See, he knew the truth. He saw through the phoniness.
How many nights had Josh spent in his room wishing he could rub a magic lamp and transport himself out of there?
He hadn’t spoken to his parents in weeks, but he hadn’t seen them in months. A lot of months. Like over a year. Maybe two years. How long had it been since they’d shown up in Chicago and insisted he go to lunch with them?
His conversations with his mother were always brief and always out of guilt.
She’d leave him a message. He wouldn’t respond. Another message. Still no response. He’d send her a vague text and she’d call again—
“Joshua, this is your mother. You know a text message doesn’t replace a conversation. I want to hear your voice. I need to know how you’re doing. Call me back, please?”
He’d call out of guilt, keeping the conversation brief and surfacey.
“Oh, is that what you sound like?” she’d say after their initial hellos. “I’d forgotten.”
“Been busy, Mom. Lots going on here.”
“Just like your father.”
Josh cringed at the words.
“Things are ramping up for him right now too.”
His father was a city planner, and every year his mother mentioned this might be the year he ran for mayor.
But Josh didn’t want to talk about his father. And he certainly didn’t want her comparing the two of them—they were nothing alike. Josh had made sure of it.
“Oh, Mom, sorry, I’m getting called into a meeting.”
“Already?”
“Yeah, I’ll catch up with you later.”
He’d disconnect, then look around his empty office, wondering if God considered it lying if it spared someone’s feelings.
Because if he told his mom the truth—that he’d be perfectly fine if he never spoke to either of his parents again—he knew it would break her heart.
What was he even doing here? It was stupid.
He pulled out his phone and scrolled until he found Cole Turner’s number. His old friend might put him up for a night or two. But before he could even dial, the front door of the cottage opened and his mother walked outside. She’d likely been watching him from the second he parked in the street.
She covered her mouth with her hands and then waved.
He was about to get a lot of grief for not calling her the second he heard Jaden had fainted, but she worried—a lot—and it seemed counterproductive to tell her anything before he knew anything.
Besides, he didn’t want to hear a word his parents had to say about his absence from Jaden’s life, a popular topic every time he talked to them.
“Joshua? Is that really you?” His mother rushed off the porch and over to the driver’s-side door as he opened it and got out of the truck.
“It’s me, Mom.”
She flung her arms around him and squeezed. “Oh, Joshua. You’re home.” She pulled back, still holding on to his biceps, but now searched his eyes with her own. “What’s wrong?”
Josh moved away from her and opened the back door of the truck. He pulled out his duffel bag.
“You’re staying?” His mom’s eyes lit up.
He knew this was all she ever wanted—him visiting, sharing his latest news. She wanted to be a part of his struggles and his successes the same way most good mothers did. Why he resisted made little sense to the outside world, but the outside world didn’t have the inside view.
His mom had sacrificed everything for their family, so why did Josh resent her so much?
“Just for a few days,” he said. “Jaden is having some testing done.”
“What kind of testing?” She frowned.
“You didn’t hear what happened at the parade?” It was a small town, and his parents were well connected. He’d half expected them to show up at the hospital—not because they actually cared, but because they wanted to look like they did.
Her brow furrowed. “We’ve been out on the lake. Your father was fishing all day. We just got home. What kind of testing?”
“Medical testing,” Josh said, not wanting to get into the logistics with her. The last thing he needed was her questions putting ideas in his head. He was having a hard enough time not worrying as it was.
“You didn’t call,” she said.
He slung the bag over his shoulder. “I didn’t have any information until after I got up here.”
“Well, I could’ve gone to the hospital, been there with him.”
“Not if you were out on the lake.”
“We would’ve come in early.”
Josh chose not to argue, though they both knew that wasn’t true. His father wouldn’t have changed his plans. “Carly was there, Mom.”
“Carly and her family?”
He sighed. His absence in Jaden’s life had been a sticking point, but sometimes Josh wondered if it was only because of the way it painted his parents. Were they concerned about their son, about their grandson—or only about the fact that they looked bad and didn’t have as much access to Jaden as they would’ve liked?
“It doesn’t matter,” Josh said. “They’re monitoring his heart, and we’re going back after the holiday to make sure everything’s okay.” He started toward the door, aware that downplaying the situation would never work. Not with Gloria Dixon. The woman had a sixth sense for sugarcoating.
“What are they monitoring?”
“His heart,” Josh repeated. “I just said that.”
“But why?”
“He fainted.”
They’d reached the porch, and Gloria rushed ahead to open the door. “Your father is resting in the living room. Maybe you could help him out with the yard work later? It would go a long way.”
Josh’s stomach knotted. He didn’t care to placate his parents to avoid his father’s bad behavior. He’d lost any tolerance for that a long time ago.
“I just need a place to sleep,” he said.
“And eat,” his mother replied. “I made pot roast. Your father’s favorite.”
Of course you did.
As if that could ensure a good mood for the night.
Josh stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “You okay, Mom?”
His mom quickly hid her frown with a put-on smile. “Of course, dear.”
Why would he have thought anything would’ve changed? She was still here, pretending they were the perfect family, like a character in an old-fashioned family sitcom.
He nodded, aware that was all he’d ever get out of her.
“Josh?”
Josh turned toward the voice and found his father standing in the entryway. The man, once hulking and intimidating, seemed smaller somehow.
“Oh, did we wake you?” his mom asked.
“Hey, Dad,” Josh said.
“We didn’t know you were coming,” his father said. “Gloria, did you know he was coming?” It had been over a year since he’d seen his father—why had he expected any other kind of welcome than this one?
His mother shrunk back. “No, dear.”
“It was a last-minute trip,” Josh said.
“He came to make sure Jaden is okay,” his mom said.
His father frowned. “What’s wrong with Jaden?”
“Do you have your phone?” Josh asked. “I find it hard to believe nobody tried to call you about this.”
His father walked over to the entryway table and picked up his phone. He held down the power button until the screen came to life.
“Your father needed a day off, so he let his staff know he was unreachable.”
“The day of the Memorial weekend parade?”
“He has people in place to handle things, Joshua.”
His father held his phone to his ear. “Three messages. Jaden fainted at the parade.” He met Josh’s eyes. “None of these messages are from you.”
Josh twitched. He was eleven again, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, shrinking under his father’s anger.
He’d been caught chea
ting on a test, and the teacher had called his parents.
“Do you know how embarrassing this is?” His father poked Josh in the chest with three fingers. “You made us look bad, like we haven’t taught you right from wrong.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Josh said, tears pooling in his eyes.
“You’re not now, but you will be,” his dad said, eyes flashing cold.
His mom stood behind his dad, pleading with the man to calm down, but his father seemed not to notice.
“I won’t do it again.” Josh took a step back into the room.
His father swore and advanced toward him.
“Jim, please,” his mother said, pulling at his father’s arm.
His dad shrugged her off. “This is none of your business, Gloria.”
“He’s my son too,” his mom said in a rare, if short-lived, display of strength.
“Go downstairs and let me handle this.”
His mother looked at Josh, fear flickering behind her eyes. He wanted to beg her to stay. He wanted her to stand in front of him, to at least try to protect him. But she didn’t. Instead, she did what she always did and went downstairs, leaving Josh to fend for himself.
But at that age, there was nothing he could do. Nothing except try his hardest not to cry while his father whipped him over and over again—on the back so nobody would see the damage he’d done.
“I know you’re not crying, you sissy,” his dad yelled as his belt snapped against Josh’s skin. “No son of mine is going to grow up to be a weakling, and no son of mine is going to be a cheater. You’re an embarrassment, you hear me?”
Josh shook the thoughts away now as his eyes drifted to his father’s belt. He could practically hear it snapping across his back.
“He didn’t have any concrete information,” his mother said in response to his father’s looming question.
“Of course he didn’t,” his dad barked. “Surprised he’s here at all, he’s done such a good job of staying out of the picture.”
“Jim, please,” Gloria said. “He just got home.”
Josh stared at the wall while his father looked him over then finally walked into the kitchen. “You can come help me in the backyard,” he called over his shoulder.
Josh’s fingers gripped the strap of his duffel bag, his thumb tapping against it. “This was a mistake.”
“No, Josh,” his mom said. “He just wasn’t expecting you is all.”
He faced her then. “When are you going to stop making excuses for him, Mom?”
Her forehead pulled. “What do you mean?”
“My whole life, that’s all you’ve done. He’s a jerk, Mom, and you know it, but all you do is explain away his terrible behavior.”
“He’s my husband, Joshua. And your father.”
“And I’m your son.” Josh’s voice broke as he said the words.
He needed air. He needed out. It was as if the suffocation had started the second he’d pulled up in front of this house and the memories had been slowly squeezing the life out of him ever since.
He pushed past his mom through the entryway and out onto the porch, praying she would just let him go.
“Josh, come back inside.” She held the door open but didn’t step outside.
He faced her, shook his head. “I’ll let you know when we hear something about Jaden.”
“Joshua, please.”
“No, Mom,” he said. “This is your choice—to stay here with someone who hurts you, to make excuses for him—but I can’t be a part of it. I won’t.”
“Don’t go,” she said.
He looked up, and for a moment he wondered if this was a cry for help. Did she want out? Did she need out? He could only imagine what her life had been like these past sixteen years.
“Come with me, Mom,” he said, his voice low.
Her reaction told him that no, that’s not at all what this was. This was more about preserving the carefully crafted Dixon façade, and not at all about her safety—or his. “I could never leave your father,” she whispered.
And he remembered asking her the same question years ago. Her reply had been the same then too.
How did he help someone who refused to be helped?
“I’ll see ya, Mom.” Josh moved toward his truck, and the door behind him snapped shut. He opened the rear door, threw his bag behind the driver’s seat and glanced back at the house, where his mother now stood on the porch, a picture of perfection for the neighbors who were out mowing their lawns or weeding their flowerbeds.
“Okay, honey,” she called out cheerfully. “We’ll see you soon!”
He shook his head, got in the truck and drove away, angry with himself for stopping at home in the first place and certain it was the last time he’d set foot in that house for as long as he lived.
Josh: Hey, man. I’m in town for a few days. Think Gemma would mind if I crashed on your couch? I’ll pay you in pizzas.
Cole: Don’t think Gemma will mind since she doesn’t live here anymore. Guest room is all yours.
Josh: Whoa. Sorry. I hadn’t heard. What happened?
Cole: Long story. Not worth rehashing.
Josh: Thanks, man. Appreciate it.
8
Carly sat in the waiting room outside the cardiology unit of the hospital, knees bobbing up and down nervously.
She found herself wishing for an ounce of Jaden’s faith—something more than rules and checklists to get her through the here and now.
Jaden’s diary was complete, but who knew what it or the Holter monitor would reveal? Carly hated thinking about it. She’d been up most of the past couple nights stewing, and no amount of talking herself off the ledge had been successful.
Jaden sat beside her, flicking his fingers around on his phone, and, just as she’d feared, Josh was nowhere to be found.
“Have you heard from your dad?” she asked Jaden.
“He’ll be here,” Jaden said without looking up.
Carly decided not to respond. It made no sense to argue. Besides, she didn’t want to come off looking like a Negative Nelly, even though, when it came to Josh, negative was her primary feeling.
Yes, he’d spent a lot of time with Jaden over the past year. They’d gone camping and skiing and talked over the internet while they played video games. But this was different. This wasn’t fun.
“Carly, hey.”
The voice belonged to Dara Dempsey, whose last day at the hospital was just a couple weeks away. Carly hadn’t heard a word about her application for Dara’s position, but she did wonder, with small-town politics being what they were, if her soon-to-be-former supervisor had any say in who they hired for her job.
Carly smiled at her. “Hey, Dara.”
“Hi, Jaden,” Dara said.
She was met with a lukewarm smile and a three-fingered wave that seemed to convey I can’t be bothered to lift my whole hand. Carly would talk to her son about that later.
“Listen, I know this is probably the last thing on your mind, but I wanted you to know they’ve narrowed the pool to three for the supervisor position. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but since you’re my pick and I’m leaving, I’m giving myself some leeway.”
“Wow, they’re moving fast,” Carly said. She hadn’t thought much about the unit manager position since the parade, but it was a lingering hope at the back of her mind.
“They are,” Dara agreed. “I think they want to hire someone before I leave so I can train them and they don’t have to think about it.” She smiled.
“Makes sense.”
Dara squeezed Carly’s shoulder. “You’d be so great at it, Carly. I’m giving them my recommendation, but I don’t know what that’ll be worth.” She laughed. “Good luck today.”
Dara gave them both another smile, then walked off.
“You applied for a new job?” Jaden asked.
Carly shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“It’s a promotion, though, right? A step up?”
S
he nodded, hoping her insecurity didn’t show.
“They’d be stupid not to pick you,” Jaden said, then went back to his phone.
Huh. She wouldn’t have expected a nonchalant compliment from her son to have such an impact, but her heart swelled at his faith in her.
The door that led to the exam rooms opened and a nurse called Jaden’s name. At the same time, Josh hurried into the waiting area, a worried look on his face.
“Hey, Dad,” Jaden said.
Carly said nothing.
“Sorry. Way more traffic than I thought there’d be.”
“Tourist season,” Jaden said. “It’s started.”
Josh nodded. “I thought Chicago was bad.”
They followed the nurse into an exam room, where they crowded in, Jaden on the exam table, Carly and Josh in chairs against the wall. The chairs had been placed so close together that his knee pressed against hers.
She was keenly aware of it.
And she didn’t like that she was.
“You finish your diary?” Josh asked.
Jaden lay back on the table. “Yes.”
“Anything out of the ordinary?”
“No,” he said.
Josh glanced at Carly, who only shrugged.
Thankfully, the door opened and Dr. Willette entered. He radiated competency and kindness, which Carly found herself grateful for.
The appointment was uneventful. The doctor took the diary as well as the monitor, checked Jaden over and told them they’d have results for them in a week.
“What exactly are we looking for?” Josh asked.
Carly didn’t want to hear the answer. She already knew what they were ruling out. She knew all about arrhythmias, heart disease and every other possible outcome. What she didn’t know she’d researched the night before.
Still, Josh knew nothing about any of the possible conditions, and frankly, neither did Jaden. Was it too much to wish they could keep it that way?
“Maybe I could just fill them in?” Carly suggested.
“I don’t mind explaining,” Dr. Willette said with a smile.
“We want to rule out anything serious that might be going on with Jaden’s heart. An irregular heartbeat, for instance, can be a minor nuisance or it can be potentially dangerous.”
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 6