Ashes of Merciless

by Odette Michael

  The only breathing room I’d had was that there had been plenty of money. Dad had left us with more than enough.

  “You woke me up. Why the screaming?”

  I stared at Ruth as she scrambled to a sitting position. Immediately, her hand reached down to one of the many glass bottles lining the floor. She took a swig of some of the dark liquid.

  I cleared my throat, not knowing what to say. We usually didn’t talk much.

  “I had a nightmare,” I admitted after a few minutes.

  “Everybody has nightmares. No use in screaming about it. What makes you so special?” she said without looking at me. Her blue eyes were glazed over as she took another drink.

  My hands became fists at my sides.

  Her glazed eyes eventually flicked to me, and they rested on my fists. “Is there a problem?” she sneered.

  “No . . . but I need to ask you something,” I said.

  Ruth pulled a cigarette out of a wrinkled package and began searching around in the cracks of the couch. “Where did I put that stupid lighter?” she mumbled around the cigarette.

  “Ruth, please,” I said as I entered the room. “Can you listen for just one second?”

  She waved a hand at me, and I took this as permission to continue.

  “What happened to Noodles?” I asked in a small voice.

  She found her lighter and paused with the flame halfway to the cigarette, her eyebrows raised. “What noodles? Like spaghetti noodles?”

  I took a deep breath and counted to ten in my head. Was she so far gone she actually didn’t remember?

  “Noodles was my dog. My Pomerania. Don’t you remember him?”

  Ruth held the fire to the cigarette, inhaled deeply, and blew out a stream of choking smoke. I turned my head away slightly.

  “Oh, that yapball. It never shut up.”

  “How did he die?” I asked, my body tensing. I was no longer sure I wanted to know the answer.

  “He got hit by a car. Stupid thing liked to chase them.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  Ruth narrowed her eyes at me through the smoke. “Of course I’m sure. I’m the one who had to scrape the mess up off the pavement.”

  A sigh of relief escaped me. I felt the weight of the world lighten just a little bit.

  Ruth waved her cigarette at me. “Don’t look so happy about it, now.”

  I ignored her and went into the kitchen. She wouldn’t understand. She couldn’t understand.

  It hadn’t been me. Noodles hadn’t died because of me. Ash could twist my dreams and memories all she wanted, but it hadn’t been my fault. Besides, Ash hadn’t manifested that early; I couldn’t let her trick me into thinking otherwise.

  There was actually a small smile on my lips as I poured some milk into my bowl of cereal. I was about to carry the bowl to the breakfast counter, but my body wouldn’t move.

  My eyes widened, fear trickling throughout my system. This was never good.

  My gaze came to rest on the knife set in front of me. The fear was overwhelming now, but there was something else there, too. Something that didn’t belong to me.

  Anticipation.

  Her arm reached out, and her hand closed over the black handle of the biggest knife.

  I was breathing very hard now, trying my best to break free of Ash’s clutches, but it was like trying to escape metal chains wrapped around my whole body. Sweat dripped down my forehead and into my eyes.

  “Ash, stop,” I whispered.

  She pulled the knife free of its wooden prison and held it up to the kitchen light. Her face in the blade was eerie, the silver irises swirling almost chaotically.

  “Please, Ash. Please stop. For me. It’s not her you would hurt, but me. Put. The. Knife. Down,” I pleaded through clenched teeth.

  For a long minute, there was no sound except for the roar of my labored breathing. Time seemed to stand still.

  After what felt like forever, the knife dropped from my hand and clattered to the ground.

  Chapter 2 Risk

  I made Ruth some toast and quickly set it on the coffee table in front of her. Right now it was actually eight in the evening, but I wasn’t exactly on a normal schedule. My schedule flip-flopped on a daily basis to keep me prepared no matter what time it was, so I slept whenever I had the chance. As for Ruth, she usually stayed unconscious.

  I left without looking at her, and we didn’t speak anymore. I wasn’t sure if I could ever look her in the eye again after what had happened in the kitchen.

  I locked the door behind me and was hit by the humid Georgia air. We lived in a very remote location without neighbors, but not everyone in Merciless lived near Headquarters the way I did. Most of the Observers and Sealers were from various parts of the United States, and they usually stayed at Headquarters unless they were on vacation.

  The closest I was to any person outside of Merciless was nodding to the cashier at the grocery store. As an Assassin, I wasn’t allowed things that most people took for granted, like getting my nails done or even going to get a haircut. Things like that were considered situations that might unintentionally reveal hints of identity.

  My hair usually looked pretty rough because I opted for cutting it myself instead of asking anyone in Merciless to do it for me. I kept it just above my shoulders, snipping off the dead ends as they popped up. Because of my job, I couldn’t have lengthy hair anyway. Yet every time I brought the scissors to my hair, it was hard not to remember Ruth’s gentle fingers combing through the tresses.

  I unlocked my black sports car. In a year I was required to have a different car, which was unfortunate. This was my first car, and I’d grown somewhat attached to it.

  Maybe I could persuade the Master. . . .

  No. There were no choices or compromising in Merciless.

  When I started the car, my favorite rock station greeted me like an old friend. I tried my best to concentrate on the music, letting the heavy guitar drown out the horrible scenario that had happened in the kitchen.

  If I didn’t think about it, it hadn’t happened. If I ignored Ash, she couldn’t be real.

  I tightened my fingers around the steering wheel when I felt her amusement boil inside of me.

  That was the problem. There was a time when I’d had myself convinced that Ash was just a bad dream. But that was a long time ago, and Ash refused to be ignored these days.

  I turned the music up louder and pulled out onto the road.

  I lived about an hour away from Headquarters. I still had to train, and I had class as well. I was “homeschooled” and had papers to email daily, although lately, I was behind even more so than usual on my schoolwork.

  Before going to Headquarters, I needed to swing by the post office to drop off the power and cable bills. Paying online was an option, but sometimes I craved a sense of normality.

  It wasn’t like Ruth was going to pay the bills. If not for me, Ruth would be out on the streets, lost and confused. I knew the woman had been dealt a bad hand; her husband and child had never really belonged to her, but she’d never had to work a day in her life.

  Still, I pictured the loneliness of her empty gaze, and my stomach clenched tightly.

  It began to drizzle as I pulled up to the post office. I slipped the envelopes inside the mailbox and started to pull away, but a teenage boy caught my eye.

  Something told me to keep my foot on the brake.

  He was average height with muddy brown hair. His clothes were nothing fancy, just a T-shirt and jeans along with a pair of dirty sneakers.

  Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a teenager around sixteen or seventeen.

  What tensed my hands around the steering wheel and made adrenaline fill my veins were the men walking behind him. They were about twenty yards away. I wasn’t an Observer, but I’d dealt with enough scum to know who was bad and who wasn’t going to cause trouble.

  These men were looking for trouble.

  There were four of them, late twenties. The
y had the stereotypical hoodlum-look, complete with tattoos and multiple piercings. It was more than obvious that they were following him.

  “Come on, seriously?”

  I jumped at Ash’s voice, and then shook my head to clear it. Of course she would be here when something like this happened.

  They were probably hoping he had a little cash on him, or they wanted his portable music player; they could sell it at a pawn shop real fast for their next fix.

  I stared at the white earbuds in the boy’s ears. Stupid. He couldn’t hear that he was being trailed.

  I looked around. The post office was next to an old hardware store that looked like it only got about two customers a month. Both the post office and the hardware store were closed for the night. A few cars went by. But as expected, people were too engrossed in their own lives to realize the obviousness of the situation in front of them.

  “Maybe they’ll just try to scare him, not hurt him.” Ash was more sarcastic than anything.

  I looked back at the hardware place, noting the shadowed area between the two buildings. The rain was picking up, and the sun was almost completely set. Once they got him between the buildings, it would be even darker.

  The boy looked up to the sky almost blankly and hurried his pace. The others closed in.

  “I’m not taking that chance,” I said as I pressed my foot on the gas. I drove out onto the road; they weren’t going to do anything with my car nearby.

  “Far enough. Turn around!”

  I obeyed her commands, making a wide U-turn in the middle of the road. The driver in a car passing by gave me the finger for my rashness.

  “If we do this, you can’t kill them, Ash.”

  “Are you stupid? If we let them live, they will just keep doing things like this to other people.”

  “You know you don’t care about that. The only reason you want to help him is because it’s another opportunity to kill.”

  “You should give me more credit. You make me out to be so horrible.”

  The sarcastic voice made me clench my teeth. “I cannot kill outside Assignments. You know this. If you do kill, you endanger my life, which in turn endangers yours. Earlier you tried to murder my own mother, so can I even trust you with this?”

  “I wasn’t really going to do anything. . . . I was just messing around.”

  “Forget it. We’re leaving.”

  She sighed. “Liar. You’ll do this with or without my help. We’ve wasted enough time, so go toward the store. Park forty feet away, and let me take over.”

  Situations like this were the only times I willingly gave Ash control over me. She was made for this, born of it. My car sped forward and silently stopped.

  Almost like I was a ghost inside my own mind, Ash got out of the car and raced forward as if made of mist.

  At least they were smart enough for someone to keep watch. Ash was too fast; the man never had the chance to do anything except widen his eyes as she rounded the corner. Her feet left the ground, and her fist flew out, silently striking him on the temple. His eyes closed, and she caught his weight against her as he slid to the ground. Ash quickly put her fingers to his neck to feel the pulse there, reassuring me.

  The trash cans and stacked boxes mostly hid the rest of them from sight. When they came into view, her heart thumped hard unevenly, shooting Ash with more adrenaline. The biggest one had a bloody lip and had the boy against the wall, a knife at the boy’s throat. The lackeys surrounded them, ready for orders.

  It was impossible for these ones to not see Ash. Surprise showed on all of their faces, and the big, red-haired leader let out a snarl.

  “Who the . . . ? Where’s Voy?” he asked.

  One of the two lackeys spat onto the ground and came close to her. “Look here, pretty girl. You don’t want none of this, do you? If you leave now, you got the chance to still be a virgin on your wedding night.”

  “Voy?” the other one barked. “Get over here!”

  Ash smiled sweetly at them. “I’m afraid Voy has fallen asleep on the job. Shame, shame,” she said, wagging a finger. “He ought to know better.”

  The redhead peeked around the boxes, the knife coming away from the boy’s throat as he saw the man on the ground, still as death. Blood ran down his chin as he spoke.

  “How . . . ? You’re just a girl!”

  Ash gave them no more time to analyze her small size. She struck out with both arms, hitting one on the temple with her elbow and jamming her fist into the other’s windpipe. One dropped to the ground, unconscious. The other went down onto his knees, his hands holding his throat, choking and unable to draw in air. He fell face-first to the ground, clearly consumed with pain.

  The leader and the boy both stared at Ash in amazement, mouths agape. The redhead swung his fist toward Ash, and the brown-haired boy leaned in as if to stop the blow.

  It didn’t matter; Ash was wind. She ducked around him and came up behind, lunging into the air. Her fist came down against the top of his head, and he grunted and fell to the ground. Immediately, Ash leaned down to feel all three of their pulses.

  “Thank you. See, you can be reasonable,” I mumbled.

  “Whatever,” Ash replied as she gave me back control. “No more ballet flats. It would have been easier had I been able to use my feet.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned to the boy. He didn’t appear hurt or shook up, but he eyed me with more curiosity than I’d ever seen on a person’s face.

  And he no longer needed me. I turned and started toward my car. If I was seen at this scenario, I was more than just dead meat.

  He didn’t seem to grasp my urgency. “Who are you? Hey, where did you learn to fight like that?” he asked hastily. His hand reached out and grabbed my forearm, turning me to him.

  “Don’t touch me!” I snapped at him. Automatically, I recoiled and jerked easily out of his grasp. His eyes widened at my ferocity, and I began to walk away when he grabbed me again.

  “Wait! Just wait, please. Tell me your name.”

  Very carefully, I turned to him, biting my lip because of his hand on my arm. Him touching me felt wrong.

  “I saved your life. I owe you nothing. And I said don’t touch me!”

  He dropped his hand and held my gaze. “Thank you,” he said.

  I should have left right then. One of my feet took a step toward the car, but I angled myself toward him instead. It felt strange talking to one of the forbidden.

  “You weren’t going down without a fight,” I said hesitantly to him, remembering the man’s bloody lip. I also recalled the way he was going to take the punch. Not a coward, just outnumbered. Talking to him left the adrenaline burning, this act of disobedience.

  “Speaking of fighting, it isn’t typical to see someone move like you do. You’ve been trained.”

  I felt my face go white, my blood freezing in my veins.

  “I have to go,” I whispered, looking at the man on the ground with the bruised windpipe. He was stirring, as were the others.

  He followed my gaze. “Can I hitch a ride?”

  “No,” I said before racing to the car. Rain pelted my face as I yanked the door open and jumped inside. Shock jolted my heart when I heard the passenger door close.

  “The least you can do is give me a ride,” he said, shrugging casually.

  If he had any idea who he was in the car with . . .

  I was now locked in place with fear. My thoughts were going so fast I couldn’t pick them out individually. This was bad. I shouldn’t have interfered. What was the matter with me? What if we were being watched this very second? Observers were everywhere. Had anyone seen? The idiot was in the car with me!

  Registering that I was paralyzed with shock and fear, Ash seized my muscles and jammed my foot against the gas pedal. The tires squealed against the wet pavement, and we shot forward, jolting me back to reality.

  “Mind turning around? I was headed the other direction.” Once again he spoke casually, but by the set of his b
lue eyes, he looked to be deep in thought.

  “Shut up! If this is how all of you are, I wish I hadn’t bothered!” I yelled.

  “How all of who is?” There was an edge to his voice now.

  My hands were glue on the steering wheel. I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing. My eyes were stuck on the rearview mirror, watching for anyone who might be watching me.

  “You going to turn around?” he pressed.

  Anger flashed hotly through me. I slammed on the brakes, throwing him against the dashboard.

  “Get out!” I hissed, pointing at the door for emphasis.

  He hesitated. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk. You caught me on a really bad day, all right?”

  “I’d hate to see your good days,” I muttered.

  He smiled, surprising me. “And I’d hate to piss you off. So I’m sorry.”

  I ignored him and inclined my head toward the door. “You need to leave. And let me make something very clear to you—you will never reveal what happened here today. Nothing happened. You’ve never seen me before in your life, and you never will again. Got that, pretty boy?”

  Much to my surprise, his face showed no trace of fear.

  “Just leave,” I murmured, turning away from him. “And there’s this great new mode of transportation called an automobile. You should try it instead of walking, especially at night. Idiot.”

  Silence followed.

  He left the car quietly, and my eyes found his back as he half-ran in the rain. Soon, he disappeared.

  I couldn’t seem to grasp the rashness of my actions. I’d been trained better than this. Suddenly, I felt more than just fear.

  I felt shame.

  I was an Assassin of Merciless, not a vigilante. The consequences of my actions would be severe if anyone found out.

  I listened to the pounding of the rain against the car, waiting for Ash. But much to my surprise, she was silent. I assumed she would have voiced her thoughts, but since it had nothing to do with killing per se, she must have lost interest.