Josh had been sitting in the living room, flipping through channels on the television, when he looked up and saw Carly standing on the sidewalk outside their house, her cotton-candy-blue bike with the white banana seat and pink-tasseled handlebars at her side. She met his eyes, and he could see instantly something was wrong. She waved him out, then disappeared, but he knew exactly where to find her.
He hollered to his mom that he was leaving and bolted out the back door without waiting for a response. He plodded up over the sand dunes and found her on the beach sitting on their log—the place they sometimes went when her dad was home at night.
She sat with her back to him.
And she was crying.
Josh approached carefully, aware that he didn’t know what to say when girls cried. Heck, he hardly knew what to say when they weren’t crying.
But this wasn’t just a girl. This was Carly. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, she’d stolen his heart the day they first met on the playground in third grade.
In all the years he’d known her, he’d never seen her cry. Not when she got hit in the face during dodgeball. Not when their choir teacher humiliated her in front of the entire class. Not even when she fell off her bike and skinned her leg so badly her dad took her to the emergency room for stitches.
She was without a doubt the strongest person he knew, so as he sat down next to her and saw her tear-stained face, his heart plummeted.
He reached out and took her hand, hopelessly aware of how soft her skin was. Tears streamed down her face, and as he drank in the sight of her, he could see she was trying not to cry.
Josh would do anything to protect her—anything.
Gus had made his feelings about Josh plain—he wasn’t a fan. What if she’d finally agreed with her dad that he was bad news? What if she was about to tell him they couldn’t be friends anymore—not even friends who only saw each other under the cover of darkness? How would he survive?
“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, afraid to disturb the peace of the silence between them.
She pulled her hand from his and wrapped her arms around herself just as a slight wind kicked up, loosening a strand of hair from the tie that held it back.
For a brief moment, he imagined pulling the hairband out and running his hands through her long, wavy hair, pushing it away from her face, and finally—after all these months—kissing her the way he’d been thinking about doing.
“My mom left,” Carly said, her voice hitching in her throat. “She’s just . . . gone.”
He hated that he felt relief in that moment. It was thoughtless and selfish, but if he lost her, he knew he would never recover. “Your mom?”
How was that possible? Her mom was practically a staple in Harbor Pointe. She owned the flower shop. She doted on her daughters. She was even their room mother all the way through the sixth grade.
“I guess she didn’t want us anymore,” Carly said. “I didn’t know where else to go.” She buried her face in her hands and Josh felt his fingertips tingle, as if he was being led to respond but not sure he knew how.
He sat in silence for several seconds before finally wrapping an arm around her shoulder. When she didn’t move away, he scooted closer.
“I’m really sorry,” he said.
She shifted and leaned her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that, in complete silence, until the sun set, and he didn’t mind one bit.
“Do you want to go get something to eat?” he finally asked. “We could ride bikes over to Dockside.”
It was her favorite pizza place—how could she refuse?
She shook her head. “Thanks, but I need to get home. I have to be strong for Quinn.”
He watched her straighten, as if mentally putting herself back together.
“I feel better now.”
They stood. If he hadn’t seen it for himself, he never would’ve thought she’d just been crying. Somehow, as if by magic, the redness in her face had disappeared and she’d wiped her cheeks dry.
“Thanks, Josh,” she said. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re the best.”
Now, standing in Jaden’s hospital room, he wondered how they’d gone from that sweet relationship to this terrible disconnect. And yet, he knew how. Their past was filled with mistakes and misunderstandings. It was filled with heartache and sadness, the kind that overshadowed the good times.
Jaden inched his way to the edge of the bed and stood. “Ready, Dad?”
Josh glanced at Carly, but she wouldn’t look at him, unlike Gus, who was staring him down.
“Sure thing, kid.”
“Great,” Jaden said. “See ya at home, Mom. Thanks for coming, everybody.”
After they filled out paperwork and got the all clear to go home, they walked through the hallways of Harbor Pointe Hospital, and all Josh could think was that probably could’ve gone better.
But, as usual, he had no idea how to fix it now.
6
Carly didn’t like this one bit. Letting Josh take a more active role in Jaden’s life had been risky to begin with, but it was always Jaden’s heart she was worried about—never her own.
The irony of that didn’t escape her.
Now, as she paced her living room waiting for her ex to bring their son home from what had started as a simple ride and turned into a father/son pizza night at Dockside, her mind tumbled.
She looked at the clock. How long did it take to eat pizza? She wanted her son home with her, where he belonged. Especially after the day they’d had.
Jaden acted like this wasn’t serious, like it was no big deal. Was Josh simply reinforcing that idea?
Her phone buzzed. She picked it up expecting a text from Jaden but instead found one from her sister.
In case it wasn’t obvious, I’d like you to be my maid of honor.
Carly’s eyes welled with inexplicable tears. Why was she emotional? Anyone could’ve predicted Grady would ask Quinn to marry him. They’d been practically inseparable since the day they met, at least once Quinn admitted she actually liked him.
And yet, something about it, about her baby sister finding the love of her life while Carly, four years older, did not currently have a single prospect in the romance department—it had worked her over.
And she didn’t like it. She didn’t like feeling jealous of the happiness she absolutely wanted her sister to have.
She only wished maybe there was a sliver of it out there for her too.
Pull yourself together.
This was ludicrous. Carly had decided a long time ago that she was the kind of independent woman who didn’t need anyone taking care of her. Her sister’s impending nuptials changed nothing about that.
And yet, every once in a while, she saw the fleeting image of a faceless someone else helping pay the bills, mowing the lawn, picking up groceries, loosening the knots in her shoulders, saying I love you—and those images were hard to shake.
She texted back: Of course, Q. You know I’m in!
Good! Engagement party details forthcoming.
And so would begin the parade of wedding festivities that would require a plus one that Carly didn’t have. The last thing she needed was a throng of Harbor Pointe matrons asking her when it would be her turn and wasn’t it so sad that her little sister was getting married before she was.
The front door opened and she turned toward it. Jaden and Josh stood in the doorway, looking at her.
“Hey.” She tried to sound casual, feeling suddenly awkward in her plaid pajama shorts and an old pink Gap T-shirt.
Josh had never been in her house. They’d always met halfway between here and Chicago, and frankly, she didn’t want him in her space. It set her off-kilter. She didn’t trust him, and she didn’t want him poking holes in her carefully constructed existence.
“Hi, Ma,” Jaden said.
When she’d become “Ma” she didn’t know. Was that one of those things that happened when you weren’t looking,
like your son’s voice changing or falling in love?
“Dad, I’ll go get those skis.” Jaden rushed through the hallway and upstairs.
“Not too fast, Jaden,” Carly called after him.
Josh closed the door and took a step farther inside. She should invite him in—that’s what normal people did when someone visited their home.
But Josh wasn’t just someone. He was Josh. And she was still mad at Josh. She’d gotten used to this anger she carried with her. It was a part of her now.
“Thanks for taking him,” she said without looking at him.
“Thanks for letting me.”
At least her ex still knew who was in control here. That was important.
“You heading back tonight or staying over?”
Josh looked away. “I want to stay until after we find out what’s going on with Jaden.”
She frowned. “That could be days.”
He shrugged. “Okay.”
“You’re going to stay here indefinitely?”
“If that’s what it takes,” he said. “I just want to make sure you guys are okay.”
She scoffed but bit back the harsh remark that flitted through her mind. No sense fighting. Not today, not with emotions already on high alert.
Not when she felt vulnerable and he looked like that.
Knock it off. Remember what he did to you.
“Can I come to the next appointment?”
She found Josh’s eyes, earnest and pleading, and against her better judgment, she heard herself agree.
“Thanks,” he said. “I can pick you guys up if that works?”
“I can drive us.”
“Might as well all go together.”
“Josh, this isn’t a family outing,” she said, more harshly than she’d intended.
“I just thought maybe it would be good for the three of us to be together right now.”
It would’ve been good for the three of us to be together at Jaden’s first birthday, at his baptism, his first ski competition.
She drew in a deep breath. She was letting him come to the appointment, that was plenty of give on her end. “We can meet you there.”
A look of defeat washed across his face, but he nodded anyway.
A few seconds of silence held the tension between them.
“Will you stay at your parents’ house?”
He shifted. “I don’t know yet.”
She wanted to ask how things were with his parents. His family dynamic had always been stressful, but not many people knew that. Josh wasn’t forthcoming with information about his family life, but Carly knew how bad it was. Carly knew more about Josh than anyone else, or she had at one time.
Did she still? Who did he confide in now that they were apart?
He stood there, looking innocent and kind. Like a person who’d done nothing wrong. Or maybe like a person who was sorry?
But no. Josh wasn’t sorry. He’d made his choice long ago, and she wasn’t going to get swept back in by her pity for him.
“How did he seem?” she asked quietly, hugging her arms around herself.
Josh drew in a breath. “Okay.”
“Really?”
Josh shook his head. “I think he’s scared, but he’s not saying so. Played it off like no big deal.”
“He has to take this seriously. The monitor, the diary—all of it.”
“I am taking it seriously, Mom,” Jaden said from the stairs. He made his way to the entry, skis in hand. “Dad already gave me that lecture.”
“Really?” That was a first. She glanced at Josh, who seemed to be purposefully avoiding her eyes.
“Yeah, Ma,” Jaden said. “Document everything—every flutter, every symptom. Dizziness, tingling fingers or toes, shortness of breath and what I was doing at the time. I got it.”
Carly looked at Josh. He’d clearly been listening to the doctor, and he found a way to tell Jaden so she didn’t have to. She should be thankful. She was thankful. And yet, skeptical. With Josh, she was always skeptical.
She half listened as Jaden explained why the skis he’d bought with his Christmas money were “beyond cool,” but she noticed Josh seemed genuinely interested in what their son was saying.
Not like one of those dads who secretly wanted their kid to stop talking so they could answer a text or get on a work call.
She knew those dads. She’d interacted with them at the hospital lots of times. Did they think their kids were old enough to handle the medical information on their own?
It both surprised and confused her that Josh was not like these dads. Was this what their weekends in Chicago were like? Were they becoming friends?
Jaden finished his spiel, and Josh stood upright with a nod. “Can’t wait to see you using these beauties.”
Carly’s heart sank and a prayer raced through her mind—please let him be able to use those skis.
God knew how much skiing meant to her son. Surely He wouldn’t take away his ability to do it, would he?
Jaden had become so devout in his faith. Unlike with many teenagers, God wasn’t some far-off idea and religion wasn’t something his parents were forcing down his throat.
He’d gone to a youth retreat three years ago and returned a different kid. He’d never given her the details, but she was pretty sure he’d had an encounter with the Lord that she would maybe never understand.
Her relationship with God had been all about checks and balances. She was a good girl. She did the right things. She tried not to sin and that was that.
The way Jaden lived his life had inspired her to believe that perhaps she’d been doing it wrong for a lot of years . . . but she wasn’t sure how to have the kind of encounter that would change anything.
“You want God to be real to you, don’t you, Mom?” he’d asked her once.
“Of course I do.” And she did—but how? What did that look like? It wasn’t like she could take God out for coffee. And besides, wasn’t she supposed to be the one teaching him how to build his faith? When had their roles reversed on this issue?
“Then let go of everything you think you know and go find him for yourself.”
She hadn’t understood what he was saying then, so why were the words replaying in her mind now?
“You think of church as an obligation. You think of God as a disciplinarian. You think you can work your way to heaven. But it’s about so much more than that.”
Jaden had her number, that was for sure. But what did it change?
God took things from good people. Like taking her mother before they were ready to live without her. Was He going to take skiing away from Jaden too? Or worse—was He going to take Jaden?
“Well, I should go,” Josh said. “But I’ll see you at your appointment.”
Jaden groaned. “This is really going to cut in on my training time.”
Carly wanted to jump in with some important motherly wisdom, but Josh beat her to it.
“It’s important, kid,” he said. “We need to make sure you’re okay.”
“I know,” Jaden said.
“And I’m sure you’re okay,” Josh added.
“Yes,” Carly said. “But you do need to take it easy.”
Jaden rolled his eyes. “Fine. Thanks for the pizza, Dad.” He headed back upstairs, leaving Carly to see Josh out.
A shadow came across his eyes as he pushed a hand through his hair and faced her. “I’ll see you Tuesday, I guess.”
For a second, there he was again—that moody teenager who could stop her heart from beating with a single glance.
She walked to the door, pulled it open and nodded. “Yep.”
He started to walk through it but stopped directly in front of her. She squared her shoulders and put on her bravest face as she looked up and met his eyes.
But the second a connection between them was made, her bravery faltered, her legs turned wobbly and her breath caught in her throat.
“You gonna be okay?” he asked.
“I�
��m fine.” She forced the words, but inside, her heart crumpled, the weight of the fear she’d been pretending she didn’t have nearly crushing her from the inside out. Tears clouded her vision.
He put a hand on her arm, and for a moment she thought he might hug her and he absolutely could not hug her because if he did, she would come undone and her secret would be uncovered.
She wasn’t as strong as she pretended to be.
“You sure?”
“I’m okay,” she managed to say.
He squeezed her arm. “I’m kind of scared.”
No. No. NO. They could not do this. She could not do this. She couldn’t have a moment with Josh. She had to disconnect whatever this was because if she didn’t, it would only take a heartbeat for her to feel seventeen again, unable to resist her feelings for him. She was older now. Wiser. She knew the truth about this man, and she wasn’t willing to risk her heart again.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice . . .
“He’s going to be fine,” she said, not fully believing it. But it was what they both needed to hear in that moment.
He nodded. The tension faded. The moment passed.
Good job, Carly. That was smart.
“Call me if you need anything before Tuesday,” Josh said.
As if he would be the person she would reach out to if she needed anything. “See ya.”
He lingered for another moment, then finally walked out the door, sucking all of the oxygen in the room out with him.
7
Josh let the engine of his Ford F-150 idle in the street in front of the old white cottage where he’d lived after his family moved to Harbor Pointe when he was eight. Perfect Leave It to Beaver family house, and to the rest of the world, that’s exactly what the Dixon family looked like.
His mother wore an actual apron when she made dinner.
It was all part of the image his parents had worked so hard to perpetuate the second they crossed the city limits of their new hometown. It was all part of the image Josh had shattered when he was a teenager, lost and rebellious.
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 5