Forgiveness and Permission

by C. L. Stone

  “But isn’t it obvious we’re masking what he’s doing?”

  Luke and Gabriel laughed. Gabriel dropped his hand onto my head, massaging at my scalp. “Trouble, stop. Don’t you think we know?”

  I sighed, pursing my lips. “Don’t I get to know? I mean he’s fixing McCoy’s cameras, isn’t he?”

  “Ixnay on the ... whatever’s Pig Latin for cameras. Don’t let the kids overhear,” Gabriel said, reaching around me to grab at Luke’s chip package.

  Luke relinquished his food with an eye roll.

  “Say thank you,” I muttered to Gabriel.

  Gabriel narrowed his eyes at me. “Thank you, Luke,” he taunted, but grinned.

  Luke laughed. “Well what do you know. She’s teaching Gabe manners. Never thought that would happen.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Gabriel said, throwing a chip at his head.

  Luke and Gabriel started talking over me about another class they shared. Meanwhile, I focused on Victor. I felt like I hadn’t seen him in a while. Now the first chance I had to run into him with any amount of substantial time, I was in trouble and he was working to fix it. It made me think about the time he asked me out in the attic. Since that point so much had happened and he’d been busy with Academy work. It made me wonder if he forgot.

  As I gazed at him, his eyes lifted, meeting mine. I lifted an eyebrow, confused.

  “Stop it,” he said.

  “What?”

  “You’re distracting.”

  “Sorry,” I said, scrunching my shoulders. I couldn’t do anything right today.

  Victor flashed a smile at me, returning to his work.

  By the end of lunch, Victor sent a text to Mr. Blackbourne to let him know his work was finished. I was guessing cameras on Mr. McCoy would be recording like they wanted, but Mr. McCoy wouldn’t stay in his office all day. Would they have all the cameras recording all day long? Or how would they get someone to monitor Mr. McCoy all the time? I pushed it to the back of my mind. Academy business. Let them handle it.

  On the way to my next class, Silas walked ahead of me, and Kota walked next to me as his class was near ours. The hallway narrowed, with clusters of students, it was slow progress down the hallway.

  When we stalled, Kota reached for my hand.

  The boy next to me nudged my arm. He jerked his chin at me. “That your boyfriend?”

  My eyes bugged out. “I ...” I didn’t have an answer.

  “Yeah,” Kota said over my head at him, the command penetrating his voice. “She’s with me.”

  Silas stiffened in front of us, pausing in his steps enough that I nearly bumped into him.

  My breath caught. Was he serious? I looked back at him but his eyes were focused on the kid next to us.

  The boy nodded his head at Kota. “You know she was holding hands with that other dude in the hallways.”

  “She’s with me now,” Kota said in the same sharp tone. His fingers pressed into my palm, gripping me as he pulled me closer.

  My heart was thundering and my cheeks were on fire.

  The kid only smirked. The crowd shifted around us. The kid nudged someone on the other side of him, whispering. They laughed. Was it about us?

  Kota leaned in, whispering in my ear. “If anyone asks you if any one of us is your boyfriend, you say yes. I don’t care who you’re with.”

  Why would he want that? I didn’t quite understand. They were my friends but claiming they were my boyfriends? And all of them?

  I thought of the notes I often got in class that North and the others collected. Were the guys trying to keep me from talking to anyone else? This confused me a lot. Next year, they would all be gone from this school and back at the Academy, wouldn’t they? Shouldn’t I make at least a couple of friends so I’d have someone to talk to when they were gone? Maybe not this kid, but Kota was so abrupt with him. He didn’t give him a chance when he could have just been curious.

  Kota followed us to class, but said a quick word to Silas before moving on. Silas took one look at me, nodding to Kota and ushered me into the classroom.

  All I could think was what would Victor say when he heard about this? What about North or the others think? It just seemed crazy.

  As Silas and I took a seat in biology, he started pulling paperwork out of his bag behind me as I turned to him. “What did Kota say?” I asked him.

  “He said you’re too cute for your own good,” he said, collecting his biology book.

  “No really,” I said, blinking at him in disbelief.

  Silas’s lips parted as he stared at me. “What do you want me to say? Should I repeat it verbatim? He said, ‘Sang’s too cute for her own good.’ I agreed with him.”

  I released a short breath. He said that? And Silas thought I was cute, too? “I ... oh.”

  Silas grinned at me. “What did he say to you?”

  I blushed. “He said if anyone did that again, like if they asked if you were my boyfriend, I was supposed to say yes.”

  Silas beamed. “Well? Kota’s the boss. Have to do what he says.”

  I nodded slowly, turning in my seat to let the information sink in. Every other incident that day temporarily evaded my mind. Kota and Silas thought I was cute. Kota and Silas would claim to be my boyfriends. I didn’t dislike the idea, but it left me wondering how I would ever know their true feelings if we were going to be playing pretend when other people were around.

  Dating was complicated.

  BIG QUESTIONS

  The biology teacher didn’t allow me the favor of teaching an actual lesson so I could sink into the sweet oblivion of half listening while processing the information. Instead he asked us to open our books and pair up with someone and answer the questions from a chapter. Silas looked happy. I was glad for the break in class routine but felt unsettled and now more shy than ever.

  For the workload, all I had to do was read the questions out loud to Silas. He wrote down the question and wrote the answers without reading the text.

  I leaned over the desk, scanning over his work. “How did you know the answer?”

  “I’m smarter than I look,” he said, finishing the final question. He glanced up at me hovering over his shoulder to read what he was writing. “What?”

  “I just feel like I didn’t do anything,” I said.

  Silas laughed, passing the paper to me. “Write our names.”

  “That’s not exactly better,” I said. I scrawled my name on the page. For fun, I wrote his name in girly script and putting a heart over the “i" in his name.

  Silas grinned at me. “Cute.”

  “Victor got mad at me when I did it to his name.”

  “Victor’s got an image to maintain. Meanwhile, I don’t really care what people think of me.”

  “What’s Victor’s image?”

  “He’s the almost-famous pianist,” Silas leaned over his desk, propping his head up in his hand. “And his parents are rich. He’s usually the center of attention.”

  My lips parted. “Really? I haven’t seen that here.”

  “He tries to keep a low profile here. He prefers it. I think that’s why he was excited to come here. Normally he has to be very aware of who he’s with and what he’s doing. Here, no one knows who he is, but he still has to be careful. I don’t know what he worries about. Kids here don’t read gossip in the society columns.”

  “Victor gets written about?”

  Silas laughed loud enough to draw the attention of some of the other groups around us. “Not as much anymore. I think his youth prodigy days are almost over. But there’s a pile of girls hoping to get his attention and be the first Mrs. Morgan.”

  My heart fluttered. Victor was a prodigy. Other girls wanted him. That had to be true about all of them, though. They were handsome and nice and while they might not be almost-famous, they had a lot of attractive assets. Victor had asked me out on a date. Was he dating other girls, too? Was I just one of many?

  Silas’s eyes traced over my face. “Ma
ybe I shouldn’t have told you that.”

  It was probably rude to sit here and talk about Victor when he wasn’t here. “Sorry, no. It was just a surprise. I guess I still don’t know you all that well.”

  His mouth softened. “We’ve been busy.”

  “Just a little.”

  “Let’s fix that. Let’s go out this weekend.”

  My heart started thundering in my chest. “Us? This weekend?”

  “Unless you’re busy.”

  I didn’t have an answer for that. My eyes flittered to the other students for only a moment. I don’t know why. It was a nervous gesture. He was asking me out in the middle of class.

  “Our first football game is this Friday,” he said. “There’s a party after. I have to go. North has to, too. We’re part of the team so we can’t say no. You want to go?”

  So I wouldn’t be alone with him. I’d be with North, too. So it wasn’t an individual date. It was a friend thing. That made me feel better. “Yeah,” I said. “Oh wait ... what about the game? I get to watch that, right?”

  Silas grinned. “If you want, but you shouldn’t sit alone. North and I can’t watch you from the field.”

  I blushed again at the thought of him almost suggesting I needed a babysitter just to watch a football game. “What should I do?”

  “Ask one of the others. Nathan or Kota or someone.”

  Ask the guys? That sent my fingers shaking and I hid them under the desk, in my lap. I had to ask someone to go with me to the football game, so Silas could take me to the party with him and North after. It felt like I was asking someone on an almost-date, under the condition that there would be another almost-date I had to go to after.

  “Okay,” I said quietly. “I mean yes, sounds like fun.” I wanted to believe that though I was nervous about all of it. A game. A party! Sang Sorenson at a party, like a normal person.

  Academy boys were changing everything around me.

  ♥♥♥

  In my next class, I was nervously tapping the eraser of my pencil against the desk as I waited for Victor to show up. He slid in at the last minute before the bell rang. I’d been itching to ask him to the football game. He’d asked me out, so I thought he wouldn’t say no if I asked.

  Only my tongue got stuck to the top of my mouth. I’d glance back at him during the lecture, he’d flash a smile, and I’d chicken out and stare off toward the front again. It almost felt like I was asking him to do me a favor rather than asking if he’d like to go. Silas won’t let me go to the game before he takes me to the party unless I take someone. Will you babysit me?

  Before I found my courage, class was over. I collected my things. Victor followed me out to the hallway.

  When we were walking beside each other and away from class, he reached for my hand. “Sang?”

  My stomach buzzed inside. “Yes?”

  “What’s wrong with you?” he asked, his fire eyes subdued, but the corner of his mouth drifted up.

  My lips parted. “Wrong?” My mind raced for an answer to his question. Was there something else I hadn’t told them? With everything going on, it wouldn't surprise me, but how many things could be wrong with me today?

  “It looked like you wanted to say something and you kept stopping. Are you okay?”

  Apparently my face was as readable as Mr. Blackbourne said. My eyes flitted to the other students passing around us as we crossed the halls toward the gym. “I wanted to ask you something but ...”

  Victor halted in the middle of the hallway, turning to me. An eyebrow arched up. “Ask.”

  My face felt like it was on fire, lit up by the sparks in his eyes. “I ... um ...”

  “Princess,” he said, his voice dropping an octave. “After everything else today, I’m not going to flinch at a question. Just ask me.”

  That wasn’t making it easier. “There’s a football game ...”

  His head tilted back. Other students cursed at us for blocking traffic. He ignored it as he gazed down at me. “And?”

  “And maybe if you aren’t busy...”

  His lips parted, his fire eyes igniting. His hand squeezed mine. “Are you trying to ask me out?”

  I pushed the finger of my free hand to my lower lip. “Well, there’s...” I hated saying it out loud because it felt so wrong. “Silas said he and North were playing, and I asked if I could watch, and he said I couldn’t go it alone ... and there’s a party after ... ” I couldn’t bring myself to suggest that Silas had made it sound like I’d be tagging along with him and North. I didn’t know how to do it without hurting Victor’s feelings.

  A smile teased his mouth but something quenched the fire in his eyes. “It’s Friday night, isn’t it?”

  I nodded.

  He sighed, looking up and away at the students walking around us before focusing back at me. “Sang, I love that you’ve asked me. If it were up to me, I’d be there. I’d go wherever you wanted me to.” His hand squeezed mine again. “And if you tell me you need me to go, I’ll drop everything for you.”

  My head tilted. “You’re busy.”

  He nodded slowly. “There’s a charity event that evening. I’ve been asked to play.” He tilted his head closer to mine. “But say you need me to go and I’ll go with you instead. I’ll be there.”

  The halls quieted and the bell rang. We were both late. I felt guilty I made him late for class for something I could have asked him earlier. “No,” I said, although I was disappointed. Did he mean it he’d drop something like that just for me? Or was he being nice because I asked and he had to say no? “Yours is more important. It’s just ... it’s bad timing.”

  He chuckled, pulling my hand to walk through the hall. “Maybe we’ll do something on Saturday. Or next weekend. And if you still want to go Friday, you should ask Kota. He was probably going, anyway.”

  That relieved some of the guilt weighing on me as I was thinking of who else to ask. It was like he was giving me permission. Still strange but at least I didn’t feel like I had to hide it. “Okay.”

  He stopped outside of the girls’ locker room, nudging me along. “Call me,” he said, walking off to class.

  I breathed a sigh, relieved and yet, I was sad. He didn’t tell me about the charity event. Was that something I could have gone to? I would have liked to see him play the piano.

  ASKING KOTA ON A DATE

  After school, Kota parked in his driveway. Max, tethered in the backyard, barked once in greeting before padding toward us. Kota dropped a hand on the golden retriever's head. He shooed the dog back, and collected my things and his from the back seat. Nathan stepped out, stretched.

  I got out and held back, unsure of what to do. Normally at this time I was worried about getting home to check in with my mom and to make sure I wasn’t in trouble. Now I didn’t have to, I felt lost. I didn’t know where I was supposed to be any more.

  But Kota hit a button on his keys and the garage door rolled open. Nathan followed Kota inside, and since Kota carried my things, I trailed behind them. It felt funny that they simply expected me to tag along. I was happy to be included, but still feeling out of place since I wasn’t sure.

  We collected in Kota’s bedroom. I fell into one of the bean bag chairs, pushing my sandals off my feet and curling up into a ball. Nathan plopped down onto Kota’s bed, stretching out.

  “No napping until homework is done,” Kota said, dropping his keys onto the desk and our bags onto the floor next to it.

  I moaned, rolling my head back.

  “Come on, Kota,” Nathan grumbled. “She’s had a long day.”

  “Then you do her homework.”

  I popped my head up. “He can’t do that. That’s cheating.”

  Kota smirked after me. Nathan laughed, dropping a hand over his chest. “Oh, Sang, you’re hilarious.”

  I blushed, confused. “The Academy lets you guys cheat on homework?”

  Side glances were exchanged. Nathan shrugged. Kota responded, “The Academy doesn’t really hav
e any. Not like this.”

  I pressed a palm against my forehead. “What about ...”

  “Let’s focus on homework for now,” Kota said. “You’ve been out for a week. You’ve probably got an armload to catch up on.”

  There was a lot of homework, but I was still finished within a couple of hours. I was curled up and reading ahead for English class when the phone in my bra started buzzing. Nathan caught my startled expression and watched as I pulled the phone from my chest.

  “What’s wrong with your pockets?” Nathan said.

  “I didn’t have any today,” I replied, and checked the screen.

  Silas: Remember to ask someone to take you to the game Friday before they make other plans.

  “Who is it?” Kota asked, his head still down as he studied a physics book.

  “Silas wants me to come see the game Friday and go to the party with him after. He wanted me to ask someone to go with me to the game, though, so I don’t sit alone because they’ll be playing.” There. Why was it harder with Victor? Was it because I thought he would consider it a date? Was it because I considered it one?

  Kota picked his head up, gazing over his shoulder at me, an eyebrow raised. “Silas wants you to go to a party?”

  “Yeah. He and North are going. He said he wanted me to go.”

  Kota frowned softly. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

  Did I hear that right? “What isn’t?”

  “Sang, do you know what kind of party this is?”

  My cheeks heated. “No.” How could I? But then, what did I know about how things really were? All I had were television shows and books to rely on.

  His lips softened. He got up, crossed the room and sat in a bean bag chair not far from mine, scooting to sit on the edge. He put his elbows on his knees as he leaned toward me. “There will probably be drinking. If you think the other kids are rough with you at school, they’re monsters when they’re drinking. There won’t be teachers and rules to keep you safe.”

  “Silas and North wouldn’t let me go unless they thought it was okay, right?”