Her Renegade Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 3)

by Kristen Strassel

  I USUALLY FOUGHT MY shift, tried to shove it back down like an overflowing bag of garbage. Every month it came, whether I wanted it or not. It only magnified all the things I couldn’t have because I was a wolf. Choice. Love. Happiness. But this moon was different. Walter had left me alone as always. Usually I swallowed that like a bitter pill, but not tonight. After the stunt he pulled, I couldn’t stand be in the same room as him. The feeling was mutual, since he didn’t come looking for me in Emma’s room. Her warm body snuggled against mine made all the trouble my heart longed for worthwhile.

  Tonight, I stood on the porch, the cool air rippling through my thin robe, thinking of Major’s arms around me. His fur rippling against my skin. Those teeth scraping against my neck...

  The shift always began like an electric shock, a complete shutdown of everything human. This one was different. Lightning made a direct strike to my core, and something unfamiliar rippled through me. My head fell back as the sensation pulsed and quaked through my body, fur following the waves of something I’d swear was an orgasm. It had been a long time since I’d had one.

  I peeled the robe off before it was too late, the moon kissing my bare skin goodnight. I fell to all fours. I felt like more of a wolf and a woman than I had in a long time.

  This shift wasn’t about me. It was about the she-wolves that covered their bruises with makeup and cried themselves to sleep, thinking of their Major. It was so my daughter would never be owned by a man who considered her trash. And maybe it was about me chasing after the look in my long lost love’s eyes, the one that made me feel like a woman again and promised things I knew I deserved. No matter what my husband told me. He could break me down but he could never take the truth away from me.

  It was okay for things to be about me. It felt good to remember that.

  My lungs burned with the crisp night air, letting scent guide me through the forest. Things changed so much since I’d been here last, or maybe I just saw them differently. The villages seemed so much smaller, and it broke my heart to realize, shabby. With the full moon all the lights were on, fires burning bright. A few wolves gave me a double take, shocked to see me, of all wolves, alone in Sawtooth. No one approached, they just stared, not responding to my greeting. When I was a kid these houses had always been full of love. Now I sensed confusion and fear.

  The house I grew up in was abandoned. My mom died when I was in college, and my dad shortly after I got married. I missed them so much. I had so much to tell them, mostly about Emma. But I had a feeling somehow they knew it all. I was their only child and they always wanted the best for me, even though their choices sucked. I peered in the window, shocked to see some of the furniture still there, waiting for the next family get together. It stood there like a second chance and tearing myself away hurt.

  It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Forgotten. Over. Gone.

  No.

  I picked up Major’s scent before I saw him. Walter had been crude the other night, claiming Major smelled like beer and oil, but he did have a very distinct scent. More than any other wolf I’d ever met. Renee said she felt the same way about her husband.

  Lucky bitch. The wolf she was sold to actually wound up being her mate.

  To me, Major smelled like pine and fresh earth. Everything the forest embodied. Freedom, strength, instinct, home. The complete opposite of everything I was used to. I’d been afraid I wouldn’t be able to find my way, but my nose and heart lead me straight to Major.

  “Holy fuck, she actually came,” Shea laughed. We could communicate with each other no matter what form we were in. Only humans didn’t understand us as wolves. Shea and X brushed against my coat in greeting, but Major stayed frozen in front of me, the moonlight shining in his eyes. “We thought this guy was full of shit, but we waited for you because if you didn’t show up, we were going to have to scrape him out of the dirt.”

  X stared at me. “You look great, Cass. It’s been a long time since we’ve been around a woman in her wolf form, and—“

  “Enough! Find your own girl,” Major swatted at him. We couldn’t really kiss like this, but we nipped, snouts bumping. “Thank God you showed up. I never would’ve heard the end of it.”

  “All I needed was an invite.” And some frigging clarity. Don’t get me wrong, I was terrified. One false move and Major and I would be spending forever together in an unmarked grave. But I needed better than what I had. Even if it couldn’t last.

  Nothing did, right? So we had to take what we could get when we could get it.

  “You never needed an invite.” Major stood up, shaking out his coat. I was already high off his scent. He turned to me. “Want to go for a run?”

  “I’d love that.”

  “We’ll hang back, so you two can do whatever it is you’re going to do.” X wiggled his ears. “Have a good time, Cass. No one’s going to hurt you on our watch.”

  I cringed, aware that Walter could be anywhere. Watching us, with his goons, waiting to rip us all to shreds or worse.

  I forced the image down with the rest of the garbage. This was the best thing I possibly could’ve done. It became more apparent as we trotted through the woods, past the tiny little villages making up the individual packs of the forest. They used to divide by family lines, but as families retracted, things weren’t that clear anymore. Alliances were changing and it wasn’t easy for anyone. Loving your neighbor was different than working with your rival. As much as wolves craved adventure, we loved routine. It was one of the many ways we were loyal.

  Major led me to the edge of the lake. Ice covered the surface, pine limbs bowed down under the weight of the snow. The elevation was higher, and winter visited Sawtooth first.

  “Oh wow, I missed this place. All our hockey games, and playing Winter Olympics.” I pictured X skidding on the ice to see if he could go further than Shea’s slide, same laugh as a little boy as he had now. “My mom hated it when I hung out with all of you, called me a tomboy. Said I had a reputation to worry about, which made no sense to me, since I was nine, and half the time she was passed out drunk on the back stairs.”

  “You know what they say about those Lowe brothers,” Major teased, bumping me toward the ice. I braced myself, surprised it held my weight. “They’ll ruin your life.”

  “Don’t say that.” I glided further out on the ice watching Major’s shadow chase after me. No one was keeping score this time. He might be faster and more powerful than I was, but I could hand him his ass on the small turns. Soon we were skidding everywhere, on our bellies and backs. Major grabbed a hold of my fur with his teeth, shaking me back and forth before sending me flying over the ice.

  I was laughing so hard, I threw my head back and howled at the moon.

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?” Major asked, standing over me.

  “You have no idea.”

  “I do.” The words were sharp, but he didn’t elaborate, instead he chased the dying echo of my howl with one of his own. “Emma looks just like you did when you were her age.”

  And she’d follow in my footsteps. “Major, don’t.”

  I scrambled off the ice and headed back for solid land. It could give way at any moment. All of it could.

  “Don’t what?” he called after me, circling me so I had to stop.

  “Just don’t.” I took a deep breath. “I know she’ll have to do what I’ve done. I don’t want my daughter sneaking around, having to hide who she really is because her parents cashed a check.”

  She’d been sold into slavery just for being born.

  “I know that. And we’re going to fix that,” Major said. His brothers stood guard at the top of the hill. From here I could tell their eyes were everywhere, not missing a thing. Perfect soldiers. Major stepped closer to me, his breath clouded with mine. “Do you have any idea where I was the last six months?”

  Major and I hadn’t talked much over the years while I pretended to be a happy little wife. But when the motorcycle shop closed for what seemed like good, M
ajor’s absence stung. It was a tangible thing, knowing he was actually gone. It was selfish, to be envious that he could move on. I knew that. It changed nothing. It didn’t change what I wanted. “No.”

  “I was on your father-in-law’s farm.” His voice shook as he spoke. “In chains, brought out on the new moon to—“

  “Fight in the ring,” I finished for him. My husband made sure I knew what his family did to their enemies. Spared me no detail. He’d brought me to the fights a couple times. The last time was when he found out about the smuggled birth control. Walter suggested what they might do to a woman in the ring, and it was almost enough to get me to bend to his will. It made me smarter about my defiance. Until I didn’t give a damn if my defiance was smart or not.

  “All my brothers were with me, and the Channings.” Major took a deep breath. “Shea killed Archer. It happened the night we were rescued. He thought it was the only way he’d ever get his freedom.”

  “Holy shit.” I huffed. Shea had always been a live wire, but killing Archer? The sweetest wolf ever? No. My father-in-law had tortured them, made them crazy. I knew what it was like to lose people, but to stand by and watch your flesh and blood lower themselves to that level, lose themselves so entirely that they’d turn on who they were just to make it through another day? My breath caught when I thought of Emma. And I could barely stop the tears when I thought of myself. “I...I’m sorry. It doesn’t come close to being enough. If I had any idea you were there, I would’ve done anything to get you out. No matter what it took.”

  “That’s why Shadow killed Ryker. I would’ve done it, but he shifted before I did.” Major scoffed, somehow finding humor in this. Talk about coping mechanisms. I had a thousand of them. “Now Walter wants Shadow dead.”

  Shadow was such a peaceful man, and he’d been driven to murder by people who were supposed to be my family. My blood ran cold. “How do you know that?”

  “Because he asked me to kill him.” Major turned away from me, heading toward his brothers.

  “Major! You can’t trust him!” I chased him, circling in front of him. “You have to know that. It’s a trap. Walter knows about the other night.”

  “All you did was come see an old friend.” Major didn’t stop walking.

  “Like hell.”

  He stopped when he realized I wasn’t following. “Cass, I know that. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because this is a fight I don’t plan on losing.”

  Chapter Seven

  MAJOR

  I hated having regrets. Last night left me with a ton of them. Scaring the hell out of Cass, first and foremost. I don’t know why I opened my big mouth. I shouldn’t have told her Ryker imprisoned us. I especially shouldn’t have told her about my deal with Walter. But after meeting her daughter, seeing a carbon copy of Cass with her whole life ahead of her...Emma would never be in the same room with a working class wolf. There were none her age. She’d already been promised to the highest bidder. A man she’d probably never love.

  Even worse, it wouldn’t be remarkable when the light disappeared from her eyes. It wasn’t just Cass. I’d seen it in a few of the she-wolves in town when they passed me by, hollow and empty, denying their pasts. They crumbled on the insides, their exteriors too perfect. It was always a dead giveaway. Would Emma have the fight in her that her mother did? Or would she not know there was any other way? I couldn’t watch it happen again. For a long time, I thought love meant letting go. And I hated it. Now I knew it meant hanging on by your fingernails when you didn’t think you could do it another second. Because you couldn’t fucking stand to live without that person.

  When healthy, we only stayed wolf for a day. Two if we were lucky. I’d never been very lucky. The packs would have fewer problems if we could stay true to our nature. As humans we were forced to be something we weren’t. It was the root of all of our evils.

  “So I loved playing bodyguard last night, but the pay sucks, Major.” Shea had his feet up on my desk. “I need a job.”

  “Go get one.”

  Shea put his feet down, resting his elbows on the desk instead. “That’s the problem. I can’t. I’ve worked at all the ranches in town, and apparently, I’m not eligible for rehire,” he made air quotes, “or some bullshit. Like hell I’m going to work for Walter. So that leaves whatever’s going on at Forever Home.”

  “Forever Home?” I asked.

  He nodded, shit-eating grin on his face.

  “You want to work at the animal shelter?”

  “They’re expanding it on Ryker’s farm. They’ve already got some cows and horses there. I thought you knew everything, Major.” Shea rested his chin on balled fists, attempting to bat his eyelashes at me. He looked ridiculous. “I need you to put in a good word with Shadow for me.”

  I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. It felt fucking good, honestly. Despite the fact my brother was out of his natural mind. “You killed his brother. He wants you dead.”

  Shea dismissed me. “It fucking wrecks me, what happened with Archer. You lay in bed and jerk off thinking about Cass, I lay in bed and pray I pass the fuck out before I hear his skinny ass neck snapping in my jaws again. But it never happens. The Rykers turned us into murderers and what was it all for? Nothing. We still have no mates. All I have is my freedom. Shadow would’ve done the same exact thing.”

  Shadow had actually said so. It might not be a bad idea to have a Lowe over there. Shadow confused being alpha with being a magician. He thought he could fix everything. Maybe Shea’s idea wasn’t batshit crazy.

  “I have to go talk to him anyway. I’ll mention it.” I pushed Shea’s head. “Now get the hell out of my chair.”

  He jumped up, throwing air punches. “You’re doing me a solid, Major. Six months in that hole, I’m ready to change my ways. I’m sick of everyone looking at me like I have asshole stamped on my forehead.”

  I laughed again. “That’s because you do.”

  THE FARM LOOKED COMPLETELY different. Hazy sun lit up the snow, and Ryker’s house was gone, replaced by a few beams of new construction. It didn’t matter what they built here, they’d never get the stench of blood and desperation out of the land.

  “Hey, man.” Shadow put down the clipboard he had in his hand, he appeared to be checking in a supply order. “I’ve been meaning to come talk to you.”

  “Alpha school is closed, so I don’t know if I’d be much help to you.”

  Shadow laughed, holding his arms out. “It’s pretty clear I don’t need your help, Major. Look around.”

  Oh, Shadow. “Trust me, buddy. You need me.”

  His smile faded when he realized I wasn’t joking.

  “Anywhere we can talk?”

  Shadow motioned for me to follow him. “The barn’s the best building. I burned down Ryker’s house, and the shack he kept us in. Never wanted to see that again. The girls can plant a garden or something there. That land is haunted.”

  The barn was in good shape. I’d scoped it out before I started my side business of livestock smuggling. It had been my old plan of getting Shea a job. He could handle the animals, and the packs would have prey to feed from. A smart kill on the full moon could keep a family fed for weeks.

  “I’m surprised you’re doing this. I’ll never be able to look at this place and not see ghosts from the fights.”

  “I’m working hard to change that,” Shadow said, sitting on a bale of hay. “What’s going on?”

  I didn’t sit. “When you came up with your grand plan to take out Ryker, you forgot about his son. He’s fucking livid that you’re over here, ripping up his father’s land. Thinks it’s his.”

  Shadow raised his eyebrows.

  “Cass’ husband?” He sighed. “He’s got the town by the balls. I don’t have to tell you that. He’s tried to shut you down so many times—“

  “And now he’s gunning for you.” That shut Shadow up. “Wants me to do the j
ob.”

  His face paled. “What job?”

  “He wants me to kill you.”

  “Major, think about what you’re saying,” Shadow said quickly, getting up from the hay. “The weaker we are, the more power he has. Of course he wants this land back. The guys who work here hated Ryker, and still hate Walter. They’ll work for me. They’ll work for us. I don’t know what bait he’s offering you...”

  He hesitated. He knew exactly what the prize was.

  “Cass.” Her name felt like a prayer coming off my lips. I wanted her any way I could have her, but meeting her daughter yesterday, I knew I had to have her. I wouldn’t leave them in that gilded Hell. “He offered me Cass.”

  “He offered her up, or you demanded her and he didn’t argue?” Shadow shook his head. “It will never happen. You’re out of your mind to work with him. You’ve got to give up this crazy fantasy that you still can have Cass. We’re thirty-five, Major. She’s been married how many years? To Walter. He’s got his claws in her until he dies, which will hopefully be soon, but—“

  I had to cut him off before he pissed me off any more. After all, I was there to save his fucking life.

  “It will be soon,” I growled. “I need your help. As alpha. Protect your land and get me my girl.”

  Shadow sized me up, probably wondering if I had a knife behind my back. This would be my second agreement to kill a man. I could honor one, none, or both. No matter what Shadow decided, I was going to get what I wanted.

  He wrapped me in a hug. It felt good not to be fighting. “I always knew we’d make a hell of a team.”

  No time like the present. “We will. And since I’m doing you a favor and letting you live, I need one in return.”

  “What?” Shadow groaned.

  “Shea wants a job. In the barn. When he’s not getting himself into a world of shit, he’s a great worker.”

  Shadow pressed his lips together in a hard line, his eyes darkened. “That’s up to Trina.”