by AR Colbert
I looked up just in time to see a tear escape the corner of Sela’s eye. I wanted to wipe it away and give her a hug, but my acts of friendship wouldn’t have been well received. Not yet, anyway.
“I didn’t mean to lie, I just didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Tears stung at the back of my eyes, fighting for me to release them. I felt her pain, yes, but it only compounded with my own. It was all too much. I’d missed her. I’d missed home.
“Disappointed? Why would I have been disappointed in you, Claren? Being selected as a Peacemaker is huge. I would have been so proud of you! You deserve it more than anyone.” Her hands rose into the air to emphasize her point, then fell back to her sides. She shook her head, trying to understand.
“I wasn’t planning on taking it. I wanted to stay here. Cato needs me... needed me. But when they came for him... and he left...” My shaky voice gave way to a sob, and the flood gates were opened. “I don’t know where he is, and I’m so scared for him.”
The truth of it all finally hit me. Raf said he was safe, but he didn’t really know. No one knew for sure. If Cato was out running errands for Frank, he’d be surrounded by all the other Outsiders, criminals and murderers included. Anything could happen to him.
Sela rushed forward and wrapped her long arms around me.
“I didn’t know,” she whispered into my hair as I sobbed against her shoulder. The warm drops of her tears fell into my hair, rolling down and dropping into the puddle mine were making on the tile below.
I shook my head. “It’s okay.” I was just glad to have my friend back.
Once we’d regained our composure, Sela pulled me over to the couch. She wanted to hear every detail about the Peacemaker training program. I told her about Edgar, and the chefs in our giant house. I told her how most of the other students were born from Peacemaker families and raised near the Center, but a handful of us came from outer boroughs. I told her about Georgia, but I left out the stun gun incident. That wasn’t a detail I was proud to share. And when I’d finished, I felt like I could breathe again. I didn’t realize how badly I’d needed someone to confide in.
“I can’t believe I’ve been talking about myself this entire time! Tell me about you. Have you started working yet?”
“I have. Started last week.” Sela’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “It’s so wonderful! I get to go way into the city—past the business district, where all the old buildings are from before the war. It’s like another world in there. I wonder if it’s anything like Noble borough?”
“Maybe,” I said. “We do have some pretty old buildings. Most of them have been renovated though.”
“Oh the medical center has, too. It’s incredible! They’ve got devices for the Healers that I didn’t even know existed. It’s kind of crazy the technology they’ve come up with. I wish they’d let us use stuff like that outside of work.”
“I don’t see that happening any time soon.”
There was a big technology boom before the war, but citizens used it against the government. So when New America reestablished itself, it was set up with extremely strict laws on private tech use. Technology was used by some government-run entities where necessary, but most people would never have access to anything more advanced than televisions used to watch our local programming.
I had heard of some of the machines in the medical center before, however. Mom and Dad used to discuss the equipment she used as a Healer. My dad was fascinated by stuff like that. I always thought he was a bit of an old soul, born into the wrong generation.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. And I’ve got everything I need for now. But I’ve gotta say, I can’t wait until I get to move closer to the Center.”
“Are you going to be moving soon?”
“No, not for a couple of years.” Sela grinned widely and leaned forward. “I’m holding out for a good match. Since I’m working in the medical center, I’m hoping I might get a Healer!” She was downright giddy at the thought.
Seeing my friend in her living room, chatting on about the benefits of her new job and living for the day she gets matched, I felt a pang of jealousy. It was an honor to be selected as a Peacemaker. I knew that. But this wasn’t how my life was supposed to play out. I was supposed to have a simple happiness like Sela. A home with a mom and a dad and my brother laughing by my side. A simple job, and a normal life.
Instead, I got some weird ability that made me feel too much. It wore me down, carrying the burdens of everyone around me. I had enough burdens of my own. And now, what semblance of my past life still remained was going to be ruined because I’d made a deal with The Rattlesnake.
—————
“Hey.” Raf stood on my doorstep with his hands in his pockets, looking particularly charming in a boy-next-door kind of way.
“Hey,” I said with as steady a voice as I could muster. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
“Too surprised to let me in?”
“Oh, sorry.” I stepped back to give him some room. He looked left and right before hopping over the threshold, the scent of lemongrass and mint washing over me as he passed.
“The Protectors change shifts between five and six o’clock. So I‘ll need to be quick before the evening officer arrives.” He walked around the perimeter of my house, checking locks and closing gaps in the curtains. “We’re meeting tonight.”
“We who? I thought Cato wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”
“He won’t. Probably.”
“Probably?”
Raf put his hand on my shoulder, and it’s warmth spread across me like a warm blanket on a blustery day. “Relax. Cato’s fine. I promise.”
I couldn’t argue with the sincerity in his eyes. “What’s the meeting about then?”
“Can’t tell you. It’s top secret.” He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before letting his arm drop. Mischief glinted from his eyes, and he playfully raised his brows, emphasizing the “secret.”
I suppressed a smile. “Well why come over here to tell me about it then?”
Raf shrugged and tucked his hands back into his pockets. “I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to see you.”
My cheeks warmed as the smile I’d been hiding found its way to my lips, betraying the cool and collected vibe I was trying to give. Raf returned it with a crooked grin of his own.
“Or maybe I just came back to grab the pen I left here a few weeks ago.” He glanced around the room, pretending to look for a non-existent pen.
I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. “Oh good grief.”
“Seriously, though. We always meet Wednesday nights. If there’s been any kind of delay, I’ll find out later and get word to you after work tomorrow. Otherwise, just plan on meeting at the church tomorrow night at seven. Cato will be thrilled to see you.”
There was no use trying to hide my happiness with that. And it must have been contagious because Raf’s smile reached all the way to his eyes. He was even better looking when he was happy, if that was even possible. I decided I’d try to get him to smile more often.
“Well I’m pretty excited to see him, too. Thank you, Raf. I can’t imagine going through all of this without your help.”
“I’m happy to offer my assistance. But I’ve gotta run before they switch over across the street. See you tomorrow!”
“See you then.”
And with that, he was gone.
—————
I tried to keep myself busy the following day. My bag was packed with the stun gun, removed from its case and wrapped carefully in an old t-shirt to keep it hidden. I didn’t suspect I’d need it but decided it wouldn’t hurt to bring it along, just in case. On top I placed three peanut butter sandwiches in little bags and some fruit I’d picked up at the market with the grocery tickets given to me by Emmaline. I finished it off with a couple of jars of water.
But waiting for seven o’clock was a challenge. After a few hours sitting by the pond, scrubbing the floors, washing my hair, an
d rearranging the kitchen cabinets, I finally resigned myself to just sit and watch the seconds tick by. By six o’clock I’d had enough and set out early for the church.
The sun still hovered above the treetops, illuminating my way clearly through the streets. I looked over my shoulder every so often to see if I was being followed, but no one else was around. I imagined everyone was inside their homes, gathered around the table eating supper and sharing stories from their days. We wouldn’t have a kitchen table, but I hoped Cato and I would be sharing sandwiches and stories soon, too.
Nearing the business district, I thought back to the night I’d followed him to his meeting with the Outsiders. I wished I could go back in time and stop him right then. I’d tell him to go back home, to stay out of trouble and mind his own business. Not that it would have mattered. Cato wouldn’t have been Cato if he didn’t live on the edge.
With another sweeping scan of my surroundings, I rounded the corner off the main street toward the old abandoned church building and picked up my pace. I needed to scamper inside before I was seen, just in case Emmaline sent some minions to follow me. The line of old houses looked just as empty as the last time I’d been there, but I couldn’t risk getting caught. Or worse—getting Cato caught.
Thankfully the oversized wood doors were unlocked, and I turned toward the auditorium as they swung shut behind me. It was breathtaking. Light from the setting sun filtered in through the remaining stained glass windows, creating a mosaic of colors stretching across the dirty wooden floor. Particles of dust danced in the rays of light that shone down, and I was tempted to join them, swirling in the colors myself. But I stopped when I saw Raf sitting in the center of the room, displaying the same full smile I’d enjoyed at my house the day before.
He was truly something with blue and green light from the windows highlighting his scruffy cheeks. “I knew you’d be early.”
“I didn’t have anywhere else to be,” I said with a shrug. From the middle of the auditorium I spun around again, taking in the colors from across the room. But other than Raf and the dust, it was empty.
“He’s not here yet.”
“I noticed.” I sighed. “But he’s coming, right?”
“Oh yeah. He wouldn’t miss the chance to see you for the world.” Raf kept his eyes on me as I stepped in and out of the light, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was talking about Cato or himself.
I set my bag on the floor beside him and began to pull out the food I’d packed. “Have you eaten?”
“No, but I’m fine.” I held a sandwich out for him to take. “Really, I’ll just grab something when I get home.”
“I made plenty. Eat,” I insisted.
“Don’t eat them all,” a voice called out from behind me. Cato stepped into the light from the back corner of the room. He was a little skinnier than the last time I saw him, and he needed a haircut, but otherwise he looked healthy and happy to be there.
“Cato!” I sped across the floor and threw my arms around his neck, nearly knocking us both over in the process.
“Hey sis.” He returned my embrace with a tight squeeze.
“Did you lock the closet behind you?” Raf asked.
Cato held up a key, then shoved it deep into the front pocket of his jeans. “So what are we having?”
“Peanut butter sandwiches of course!” I held the sandwich in one hand and an apple in the other. “You look like you could use a meal.”
“You look like you haven’t missed any.” Cato grinned and I socked him in the arm. “Nah, I’m kidding. You look good. They treating you alright in the Center?”
“Well I’m not quite in the Center, but yeah. They’re treating me well. How about you? Where have you been staying?”
Cato and Raf exchanged a quick look before he responded. “Oh you know, here and there. Wherever I can find a pillow.”
I nodded. They were shutting me out, keeping the details of his whereabouts a secret. It was a smart move, but it still hurt.
“Well I wish the Protectors would drop this investigation and manhunt so you can get back to your own bed.”
Cato swallowed a bite of his sandwich and paused, giving me a long hard look. “I’m not going back home, Claren. You know that, right?”
“There’s still a chance. If you can prove your innocence and separate yourself from any other suspicious activity, they might be lenient.”
“But I’m not innocent. I took stuff that didn’t belong to me.”
“It was trash!”
“It wasn’t my trash to take! I know too much now, anyway. They’re never going to let me back in. And honestly, I wouldn’t come back even if they begged me to.”
I looked away, biting down on my lip to prevent myself from crying. I just wanted everything to go back to how it was. Was that really too much to ask?
“So what are you going to do?”
“Plenty. There’s a whole different world beyond the city limits. I actually think you’d like it out there.”
I shook my head. That life wasn’t for me. Emmaline needed my help in the city, keeping our citizens safe. I couldn’t keep anyone safe Outside. Even my mom wasn’t safe around those people. I just hoped it wasn’t too late for Cato.
“Well think about it. Please?” I asked. “It would sure be nice to see you more often. And once I finish training, I’ll probably get a pretty nice setup near the Center. I bet I could get you closer, too.” I spoke longer than I should have. Cato had made up his mind before I even began. I wasn’t getting him to change anything.
“You think about it too, Claren. We could use your help out there.”
We finished our food and shared vague stories from the last month, but Cato never truly let me in. He was holding something back, and with it, he held back a part of himself. I was losing my brother, just like I’d lost my mom and my dad.
Maybe I couldn’t bring him back to life in Classen City, but I could do something to keep him out of trouble. Emmaline said she was more interested in who Cato was working with than she was in Cato himself. If I could separate my brother from the Outsiders, I may be able to keep him safe after all.
CHAPTER 19
“Claren? Are you up?”
A knock from the other side of my bathroom door roused me from a deep sleep. It took no time at all to get settled back into my new home in Noble borough. The down duvet snuggled my body perfectly on my pillow top mattress, and I didn’t realize how much better my sleep was in it until I returned from my old bedroom in Morton. It was like laying on a cloud.
“Sort of,” I called out to Margo on the other side of the door. She entered my room and hopped on the bed beside me.
“Sort of is good enough for me,” she said with a grin. “Now get out of bed! I went a whole week without bacon and I’m ready for a hot breakfast again.”
“But it’s so cozy in here,” I said, stretching my toes as far as they could reach under the covers. Margo responded with a laugh and hit me with a pillow.
“Come on. I’ll give you five minutes before I go downstairs without you.” Her stomach let out an audible growl, sending us both into a giggling fit. “See? I told you. I’m hungry!”
We were all happy to be back in Noble after the break, even Edgar. It’s not that we didn’t enjoy our trips back home, it’s just that life near the Center was a little more enjoyable. The beds were bigger and softer, the food was deliciously prepared by professional chefs, and even our closets were stocked with new clothes upon our return. It made us feel special in a way that living on the edge of the city never could.
Even the Peacemakers’ kids seemed a little more chipper in class. The energy of our classroom was vibrant, despite a whole morning of review from the previous weeks. I was in such a good mood that I didn’t even notice Emmaline walk in during our lunch break.
“Hello, Ms. Greenwood. May I have a moment?”
Margo shot me a curious look, which I returned with a subtle shrug. Emmaline was probably anxious to
hear what I learned about Cato, but I certainly wasn’t going to tell Margo any of that.
“Sure,” I replied. Emmaline gestured to the side of the cafeteria.
“I’ve already spoken with Mr. Saxon, and he has agreed to release you from your studies this afternoon.”
“What? Why?” I willed myself not to panic. She didn’t seem upset. In fact, she was almost excited.
“I’ll explain more after lunch,” she said. “Do you remember where my office is located?”
I nodded.
“Good. Finish your food and meet me there in about ten minutes.”
Georgia’s glare was piercing as I returned to my seat. She was at our table within seconds.
“What did Ms. Fraser want?” Her hands were on her hips. She stared at me accusingly, as though I’d done something to personally wrong her.
“Nothing,” I replied. I took a bite of my pasta, running the forkful of noodles casually through the sauce along the edges of the bowl before bringing it to my mouth.
“She wanted something. Otherwise she wouldn’t have come down here.”
I continued to focus on my food as if Georgia wasn’t in the room. It wouldn’t hurt her to learn some patience.
She huffed, moving into the seat beside me. “Well?”
I took another bite, chewing slowly and following it with a long sip of my water before finally turning to meet her angry scowl. “It’s a personal matter.”
“Ugh. You are literally the worst. I can’t believe they even let you come back here.” She stormed off, leaving Margo chuckling in her wake.
Margo leaned a little closer, “So what did she want?”
“I don’t know, I replied honestly. “But I’m about to find out.”
—————
Emmaline looked up with a smile as I entered her office.
“Hello, hello. Please come in and take a seat.” She gestured to the open chair in front of her desk where I’d awaited what I was sure to be an expulsion a couple of weeks earlier. Somehow seeing her cheerful grin was almost more unnerving.