question evident in his countenance was enough for her to explain. “If you recall, you greeted my aunt and uncle close to the house. There was also a small grove of trees nearby.”

  “You were within those trees?”

  “I was. Near enough to hear you speak, but concealed enough that you would not see me, even if you had chanced to glance in my direction.”

  Darcy was aghast. “You wished to avoid me?”

  The look she shot at him was pointed and fierce, and Darcy felt ashamed because of it. But it was nothing next to that which he felt when she began to explain her feelings.

  “At that moment, I did not know what you were, Mr. Darcy. Were you the reticent young man you portrayed during our first dance, or were you a man who ruined young ladies on a whim?

  “And before you say anything,” said Miss Elizabeth as Darcy opened his mouth to speak, “a young lady may be ruined by much less that what you did the last time you were here. As my sister has sometimes been fond of saying: ‘A woman’s reputation is no less beautiful than it is fragile.’”

  “I had no intention of minimizing the potential effect of my actions,” said Darcy, quickly so as to diminish the force of her glare. It did not let up for several more moments though she did finally relent with a sigh.

  “So, to answer your question, no, I was not eager to meet you at Pemberley. While I had no wish to visit your family’s estate, my aunt, who was raised in the neighborhood, was eager to tour it, and I could not refuse without opening myself to their embarrassing questions.” She turned a significant eye on Darcy. “Or revealing certain matters, the accounts of which would soon make their way to my father and my brother.”

  “Did you confide in no one?” Darcy was not certain he wished the question to be answered, but he felt a certain curiosity whether there had been anyone on whom she could rely.