by Lucia Franco
"Rocky?"
She shrugged one shoulder dejectedly. "He joked that he was going to name him Rocky."
We were both quiet for a little while, letting everything sink in. I held my best friend's hand, trying to breathe spirit into her. It physically hurt me to see her like this and I wanted to take away her pain as much as I could. I wasn't naïve. I knew she'd never forget something like this, but if I could help make her a little happy, then I wanted to.
"Why not just tell him the truth?"
"I'd rather him hate me than think he caused the miscarriage and hate himself. If we were together and never fought, then I'd be sitting here with a baby with you. I don't blame him for anything, but I knew he'd blame himself. He went on a bender and pushed the partying the furthest I'd seen yet."
Avery burst out with more tears. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. I told her to stop and to just to get it out. She shouldn't be apologizing. This was what I was here for.
"If he knew he was the source of the miscarriage, it scares me to think what he'd do."
"I bet he lost it when you told him." Not only was I sad for my bestie, but for my brother too. Just when I thought my problems were bad, there was always someone who had it worse.
Avery raised her head, eyes as wide as the moon. "It was the first time I ever saw him cry. He trashed the pool house, put holes in the wall with his fists and head, got wrecked every night for weeks. Joy had to hire people to redo the whole thing. I thought he was going to overdose again, and for good this time. Thank God he didn't."
"So what happened with the Fourth of July?"
She licked her lips and glanced down. "I wasn't sure when I got pregnant, and my period was irregular, so I was given two due dates. The doctors said that only time would tell as the fetus grew." She paused. "July fourth was in the middle of my due dates. I got pregnant sometime in October, but I didn't know until December."
"Wait a minute. You were pregnant on New Year's Eve and drinking?"
She shook her head. "I didn't actually drink. I pretended to sip it and when no one was looking, Xavier took it."
"I can't believe I didn't know." I was in shock.
"No one knew. We hid it well and I hardly showed. Once I had a small bump, I switched to more Boho style clothing."
"Okay, keep going."
"Before the Instagram post, we hadn't spoken to each other since the day I told him about the abortion, so when he asked to see me, I ran. It was the fourth." Avery grew quiet and I feared more heartache was coming from her. "We tried to be together on that day, but we barely lasted through the fireworks. I hurt too much. Xavier told me he would always look at me as the mother who’d killed his child. He wasn't mean about it, just hurting like I was. I don't blame him for saying it." Her eyes lowered to the bed. "He looked horrible, Aid. So bad. He unblocked me from social media after that day. Of course I'm always stalking him. While he looks happy, I know the look in his eyes is anything but that."
This time, it was my turn to cry. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of me and I cried so deeply for them and what they would never have again.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. "I never would've guessed any of this happened. I didn't expect it at all. I don't know what to say to help you. I feel useless."
She regarded me with love. Avery shook her head. "There's nothing you need to say. Just telling you is all I need."
"What happens after this? Like with you guys?"
She glanced away with longing in her eyes. "Nothing. We go on like it never happened, I guess." She waited a long minute before she spoke again. "We'll never be the same."
My heart broke for the both of them. "You don't think telling him the truth would be better?"
She shook her head rapidly. "No. It won't do anything to bring the baby back, and honestly, the damage is already done. Like I said, I'd rather him hate me than think he had anything to do with the miscarriage. It's better that way."
After talking and shedding more tears, we ate popcorn and watched Cruel Intentions.
Avery and I agreed that coming clean to each other was cathartic. We were way past overdue for it and promised each other again to never let it happen.
She said she wasn't going to contact Xavier again, even though I wished she would. I encouraged it, but after she told me she was going to cut my hair in my sleep if I didn't stop, I shut up. My hair loss had increased the last few months, so I needed all I had left.
I felt awful knowing how bad both Avery and Xavier were hurting, but more importantly longing for each other. And as much as I initially hated the idea of them together, from what I gathered, it seemed like they really were into each other. Crazy to think of them like that, but I had no room to talk anymore.
Hello, Kova.
Thinking of Kova…shit. I realized I forgot to tell him I had an appointment tomorrow.
"Hand me my phone, Ave. I forgot to tell Kova I have blood work tomorrow."
Avery paused our favorite movie before grabbing my cell phone off the nightstand and handing it to me.
"Thanks. I forgot all about my appointment. You don't have to come…it'll be boring. I have practice after, so if you wanna shop or sightsee or something, you can."
"You're so wrapped up in gymnastics that you forgot what tomorrow is."
I quickly shot a text to Kova then frowned at her. "What's tomorrow?"
Her eyes widened. "Your birthday, dummy."
I paused and stared at her. Holy shit.
"Oh, my God. How did I forget?"
Tomorrow I would turn seventeen. I'd been so wrapped up in my life and focused that I’d forgotten my own birthday.
"Why do you think I'm here?" she asked with a smile on her face.
It felt good to see her smile after our long-winded conversation. I couldn't take all the credit for it, though. She was a bit obsessed with Ryan Phillipe and swore one day she was going to move to Hollywood and marry him.
"Since I missed it last year, I came to celebrate your big day. I have an awesome surprise planned for you that no one will ever be able to top."
I continued to stare, dumbfounded. "I can't believe I forgot!"
"We'll just blame it on the lupus."
For once I could laugh about being sick.
"So I'm coming with you tomorrow to your doctor’s and then I'm taking you out."
My happiness faded a little. The thought, though it sounded like loads of fun, was short-lived.
"I can't. I have practice after."
Avery shook her head, her blonde locks swaying across her face. "You don't," she said proudly, and popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth. "I cleared it with Kova. You're mine for the entire day."
Brows scrunched together. "What? How?"
She looked extremely proud as she wiggled her shoulders from side to side. "I have my ways."
I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth. My lips twitched. "For real?" I chuckled.
"Yes! I have the whole day planned. I've been looking forward to this, you have no idea. You're going to love it! Just trust me on this one, okay?"
I threw my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her as tight as I could. "I haven't taken a day just to hang out in ages; I usually just sleep on my day off. You're seriously the bestest friend ever!"
"I know I am." She joked, pretending to flip her hair even though it's tied up. "Now let me get back to my future ex-husband."
Then she said her next set of words so quickly I don't think she took a breath.
“Oh, you'll have to be at practice at six the following morning and take an extra ballet class, but don't worry, it'll be worth it."
Forty-Six
"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Dr. Kozol asked me.
I gave him a bland stare.
"I don't know, Doc, how much worse can it possibly get? I’m basically on my last leg."
"At least you haven't lost your sense of humor." Avery snickered next to me, and I grinned at her.
I'd already given blood and had done the usual physical. Now we were sitting in his office with the door shut reviewing my treatment plan and making sure the medicine was helping maintain my symptoms. I'd gotten to the point I knew this was par for the course every time I came in.
"The bad news is, while I'm going to send out your urine sample along with your blood work, your protein is still rising. Not by much, but enough to have me concerned. Have you been sticking to your new diet plan?"
"Yes, I have."
"That's good. And your medications? How are they working out for you?"
I hesitated. There were some side effects I'd gone through, but overall, they weren't too bad. I really didn't want to test out new medications.
"It took some time to adjust to them, but now I think they're okay. Like if I don't eat with two of them, I get really sick to the point of vomiting. I learned to follow the rules on the side of the bottle. I don't take any of the pain medications, though. I try my best to push through it. For the most part, the meds seem to be working, I guess."
He nodded and scribbled a few things down. "It's really all trial and error, as no two patients are the same," he said, reviewing my patient chart. Dr. Kozol paused to level a stare at me. "And none of them usually forgo treatment either."
Grimacing, I flattened my lips. I knew the risks I was taking, and I also knew if I didn't take them that I would regret it. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have prolonged dialysis. I would've gone to the hospital for further testing like he originally suggested. It was just hard to grasp that after coming so far I would stop everything now. A few more months wouldn't kill me. Hopefully.
"I'm not forgoing treatment, per say, I'm just delaying it."
Dr. Kozol studied me, his pen wavering back and forth between his thumb and index finger. “You do know time is of the essence, right?"
I nodded. "I do. Trust me, it's on my mind all the time. What about my lungs? Last time I was here you said there were sounds you didn't like." I couldn’t remember his exact words, just that he was concerned about them. "You heard liquid I think, right?"
He nodded. "They're better. I can still hear it, but it's definitely improved."
My face lit up. "At least I have one good thing going for myself, right?"
Dr. Kozol offered me a kind smile. "You're a week late to see me, you know. When I spoke with your father and we went over your new plan, I expected you to keep to the promise."
I averted my gaze and crossed one leg over the other. He was right. I was supposed to come in last week but never made it. I had pushed it back. He probably thought I didn’t care or take my illness seriously, but that wasn't the case.
Sitting up a little straighter, I looked my doctor directly in the eye.
"I know the last thing you want to hear is an apology, but I really am sorry. It won't happen again. I promise. Last week…" My voice trailed off as I debated telling him the truth. "I've just been deep in my emotions, struggling since everything happened. I only just started telling people. I know it's not an excuse and I'm not trying to make it one, I'm just telling you why I wasn't here. It's a lot to handle and it scares me. I know I need to start dialysis, and the fact I'm not is on my mind all the time. I'm honestly just trying to not let the illnesses get the best of me." I paused, swallowing. "Sometimes they do. I'm slowly accepting it, even though I don't want to."
His face softened with empathy. "Understandable, but Adrianna, I hope you're aware of the risk you're taking. I don't like reminding you how sick you are every time I see you, but…"
I smile. "I know, I know. It's not a matter of if I will die, but when."
Morbid, but it was the truth.
"I'll let it slide this one time, but please don't do it again." Dr. Kozol glanced down at my file and started writing again. "Alright, when the blood work comes back, if anything is amiss, I'll let you know. Are you ready for the good news?"
I nodded vehemently. I couldn’t imagine what it was.
Dr. Kozol exhaled a deep breath. "I'm happy to tell you we've found a kidney match."
I froze.
I couldn't move.
I didn't breathe.
"What?" I said, my voice a little raspy. "What did you say?"
Avery reached out to grab my hand, offering me support. My fingers were cold, her palm hot to the touch and she gave me a little squeeze. I glanced over and met her gaze. My smile was weak, but I tried to show her I was thankful she was here with me.
I blinked so many times trying to hold back my tears while her eyes glittered with profound happiness and love.
My breathing grew dense. "How? Who? When…" I had so many questions running through my mind. I couldn’t think straight.
I was scared this was a dream and I was going to wake up to the nightmare I'd been stuck living inside of for the last couple of months. I prayed it wasn't a sick joke.
"You found a match," I said, and he nodded. "But who? My dad told me he, my brother, and biological mom were not matches. Did he find a distant cousin or aunt or something?" I wasn't going to get my hopes up that Joy was tested, but crazier things had happened.
"We have a match, Adrianna," he said again gently. "In fact, she's sitting right next to you."
Tears blurred my vision and my body broke out in a cold sweat. Wide-eyed, I turned to look at my best friend.
"What?"
I could barely get the word out without my voice shaking. My heart was racing. Before I could stop them, a few tears slipped down my cheek. I knew I wasn't the only person in the world looking for a kidney and the chances of finding someone to donate were slim. That's why my doctor was so adamant that I start treatment. My faith in finding a match had been a bit shaken, but I’d held out hope. But this…my mind wasn't processing everything.
"Avery?" I said, my voice shaking.
Her eyes were glossy with tears, and she was biting into her bottom lip. Her jaw trembled and I could see the truth in her gaze.
"It's true. We're a match."
My head shook at the sound of her raspy voice. A tear slipped out from her crystal-blue eyes and she quickly wiped it away.
"We really are a match." Avery sniffled.
Heart pounding viciously against my ribs, I was in complete shock. "I don't understand. How?"
"When you told me about everything, I went to your dad the next day and said I was willing to be tested." Her head angled to the side. "Frank then went to my dad and they talked about it. Eventually they reached out to him," she said, pointing to Dr. Kozol. "After a couple of days, they both gave me the green light and I got tested. I'm not big on praying, but I prayed like crazy and pretty much swore to every god there was that I’d do anything just to be your match." She stopped to regain herself. "I figured there wasn't a better time to tell you this than on your birthday."
I blinked a few times, making sure I'd heard everything correctly. Avery Heron, my best friend, was going to give me one of her kidneys.
When I didn't say anything, she chuckled. "We were all in shock, trust me."
An airy laugh rolled off my lips. "It's just… I don't know what to say, what to think. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"You're my best friend. I'd do anything for you. When you're ready, my kidney is your kidney. No more kidney failure for you. Not on my watch."
We both giggled over her cheesy lines, smiling at each other. I stared at her in utter awe that she would do this for me. We weren't talking about borrowing a shirt or a pair of earrings—she was giving me an organ that she could never take back.
I let out a huff and wiped away the fresh tears that clouded my vision.
"I don't know what to say other than thank you, Avery." Emotion clogged my throat again. "Thank you."
She squeezed my hand again. "Kidney besties for life."
&nbs
p; Forty-Seven
After spending another hour at the doctor’s office going over the finer details and plans, we returned to my condo and shed more tears before calling our families.
I still couldn't believe it. I was going to get a kidney. Not right now, but eventually.
We sat on the couch drinking hot chocolate Avery had made from scratch. My cheeks ached from being unable to stop smiling, and I'd been crying on and off. Being an organ donor was a selfless act and took a huge heart on someone's part. I was extremely close to having renal failure, and Avery was willingly giving me a part of herself to help me live a longer life. She was changing the ending of my story by offering me the ultimate gift, something I could never, ever repay her for.
"I'm forever indebted to you, you know," I said quietly. Shit. Tears filled my eyes again.
She wrinkled her nose at me. "It's a good thing I know where you live."
"No takebacks." I joked. I licked my lips and drew in a deep breath.
Avery gave me a droll stare. "Like I'd ever do that. Oh! I have something for you," she said and jumped up from the couch. She placed her hot chocolate down on the coffee table, then ran to my room. A minute later, she was back and handing me a gift bag.
From the corner of my eye, I caught the glittery design on her shirt. I stared at what looked like lima beans. She must've chanced when she went to grab my gift. I frowned as I read the words and finally recognized the images. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened with laughter.
"Oh my God. I just realized what's on your shirt!" I said.
Two kidneys with the words underneath: We're a match! Who wouldn't want a piece of this?
I laughed out loud. "Where did you find that?"
"I got connections." She nodded her chin toward the gift bag she handed me. "Open it, but don't read the inside of the card right now. I got a little fucking mushy and I'm so embarrassed. Just read the front." My eyes drifted down as I opened the card.
I heard urine need of a kidney. Want mine?
"Oh man." I laughed.
"I know. I had a blast picking stuff out for you."