In Helen’s Hands

by Nanisi Barrett D'Arnuk

  Surprised, I sat on the couch. Had something happened? As I tasted my drink, I watched her carefully. She looked very tired. I adjusted myself. It still felt as if I was sitting on a handful of marbles.

  Helen laughed as she studied me. “How is your bottom today?”

  I smiled. “Tender, very tender.”

  “Let me see.”

  I took a gulp of my drink, then set it on the floor and slowly peeled my jeans down with my panties and bent over, ass toward her.

  I heard her gasp and looked at my panties. They were smeared with blood.

  She touched me gently. “This one needs to be butterflied,” she said, more to herself than to me. “And a couple of these welts are swollen with blood. They should be lanced before they fester and cause permanent damage.” She stood. “Come on, Little Butch, first aid time.”

  She walked across the room as I pulled my pants to just below my ass, picked up my drink, and followed her. It seemed strange to be following her into the dungeon rather than waiting for her there. As we entered, she went into the bathroom for the medicine cabinet and ran water in the sink. Not knowing what to do, I let my jeans drop and stepped out of them.

  “Take all your clothes off,” she called. “Let me see what other damage we did.” The water stopped running as I hung my shirt on the hook behind the door. “Come on over here,” she said, coming out of the bathroom carrying a tray of bottles and bandages. She set the tray on the equipment table next to her drink, then turned the light switch so that it was much brighter. It felt wrong to have it that bright in there.

  I turned slowly as she signaled.

  “Stop.” She touched the black and blue finger marks on my hip. “Do these hurt?”

  “Not very much.”

  She touched a few other bruises. I just sighed. There wasn’t much to say. “Well, at least it’s not as bad as I feared. You’re lucky only four of those lashes broke skin. Roz loves to draw blood. Only this one, where it crosses the other, looks deep enough to be concerned. It should have been stitched, but I think a good butterfly will close it. There shouldn’t be any permanent damage. How in hell did you sit on the blood blisters today?”

  “It wasn’t easy.” I shrugged.

  She pointed to the horse. “Better brace yourself. This will not be pleasant pain.”

  I stretched over the horse as she went back to the tray. By the brighter light, I could see how sweat had tarnished the metal handles on the far side of the horse. They were much dingier than I remembered. I made a note to polish them the next time I cleaned the dungeon.

  “I’m surprised you had the strength to clean up in here this morning. Did you go to a movie?” Helen said.

  “No, ma’am. I went shopping in the Village.”

  “Shopping,” Helene said in wonder. “How did you have the strength? You amaze me. Most boys would have stayed in bed all day after half of what you took last night.”

  I felt pride in her voice. “I bought some new shirts. I hope you like them.”

  “Low cut?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I’ll like them.” The cold of alcohol glided gently across my butt. I winced as it burned some of the welts. “It’s going to take some time for these to heal properly, for the swelling to go down,” Helen murmured. “We’ll have to find something soft for you to sit on for a few days.” She laughed. “And some other part of your body to abuse.”

  “Yes, Mistress.” I smiled. “Whatever pleases you.”

  “Such a good boy,” she said, patting my hip. Then her voice turned serious. “I’m going to let some of this blood drain to bring the swelling down. Otherwise, it’ll leave damage. That would be horrible for such a pretty little bottom. This will hurt for just a moment. Be very still.”

  I felt a jab as her scalpel sliced into me. I gripped the handles as warm blood trickled down my leg.

  “Another,” she said. This jab didn’t hurt half as much. “And the last.”

  I shuddered as she pressed the welts to squeeze the remaining blood.

  “You all right?” she asked.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good,” she said, “because this is going to really hurt. And you don’t have to be brave this time, Little Butch. I’m not enjoying this.”

  I almost screamed as she wiped the cuts with a cool liquid, probably mercurochrome or some other antiseptic. I sighed deeply as she wiped up the blood with a warm wet towel. Then she handed me a washcloth, and I wiped the tears from my eyes.

  “I’ll butterfly all of these so they won’t need stitches. I don’t think they’ll leave scars, but we’ll keep an eye on them. If they bother you, let me know.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I sighed as she applied tape to the cuts. She was slow and meticulous. Then she spread a wide strip of gauze over the cuts and taped it in place.

  I drew a quick breath as she spread my ass cheeks carefully. At least it didn’t feel like someone was going to tear me apart. “How does this feel today? Any bleeding?”

  “Not that I noticed,” I answered, taking a deep breath. It hurt, but not nearly as badly as before. “But I had a little stinging when I went to the bathroom.”

  “There’s a small tear,” she said, “Did you clean it well?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I took a warm bath with Epsom salts.”

  “That helped some, but you still have to watch yourself carefully.” She turned back to the table. “This will help.” She spread a cool, smooth salve on my asshole. Then she stepped back. “That should do it for now. Let me know if anything feels wrong or if the swelling or pain doesn’t go right away. One of those blood blisters was like a rock. It has me concerned.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said as I pushed back from the horse.

  As I turned, she handed me an ice pack. “Hold this against your bottom for a while. It’ll help the swelling.”

  I took the ice pack and leaned against the horse to hold it in place. I sighed deeply. The pain wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been, and the coolness from the ice felt soothing.

  I looked up to see Helen watching me. She touched my collar. “Did you wear this shopping today?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t, I didn’t want to take it off. It would have felt like I was disconnecting from you, and I didn’t want that.”

  “Did anyone say anything about it?”

  I smiled, a little self-consciously. “I got a couple strange looks.”

  Helen shook her head. “How did it feel?”

  “I wished I could have told them about you.”

  She pulled her stool over and sat. The look on her face was quite serious. After a minute, she said, “I have to apologize for last night.”

  I started to object, but she put up her hand.

  “No. It was wrong, especially on your very first night with a locked collar. I failed you. It should never have happened like that.” She took a deep breath. “It’s never all right for a dominatrix to allow her submissive to be harmed like you were.” She sighed. “I knew that Roz was going too far, and I knew that you were in distress. I should have stopped it, but I let it get out of hand. I truly apologize. You have every right to take off that collar and walk out the door.”

  “Mistress, I’d never walk out on you. I was the one who failed. I yelled my safe word!”

  Helen shook her head. “If you hadn’t, you’d probably be in the hospital right now. Our contract was for me to protect you and you to serve me. You gave me the best of service last night, and I let you down. I didn’t protect you. I broke the contract.” She shifted, crossing her legs and leaning forward. “Roz is very much the sadist and a very passionate woman. We’ve known each other for years, but we could never be together because I won’t take her abuse. I think you could tell there’s a certain love between us, but we also respect each other’s needs and desires. What happened last night was partly my desire to see her pleased. You got caught in the middle. I’m very sorry.”

  I watched
in silence as her face changed expressions several times. I knew she was having a hard time putting what she had to say into words. I’d never seen this part of her and could tell that this very personal side was not something she was used to talking about.

  “You must love each other a great deal,” I offered. I felt privileged to be privy to that connection.

  She smiled sadly. “Perhaps.” Then she smiled broadly. “And you showed a great deal of love for me last night. When a boy has to use his safe word, you expect tears. But they’re usually from the pain or humiliation. Your tears were because you thought you’d embarrassed me. It was a remarkable response. You made me very proud.” She nodded, laughing. “Roz was so shocked she nearly peed her pants. I don’t think either of us has ever seen a sub react like that. And believe me, we’ve heard a lot of subs yell their safe words.” She reached for my hand. “I was stunned. And truly honored. I promise you, Little Butch, my Mickey Mouth, I will never let anything like that ever happen again. Please accept my apology.”

  Tears rolled down my face. I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around her legs, laying my head on her lap. The only words I could think right then were, “I adore you.” I let my feelings float out around me as she gently, lovingly stroked my hair.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I’d just come back from running errands, my arms full of laundry and a few groceries. Helen was seated on the couch next to a very light-skinned black woman who I judged to be about thirty or thirty-five. They were deep in conversation, so I went into the kitchen to put the groceries away.

  Helen called after me. “Would you make some coffee?”

  “Right away,” I answered and set the old percolator to boiling. I brought the laundry into the living room to take it upstairs.

  “I’ll take that.” Helen held out her hands for the package, then went up the stairs. I was surprised she hadn’t told me to take it up.

  “You must be Mickey,” a voice said from the couch. “I’m Tina. I suspect she’s told me a lot more about you than she’s told you about me.” She flashed a warm smile. My insecurity took over. Was this a new conquest of Helen’s? Someone with the potential to replace me?

  Tina must have read the expression on my face. “She never tells anyone about me. Next to you, I’m the best kept secret in town. And you’ve nothing to worry about.” She smiled a very beguiling grin. “I’m Helen’s daughter.”

  “Her daughter?”

  Tina laughed, a Helen gesture. “Yes. My dear parents thought it would be better to keep me out of the limelight in case someone found out about my mother’s other hobbies.”

  “I didn’t even know she had children.” I was amazed.

  “Just me. Daddy died when I was eight. He was her first agent.”

  I nodded, letting this new information start to sink in. Of course. There was the picture of the handsome, gray-haired white man on the table in her bedroom. I’d always wondered who that was.

  “Where’s Jackie?” Helen asked, coming back down the stairs.

  “Zabar’s,” Tina answered. “Where else?” She directed her next remark at me. “We get into New York once every other month, and the first place my daughter has to go to is a gourmet food store. Jackie is definitely her grandmother’s granddaughter. It scares me sometimes.”

  I looked at Helen. She had a granddaughter, too? This was almost too much to comprehend.

  “Don’t believe a word she says,” Helen told me. “I found her in an alley and made the mistake of giving her something to eat. Now I can’t get rid of her, and she goes around spreading vicious lies about being my daughter.”

  Tina laughed. “You can’t deny me, Mom. I have the same sense of humor as you.”

  “But you have your father’s musical talent…which was nonexistent.”

  “At least I know good music when I hear it.” She looked at me. “Mom made sure I got a good musical education.”

  “Someone had to,” Helen said.

  The warm banter felt good. Maybe I’d learn something about the enigma that was still Helen Robins. I looked at them closely, trying to spot similarities. Then I remembered the coffee and looked at my watch. “Oops, the coffee should be done. I hope you like it strong.”

  “Just like my men,” Tina answered as I started for the kitchen. “Strong, hot, and black.”

  “There’ll be no dirty talk in this house, young lady,” Helen said.

  Hearing them made me smile. They definitely had the same laugh. As I brought out the coffee, the door flew open, and a teenager bounced in carrying two large Zabar’s shopping bags. It was a miniature Helen Robins. The smile, the eyes, and the way she moved were all the image of her grandmother.

  “Hi, Granny!” She smiled, giving Helen a quick kiss.

  Helen cringed. “Haven’t I told you not to call me that? I said I’d give you five dollars to call me Helen.”

  Jackie looked at Helen as only a teenager can. “Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen. There, now you’ve just paid for the food I bought at Zabar’s. I charged it to your account.”

  “You’d better get her under control,” Helen said to Tina. “One of these days, I might not laugh.”

  “That’s between you two.” Tina shrugged. “I’m staying out of the crossfire.”

  Jackie held out her hand to me. “Hi, I’m Jackie. You must be Helen’s new trick.”

  I looked at Helen, shocked. This child couldn’t be more than fourteen. Where had she learned things like that?

  Helen just shrugged. “Out of the mouths of babes…”

  Tina laughed. “Don’t look at me. I’m just her mother. Her grandmother is responsible for that part of her education.”

  “What? Am I right or not?” Jackie looked back at me. “You live here with Helen, right? And she plays with you in her dungeon.”

  “Jackie, I think there are better ways of phrasing that,” Helen said, looking as if she was trying to suppress a smile. I felt shaken.

  “I apologize,” Tina said. “I moved to West Chester to keep her away from the bad influence of her grandmother, but it didn’t seem to work.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to any of this. How long had this been going on? Why didn’t anyone know about this?

  “Maybe we’d better take your purchases into the kitchen. It’s getting too hot in here. The food will spoil.” Helen steered Jackie out of the room.

  After watching them go, Tina turned to me. “I do apologize. She’s very precocious. Sometimes she really oversteps her boundaries.”

  “It’s all right,” I assured her as I sank onto one of the red chairs. “I just wasn’t prepared. I guess you just have to call them as you see them.”

  “Still…” Tina shook her head. “Mom has spoiled her rotten. Jackie wandered into the dungeon when she was ten. Mom’s never been one to cushion the truth. I think it took Jackie all of three hours to learn what each and every one of Mom’s toys was used for. I’m never certain which one of them I’m supposed to be the mother of and which one I’m a daughter to.”

  “It’s fine. Living with Helen has taken a lot of getting used to. I’m usually not shocked by anything anymore.”

  “You seem to be making her happy.”

  “Thank you.” I almost blushed.

  Helen came back into the room. “When are you going to teach your daughter the value of money?” she demanded. “Even I don’t shell out twenty-three dollars a pound for imported prosciutto!”

  “You’re the one who thought your granddaughter should appreciate the finer things in life.”

  Helen scowled at her, then me. “And you can keep that Mickey Mouth grin off your face, or I’ll see you upstairs at 9:03 tonight.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to keep from smiling.

  “Is she still using that old intimidation routine?” Tina laughed. “She used to do that to me. You be home by 11:09, young lady, or you’re grounded for a week.” A wide smile lit her face. “Of course, I don’t suppose she grounds
you, does she?”

  “No.” I had to laugh. “I wouldn’t call it grounding. Grinding, maybe. But not grounding.”

  Tina shook her head. “As much as I’ve lived with it, I still don’t understand the attraction. Of course, that’s Mom’s big disappointment in life. Mistress Helen raised a straight vanilla girl.”

  Helen gave her shoulder a warm nudge. “Out of all the things I could be disappointed in, that isn’t one of them. Your father would have been proud of you. He couldn’t understand it either.” Helen looked at me. “I loved her father. We were just never good in bed together.”

  “Must have been at least once.” I grinned. “Or she wouldn’t be here.”

  “That’s it, Mickey Mouth. 9:07.”

  I bowed my eyes as I heard an enthusiastic, “Great! Can I watch?”

  “No!” two voices said in unison.

  Looking up, I caught a very amused look in Helen’s eyes.

  “No, you may not,” Tina said rapidly.

  “Oh, Mom. You’re no fun at all!”

  Helen broke out in a laugh as she reached for her Shermans. I jumped to grab the lighter and held it out for her. “She’s right, you know.” She stared at Tina. “I’ve told you that a hundred times.”

  Tina let out a deep sigh of resignation. “Now I get it from both sides.”

  “Isn’t that what makes you fun?” I asked in all seriousness.

  Helen started to laugh but burst out into one of her coughing fits.

  “Haven’t you given up those things yet?” Tina asked. “You know they’re gonna kill you one of these days.”

  Helen harrumphed. “It’ll take more than one of these to kill this broad.” She smiled, tapping herself on her chest. “Besides, why should I stop doing something that makes me happy? Haven’t I taught you that life is more important than that? Even your father understood that.”

  “I know, Mom, but you know how I worry.”

  “I’ve told you enough times; if these are gonna kill me they should have done it by now. I’ve been smoking so long it’s much too late to back off.”

  Tina turned to me. “Can’t you hide these things? How can you let her smoke that shit?”