by Aki_kaze
“Oh, he came here to find Sam. I don’t know who that Sam is, but I think he’s one of the ex-owner family, considering his family name. So, I told him they’ve moved away.”
Keith didn’t even stay to hear the complete reply. He rushed to the house front, roughly put on his shoes, and dashed to the door. His eyed darted around, finding the one who was supposed to be that visitor. There was this guy who had just crossed the road. So, Keith ran after him.
“Oliver!” he called.
It made that guy jump. He then turned around to Keith.
Chapter Forty Four
I Love You
“Oliver,” Keith called.
It made that guy jump. He then turned around to Keith. He had short hair, grey blue eyes, and tall stature. He wore a light blue shirt with rolled up sleeves, skinny black jeans which perfectly wrapped around his shapely legs, and a pair of black sneakers.
Keith had never met Oliver before. But the other looked so mature even though they were only two years apart.
The other looked to the left and right before crossing the road back to him.
“You’re Oliver, right?” Keith made sure.
“How do you know my name?” He’d got a silk-smooth voice.
Knowing that this guy was Sam’s ex-date, he couldn’t help but comparing himself with the other. He found they had nothing in common.
What did Sam see in him?
“Well?” The other questioned as he received no answer.
“I’m sorry. Name’s Keith.” He reached out his hand for a handshake. Oliver reciprocated with no hesitation. Keith then continued, “I live in that house.”
“Your mom told me the Gibs moved out.”
“She’s my aunt,” Keith corrected, but that wasn’t the point, “you’re here for Sam.”
The way Keith phrased it showed that he was certain. Oliver was surprised.
“You know him… So, you two got to know each other when you made a house survey perhaps,” he presumed, “I didn’t know he moved out. He never talked about moving anywhere.”
Keith stood still, trying to come up with a proper way to tell the other about Sam. He saw the bus coming, so he proposed,
“There’s a place I want you to visit. Can you please come with me? It’s in the city.”
“I have to go back there anyway,” Oliver said, “where’re we going?”
Keith wanted to elaborate. But if they tarried, they were going to miss the bus. Hurriedly, both got on it. Keith realized he forgot his wallet when he needed to pay the fare. He got not a thing with himself except the phone right now.
“I’m sorry. But I…”
Oliver paid for him. Keith said thank him profusely. During the bus ride, they didn’t talk. Today was Sam’s birthday. It was clear the other specifically chose this date to visit his ex-boyfriend. Keith still tried to come up with the best way to inform him of Sam’s departure. He found no better way than being straightforward about it. Thereby, the boy decided to take him to the cemetery.
Oliver deserved to know about this.
Traveling to the city didn’t take long. Oliver still followed Keith without asking anything. The other used to live there, he knew the way well.
“Why here?” Oliver asked when they arrived at their destination: the cemetery.
Keith pushed open the gate. He walked past rows of graves, straight to the one he could never forget. Oliver’s pace slowed down. The other didn’t need any more explanation from him.
He stopped at Sam’s grave and turned to Oliver who also stopped dead in his tracks. The other’s eyes were still looking at him. He didn’t dare to turn to see the grave.
“…No…” He mouthed the word.
“I’m sorry.” Keith turned to look at the grave, eying Sam’s name carved on it.
Oliver gathered all of his strength to walk up beside the boy. Finally, he confronted the reality. Sam’s name on the tombstone made he clench his fist hard.
“What happened?” Oliver asked.
“He committed suicide.”
Keith could hear the other’s breath.
“Because of me…?”
Keith was about to object, but the other spoke up. The date on the tombstone spoke many things to Oliver.
“He said he was okay. The day I was moving away, he said he was okay. Even though I was crying my eyes out, he still smiled at me… Fuck! Sam…” Oliver cursed. He sank down onto the ground, his body trembling, his mouth still pouring out swear words.
“I…”
Keith was speechless. All he could do was standing there, watching. The other had known Sam longer than him. The two had made countless memories together. It was a sorry sight. Keith then turned to look at the gravestone. Sam must have recognized Oliver’s voice. Knowing that, Keith suddenly felt worried about the spirit.
“I’m sorry. I…,” Oliver said at last. He tried his hardest not to cry. He rose up slowly. “All I want is to visit him. I didn’t think it’d turn out like this. I shouldn’t have quit the school. I should have endured it.”
“It’s not your fault,” Keith said.
Oliver gave him a smile, albeit a sorrowful one.
“But I should have known. He was always like that. Always smiling. Nobody knew what he was thinking, or feeling. I was too concerned about myself.”
Keith said nothing. Sam never wanted other people to worry about him. He only gave out love but kept all the pain to himself. He cared too much for others. Even with Keith, Sam was still like that.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” Oliver said.
“I’m sorry you need to face something like this.”
“It’s not your fault,” Oliver smiled, dimples present on his face. “But how do you get to know him when…”
Keith knew the other was going to ask this question.
“I met Mrs. Gibs during the last summer break.”
Oliver nodded. They talked about Sam’s parents a bit before standing there in silence. Keith stole a glance at the other’s face. His two eyes brimmed with grief, he noted.
“I won’t bother you any longer. If you have something to say to him…”
“There’s nothing else to say.” Oliver cut in before he could finish the sentence. “I come here today because I want to know how he’s doing. I’ve already moved on. And I think he… Never mind.”
His fists clenching, Oliver made an expression which was the total opposite of the resignation his words suggested. Keith understood the other: anybody in his shoes would certainly blame themselves. But Sam thought it was nobody’s fault. Oliver didn’t deserve to live with guilt.
“He…” He opened his mouth but then closed it. This wasn’t his to get involved. If he led Oliver to Sam, then…
“You got no cash with you, right? I’ll have Mom drive you home,” he offered.
“You don’t…” He was about to decline when he thought this was the perfect opportunity to get the two to meet each other. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
He gave Keith a friendly smile.
During the ride back, Oliver’s mother told Keith about the city’s trivial stuff. He said thank you to her when the car arrived in front of the house. He got off, and so did Oliver.
“Come in first. I’m returning your money,” Keith said.
“It’s okay. My treat,” Oliver insisted. He still wore the expression like he still couldn’t believe what he’d seen. “Thanks for taking me to him.”
Seeing that he could no longer make the other stay, Keith said,
“What happened to Sam’s not your fault. He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”
Oliver eyed him for a moment before giving a nod.
“Were he still alive, I would love to tell him that I’m glad I’ve met him. I would thank him, and say sorry to him.”
Oliver gazed up to the house’s upper story. But he couldn’t view Sam’s bedroom from there.
“Still, thank you so much.”
Keith watched
as the other got on the car before he walked back into the house. Thinking that he needed to face Sam soon, he sighed. It was inevitable though.
He couldn’t tell if he’d meet Sam in his bedroom. If Sam was there, that meant the spirit was okay to talk about it. If not, then Keith wouldn’t trespass the other’s privacy.
Keith felt a rush of relief as he saw Sam’s back in his room. The other was sitting on the bed. What astonished him was that Sam’s figure blinked, like a TV which would go kaput soon. His heart dropped to his feet.
“You’re back?” Sam rose from the bed. His usual smile wasn’t there. At least he didn’t force himself now.
“Did you get to see him?”
The spirit nodded.
“I saw him when he came to send you home.”
Keith saw the hesitation on the spirit’s face, so he brought it up himself.
“I took him to the cemetery. I’m sorry I meddled in your affair, but I think he deserved to know.”
“You did nothing wrong,” Sam said, “thank you.”
“How do you feel?” Keith walked over to the other and took a seat on the bed. He patted the spot next to him, beckoning the other over.
“I don’t know. Relieved?” The spirit looked down on the floor, pensive. “He’s changed a lot. Taller. Short hair. But at least he seems happy.”
Sam let out a wry chuckle. His eyes still fixed on the floor. All his cheerfulness left. Keith eyed him, his heart pained.
“He said he was sorry. And thank you,” Keith said, “he said he was glad he got to know you.”
The spirit leaned his head to rest on Keith’s shoulder. Whether he could cry or not, Sam decided to hide it to the end. The boy stroked the other’s head gently, his eyes brimming with hot tears. The moments Sam and Oliver shared had no Keith in it. It was precious time to both of them. To Sam. And, above all, their love was real, while his and Sam’s was but…
“I love you.”
Sam said out of sudden. Keith’s eyes grew wide at that.
“What happened before we met was the past. I’m glad Oliver didn’t cling to it. I’m glad he can move on. I can, too… even though I’m not alive anymore.”
Sam’s laughter emerged by his ears. He straightened himself and turned to face Keith. The boy gazed into those two woeful eyes.
“I love you,” Sam repeated.
Something tightened in his chest. His heart bled at those words which used to bring joy to his life. He reached out to touch Sam’s face even though all he could feel was only chilliness. Despite that, the spirit rested his face on it. Keith couldn’t help but smiling. He reached out the other hand to hold Sam’s face. They locked their eyes with each other.
“I love you, Keith Derringer,” Sam repeated, as if he wouldn’t stop if he didn’t receive the answer. Maybe Keith intended to not give the other what he wanted, so that he could listen to it over and over. Because, this time, the confession didn’t hurt him. It gave him comfort and relief. Sam uttered those words again and again until all his concern dissolved into thin air.
“I love you, Sam Gibs.”
The bright smile returned to Sam’s face. It was so bright Keith couldn’t take his eyes off him. He returned the confessions as many as he received.
All he wished was that he could see Sam’s smile and hear Sam’s laughter always.
Chapter Forty Five
Everlasting Memories
It was dark. Keith walked into the woods, his hand holding a shovel he’d just bought. His sneakers were stained with mud, now turning dark brown.
“This way?” he asked.
Other people might see that he was alone. But he was actually not. He was with a woman. She was in ripped clothes, her face wearing make-up. She was covered in dirt from head to toe. But she had long got over her look. She directed Keith to a big tree.
“It should be around here.” Her voice was hopeful.
Keith started to dig up, each time with only a small amount of soil. He thought he was more capable, but it turned out he had got not enough strength. It took him quite a time until he found what he was looking for. He was panting, his whole body drenched in sweat and raindrop. The rain had been falling lightly for a while.
When the shovel tip hit something which wasn’t the soil, the boy looked up at the woman. She was astounded, urging him to keep digging.
He crouched down and gently brushed aside the dirt until a human arm was revealed. His heart went erratic. He continued searching until he found the face.
“Found it!” he exclaimed, looking up to see the crying woman.
“Thank you… Thank you so much.” Her body started to flicker. A fully opaque figure was now becoming more and more transparent that Keith could see right through it. She bent down beside him and uttered words of gratitude. “Thank you for finding me.”
She smiled, and then disappeared.
Keith opened his eyes and found that he was in his bedroom. He dreamt of the incident which occurred when he’d just moved into Diane’s house. That time, he met a stray spirit on his way home. She seemed like she was lost, so Keith walked up to her.
He wondered why he dreamed of it. He turned to Sam who was lying next to him, eyes closed, like he really fell asleep. He looked like another human being. But, lately, Keith noticed something had been happening to the other’s body. He told himself his eyes played a trick on him since the Sam he was looking at right now didn’t appear any different.
The other’s eyes winced before fluttering open. The owner of those charming blue orbs smiled so sweetly that he couldn’t help smiling as well.
“When did you wake up?”
“Just now,” Keith replied, his eyes lingering on the spirit with deep longing, as if he soon would never get to see him again.
Sam held out a hand to fondle his hair, then placed a kiss on his forehead.
“Go back to sleep if you have no plan for today.” Sam didn’t just say it, but also threw his arm and legs around Keith. The other’s non-existence weight couldn’t really hold him back from getting up. What kept him in his place was the sudden chilliness.
“I’m going outside today.”
“It’s weekend! You’re supposed to stay home and rest,” Sam protested.
“I haven’t taken a picture for a long time. I plan to do it today. Any place you want me to visit?”
The spirit grew quiet for a while. Keith thought he wouldn’t get any response, but then the other said to him.
“There are three places I want you to take pictures for me.”
“Name them.”
“The school, the house, and my gravestone.”
Keith turned to look at the other’s face hidden on his shoulder.