Ashes of Merciless

by Odette Michael

  “Is she here now?” he asked, his voice muffled against my hair.

  “She’s always here, but she’s very distant right now. I think everything that’s happened has overpowered her, or maybe it’s just that I’ve been concentrating so much on what’s happened that I don’t have room to notice anything else.”

  He pulled me away from his chest, and I watched him warily. My cautiousness seemed unnecessary once I saw his face.

  He was looking at me no differently. Relief swept through me so powerfully I actually felt weakened from it.

  “Thank you for trusting me with this. I wish you would have talked to me sooner about it, though. Maybe it would have helped,” Gage said.

  “I was scared. I still am, but I do feel better. Like a burden has finally been lifted from me.”

  His appraised me carefully. “You’ve killed so much more than I have, and at a much younger age. Ashley, please believe me when I say that I think no different of you. Actually, my respect for you has only grown. I can’t imagine how difficult at times it must have been for you.”

  I studied the IV. “If it weren’t for you, I probably would have thrown myself off the nearest bridge after a while. You’ve helped me in ways you’ll never know.”

  “I’m not that horrible, am I?”

  I shrugged, and then I realized I was responding openly to Ash.

  Gage tilted his head slightly. “Is she talking to you now?”

  I sighed. “Yes.”

  “Well, can you tell her I’d like a little privacy with you?” he teased as he leaned closer to me. He brushed his lips against mine, and I trembled against him. “I’m just so overjoyed that you’re alive. When I saw you inside that room, I thought I was too late,” he said, his voice trailing off. His gaze burned me with its intensity.

  I gave him a small smile. “I’m here.”

  He put his forehead against mine. “I love to see your smile. You always smiled so rarely.”

  “Maybe that will change now,” I whispered as I met his lips again.

  I had no reason to pull away from this kiss. I wanted this. I wanted him. For the first time ever, I knew what being safe felt like. Sweet fire wriggled its way inside every cell, and I embraced it gratefully. My lips parted under his, tasting him.

  But the fire changed. It was no longer sweet.

  It was pain.

  A hoarse scream filled the room as I fell back, writhing. Distantly, I was aware of raking my nails against my skin, as if trying to tear myself open so I could rip out the fire tormenting me.

  “Ashley!” Gage’s voice sounded oceans away.

  Red and black flashed across my vision. Why was I feeling this again? The fire inside me exploded, and my screams gurgled.

  “Hold her down, Gage.”

  Fire. Endless, burning flames.

  “Ashley, can you hear me?”

  “Lacey, get out of the way! Shane, help Gage hold her down.”

  It was not blood flowing through my veins. It was lava.

  “Why isn’t it stopping? Give her more!”

  “Let it spread, Gage. Look, she’s calming down already.”

  “Ashley, please. Please, please!”

  My open eyes finally focused, the fire cooling to ashes. I saw a sea of faces, but I searched until I found the green.

  “Gage,” I gasped.

  “Ashley, I’m here.”

  Without consent to my muscles, I reached for him. He pulled me against his chest, and his pounding heart was the last thing I felt.

  Chapter 10 One Year

  The first thing I was aware of was scent. Masculine, yet tinged with a vague sweetness. This scent I knew.

  My arms were limp, and my body was heavy. I opened my eyes. I was snuggled up against Gage’s chest, and his arms were around me.

  I stared at his sleeping face in the dim room. Even in sleep, Gage seemed restless and weary. His forehead was creased, as if he were worrying even in his dreams.

  Carefully, I removed myself from his embrace. He shifted slightly, but he remained asleep.

  I sat on the side of the bed and pulled the needle out of my hand with a small hiss. There was still a small trace of the fire inside my veins—dying embers that made my fingers twitch. I groaned and headed for one of two doors, hoping the one I was walking toward was a bathroom. I started at a hushed voice.

  “Hey, girl. How are you feeling?”

  Lacey was sitting in a rocking chair in front of the window. Her brown curls bounced as she rose from the chair and came toward me.

  I shrugged. “I’ve been better. Um, thanks for asking,” I said in a sheepish tone. “What are you doing in here?”

  “Making sure you don’t have another episode.”

  I rubbed my bandaged temple with my tingling fingertips, still somehow weary even after so much sleep. Lacey watched me, and there was a certain caution in her eyes.

  “Want to get a shower? I was the one who cleaned you up when we brought you here. Gage was relieved to know most of the blood wasn’t yours.”

  Embarrassed at the thought, I looked away. And I felt sick to my stomach knowing whose blood had stained me. How I wished it had been my blood.

  “Yeah, I was heading that way, but I think I can manage on my own this time,” I said, still not able to meet her gaze.

  “Sure thing. There are some first aid supplies in there. You’ll want to bandage yourself up again when you’re finished.”

  I nodded. “I guess.”

  I finally looked at her to see her smiling as widely as usual. Nothing ever seemed to bother Lacey, but there was still wariness in her eyes.

  “If you need me, just give me a call,” she whispered. “I’m going to go fix you something to eat. It’s been days since you’ve had actual food in your system.”

  “How long was I out this time?” I asked quickly.

  “About six hours. Gage finally passed out. About time, too. He’s only been awake for like, over four days. The poor dear was afraid to sleep with you being in this condition and all. He hasn’t left your side once, you know?”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  She giggled, her hand covering her mouth to muffle the sound. “You two are so freaking cute. I always knew something was going on between you guys.”

  “Well, it wasn’t like that at the time.”

  “Sure it wasn’t. You two just magically fell in love once all the excitement started. I’ll be in the kitchen,” she said as she turned toward the door, giving me a wave over her shoulder.

  I went to the other door and closed it quietly. The bathroom was nice and spacious. Everything was white and sliver, making me feel dirty.

  Carefully, I removed the large shirt and shorts, sucking in a breath at the pain in my side. I cursed Scott and the Master with every swear word I knew under my breath as I peeled off the bandages.

  My wrists were rubbed completely raw, yet the smallest bubble of pride made its way into my heart at the evidence of my struggle. My side was still bruised from Scott’s knee, but my upper thigh looked worse; the needle bruise covered half of my thigh. It made sense now that I’d limped slightly when walking.

  I examined my face in the mirror. My cheek was still slightly swollen. The head wound didn’t look as bad as it felt, and I didn’t really think it needed another bandage, but I knew Gage didn’t need to see it. I’d cover it back up for his sake.

  This was the palest I’d ever been. . . . Even my lips were as white as bleached bone. Tasting my dry mouth, I leaned down to the tap and drank slowly. Immediately, I was hit with nausea, my empty stomach rebelling against the liquid.

  My head spinning, I dropped to the floor and almost didn’t make it to the toilet. I threw up the water and dry heaved until I thought my sides would split open.

  Thoughts and images I had no control over rushed into my head.

  The house I’d lived in all my life, burning.

  Mr. Browning tied before me, all the sadness of the world in his eyes as he loo
ked at me.

  My father pulling me into his arms.

  My blood staining a piece of parchment.

  The sound of a gunshot, Ariel falling to the ground, her blood pooling around my feet.

  The betrayal in Shane’s voice before unconsciousness took him.

  A little golden dog fleeing from my sight.

  A pair of dark green eyes, always too far away.

  My mother’s still heart beneath my fingertips.

  Every single one of my victims, bleeding crimson.

  And the voice. The darker, sicker side of me I couldn’t escape.

  The blood of my past blurred my vision until the world was dyed red. I heaved uselessly, gasping, unable to stop.

  Finally, I fell back and curled up into a ball on the floor, pressing a fist against my mouth to keep from screaming. My fingers wound themselves in my hair, pulling in vain as I tried to reach reality once more.

  I was lost. Everything hurt, but it was my heart that was in the most pain. Merciless was going to take everything I had left. I would never escape. They would find us. They’d kill Gage. They’d kill Gage, and Shane and Lacey.

  But they’d save me for last. They’d make me watch. They’d break me in every way they hadn’t already.

  “You’re delusional. Pull yourself together!” Ash was a faint whisper in the agony, but my body started at the sound.

  “Go away,” I moaned. “You don’t understand. All you know is violence.”

  “I understand more than you think, and I’m not letting you give up.”

  “Who said anything about giving up?” I mumbled incoherently.

  “You look like you're giving up to me. I wish you could see yourself. I know you, and you have your moments, but the Ashley I know is not this weak!”

  “But I am,” I said quietly. “I am weak. I couldn’t save my mom or Ariel. Even the person I let live is dead. You’re the strong one, Ash. Not me.”

  “I will admit you couldn’t have done a lot of things without my help. I’ve saved your butt more times than you realize, but you have a choice now. You can sit here in misery, or you can get up and fight. Get up, Ashley. This pity party is beneath you.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “Get up! I don’t care if you have a concussion—get off this floor!”

  I flicked her off and curled tighter against myself.

  A sigh resonated in my ears. “Then I’ll make you.”

  I didn’t recall rising from the cold tiles. I didn’t remember the warm spray of the water, the slickness of soap gliding over my skin. I didn’t feel the brush run through my tangles, or the ointment soothing my wrists.

  As if waking from a dream, I found myself sitting on the lid of the toilet. I was showered, bandaged, and dressed in clothes that had been left on the counter for me.

  Disoriented, I sat there for a few minutes. Ash was silent in my head. I stared at my hands, still not wanting to move. My stomach growled loudly. I felt a nudge, a little inward push to go to the door. I sighed and rose, yet a sliver of gratitude washed through me for her help.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d needed Ash’s strength.

  I tiptoed through the bedroom, glancing at Gage once I got to the door. He slept soundly, his breathing deep and even.

  I closed the door as quietly as I could, emerging into a hallway. I walked slowly, a small smile unconsciously forming on my face as I examined the photos hanging on the walls. Most of them were of Gage as a child. His jet black hair fell into his eyes, and his smile was exactly the same—the left side of his mouth always tilted slightly more than the right.

  I traced a finger along the glass of a picture of him with his parents. I’d never seen his father before, but I saw that he was where Gage had acquired most of his features. His mother, Viola, I did remember. Gage looked nothing like her, as she had carrot-colored hair and freckles, but she’d gifted him with her eyes, along with her last name.

  Dread filled me as I stared at the photograph. Gage’s rescue of me meant that the mark of death was on his parents. Since Gage wasn’t married and had no child, his punishment would be the deaths of his mother and father. It was Merciless’s way, this cruelty they used to keep their members in line.

  A small bang made me jump. I followed the faint light at the end of the hallway, coming into a kitchen. Lacey was at the stove stirring something in a pot.

  I crept quietly behind her, my eyes adjusting to the yellow glow coming from the stove light. She turned and smiled her usual smile, gesturing at me with a wooden spoon.

  “Hiya,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’m making us some hot chocolate. There’s a turkey and cheese sandwich on the table for you. I advise you to eat slowly, though. It’s been days since you’ve eaten.”

  “Thank you,” I rasped as I sat down.

  I looked down at the sandwich and saw that she hadn’t closed the bread together yet. On the piece of cheese was a huge smiley face drawn with mustard.

  I snickered inwardly and closed the sandwich. Only Lacey. I proceeded to tear the food into small pieces, and she put a steaming mug in front of me that was almost overflowing with marshmallows. She sat down opposite of me and winked, sipping from her own mug.

  “Thanks for this,” I said as I chewed a tiny morsel. I swallowed cautiously, hoping I wouldn’t have a repeat of earlier.

  “You’ve already thanked me.”

  I paused before taking another bite. “Yeah, but I just wanted you to know I appreciate it. And . . . thank you for getting me out of Headquarters. I’ll never be able to repay that debt. ”

  She appraised me for a few seconds, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. She looked down and studied her mug of cocoa.

  “I’m sorry about your mom.”

  Not wanting to talk about it, I looked toward a room that appeared to be the living room. Glowing light from a laptop came from the corner where a hunched shadow sat.

  I inclined my head toward the room. “Who else is up so late?”

  “The Evaluator. He’s been doing some research,” she said, twirling her finger around a curl.

  “On what?” I asked.

  “On you. Well, more specifically, he’s been trying to find information on whatever the Master injected you with. Whatever it is, it’s no average poison.”

  My throat suddenly felt tight. “The Master said it was rare.”

  “Rare indeed,” the Evaluator said as he entered the kitchen. He sat at the table and placed the laptop in front of him. “I finally found some useful information. Hello, Ashley. How are you feeling?” the old man asked kindly.

  I blushed. I wasn’t used to everyone worrying over me.

  “I’m fine. Evaluator, I owe you my thanks . . . and my apologies. I’ve never been kind to you, yet you helped me when you didn’t have to.”

  The old man smiled. “Ashley, don’t worry about that right now. For a few years now, suspicion has been arising among the members that some of the Assignments consisted of people who did not deserve to die. You not killing Logan Browning cemented that belief for me. I believe all of us here wish to see justice on the members of Merciless who have caused the deaths of innocents. It truly pains me to know that innocent lives were taken.”

  “Gage said there were other members who suspected something was shifty,” I said.

  “Yeah, but it’s too dangerous to get in touch with them right now. It was risky enough finding Gage’s parents and Shane and his family,” Lacey replied.

  “Gage’s parents are here? They’re ok?” I asked in a rush.

  “Calm yourself. They’re here. They’re asleep,” Lacey said, grinning.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn’t have any more blood on my hands. There was only so much I could bear inside my heart.

  “What about your parents? And Shane’s?” I asked.

  “Shane’s mother died giving birth to him. His father, the parent who was the previous Observer, died a couple years ago from a heroin overdose, although Me
rciless’s mark wouldn’t be on them because Shane is married. And there wasn’t enough room for my mother and father here, but don’t worry—I’ve been keeping in contact with them. They’re in northern Canada. They’re staying with a very distant cousin, and I’m pretty positive Merciless doesn’t know about him,” Lacey said, but I noted the worry in her voice. She turned quickly to the Evaluator. “That laptop better be safe to use. If they trace us here after all of that, I’ll kill you myself,” Lacey said as she pointed to the computer.

  “Viola assured me it is safe. I wouldn’t use it otherwise,” the Evaluator said calmly.

  “Evaluator,” I said.

  He turned to me. “What is it, Ashley?”

  “What is your real name?”

  He smiled sadly. “I’ve been going by that title for so long that my former name has ceased to exist in my eyes.”

  “You know, I’ve been wondering about your age. Why are you so old?” Lacey asked bluntly.

  “Pardon me?” the Evaluator said, raising his eyebrows.

  “Merciless members marry at age twenty-five. A child is immediately conceived. The child takes the parent’s place once the kid reaches eighteen, although Ashley was the exception. The parent is what, in their early forties or something like that at time of retirement? No offense, honey, but you’re ancient. So why hasn’t your child taken your place, and why did you not want me to get in contact with your family?” Lacey rambled almost casually.

  “Because my position is different from all the other ones. A lot of experience is needed for my position. I’m not saying your job does not require considerable experience as well, but in my position, it’s better to really know my patients. For example, I knew your father, Lacey. And I also knew Ashley’s. Sometimes things run in the family, and this can help me diagnose with ease in many cases. It’s more about knowing the members over an extended period of time.”

  “Your kid most be really old,” Lacey observed.

  “I don’t have a child or a family. The Evaluator is the only role separate from the pure bloodlines of Merciless, and a great amount of medical schooling is needed. When I die, the Master will find someone else, and the process of doing so is similar to how we find spouses for the members.”