by Lucia Franco
"I'm okay, Dad, really. Nothing else is wrong and my headache is long gone. I just hate to eat and work out. I'm sure your room has a fruit basket. I'll take it with me when I go back to my room and I'll eat before I leave the hotel tomorrow."
Dad expelled a breath and I saw the light reenter his eyes. I felt bad for worrying him, but in that moment I finally understood the meaning behind a little white lie.
People lied to protect those they cared about despite was the size of the lie may be. There wasn't much afterthought that went into the future if the lie was ever reveled, instead the conscious decision was made to shield another from the painful reality so they didn't endure the truth.
And I got it because truth was, my body ached angrily, and I fought back the vomit that had been climbing the back of my throat all day. I ignored the cramps and parched lips. I ignored the pain slashing through my chest.
I ignored it all and lied to myself and said everything was all right, when in fact, it really wasn't.
Fifty-One
I eyed my dad as he sipped his amber liquid he often had with dinner. He was reading over some documents he'd brought with him, scanning the papers and flipping them over. Dad never sat still, but was always working.
"What's happening with you and Mom?" I blurted out.
It wasn't often we got to speak, let alone about her. I figured I'd sway the conversation the best I could because I felt like something was on the tip of his tongue about me and I needed to avoid that, especially after how he’d acted with Kova.
"Joy or Sophia?"
That was the first time he'd responded like that.
"Joy."
"We're trying to work things out."
"What does that mean?"
Dad eyed my plate. "Why are you not eating?"
Diversion.
I glanced down. "I ate a little bit. When my nerves are shot, it's hard to eat."
He removed his glasses and pushed the stack of papers away from him.
"Why are your nerves shot?"
I glared and wondered how he couldn’t figure it out.
"Dad, this meet is huge, and tomorrow is another full day of competition," I said like it was obvious, because it was.
"Is there anything else going on I need to know about?"
Heat spread through my chest. "Like what? I'm taking all my medicine and I feel fine. I'm going to the doctor as scheduled. I'm just stressed, that's all. What's going on with Joy? I feel like if she never heard from me again, she'd be okay with that. And, Dad, despite everything, she raised me. How can she just let me go like last season's dress she wore once?"
He leaned back and eyed me peculiarly. Whiskey in his hand, he asked, "Why do you not ask about Sophia?"
My jaw bobbed. I hadn't expected that, but it seemed we both had some things to discuss.
"It's not that I'm not curious about her, because I am, I just have a lot on my plate at the moment. Adding another mom to it is not something I feel I should do right now. I figured I'd reach out once the season was over. Before that would just mess with my head and it's not a good idea, considering I have so much going on as it is. Just remembering to take my pills on time is worrisome to me. Making time to see my biological mother is a lot of pressure, physically, as well as emotionally. Not to mention, a little awkward too."
His eyes softened. "I'm sorry, sweetie. You're right. I shouldn't have asked that. When you're ready to talk to her, you can."
"Does she ask why I don't want to?"
"She does, but I'll explain to her next time that you need to get through these next few months first before you do."
"I hope you tell Sophia it's me, not her."
Dad chuckled and the tension in the room relaxed.
"So…about Joy? What does working it out mean? I thought you guys were getting divorced."
"We are. She's just being extremely difficult."
"Why?"
"She married into money and signed a prenuptial agreement. Now she's attempting extortion to get whatever she wants. I've already purchased a home for her, a summer home in the Hamptons, agreed to a monthly stipend, on top of a nice settlement, but nothing more. We had an agreement when you were born, which she's broken countless times that I have record of. I've let a lot slide. I'm not proud of it and it's something I deal with every day, but enough is enough. I'm done letting her get away with whatever she wants because I feel bad."
"She probably hates me," I said quietly. "She probably blames me for everything, for ruining her lifestyle."
"She hates herself more and hides behind it every day with riches. It's why she acts the way she does. Joy is a very insecure woman, so she belittles those around her to build herself up. What she doesn't realize is when she washes that shit off her face every night and hangs up her hideous Hermes scarf, she's still the same person she's always been. I've been patient. I know I've made mistakes, but this latest stunt was the icing on the cake."
I contemplated my next move. With Dad mentioning blackmail, I felt like I could mention what Kova said to me. I just wasn't sure how without it looking obvious.
I pushed my plate away and stuffed my icy hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.
"Dad, I have a question… Some things have been said around the gym for a few months now. Is it true Joy helped Katja blackmail Kova into marrying him?"
Bringing the crystal tumbler to his lips, he took a long sip with an unnerving look in his eyes. His shifted back and forth between mine, and it was in that simple action that I had clarity.
My obvious response was that I needed to remain unaffected and completely blasé to the conversation. I wouldn't let him hear the anxiety in my voice or see my fingers shaking. The truth was, I was a ball of paranoia.
Dad placed the glass down on the matching coaster. His fingers remained wrapped around it before answering. "Supposedly."
"How?" I groaned inwardly.
"Why do you care?"
"I don't. It’s just gym gossip." I responded too fast and now I needed to fix it. I sat back and casually crossed my legs. "I didn't know Joy and Katja were even friends. I always got the impression she didn't like her."
"She doesn't."
I blinked. "I'm confused."
"Joy has never liked Katja. Joy doesn't like anyone more attractive than her, or someone who has the potential to have more than her."
Mean girls were pretty on the outside but ultimately the ugliest of the bunch. The more I learned about Joy, the more I saw just how hideous she was inside.
"So it's true, then? She basically forced Kova to marry her."
"If I was Kova, I'd have married her too."
I tilted my head to the side, unsure how to take that. I studied him back.
"What do you mean?"
His eyes didn't leave mine. "He hasn't been inappropriate with you, has he?" he asked, testing the waters.
I blinked rapidly.
Keep calm.
Don't over react.
Keep calm.
Breathe.
Keep calm.
Fuck!
That was the last thing I thought he'd ask and it rendered me speechless. I should've known better than to even poke at this conversation.
So I gave him a confused look, trying to not let the question fluster me, when in reality my heart was pumping so loud it drowned out any other sound in the room.
"Inappropriate how? Who?"
His eyes were still locked on mine. "Kova. Joy insists Kova has dirty fingers that I should be concerned about. Is he a little more than hands on? Apparently Joy or Katja, I'm not sure which one, found some interesting things out about Kova that's somehow linking to you. Joy refuses to show me anything, but is using it against me for more money. She swears it will give me a heart attack and it's why she's withholding, but she also said if I don't comply that she'll go to the police and the media."
"Dad, that's ridiculous. Please tell me you don't believe her?"
An overconfident smirk slid across his face t
hat rattled my nerves. I held my breath, waiting on his answer, wondering if I should've even asked now.
"Joy would never do anything that would taint her image. If what she said was the truth, which I highly doubt it is, she'd still never do it regardless. She wears the Rossi name. She'll always be attached to Rossi Enterprises, whether she wants to or not. If she plays dirty, it would come back to her to haunt her and she knows that." He sipped his drink. "She's being dramatic and most likely exaggerating about what she has. She's trying to intimidate me, but unless she supplies evidence, I have no reason to believe her."
Dad paused, his face slightly softening but his shoulders were bunched tight. "You're my daughter, Adrianna, and I'm always going to side with you first. Vindictiveness is in her blood. I used to think she was a woman with a goal. Now I know she's just malicious and I saw this as another one of her schemes to get what she wants."
"But why didn't you just ask Kova about what Joy said?"
"It's not worth mentioning to him."
"What do you mean?"
"It goes without saying that you're my daughter and if he ever hurt you, I'd break his fucking neck."
I tasted the not so subtle undertone in his words. The way my dad calmly uttered that statement jarred me. I got the feeling he'd do more than that.
Angling his head to the side, an air of superiority surrounded him as he continued. "Adrianna, a man is never going to admit when he lost his sense of pride and was forced into something he doesn’t want to be in. A man will also never go to another man with his woes—that's for women."
Reaching for my glass, I took a sip of my water. Tension pulsed on the side of my neck. He had a point, but this was far worse than I could have ever fathomed. Uncomfortable silence filled our table as we looked at each other. Goose bumps broke out over my arms and my teeth clamped down on the inside of my lip.
I chose my words carefully.
"Dad, he's been a good coach to me. There's nothing bad or inappropriate going on with anyone. He's just very dedicated to the sport."
He swirled the ice cubes in his glass. "I think it also goes without saying that I'd ruin him if he did. Money comes with power, always remember that."
I didn't respond. I knew very well how much money could buy. I was out of words and wasn't sure if anything would help the situation.
"Joy put some thoughts into my head that I had always shut down," he said. My brows deepened in confusion. "I didn't believe them, but after today, and the way he touched you, the way you both looked at each other, it made me think otherwise for a minute."
My eyes softened. I felt so guilty inside. "It's not like that, Dad, I promise. Take a minute to look at all the coaches and gymnasts tomorrow. What you saw today between Kova and me is a normal occurrence between a coach and a gymnast. You'll see it tomorrow with everyone else. Joy is just crazy."
Dad finished off his whiskey, and once he paid the check, he walked me back to my hotel room. He wished me good luck tomorrow and said he’d be watching.
As I laid down to sleep that night, it dawned on me that he never flat out asked me to confirm anything. Either he was truly on my side and he believed me, or he had a better poker face than I thought.
Fifty-Two
"Congratulations, Adrianna!" Holly said, squeezing me in a tight hug.
"Thanks! Congrats to you too!" I responded and pulled back, smiling through the fatigue. "Girl, you rocked it! No doubt Kova's phone will be ringing soon with interest about you."
The window to recruit was extremely small and the rules set by the national committee must be followed. During an off period, college coaches could not reach out and speak with any athlete, and they were not allowed to watch competitions. I knew she had the academic requirements—an absolute must since sophomore year—but no one had introduced themselves to her yet, and if they were going to, now was the time to. That's all she needed—an introduction and that was showing interest.
Her eyes were full of hope. "I didn't medal, though."
"It doesn't matter. You made it this far and that's huge. You still have time left, you'll see."
I had a good feeling she'd get recruited, and if not, she could always apply. While Holly hadn't medaled in any of the events, she’d taken fifth place overall, and no coach worth anything would overlook that. It was just the waiting period that sucked in between because a week felt like a month and it made you second-guess yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if interest came from both Division I and II schools.
"You know, we didn't get to talk last night," she said, eyeing me.
When I'd returned to the room last night, she was already asleep, and when we woke up, we were too focused to talk.
"Tonight?"
Even though I would have dinner with my dad again, and I was technically allowed to stay with him, I had opted to stay with Holly since she was here alone. Her parents attended many competitions in the States, but none outside. They simply couldn't afford it. Being a competitive gymnast required a lot more money than people realized.
"Yes," she said, then leaned in and lowered her voice to a whisper. "You guys looked normal today, by the way."
I remained neutral and just smiled. We had a lot to talk about, and if I was going to reveal any secret, then she would too. And I knew just the one I was going to ask.
Before I went to bed last night, I made sure I would be on point today, but that was because I sent Kova a text last night and told him to get his shit together too.
"Adrianna?"
My name was a distant call, an echo faraway.
Someone nudged my arm a few times until I rolled onto my side and opened my eyes.
I squinted at Holly. "What time is it?" My throat was parched. "Do you have water?" I asked before she could reply with the time. "I feel like I have knives in my throat."
I sat up and my head spun. I knew without checking I had a fever. Fuck my life. I really hoped I wasn't having another flare up.
"You don't look so hot," Holly said, concern coated her words the way parents sound. She handed me a bottle from the mini fridge.
I thanked her. "I feel like shit."
"When did you get back here?"
Taking another sip, I winced as the icy water went down like shards. I recapped the bottle and blinked my swollen eyes a few times.
"We had an early dinner because my dad had a phone meeting." I picked up my phone and glanced at the time. My brows rose. "I've been sleeping for over three hours?"
Holly raised her shoulders. "Don't ask me," she joked. "I just got back and you were dead to the world."
I looked around, so confused. Loud bubbly sounds erupted in my stomach. We eyed each other for a split second before I was up and running to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and unleashed everything I had for dinner into the toilet.
"Aid?" she said softly.
"I'll be out in a minute," I said before vomit came up again.
God, I hated throwing up more than anything in the world. I'd rather have my period for a month straight than vomit. Luckily it didn't last long and I was soon washing up and stepping out of the bathroom.
Holly's eyes were on me. Without saying a word, I walked over to my luggage and retrieved the small makeup case I used to carry all my medicine. I took it to the bed where Holly was sitting and pulled out the bottles, laying them in front of her crossed legs.
Frowning, she hesitantly reached to pick up one bottle, then another, and another, reading each label.
"What are these?" she asked, her voice soft.
"Not to be dramatic, but they're what's keeping me alive." Holly's head lifted, her pretty blue eyes filled with alarm. "I have lupus, which led to me having kidney disease." When she didn't say anything, I continued. "I have stage four kidney disease."
Her lips parted and she turned sheen white. "Out of how many stages?" she asked, barely audible
"Five," I answered her, and tears instantly filled her eyes. "Don't cry. I'm okay. I'm better than okay,
actually. Some days are harder than others. Like today. The back-to-back meets wear me down big time and take a lot of energy out of me. Sometimes I get a little sick. I'm still adjusting."
"How did you find out? Like when?"
I sat down next to her. "Well, I don't know how long I've had either one for, but from what the doctors told me, if both illnesses aren't treated early, it causes long-term issues and the stages get worse. They gather that's what happened with me. I only found out a couple of months ago."
Her brows rose as her hands held two of the bottles. "You take all these?"
"Multiple times a day."
"Wow," she said softly. "Why didn't you tell me? Does Hayden know?"
"No, no one knows. I don't want anyone to know, to be honest. So please don't mention anything to Hayden. Only my family, Avery, and Kova are aware," I said, and she eyed me like she was waiting for more. "My dad told him."
Holly averted her gaze like she was guilty. "And here I thought there was something else going on when he was just trying to help you."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought for sure there was something more than a coach and gymnast relationship happening. All the signs were there."
I swallowed and smiled softly. "He helps me out a lot, and he looks out for me…"
I left out one major detail, but it wasn’t something she needed to know. I wasn't going divulge anything that could be used against us.
"But…" She continued.
"He's my dad's friend, you know?"
"Wait. How does this affect gymnastics for you?"
Taking a deep breath, I went into detail, telling her all about the illnesses and how they affected me. I told her Avery's a donor match and that I'd eventually need a transplant.
"I can't believe you never told anyone," she said, her voice a little broken when I was done. Disbelief carved her face and I empathized with her. I'd feel the same as her.
"I considered it. I mean, it would be nice to talk about it, but if I did, what would that change? I'll still have the diseases. People don't want to hear someone always complaining, and I definitely didn’t want pity or for anyone treat me differently, so I just keep it to myself. Maybe one day I'll be more open about it."