by Aki_kaze
“Understood,” he agreed. He felt the emptiness hanging in his chest, the cause unknown. It was like something bad was going to happen.
After breakfast, Keith got back to his room to say goodbye to Sam, but the spirit wasn’t there. He grabbed the camera and put it around his neck. After that, he left the house for the bus stop. His first destination was the cemetery.
The city was bustling as always during weekends. As Halloween was around the corner, more and more people went shopping there. Keith couldn’t help smiling at the thought of the upcoming festival. Who else could have a chance to spend time with an actual ghost like him?
He stopped by the famous ice cream shop before going straight to the cemetery. Regardless of the tide of year, the cemetery always remained a serene place. He walked up to Sam’s grave, which Oliver and he visited just a week ago.
After that day, Sam never mentioned Oliver again. Neither did he gaze out of the window. When Keith got back to his room after school, he would find Sam sometimes on his desk, sometimes on the bed. The spirit always greeted him with his signature bright smile. That was what led him to think that the recent ominous feeling was rather unfounded.
Keith put the last bit of ice cream cone into his mouth then held up the camera to take a picture of Sam’s grave. He spent only a brief moment at the cemetery. When he left, he stopped by the flower shop and bought a bunch of pink carnations. The long vacant vase in his bedroom needed an occasional refreshment.
The bus drove along the route to his house. He didn’t get off at his usual stop though, instead at the one which was closer to Sam’s school. Even though it was a weekend, it was still during the school semester, so the gates were left open. Keith watched over the place from outside, reminiscing his first visit. He still used Sam’s photo he took at that time as his phone’s wallpaper. A faint smile crossed his face. He held up his camera and pressed the shutter button.
The last place Sam requested was the house. Keith leisurely strolled along the path back home. He wondered why Sam wished to see the house’s photo. But he then realized that perhaps because Sam couldn’t leave the house, so he couldn’t get to see its façade. Sam had been trapped in that house for so long.
Keith came to stop in front of his house. His eyes examined the building in a way they never did before. He paid attention to the details, the color, and every trace and trail indicative of the age. He captured what stood before his eyes with the camera. He also decided to add another picture to Sam’s list.
A picture of their bedroom viewed from outside.
Viewing the bedroom from there, Keith couldn’t help wondering what if he was the one who rode a bike past the back of this house every day, what if he was the one who shared those many moments with Sam when he was alive. What would have changed?
He sighed and walked back into the house. Those what-ifs could only happen in his mind.
“I’m back,” Keith said as he opened the bedroom door.
Sam was at his desk. As soon as he knew Keith was home, he rose up from the chair. But the moment his feet touched the floor, his body vanished for a second. Keith’s heart dropped to his feet, his hand dropping the flowers. Sam only eyed his own palm. Before Keith could utter anything, the spirit asked,
“You got all the pictures? I thought you’d be out longer.” Sam acted like nothing happened.
“I’d like to. But you’re waiting to see them, aren’t you?” The boy picked up the flowers and put them inside the vase.
“Just admit that you miss me,” Sam walked up behind him, beaming.
“Yes, I miss you. I miss you all the time,” Keith turned to face the other.
His reply wiped away the smile from the other’s face. They both looked into each other’s eyes, not saying a word.
“Are we really going to act like nothing’s wrong?” Keith’s voice was trembling. It was firmer when he rehearsed it in his head. “Don’t you really feel it? That your body…”
All the answer was written on Sam’s face.
“How come?”
“I don’t know,” Sam replied, “it’s been like this for quite a time.”
“Is it because you met Oliver?”
The other shook his head.
“Even before that.” Sam forced a smile. “It started when I realized I love you.”
“So, it’s because of me…”
“That’s not it,” Sam opposed.
“Are you going to leave me?” Keith never thought he would hear such bleak despair in his voice. He didn’t even dare look at Sam’s face. Something welled up in his eyes, and, with a blink, a drop of it rolled down his cheek. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Nothing… Hey, Keith, look at me.” Sam held up his head with his hands. Keith wished to be able to really feel the other’s touch. Even just once. “Look at me, Keith. Let me see your face.”
He complied and was met with a gentle smile, which made it all the more harder to fight back his tears.
“I’m sorry I kept it from you. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I don’t know you’ll feel about it. One thing I’m sure though, that it’ll certainly hurt you. So, I buried it. I want just good memories between us. Don’t forget, I’m already dead anyway.”
Keith couldn’t fathom why the other was still holding a smile, still staying gentle and tender. He knew it wasn’t easy for Sam either.
“What if I follow you, Sam? what if I die and…?”
“No!” Sam roared up, his eyes ablaze. “Promise me you won’t do what I did, Keith Derringer. Promise me that you’ll live a long life.”
“I can live to these days because I have you,” Keith confessed, “because I know that you’ll be here when I come home. Life becomes bearable. But if…”
If what awaited him home was but emptiness, how could he go on?
Sam looked at him and gave a smile.
“You’ll find someone who’ll stand by your side. Learn from me. Because I didn’t hold on, because I thought I had no one left, I chose this path. And when I got to meet you, it was all too late. Do you really want to feel what I have felt?”
“But I need no one else,” he pleaded.
“Of course, I’m your Mr. Perfect. Why’d you need anyone else?” Sam chuckled. “But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer with me. I found what I’ve been looking for. Maybe that’s why my body becomes like this.”
“I shouldn’t have brought this up.”
“Sooner or later, this day must come, Derringer.” Sam voice was even, his face calm.
“But you’re still here. We still have time together,” Keith stood firm, his hand holding onto the camera fast.
“We made good memories together, and I’ll never forget them. I can feel happy even though I’m dead. All thanks to you,” Sam said, “I know it’s hard. But you’ll be alright. No. You’re going to be alright. Promise me you’ll wait until you meet that one.”
“What if there’s no that one.”
“You’ll meet them, Keith Derringer, be it a he or a she. You are definitely going to meet them. Also… Know it that every time you’re thinking of me, I’m thinking of you as well.”
Sam leaned his face closer. Keith knew what the other was going to do.
“Do you know there’s this one place of you I’ve never kissed?”
The listener’s face heated up. He couldn’t say a thing.
“I save it for this very moment.”
Keith closed his eyes, feeling a sensation on his lips. When it disappeared, he knew what had happened. He knew that, when he opened his eyes again, what he would see and what he would not.
He sunk down onto the floor and dissolved into tears, pouring it all out until there was nothing left of him.
Epilogue
“Have you found it yet, that thing you’re waiting for?”
The man turned back to Doc Anderson. She sat on the couch across him with a notebook and a pen on her laps, ready to note down any useful information concerning him.
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“I need to stay optimistic.”
“Do you still see ghosts?”
“Not the one I want to see.”
Doc Anderson wrote something down.
“How do you feel when you think of him?”
Keith could only look at his doctor’s face. It wasn’t the first time she inquired him about Sam. After he’d come back to her, he’d been confiding in her about the spirit because he could tell no one else. He was glad he made that decision. Doc Anderson had no reason to believe him, and yet she didn’t judge him. She didn’t regard him as an insane person, nor did she thought he was having hallucination. She treated Sam like the guy was another human being who was part of his life. And that was enough.
“I hope you find the answer one day, Keith. You don’t need to tell me. You just need to tell yourself.”
“I hope so. Thank you for your time.”
“I’m the one who needs to thank you for still coming to see me.”
“I assume I’m your longest-treated patient.”
“Well, we have plenty of time, don’t we?”
Doc Anderson smiled at him. Keith bade farewell before taking his leave.
Keith Derringer, 24, stepped down from the bus, carrying his favorite backpack. Before him was the city center which he hadn’t seen for many years. Its stone pillar with the pyramid top standing right in the middle, the square still served as the central rest area. He walked past many stores; some of which were familiar, some of which were not. The people around him were lively as ever. He stopped by a flower shop and bought a bouquet of pink carnations. Between Sam and him, the flower held special significance.
Every step he took grew heavier as he approached his destination. The church bell chimed on time. He made a left turn automatically, knowing the path like the back of his hand, and headed straight to the cemetery. The gate let out squeaky sounds when pushed open. Keith took a deep breath before he came to halt in from of the grave of one of the most important people in his life.
“I’m back.” He tried to smile, like when he saw the other’s face. But it was so hard. He crouched down and lay the bouquet before the tombstone.
“I have graduated. Finish my master’s degree already. Now I’m working in New York.” Keith could easily recall the other’s proud smile, brighter and more beautiful than the summer sun.
“It’s weekend. I came to visit my aunt and my uncle. They still live in that house. And John’s become a full-fledged sport star. Alice’s in college…” He went quiet for a while before continuing. “…Do you know photography’s still my hobby? But your camera’s not working anymore, so I have to buy myself a new one. I carry it around everywhere I go. I think If I take a picture, you’ll be able to view it, too…”
Keith’s eyes lay on the name on the tombstone. Every moment in that year flooded back to his mind at once, so overwhelming that he needed to lift up his hands and plunged his head into them. His eyes felt a burning sensation. But he had already gave the other his word, so he did his best to withhold those tears.
“I’ll try harder” He took a breath in and slowly breathed out. He stood up, his green eyes now on the gravestone again. “You told me to hold on, to wait for that someone. That one day I’m going to meet them. And I do, Sam. I do. But I haven’t found them yet. It took you two years to meet me. How long do you think it will take me?... Sorry, I did it again.”
He wiped the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“But I’ll wait, Sam. I’ll not giving up the chance to see what life has in store. And, when I finally meet the one, I’ll let go of you. Okay?”
Keith stood there quietly, waiting for a reply which didn’t come. Indeed, Sam wasn’t with him anymore.
“Well, then, until next time.”
The man left the cemetery back to the crowded city square. He believed that, one day, he’d get to meet someone who could make him feel the way Sam did, even though he must spend his whole life in search for it.
Keith gazed up to the sky. He smiled at the sun whose shining radiance welcomed him to the summertime of year.
THE END
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