by Lucia Franco
Chest tight as a fist, I gasped trying to catch my breath. My eyes were huge as I stared at him, wired and ready for war. I didn't care that I sounded like a lunatic, because everything I said was the truth and we both knew it.
"Do not ever fucking hit me again," he said through clenched teeth.
Eyes wild, I grabbed his hair and yanked it back. His neck strained with a row of veins as he fought my pull. Our bodies pressed into each other's. Kova's cock was thick and full, like a weapon pushing against my own arousal. I was stunned by how big and hard he was, considering the way I was acting toward him.
But then it clicked.
Twenty-Four
All the screaming and arguing I was doing to make him see how I really felt was backfiring on me.
Kova was aroused, and oddly enough, I was too. My body flared with unshed desire that rocked me to my core, with emotion that I had buried. I was relentless, but I wouldn't cave.
"You've lost all control and you can't deal with it, so you're trying to use reverse psychology on me. It won't work."
"You do not know what you are talking about because you will not let me speak!"
"I don't want to hear your bullshit lies anymore! I can't believe you had the fucking nerve to say I did this to us." A mocking huff rolled off my lips.
Oh God. I couldn't take it. Why did he have to do this to me? I wanted him to feel the pain he had caused me. The lacerations of his actions and how they’d scarred me.
Whispering, I spoke slowly in a blind rage. He'd feel these words.
"You're nothing but a user and an abuser. I fucking hate you."
"You fucking hate me?" Kova yelled, his vibrant green eyes huge. Moving his hand to my hair, he grabbed a fist full of it and forced me to look at him.
Kova burned with a passion that made me question my statement. Did I hate him? Truly hate him?
I bobbed my head slowly, not holding back with a blanket stare.
"I never hated something more in my life," I repeated slowly.
Kova clenched my hair again and leaned down. I thought he was going to kiss me, so I swiped my hand between us. The tips of my fingers struck his nose and he flinched backwards.
"Chyort poberi!! I told you to stop fucking hitting me!"
He grabbed both my wrists and restrained them above my head to the cabinet.
"Fuck you, get off me!"
With his lips pressed to the shell of my ear, he spoke in his native tongue then translated it to English for me. "You could never fucking hate me." He was breathing harder, rougher, like he was struggling himself. "You cannot fucking hate me, because you love me. You. Love. Me."
I froze. My heart hitched into my throat, constricting with verity.
"What did you say?" I asked, my voice a whisper.
I angled my head toward him just in time for him to slant his mouth over mine. He devoured me with a savage kiss, a kiss I made him fight me for. I bit down and pulled his bottom lip between my teeth. Kova growled and delved his tongue around mine at the same time he rolled his hips into me. A groan vibrated deep in my throat. I softened, unable to not kiss him back.
"You love me," he demanded, pulling back. "Say it."
"I hate you."
He pressed his chest to mine, nearly suffocating me with his weight, and kissed my lips so viciously my heart ached for this untamed man who just so happened to be my coach.
Kova let go of my wrists. "You call me a liar, yet it is so easy for you to lie to my face. Tell me you love me."
I shook my head. "Never." I grit out. I'd never utter those words. I knew better.
"You have such a temper. Now tell me when you fucked Hayden."
My heart burned with fury and anger fueled tears filled my eyes. I was going to kill him.
Using every last ounce of power I had, I shoved at Kova's chest as hard as I could and turned around. My eyes landed on the black handle again.
Reaching for it, I grabbed it and took off, but I didn't get far. Kova grabbed my hair and yanked me back. I halted with a scream and he spun me around, pushing me onto the dinner table I never used. My feet couldn't reach the ground and I squirmed, trying to kick him. Kova stepped between my legs and locked me in. Without thinking, I lifted my arm with the knife but he grabbed my wrist to stop me. He wrestled me down until I was on my back.
"Tell me," he demanded, hovering over me. "I need to know."
"You're married." I paused, my eyes drifting over his irate features. "What difference does it make when I had sex with him? It doesn't. Just like my sickness has nothing to do with you."
His brows furrowed. "That is where you are wrong, Adrianna. Everything you do has to do with me."
I struggled in his hold, fighting against his power. I wanted to stab him, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him bleed.
A devious smile spread across my face. My hand tightened around the base of the knife. I was going to make him feel the level of pain and destruction he had caused me.
"He came inside of me. All over me. And I loved it… I begged for it."
A tragic sound erupted from Kova's mouth that broke my heart. His hand shot out and clutched my throat. I strained against him. We both were breathing heavily and fighting the intoxicating desire streaming between us.
"You are a liar. You would never let him inside your body like that."
"I'm not a habitual liar like you. I let Hayden do whatever he wanted, however he wanted. Three glorious times," I said, drawing out the last three words with a sugary sweetness.
Kova released the hold on my wrist and lifted my leg. He turned me to the side and slapped my outer thigh painfully hard. I yelped, my hips jumping off the table.
"You want to know the best part?" I gave no fucks about hurting him, he deserved it.
"Adrianna," he warned. He looked so crazed, even his hands were trembling, but I knew I did too. Like we were both ready to kill each other. Kova wanted me to stop but I refused to this time. He was going to feel my wrath.
I continued, knowing this would set him off. His gaze dropped to my mouth. "He fucked me right where we're standing,” I said, smacking the surface of the table. "Then he fucked me bare in the shower and I felt every incredible inch of him. He pulled my hair and bent me over until he was balls deep and then fucked me until I couldn't walk."
His face paled to a startling sheen of white. Frozen in place with only a deadly stare, I knew it would destroy him and I was glad it did. Only now would he be able to feel even an ounce of what he’d made me feel.
Without saying another word, Kova loosened his hand from my neck, but then he slammed his fist into the wood table three times insanely fast, right next to my head. I sat up and raised my arm with the knife held tight in my fist, and for a split second, I wondered if I could really stab him or not. That was how far Kova had pushed me.
Kova grabbed my wrist just as thunder struck outside. I could hear the rain pelting the balcony. Taking hold of my other hand, he placed them both behind my back and leaned into me. Our bodies flushed together in a bittersweet intimacy.
"Why? Why would you do this?" he growled and pressed his forehead to mine, then turned his head. His cheeks were red and he radiated with a heartbreaking emotion that I’d caused. Kova clenched his eyes shut and he pressed his lips to the side of my face, along my jaw, and down my neck, nipping and biting, sinking his teeth in and not caring. "Do you hate me that much you had to fuck someone else? Take it back," he pleaded, his hot breath trailed along the curve of my neck. "Tell me you are lying just to hurt me. Please, Adrianna, tell me you are making all of this up.”
"Open your eyes and look into mine."
He did, and a sinful smile spread across my face, reaching my eyes. I pressed my chest into his and took joy in his revulsion.
"I had sex with Hayden," I said in a sultry voice purposely meant to taunt him. "I know it kills you to know another guy felt me come around his cock, just like it killed me to find out you married Katja. Even my diagnosi
s paled in comparison to that news. I don't think anything could equal that pain I felt. That's how much you destroyed me. Now you can feel what I've been feeling for months."
His eyes were a dark cavern of hatred. Lips a whisper above mine, he said, "I told you I would kill both of you."
"Do your worst. I'm already dead inside."
"You think you are the only one suffering? You think you are the only one dying inside?" His face was so close to mine. "Every day you have no idea what I am dealing with. Every day the darkness spreads to another piece of me. The numbness is unbearable. Now this with that little shit…" He shook his head and muttered in Russian. "The only time I ever feel anything is when I am near you, but now…" Kova trailed off and let go of my hands.
"I wanted him to make me forget you, what you feel like."
Cupping my jaw, Kova rubbed his face against the side of mine and laughed under his breath. I gripped the knife handle tighter as a chill rolled down my spine.
"And how did that work out for you, hmm?"
I didn't say anything.
"You know you will never be able to forget about me the same way I cannot stop thinking about you for even a fucking second of my miserable life. It is killing me."
"He replaced you."
Kova pulled back and eyed my hand with the steel blade. "You will never be able to replace me. Never. Just like I will never replace you."
I let out a strangled whimper at the truth of his words.
"Could you live without me? Because I cannot live without you, and that is the God’s honest fucking truth."
I whimpered again, overcome with emotion.
"Let go of the knife, Adrianna," he pleaded, his voice so broken. I shook my head. "You cannot live without me, because I could not live without you."
"Let go of me."
"Why? So you can cut me?"
I nodded, breathing hard. I was worked up and running on adrenaline. "I want you to feel what you do to me. I want you to know what it feels like when I see you with Katja, when you called her and me both malysh, when you wear that fucking ring on your finger. Every time you've lied to me. I hate that you know my truth. I want you to feel it all and more."
"Just tell me why."
"Because I wanted to. Because I felt like it. Because I didn’t want you to be the last thing my body felt. I wanted—no, I needed—Hayden to make me forget, and guess what, Kova? For a time, it fucking worked.”
"But I have never intentionally hurt you, Adrianna. You did that to purposely hurt me. How can I hurt you like that when I love you so much?"
"Love?" I repeated, my jaw bobbing in horror.
Anger spewed through my veins. My eyes flicked back and forth between his. We both were breathing so hard the tension was stifling between us.
"You don't love me. You don't know what love is. You're incapable of love. What is wrong with you to say that to me? Why are you playing with my emotions like this?"
"Do not tell me I do not love you. I did not know love until I fucking met you! I love you! Everything I do is out of love for you."
My eyes bubbled with tears again. "Shut up! I'm so sick of all the lies. You don't marry one women, vow your love to her, then tell me you love me too!"
"Not once have I ever told Katja that I love her."
He was trying to give me a heart attack. "You're lying again!
"I told her before we were married, but never since."
"You always lie! You married her because you love her."
"She knows about us, Adrianna! I had to fucking marry her," he gritted out angrily. "I had no fucking choice in the matter. She was going to the police, and your father. She knows everything. She has our notebook, and even hired an investigator that your bitch of a mother suggested," he said, and I gasped in shock. "Backed up against a wall with no option, I did what I had to. I was not going to let her ruin you. She had been pushing for marriage because her visa was up. She knew I did not want to marry her, and that she would be going back to Russia. We just happened to be the fuel she needed to light her flame. I have been trying to figure out a way to divorce her, but I have nothing to hold over her head yet, so I was counting my days and giving you the space you needed."
He was trembling, breathing so heavily.
"But now I am done giving you space."
Twenty-Five
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
My mind raced through all the different scenarios. This was too much for me to process and just unreal.
"How? What?" I didn't even recognize my own voice. "So you were never going to marry her? And my… Joy…? Our notebook?"
"Do it," he demanded, pushing me. Kova's hand slid over the serrated edge of the knife and my heart rate kicked up to an abnormally excited level. "Cut me. If you want me to feel what you have been feeling, then cut me, but I promise you, malysh, a cut would never compare to the wound you just caused inside of me. You think you are the only one who is fucked up inside? Who is empty inside? You are wrong. Now you know what I have been going through. So put that knife to me and release me from the agony I deal with on a daily basis. Release both of us."
And I did. I didn't hesitate. Grinding my back teeth, I pressed the knife against his skin and sank it into his palm. I drew in a lungful of air. Kova's eyes widened for a moment in shock—he probably didn't expect me to actually do it, but I was so distraught over everything. The marriage. Joy. Sophia. Avery. The lupus and kidney disease. The lies and secrets. I didn't hold back.
Little by little all these life moments were annihilating who I was as a person that I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much, too intense for anyone. The worst was this feeling, this warped sense of love I had for Kova that made no sense. He was no good for me, we weren’t any good for each other, but it didn’t stop me from wanting him. I wanted to burn him to the ground, but I wanted him to take me with him. I wanted to hurt him with a passion I'd never felt before, but I wanted to hurt with him. He would let me, because maybe in the back of his convoluted mind, he really did love me, and I knew that. We both were guilty of having an unhealthy obsession of love for one another, but love was love, right?
Slowly, I pushed harder, drawing the knife down into his skin. Our eyes locked onto each other's, my tears finally drying.
Kova didn't flinch. He took the pain I gave him. To my shock, he wrapped his fingers around the steel and fisted it. He helped me cut him, pushing the blade into his palm. Warmth trickled over my hand, but I didn't stop. His lips parted and his eyes widened, and a euphoric rush of endorphins I wasn't expecting hit me. A little sigh rolled off my lips as a trail of dark red blood slid down his wrist and arm…when a thought hit me.
"Take your shirt off."
It wasn't a request, and he knew that. Reaching behind his head, Kova bunched the shirt and pulled it off with one hand, then dropped it to the floor. Warm blood seeped down the knife into my hand, into my palm, wetting the hold I had on the handle. A few drops hit my thigh.
A strange sensation took over that evoked feelings I'd never felt. Kova stepped between my legs again, igniting a darker edge of me. I welcomed it. My eyes lingered on the left side of his chest. I tried to block out the thoughts I had. Licking my lips, I dragged my teeth over my bottom lip and bit down. His tawny skin, too beautiful to mark yet I wanted to. Chest rising in falling, I didn't know where this urge came from to scar him, but it was compelling me to over his heart. To scar him the way he did me.
Tipping my head back with the tip of his finger, he looked deep into my eyes. "Every day when I look at myself in the mirror, this will be a reminder of the pain I caused you."
Chills danced down my arms. Kova was giving me the green light.
Our world came to a standstill. It was just us in this moment that only we controlled.
He grabbed my hand that held the knife and placed it to his chest. My chest rose and fell deep and slow. Eyes lingering for a moment, I hesitated as I took in his muscular shoulders and the honeyed curve o
f his neck, the vein trickling down. He was trying to steady his breathing like me.
I placed my palm to his chest and hesitated for a moment. Kova cupped my jaw, his blood coating my skin. I leaned into the slash on his palm, not understanding what was happening but for once not questioning it.
Instead, I let go and I felt him, this moment, us.
I felt his touch, the heat of his body, how his fingers threaded my hair. The way his lips danced seductively over mine, the desire building between us that we'd been fighting for so long. Little droplets of his blood fell to the top of my thigh. Tilting my head up, our gazes met and I held my breath. His green eyes were low and heavy, encased by thick, black lashes. Fingers grazing my cheeks, I sat up straighter.
"Do it. I want you to. I need you to." His voice was raw. "But just know the moment you put the knife down, I am going to fuck you senseless. Right here, on your table, and I will not hold back. I am going to spend hours inside your body to remind you of us. I have never in my life felt anything like this with anyone but you." He paused. "Tell me you feel it too, that it is not just me."
I nodded, admitting the truth. "I feel it…all the time."
Then, he kissed me.
Kova slanted his lips over mine and kissed me deep and hard, plunging his tongue into my mouth daringly slow and bruising at the same time. My body came alive, exploding with harbored cravings only he could satisfy. His tongue stroked mine, wrapping around it and rousing me the same way when he coached gymnastics. He was a ruthless kisser, one with unparalleled precision.
My hand vibrated from the rumbling in his chest, reminding me what I was supposed to do. Without another thought, I angled the knife and dragged the tip down, opening his flesh. The salty, metallic scent coated my nostrils and darkly curled through my stomach. Kova didn't flinch, he only kissed me harder, deeper, making me hotter than ever for him.