Remember My Name
Laurencia Hoffman
Encompass Ink
Copyright © 2020 by Laurencia Hoffman
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Published by Encompass Ink
Edited by Sarah Brandon
Cover Design by Melissa Stevens at The Illustrated Author Design Services
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
About the Author
Also by Laurencia Hoffman
For Timothée Chalamet, who inspires me endlessly.
1
There was a new restaurant in town. It was too fancy for Shane’s taste, but his friend Troy had to try the place.
Heaving an exasperated sigh, he stood in the waiting area and listened to the cheesy music. It was just like Troy to be late, leaving Shane to fend for himself in a crowded and uncomfortable area. Troy was lucky they were best friends, otherwise, he’d be getting a lot of shit for it.
He kept checking his phone, trying to appear busy since some of the patrons were shooting him dirty looks. Shane didn’t own just-in-case clothes, so he didn’t have anything appropriate to wear to a restaurant like this. If he had known, he would have borrowed something from Troy.
Most of the time, Shane didn’t care about how he looked. It wasn’t that he was lazy or didn’t try, but he didn’t want to carter to the judgments of other people. His comfort was the most important thing.
His eyes flicked upward to settle on a familiar face. He could have sworn that his eyes were playing tricks on him, yet, when he blinked and returned his gaze to the tall, handsome blond, he was still there.
The blond was laughing and patting one of his friends on the back. Shane didn’t recognize the people he was with.
For a moment, he was frozen. This seemed like a dream, a nightmare, or a hallucination – anything but reality.
And then those sparkling blue hues spotted him, and the blond’s face turned white as a ghost.
“Shane,” he whispered.
Lifting his chin, he looked the man up and down as if he had only just noticed him. “The one and only. How long have you been back, shithead?”
The man’s cheeks flushed pink and he excused himself from his group of friends. As he took a step closer to Shane, Shane took a step back.
“Just a couple of weeks. I’m here for work.”
“Of course you are. I’m not sentimental enough to think that you’d be here for me.” Running his tongue along the front of his teeth, Shane folded his arms.
The older man swallowed hard. “Do you think we could talk outside?”
“Oh, sure. Wouldn’t want your friends to think I ever meant something to you, right?”
The blond gave him a stern look. “That’s not fair.”
Heaving a sigh, he obliged the man by exiting the restaurant and standing to the side of the entrance.
“What the fuck do you want to talk about, Callan? How you broke my heart and abandoned me, forever tainting my view of love?”
“Did I really?” With a sigh, Callan shook his head. “I thought you might have forgotten me by now.”
“Unfortunately for the both of us, I didn’t.” He wanted to say so much more, like how the six months they had spent together had changed his life. But he didn’t want to give Callan the satisfaction of knowing just how deeply he’d been affected by their relationship. “What’s with the entourage?”
His features brightened. “They’re my colleagues, actually. I’m sure you remember my love of photography.”
“How could I forget?”
“Well, I’m dabbling in journalism now. And I’m able to provide my own pictures.”
“Good for you.” He wanted to grumble something about how he’d never doubted Callan, but thought better of it. “What are you working on?”
“Just a piece about some of my favorite places.” He paused. “I could include you if you want.”
Shane’s first instinct was to say yes. Callan had been his first – and only – adult relationship. At the time, he had been convinced that he would never need anything more, that Callan was the one and only person for him. And when that had fallen apart, he’d been devastated. Did he want to open himself up to the possibility of being hurt like that again?
“Why, because I’m one of your favorite places?”
“Well, of course.”
He rolled his eyes. “A person can’t be a place.”
“They can be if that person is home.”
Shane’s nostrils flared, furious that he had the audacity to say something like that after the way they’d left things. “I don’t think so, Cal. Maybe if we were strangers...”
“Why can’t we be?” he asked in a hushed tone.
“You want a clean slate?”
It was something to consider. In their six months together, Shane had managed to keep all of his secrets, including his health. He had fallen hard, and fast, and he didn’t want that to happen again. If they were even going to consider speaking to one another, it needed to be on his terms.
“Okay. If we’re going to play that game, it’ll be by my rules.” When Callan didn’t protest, he went on. “I’ll text you a time and a place and we’ll meet for the first time all over again.”
Callan smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Are you now?” Shane lifted the cell phone in his hand. “Things have changed since the last time we saw each other. I’ve changed. And you’re going to be treated just like anyone else.”
He furrowed his brow before nodding. “Okay...are you going to tell me what that means?”
“I guess you’ll find out. Is your number still the same?”
“Yes. Do you remember it?”
“Of course I remember it, you idiot.”
After checking to make sure there was no oncoming traffic, Shane walked through the parking lot, waving his hand in the air.
“Good luck!”
Fall 2009
“You’re Shane, right?” came a voice from behind him.
He stopped and turned around, furrowing his brow when he saw that it was the boy who had been occupying his thoughts lately – Jake Talbot. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“I’ve been watching you.”
“Oh.” Not knowing how to take that, he lowered his gaze. “Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
He shrugged. “This is usually the part where someone tells me I’ve done something wrong.”
“You’re silly.” Jake smiled. “I like that. I mean, I like you.”
“Oh!” This was turning out to be a very different conversation than what he’d expected. This seemed too good to be true. “Just to clarify-”
“I like, like you.” His smile spread across his cheeks. “And I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.”
Eyes widening slightly, he took a quick look around to see if anyone had heard them. How could Jake say something like that out loud? How was he that comfortable?
“Like, on a date?” Shane whispered.
“Well, it doesn’t have to be, unless you want it to be.” His voice had softened. He could probably see the panic in Shane’s features. “We could be friends, I’
m cool with that.”
His parents would say that he was going to Hell for this. To them, even thinking about another boy in a romantic manner would solidify his fate. Well, if Shane was damned anyway, why not actually experience the sin? “I want it to be a date. I’ve never been on one before.”
“Really?” Jake raised his brow. “With a smile like yours?”
Cheeks turning red, he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “It’s nothing special.”
“Hmm. I’ll have to convince you otherwise.” There was a confidence about Jake that he admired. How could he be so sure of himself, so at ease with the world around him?
“What’s your number so I can call you?” Jake asked.
The color drained from his face. The very thought of the other boy calling either of his parent’s numbers, and one of them answering, made Shane feel nauseous. “Oh, um, it’s probably best if you didn’t. I mean, my parents are...”
“It’s okay, I get it.” He nodded slowly. “How about lunch at Murphy’s Diner, Saturday at two o’clock?”
That, he could manage. Teenage boys met up with their friends for lunch – his parents wouldn’t suspect a thing. “I’ll be there.”
This was his invention but it was a new one, so he was curious as to how it would turn out. It was just a matter of time before one of them called it quits, thus losing the game. Shane was quite certain that he would outlast Callan – he always had, no matter what aspect of their relationship it had been.
He wished that they could have picked up where they’d left off, but he was a different person now. All he wanted was to fall into Callan’s arms and melt away. The love was still there. It had never left.
That was something he was going to keep to himself; he couldn’t lay all his cards on the table just yet. Maybe not ever. That would be giving Cal too much power and he was never going to do that again.
He walked to the park and up one of the trails with a stride in his step. It was a strange combination of emotions to be feeling – excitement, anxiousness, anger, and fear. All because of Callan. But this was not news to him and his damaged heart. He had known the moment he’d met the man, even at the tender age of eighteen, that Cal would be the one. Too bad it hadn’t lasted. Though, even now, he would do anything for him.
When there was a fork in the trail, Shane sat on the bench between the two paths. There was a wooden railing meant to keep curious hikers from straying and falling down a declining hill.
He was taking solace in the few moments of silence before Callan’s inevitable presence would interrupt him.
This time when he heard his voice, Shane closed his eyes, wanting to pretend for just another moment that they were truly strangers, and that they could start over.
Then, taking a deep breath, he turned around, squinting from the sun. “I’m not moving. This is my spot.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to move,” he said with a smile. “On the contrary, I was hoping that you would let me take your picture.”
“Oh.” Raising an eyebrow, he glanced at the camera around Cal’s neck. “You’re a photographer, huh? I’m not very photogenic.”
“That’s nonsense.” He waved his hand. “I’m a photographer slash journalist. Photography is my true passion but journalism is a close second. I can take you from behind...” Cal allowed the sentence to linger before clarifying. “Your picture, I mean. I can take it from the back so that your face doesn’t show if you’re self-conscious.”
This seemed too familiar, too close to home – him posing in various places while his lover gushed over him and took dozens of pictures, capturing him in every light and at every angle. He was tempted to call off this whole game, afraid of where it might lead, but he couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye. Not again. “What’s in it for me?”
He laughed. “I can pay you for your trouble. I don’t get paid much to begin with, but I can split my commission with you.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that. Starving artist that you are.” He paused. “Why don’t you buy me dinner and we’ll call it even?”
“Done. Though, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to take a few different pictures.”
“You’re the artist.” Shane shrugged. “Just as long as there are no expectations...”
“No, of course not. You’re doing me a favor.” He smiled in a way that Shane yearned for on most days. “We can change the rules as needed.”
Was that a hint? A sign that they could adapt to whatever Shane wanted or needed this to be? So far, this was working out well for him. That was the way he wanted it, since he had been the one who had been hurt last time.
“Fine.” He extended his hand. “Name’s Shane.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” He shook it. “I’m Callan, but my friends call me Cal.”
“Am I your friend?”
“I hope so.”
A small smile crept along his cheeks. He pretended to admire the scenery while waiting for Cal to photograph him. “Well, go on. Take your shot.”
Click.
“Got it.”
“Just one?”
“For now.”
Shane turned back around to face him. “So, where are we eating?”
“There’s a new restaurant not far from here.” He gestured for the younger man to follow him. They walked side by side down the path and out of the park. When they reached the parking lot, Cal turned to him.
“Would you like to take my car?”
“You expect me to get into a car with a stranger?” He smirked. “I’ll follow you there.”
With a chuckle, Cal shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
Shane got into his own vehicle and then followed Callan’s. This was where he could cheat a little at his own game. If he got lost, he could call or text, not that he would. He might simply drive away and leave the man wondering what had happened. It all depended on his mood.
When they pulled into the fancy restaurant from the other day, Shane rolled his eyes. He wanted to protest, but since they were pretending as if that day hadn’t happened, he couldn’t really do that.
Once inside, Callan took a seat, and so did Shane, directly across from him.
“Tell me,” came the man’s voice, smooth as silk, “Do you always agree to pose for strangers?”
“Only if they pay me,” Shane answered with a smirk.
Callan paused, a small smile on his lips as his gaze wandered over the younger man. “So, you didn’t think I was strange?”
Scratching the back of his neck nervously, he attempted to relax in his chair. Callan’s attractiveness was intimidating, but he didn’t want to mention that – it would only make him feel more awkward. There were things he wanted to say but couldn’t for the sake of keeping up the charade. “Maybe a little. But I love art in every form, so I kind of understand the creative process...as much as I can without being an artist.”
“It sounds like you have experience with the creative process then.”
“A little.”
When a glass of wine was placed in front of him, Shane was slightly caught off-guard because they hadn’t bothered to ask for his ID, but he’d never been one to complain about alcohol. “I guess I’ve reached that magical time in my life where I don’t look underage, huh? This is the first time I haven’t been carded.”
Another person brought food to their table. Luckily, it was Fettuccine Alfredo, something he liked, but it was a bit odd in his opinion. It made him uncomfortable that he hadn’t been able to make the decision himself. “You must be a regular here.They knew what to bring you.”
“Yes,” Callan said with a smile. “I’ve been here almost every day since they’ve opened. I bring a lot of clients here.”
“Clients? I thought you were a journalist.”
“I am, but that’s more on the side.” The tone of his voice lowered. “My father runs a law firm. Since I’m his only child, naturally, I have been expected to work there from the moment I was born.”
Shane n
odded slowly, having already known this, but not wanting to break character. “So, you don’t like being a lawyer?”
“No.” He scrunched his nose. “It sucks the soul out of you.”
He wanted to say, is that why you left me – because you had no soul? And if he was still a lawyer, what made this time so different from the last?
“That’s a shame,” he mumbled. “I’d hate to be stuck in a job that made me miserable.”
“Ah, finally, the subject turns to you.” Callan smiled and gestured to him. “I’d like to know more about you, Shane. If you’ll let me.” He took a sip of his wine. “Describe yourself in six words.”
“Six words? Only six?” Holding up his hand, he counted each word with his fingers for emphasis. “I’m a pain in the ass.” He reached for his glass before taking a swig. “No, really. Just ask anyone who knows me.”
Callan could only shake his head. “You know, I don’t see that about you.”
“Oh, just you wait.” Shane held his gaze, almost daring him. Getting close to him would be no easy feat, especially not now.
“Alright, I won’t argue with you,” he responded in a small voice. “I consider myself to be an agreeable person. I avoid confrontation if I can help it.”
“If you don’t argue with anyone, ever, then how can you ever have make-up sex?” He held back a laugh as the older man nearly choked on his wine. “Any other questions?”
“No,” Cal answered cautiously. “Do you have any for me?”
Muddling it over in his mind, Shane enjoyed some of his food before speaking again. “Do you plan to quit the law firm at some point?”
Callan opened his mouth and closed it again. “I’ve been groomed to take over, but I would prefer not to. I guess I’m hoping to prove to myself that I can make enough off of journalism to survive. My father hasn’t been kind about it.” He paused again. “I’ve worked for what I have, I don’t want anyone to think I’ve had it easy. I’ve sacrificed things that have mattered most to me in order to be where I am. Relationships,” he clarified.
Remember My Name Page 1